the lufbra echo

THE NEW OWNERS.......................

2011-08-28T21:45:00.003+01:00

WWW.INSIDETHERINGS.CO.UK

ECHO ANNOUNCES TAKE OVER DEAL

2011-06-28T19:05:00.002+01:00

The lufbra echo has been sold to an undisclosed party for a "not inconsiderate sum of money". The move from the ever anonymous Chief Executive brings to an end over a year of journalism that has rocked the world of athletics to its core. There are too many highlights to mention in one summary, but viewers are encouraged to use our prestigious 'Archive' section to re-live the laughter, the tears, the shocks, the spills and the emotion that characterised the past sixteen months.

To our treasured readership: this artwork, this wizardry would not have been the same without the tens of thousands of you that have enjoyed it with us. Some of you have laughed along, others have sulked, still others have threatened - but most importantly you all read. There are some that have compared this little site to the greats: Chekhov, Beckett, Pinter, Shakespeare - all kind comparisons. But in truth, it was always about the word for us; the beauty, the simplicity.

As we count our millions from the buy out - we wish you well. Life will never be the same with us gone, but in little steps, we hope that the pain and sense of loss that you all feel now will numb. So smile and concede that though your hearts ache for our departure, they are a million times richer for having been able to be our fans. You'll always have the memories.

VAN COMMENEE SHOCK

2011-06-24T19:53:00.003+01:00

USAIN BOLT EYES BRITISH SWITCH

2011-06-20T04:43:00.000+01:00

Usain Bolt's sister's friend's mother's hairdresser's father was born and raised in Essex, opening up the possibility of the triple Olympic Champion competing for Great Britain at next year's London Games. It is understood that Bolt is "hugely excited" at the potential switch and fourteen members of UKA staff are "working flat out" to make it happen. This news comes after the likes of Tiffany Ofili-Porter and Shara Proctor conveniently discovered long lost relatives from the British Isles. 'Operation Get Bolt' as it has become know at Athletics House is a division of the 'Foreign Athlete Recruitment Team' (Codename FART) in the organisation.

Bolt has refused to comment on the story publicly, but an insider told the echo that the star has already switched from chicken nuggets and chips to fish and chips as a pre-race meal. "It was like he was born to be British, which of course technically speaking he is" enthused the source. Preparations were said to have suffered a set-back last week when Bolt was seen in "deep conversation" with the Pope sparking rumours that he was about to switch to becoming Italian. "We sent a memo reassuring him that Catholics were more than welcome on these shores" said a UKA worker "and I have it good authority that Mr Bolt doesn't much care for spaghetti".

TWITTERING TWITS

2011-06-19T13:04:00.002+01:00

What does Charles Van Commonee - the man charged with delivering excellence at next year's Olympics - think of Twitter? "It's for attention seekers and clowns" the UKA supremo opined to the BBC yesterday afternoon. Van Commonee, who has seemingly forgotten that athletics isn't actually a team sport, was most upset when Phillips Idowu (World Triple Jump Champion and major prospect for Olympic Gold) supposedly announced to the social networking site that he was not to compete at this weekend's European Team Championships.

"These things are done personally, there are certain channels you have to follow" CVC gravely told the camera "I expect somebody with such a profile [Idowu] to follow these procedures". Somewhat embarrassingly for CVC, it seems that Idowu did follow these procedures and only told his Twitter following after emailing the UKA hierarchy. Whoops! It would be even more humiliating for the organisation hell bent on success next year if, say, they had dismissed a world-renowned sprint coach at the drop of a hat for not quite toeing the party line. Although that would never happen as everyone is expected to follow "certain channels" aren't they?

The Dutchman does have a point about Twitter users being attention seekers and clowns though. Just look at some of these Tweets: "In the words of ABBA 'The winner takes it all' - and that's exactly what the men's 4x100m relay just did in a Championship record time!" and "Did you know, this very stadium in Stockholm hosted the 1912 Olympic Games, which saw electric timing introduced for athletics? You do now!". This same user even found the time to re-tweet two of Mr Idowu's messages (unrelated to scandal) and ponder how a queue for toast may effect James Shane's race chances. This couldn't be a salaried member of UKA staff (known within the camp as Mr Twitter) who tweets under the user name 'UKA_athletics' could it?

IDOWU ANGERED BY TWITTER BAN

2011-06-18T15:47:00.001+01:00

Phillips Idowu has revealed that Charles Van Commonee has confiscated his mobile telephone and personal computer "for the rest of the season" and banned the Triple Jump star from "going near a computer". Van Commonee - who branded Idowu a "clown" on the BBC - is said to be furious that the Belgrave Harrier used Twitter to withdraw from this weekend's European Team Championships.

"It's a total joke" thundered Idowu from a phone box "who the hell does he think he is? I'm the World Champion and yet I can't be trusted with a mobile phone. Ridiculous." The triple jump ace added that it "was none of Van Commonee's business" what he did online. "Where exactly is Charles' Gold medal?" pondered Idowu "when he wants some fashion advice he should call me."

Idowu went on to say that the ban was having a "negative impact" on his performance because he was unable to call the AA when his new car broke down last week. "I tried to fashion a device with a paper cup and a bit of string, but it didn't work" said Idowu "in the rain, the cup just disintegrated".

Van Commonee has defended his decision, but faces serious problems within the Team GB camp after Helen Clitheroe was caught on Facebook chat after lights out yesterday evening and Dwain Chambers was found to be "following" the out of favour Idowu on Twitter. Meanwhile, a row has erupted within the BBC after Denise Lewis 'unfriended' Colin Jackson in a row thought to be over shoes and Jonathan Edwards revealed that he didn't even know what Twitter was.

FARAH ANGERED BY HONOURS SNUB

2011-06-15T19:20:00.000+01:00

Mo Farah has criticised the Queen for failing to include him in her Birthday honours list. "Absolutely insulting" thundered Farah from a Nike press event "what have I got to do to get on that bloody list? It's a total joke." This news comes just a matter of weeks after Farah sent a threatening letter to Prince William for not inviting him to his wedding. "That isn't something I talk about" said Farah "it was all fine when he [Prince William] pitched up unannounced at my stag, but all of a sudden there wasn't space for me in the Abbey".

Farah's anger was compounded when he discovered that Jessica Ennis had been appointed an MBE. "It just confirms that the BBC decide everything doesn't it? She is half the athlete I am, but because she looks alright she gets attention and awards. It's very poor." The European 10,000m Champion added that he would "never use British Pounds again" after this latest bust up and when in the UK would pay for everything with his American Express card. "I don't want to look at that woman [the Queen] I am that upset". Whether or not he will sing the National Anthem if he wins an Olympic title is yet to be decided.

Buckingham Palace refused to comment on the story this evening, but did confirm that the Queen had received an irate phone call from Farah on her personal line. "Her Majesty is not prepared to release statements about her private life" said a spokesman "this matter has now been dealt with."

DONALDSON SIGNS CONTRACT EXTENSION

2011-06-12T18:51:00.000+01:00

Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this blog) has signed a new contract with Loughborough and will remain at the club for at least the next twelve months, the lufbra echo understands. The news comes as a major victory for George Gandy's PA as insiders have told of "massive concessions" made by the Loughborough set up.

A source close to the negotiation team told the echo that Alasdair was "now to have an assistant to take charge of milk". It is hoped that this will free Donaldson up to spend more time trialling and selecting teas as well as focusing on perfecting a "comprehensive system for the storage and dispensing of paper clips".

Donaldson's decision to stay put will come as a surprise to many as he was linked to several "leading institutions" including the Bolton Institute of Higher Education who were prepared to offer him "complete control" of the kettle. A source close to Donaldson said that Loughborough was "the clear choice" and that the Scot was "very happy" in the East Midlands.

Just a couple of months ago, Donaldson's future couldn't have been more uncertain after his April Fools joke went disastrously wrong and he was quizzed by UKA chiefs over the cash for emails scandal. However, Loughborough sources have told the echo that these incidents are "now in the past" and that Donaldson was the "man for the moment".

BMC CHIEF SHOULD QUIT SAYS CAMERON

2011-06-07T16:33:00.002+01:00

'BETTER ORGANISED RIOTS': PM Cameron blasts BMC set up

The Prime Minister has today branded the debacle surrounding the forthcoming BMC Grand Prix at Watford "a national joke" and has demanded the resignation of the organisation's top dog - Pat Fitzgerald. The under fire chief executive has remained silent since his Grand Prix Organising Committee (GPOC) took the sensational step of re-opening registration for the event after closing it five days early on Monday.

"It has been a total disaster" thundered Cameron from Downing Street today "how can classy athletes like Joe MacDonald and Stephen Emery have their entries deferred whilst others sail into the event without a second look? It is humiliating for those involved and it is high time that the BMC took this sort of foul up more seriously". The firm words from the PM come just three months after he pledged to clear up the "horrendous state of athletics under the old Government". Fitzgerald is likely to be summoned to Downing Street before the week is out to explain yet another humiliation for the supposed "premier middle distance club" in the country.

Last week, Alasdair Donaldson (who doesn't have time to read this blog) used his annual press conference heap scorn on BMC for "fundamentally failing athletics". "When I was in school" blasted the Scot "BMC were the be all and end all. They are a bit of a joke now". It is understood that George Gandy's PA has not ruled out boycotting the event by "refusing to make the tea" for the officials - who last year failed to spot several athletes crossing the line.

Meanwhile, Pete Matthews has announced that he will not be taking part in the event in order to spend more time with his GB International kit (Mountain Running) and Mo Farah has been told that he has "missed the deadline" and so the Euopean 10,000m record holder has been placed on a waiting list for a lane in the 'H' 800m race. It is also thought the BMC were forced to reject applications from Tariku Bekele on the grounds that he wasn't as good as his brother and Ryan Hall because "no one really liked him". Andy Baddeley is due to take part despite concerns on his part that other competitors were "a bit thick".

RADCLIFFE 'EMBARRASSED' BY LONDON SLUMP

2011-05-30T17:02:00.000+01:00

Paula Radcliffe blamed "everything but myself" as she tearfully explained one of the "most humiliating performances" of her career. The World Marathon record holder said that she was "disgusted" at being beaten by "nobody Jo Pavey" and conceded that she "had never heard of" Gemma Steele who pipped her to second place. The multi-millionaire sobbed into BBC microphones as she explained how injury continued to hamper her performances, but had firm words too for race winner Jo Pavey.

"I thought she [Pavey] showed a lack of class at the start" said Radcliffe "she told me that the swoosh on her Nike kit was bigger than mine because Nike preferred her to me. It's really disappointing when someone treats you like that, very poor." Radcliffe was also left frustrated when her fans did not seem to recognise her. So long has it been since she last ran a race in anger, the former World Champion was accosted at the start by hundreds of Harry Potter fans who had confused her with star actor, Daniel Radcliffe. The excitable group of teenage girls were none too happy when they realised that the Radcliffe on show was not their bespectacled hero, but "some blonde woman who kept waving at us".

Radcliffe refused to rule out the possibility of competing at "the next three Olympics" but did admit that she "had lots of work to do". "Clearly 250 miles a week isn't enough, because I always seem to be injured on that" sobbed the mother of two "I am going to double it and that should help. I just hope that something crazy doesn't happen that will force me to blame everything else for my world caving in again." Radcliffe will be 38 in December.

EMERY DEMANDS FACEBOOK GROUP REMOVAL

2011-05-25T20:01:00.000+01:00

Stephen Emery has threatened to have Facebook "taken off the internet" after he discovered a derisory group about him. The social networking page has been in existence since last summer and was created by some disgruntled Rugby & Northampton fans after the 5k man made a big money switch to Coventry Godiva. Speaking exclusively to the echo the group's founder described the "immense hurt" that Emery's snub had caused his boyhood team. "We were nearly relegated [from Birmingham League Division 1] weren't we? I always thought that when Stephen wore that vest saying 'I'M RUGBY TILL I DIE' he would always be with us. I cried myself to sleep the night he left".

Emery famously "nearly veered off the road in horror" when his agent telephoned through Rugby's contract renewal offer. Claiming to be "better than that" the then largely unknown athlete deserted his club-mates overnight for cross region rivals, Coventry. He has since shot to fame and commanded a salary rumoured to run into the tens of millions as well as attracting interest from big clubs such as Newham and Belgrave. Emery has not been without controversy since the switch and boss David Dix was forced to leave him out of the squad for the National 12 Stage this April.

The Loughborough based ace refused to answer questions about the incident at his weekly press call this evening, but did threaten to ban a journalist from this Friday's pre-BMC conference after he asked him "how important Facebook was" in his preparation. A source close to Emery said that the star was "absolutely fuming" and had dismissed two close aides after they didn't pick it up sooner. "Nineteen people have been having a laugh at his expense" said the insider "that is outrageous. We have a meeting booked with Mark Zuckerberg [Facebook's founder] first thing in the morning to discuss compensation".

The Facebook group in question can be found here.

MP NAMES SEAWARD IN PRIVACY ROW

2011-05-23T20:15:00.002+01:00

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN: Details surrounding Seaward's private life still cannot be revealed

John Hemming MP has named Kevin Seaward under parliamentary privilege as the athlete at the centre of a privacy row. In a victory for democracy, Hemming declared that it was "disgraceful that such a high profile figure was hiding behind the law to cover up his private life". The echo has three times been to court with Seaward over the issue and even now cannot reveal the intimate details that surround his legal action. As recently as this morning, Mr Justice Eady refused to quash the super injunction against Echo Group International (the echo's parent company) despite days of social networking gossip.

Mr Eady said that it was "not in the public interest" for the echo to engage in "shameless gossip" about an otherwise very private individual. "Person Z has every right to expect a certain degree of privacy even though he has chosen a very public domain in which to conduct his professional life" said the Judge "it is beyond the realms of my understanding to know why the public would be interested in unsubstantiated gossip". It was concluded that the 98,000 people who mentioned his name on Twitter over the past week were "in contempt of court" and could technically be sent to prison for two years.

Seaward's solicitors have threatened to "put the echo out of business" if we publish "anything about the completely personal and private circumstances". However, the echo can confirm that the injunction has nothing to do with Seaward's drunken behaviour at the Whittle wedding back in December, nor his shameful conduct at Loughborough's New Year party in January. The rumours on Twitter suggesting that the former Irish International was receiving treatment for a coffee addiction are also untrue.

Seaward was flanked by three security guards at this weekend's Loughborough International and his official website has been suspended since the early hours of this morning. It is understood that the star plans to take refuge in his home country just as soon as Barrack Obama (Seaward is a Republican) has left it. His official spokesman said that he "had and would never have any comment to make on the matter".

LOUGHBOROUGH INTERNATIONAL SHOCK

2011-05-23T10:46:00.001+01:00

TWITTER RUMOUR UNTRUE SAYS DONALDSON

2011-05-21T16:10:00.001+01:00

Alasdair Donaldson has been forced to deny speculation on social networking site Twitter that he had taken out an injunction preventing the media from revealing details about his private life. The tea and coffee man - who does not have time to read this blog - rejected accusations that he had conducted a seven month affair with a kettle. "I have never and would never do such a thing" thundered George Gandy's PA "I am perfectly happy with my tea pot and so would never be drawn into betraying that". The Twitter user - who attracted over 25,000 followers in just six hours - said in a separate tweet that Donaldson had played "kinky games" with the kettle including "filling it up with milk" and "boiling it with no liquid inside".

Loughborough was left reeling from other salacious rumours from the mystery correspondent. One tweet said: "A Lufbra [sic] sports scholar did not spend the last six weeks out on the town and actually did some training". Another claimed to have evidence that Stephen Emery was "drinking supplement drinks straight from the fridge" whilst one more accused Pete Matthews of "having a sound dress sense". A spokesman for the University sports programme "wholeheartedly denied" the "malicious gossip" that was being spread. Stopping short of naming a suspect, the source confirmed that they believed the tweets had "come from the West Midlands".

The revelations could not have come at a worse time for Loughborough as the East Midlands town gears up for the biggest event of the year tomorrow - the Loughborough International. "Everything goes ahead as planned" an insider told the echo "but we have cancelled all press conferences".

EDWARDS COY ON TORCH BEARER ROLE

2011-05-18T17:15:00.001+01:00

Jonathan Edwards has said that he would be "honoured" to light the Olympic torch at next year's London Olympics. The announcement comes just days after Dame Kelly Holmes launched her own bid to become the flame bearer under the strapline DK to Shoot Up. Holmes, who says that she is "the clear choice", told her On Camp With Kelly group that they must "forget about" their summer seasons and spend their time "hitting Facebook, Twitter and everything else" to get the bid going. Holmes is understood to count Edwards amongst her key rivals.

"I'm not saying that I'm putting myself forward" Edwards told Radio Five Live "but it would be a real honour. I know that Seb [His Lordship, Sebastian Newbold Coe] and I go way back and it would be nice to think that loyalty is repaid - not that I'm interested". The Triple Jump World Record holder - whom the echo revealed to be a twerp last year - dismissed a suggestion that fellow BBC commentator Steve Cram could be in with a shout: "it's a real shame Steve never managed to get that Olympic Gold. I guess that that is a pre-requisite".

Meanwhile, the Office of His Lordship have confirmed that they have received "a number of gifts" for the Baron in recent weeks. It is understood that Brendan Foster sent in a "selection of his favourite cakes", David Beckham provided a case of fine wine, whilst Tom Daly (the diver) sent in his favourite cuddly toy. Kelly Sotherton is believed to have emailed a video file marked "for the Lord's eyes only" as her pitch for glory.

"These bribes won't make a difference" said the Lord's Deputy Director of Being Like An Everyday Guy (North West Region) "the BBC have already stipulated that the Opening Ceremony must feature Jessica Ennis in every shot, so our hands are tied on this one. We did however really enjoy eating the chocolates that Paula Radcliffe sent in".

PETE MATTHEWS: THE SEARCH FOR REDEMPTION

2011-05-15T20:01:00.001+01:00

The Sunday Interview: Pete Matthews
Branded a 'national joke' by his peers, lambasted by his coaches and ignored by selectors. The Blackburn Harrier talks exclusively to the echo about his life and future. Is it really easy to break 15 minutes for 5,000m? Are PBs really irrelevant? And crucially, is he really on his way out of Loughborough?

"Pete Matthews is a difficult man to ignore" George Gandy once pondered "but it is well worth the effort if you try". And so who was this man of whom so many people speak so lowly? There is no question that he is the most famous athlete in the country never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m and the former GB International (Mountain Running) is not ashamed of it. "When I was a lad" said the red head "I was taught that it didn't matter what people said about you, just as long as they were talking about you."

This is certainly the case. When displaced LSAC skipper Ben Snowball asked listeners to his radio show to text in their favourite joke, 99% of the replies featured Matthews' name in some form. "It's obvious isn't it?" said Matthews tucking into a third slice of cake "people fear me or are jealous of me." Snowball and Matthews have a difficult history after the disgraced AAAs fraudster failed to finish the BUCS A race just days before recording a personal best for 5k. "I was angry with Ben about that" said Matthews of the echo interview Snowball gave "I raced BUCS on the agreement that it was better for me to be injured than to finish low down. I never went back on that".

So what does the summer hold? "PBs are irrelevant" said Matthews ordering a doughnut "for me it's about how many races you win. I have achieved far more in the sport than some guys who are running low 3:40s for 1500m". Matthews was coy on what he thought he could achieve, but refused to rule out qualifying for the AAAs U23 Championships as of right this year rather than fictionalising his PB. It is thought that he may even attempt to break 4 minutes for 1500m.

Finally, the big question: where next? "I can't say for sure" smiled Matthews looking up from his hot chocolate "I know George doesn't want me here [in Loughborough] and so who knows - maybe I'll stick it out".

MANCHESTER CITY GAMES NEWS

2011-05-14T19:19:00.001+01:00

Ahead of this weekend's big event in the London of the North, the lufbra echo excites in the build up

OHURUOGU 'FORGETS' TO PAY FOR PARKING

The Olympic 400m Champion has been slapped with a £70.00 fine by Manchester City Council after failing to pay and display during a shopping trip. It is understood that Ohuruogu will appeal the fine on the grounds that she had to "change her shopping plans at the last minute" and "with all the other stress of being an athlete" shouldn't be expected to remember to pay for parking her 4x4 with blacked out windows.

CHAMBERS BANNED FROM ENTERING 'THE NORTH'

Belgrave's Dwain Chambers has been asked not to venture north of the Watford Gap this weekend on the grounds that he may bring adverse publicity to an event designed to laud the success of Track & Field. It is understood that the sprint king successfully appealed an action from the organisers to ask him to leave the country. Greek sprint darling Katerina Thanou is a guest at tonight's gala dinner.

GEB WARNED AFTER PUSHING OVER GAY

Haile Gebrsalassie has been sanctioned by UK Athletics after attempting to push Tyson Gay into the Manchester Canal during a photo-shoot. The marathon world record holder reduced Gay to tears after repeated taunts about his inability to beat Usain Bolt. An insider revealed that the Ethiopian "told Tyson that even Bolt was a part timer and still much better than him. It was then that he pushed him over but he didn't quite fall in the canal". UKA held a private meeting between the two parties but refused to elaborate on what action - if any - would be taken.

24 HOUR SECURITY PROMISED AFTER THEFT

The 150m straight track was stolen by some visiting Liverpudlians, the lufbra echo can reveal. It is understood that the group - thought to be associated with Liverpool Harriers and led by Johnny Mellor - rolled the track up and put in the back of a Vauxhaull Astra estate (1.6l, XXXL exhaust, no hubcaps). Officials have condemned the theft and stated that David Oliver had now been placed on permanent guard of the new track.

COE OFFERED 'CAN OF COKE' TO IOC CHIEFS SHOCK

2011-05-10T16:58:00.000+01:00

Lord Sebastian Coe is facing a fight for his career and credibility this evening after it was revealed that the Head of London 2012 offered to "buy all the IOC executives a can of coke" just days before they were due to vote on the destination of the 2012 Games. The revelations come just over a year before the Games' Opening Ceremony and officials in Paris (who lost out to London) have called for them to be "postponed" until an investigation can be carried out.

A furious Paris insider blasted the "disgusting unfairness" of the selection process. "I think it is very unfair" thundered Olympic Minister Jean-Pierre Le Frog "for me, the Olympics must be decided by the best bid and not who has the right money for the vending machine." Le Frog dismissed allegations that his own bid team were responsible for offering the decision makers "a bottle of Orangina" for both them and a partner. "This is nonsense, total nonsense" he blasted "what is not nonsense is what we have always said- this [Lord] Coe is nasty and very strange".

A Senior 2012 Official confirmed that his Lordship had been made aware of the story and that they had "no comment other than to make it clear that they intend to go ahead as planned on July 27th". It is not yet clear whether any of the IOC Chiefs took up Coe's offer, but is understood that some were alienated when Diet Coke was not available.

ATHLETICS WEEKLY 'A JOKE' SAYS EMERY

2011-05-08T14:44:00.000+01:00

Stephen Emery has sent a "strongly worded email" to Athletics Weekly editor, Jason Henderson after the "pathetic coverage" of BUCS this week. The 5,000m silver medalist described himself as "aghast" that the men's event did not warrant a single mention. "Didn't they watch the bloody race?" thundered Emery from an energy drink event "how can they ignore me upping my bronze to silver? I can only think that it is a personal attack on me".

Henderson refused to comment this afternoon, but an insider at AW dismissed suggestions that they had anything against Emery. "Perhaps it's because it was the weakest field for decades" wondered the source "or perhaps it's because it was first thing on Monday morning and we had bigger fish to fry. Who knows - but I think Steve's remarks are very disappointing". The source went on to point out that when they included a picture of Emery at the BUCS Cross Country event (in which he finished 12th), they were "inundated with complaints".

Emery was in no mood to accept such an explanation. "Nonsense" he fumed "I saw how the photographer stopped taking pictures when it became clear that I was going to medal yet again. I said that I would and then I did. They all just need to realise that you can succeed without any junior success. I am living proof of greatness". In response to his remarks being "disappointing", Emery slammed his water bottle (chilled; pH 6.8) on the floor and said that he found "their whole excuse for a magazine disappointing".

PICTURE EXCLUSIVE: OBAMA AND TEAM WATCH BUCS LIVE STREAM

2011-05-07T10:02:00.002+01:00

RADCLIFFE PULLS OUT OF RACE SHOCK

2011-05-05T21:39:00.000+01:00

The athletics world is reeling from the news that Paula Radcliffe will not now make her competitive comeback this month. The female world record holder - who is usually very keen on racing - was set to take part in the Manchester 10k next weekend. However, the lufbra echo understands that a 'poor haircut' has put paid to that plan.

The Radcliffe camp have described the hair cut as "a major blow" to the former World Champion's chances of being fit in time for the Autumn Marathon season. A senior aide to Radcliffe said: "I'm not going to lie, it is really quite frightening to look at. Paula has had to cut right back on her training and will run just 120 miles this week. Obviously racing is out of the question until she has recovered from the dreadful shock of looking in the mirror".

It is understood that Radcliffe will fly to Germany in the morning to have the hair assessed by a world renowned specialist. Only then will a clear picture of what damage has been done be ascertained. Insiders have warned it "could be months" before the Nike star is able to race again. "It's just set back after set back" harrumphed our source "after Paula recovered from the dodgy manicure last year we thought it would be plain sailing".

LOUGHBOROUGH 'ARROGANCE' ANGERS BULDARO

2011-05-02T19:48:00.000+01:00

Bud Buldaro has called on BUCS chiefs to hand Loughborough "severe sanctions" after what he called "unbelievable" scenes at today's BUCS Championship. Birmingham's top man was left seething after African Violet fans invaded the track in the wake of a sensational 4x400m victory thus confirming Loughborough's retention of the BUCS title for another year. "We hadn't even seen the photo finish" thundered an irate Buldaro "how can they do that? It's very poor". The usually composed Buldaro added that he "would be ashamed" of his team if they behaved in such a manner.

Buldaro also denied that he felt any pressure having failed to deliver the title yet again. "The fact is that we won the BUCS Cross" he snapped "it's a work in progress. I'm here to knock Loughborough off that bloody high horse they stand on once and for all." Buldaro refused to criticise his athletes and dismissed allegations that they had "let him down" and "bottled the big occasion". "You look all over the park and the guys are getting into good positions" said Buldaro "I thought we showed great character in the face of some very strange officiating today and throughout the weekend".

Birmingham fans flooded radio phone ins on the way home pleading with Buldaro to spend some money to firm up his ailing squad. "We look at our sprinters and that's where we lose it" said a lifelong fan "I can't keep watching us throw competitions like this away because we can't sprint. I know Bud has the money and now it's time to spend some". Other fans laughed at their Director's remarks that they could capture the title in 12 months time: "we're so far off it right now, I could cry" said a season ticket holder.

Meanwhile, Guru George Gandy hailed a "magnificent effort" from his Loughborough team. Gandy was barred from Bedford after being handed a touchline ban for his remarks following the BUCS Cross Country. "Everyone stepped up" beamed Gandy from Font Romeu "it was a superb display. To see people like Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod continue to achieve despite their advancing years is a credit to their professionalism". Gandy dismissed Buldaro's comments as "bad sportsmanship". "Bud has always been a bad loser" sighed the Guru "I don't think it sets a good example to be honest, but there is not a lot you can do about it".

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MY ROMANCE WITH MR X BY MISS Y

2011-05-02T08:35:00.000+01:00

In a sensational exclusive interview with the lufbra echo, a well established female celebrity has told of her "three MONTH affair" with an "athletics name" who was in a "substantive partnership" at the time . The lufbra echo has been blocked from revealing the details of the relationship after the High Court granted a super-injunction late last night barring any of the world's media from disclosing the names of the two involved.

In the interview, Miss Y (not her real name) exposed of how Mr X (not his real name) demanded sex on the High Jump mats of many well known athletics stadia around the country. "Bedford, Loughborough, Eton - we did it at a lot of venues" she said "sometimes we'd do it in the long jump pit as well. He was very demanding." It is unclear whether the couple ever shared a bed together.

In unprecedented scenes lat last night, lawyers for Mr X successfully argued that revealing details of the affair would "damage the image of British athletics and athletes across the world" and that it would amount to a "gross invasion of privacy." Mr Justice Eady agreed and denied the echo leave to appeal his judgement.

Miss Y - who has recently returned from being abroad - said that she felt "let down" by the British legal system. "How can they do that?" she sobbed "I am only guilty of falling in love and now I get nothing at all." Mr X's legal team argued that Miss Y had been "well cared for" since the fling ended.

DONALDSON BLASTS 'HOPELESS' BUCS SET UP

2011-05-01T10:39:00.000+01:00

With George Gandy away on urgent guru business he has left his press conferences to his Executive PA, Alasdair Donaldson - who has wasted no time in calling for an "urgent review" of the BUCS hierarchy. Furious that start lists were "going up too late" and the "wind was too strong", Donaldson wondered whether there was "any point in Loughborough turning up for the rest of the Championships".

"You want the officials to get the big things right" thundered the irate Scot (who doesn't have time to read this blog) "I'm afraid that wasn't the case today. Where was the finish line technology? We were lucky that it didn't cost us - but mark my words they will get a really major decision wrong by Monday and then we'll all be talking about it". The Newham and Essex Beagle went on to state that he "clearly saw" Mick Woods of St Mary's going into the officials' changing area and "leave with a big smile on his face".

Donaldson - who both Loughborough and UKA have hurriedly distanced themselves from - then voiced his "utter disgust" at the preferential treatment offered to the Birmingham representatives. "Did you see the plush holding area they get?" stormed the tea specialist "whilst Ian [Anholm], David [Howe] and I shiver in the wind. It's a total joke - beyond the pale". Bud Buldaro and his officials have been granted exclusive access to the VIP lounge at Bedford after Buldaro slammed the coffee provision at last year's event. "I don't know if it is because they have Kukri on their vests" Donaldson continued "or it's because everyone likes Birmingham, but something's wrong when you see so many decisions going their way. It's very poor".

BUCS have dismissed Donaldson's comments as "hysteria" and have clarified that no bribes were received from Mick Woods and that Bud Buldaro had "won a competition" granting him special treatment for the duration of the Championships.

On the track, Loughborough survived a scare from Kieran Flannery who was nearly knocked out in the heats of the 800m after easing up well before the line, whilst self-proclaimed pre-race favourite Stephen Emery qualified with ease for the final of the 5,000m.

WILLS LOVED ME LONG BEFORE KATE: SOTHERTON

2011-04-28T17:03:00.001+01:00

echo ROYAL EXCLUSIVE: WILLS 'PROPOSED' TO KELLY BUT SHE SAID NO

Prince William was in love with former Olympic Heptathlon bronze medalist Kelly Sotherton, the lufbra echo can reveal. In an exclusive interview, Kelly (who denies that Jessica Ennis's success has got to her) told the echo that Wills "was ready to run away to Libya" with here where they were set to "live happily ever after just outside Tripoli". Southerton also claimed that that was why Britain was currently at war with Libya: "because it reminded little Willy too much of me".

The extraordinary revelation comes just hours before the Nation's favourite Prince ties the knot with new love Kate Middleton. "I always said it would never last" said Sotherton, seemingly unaware of the fact that the couple were getting married tomorrow "when he finished it with her, he called me straight away. We met up and went for a walk round some castle or something near the Windsor track and that posh school. He said that I was the girl of his dreams and that all he wanted was to spend the rest of his life with me."

Sotherton has also revealed that she ditched the prince - despite initially agreeing to his request to move abroad - at Gatwick airport. "We were due to get an EasyJet flight to Ibiza and then a boat to Libya from there" revealed the ex-Commonwealth Champion "I told him straight in McDonalds (South Terminal). I said look, I don't want this and ended it all right then and there. He cried like Jess Ennis after she got dropped for the Olympics".

Sotherton claimed that Wills "flew to Athens especially" to watch her compete at the 2004 Games and denies rumours that he was now an Ennis fan. "F****** nonsense! Why'd you have to bring that cow into it? She never entered his thoughts all the time we were going out. I was his only ever love." Adding that Wills enjoyed doing mock medal ceremonies to God Save Grannie in the bedroom, Sotherton said that she was happy with her decision to ditch the royal lifestyle.

EMERY FUMES AT EIGHTLANE PREDICTIONS

2011-04-27T18:44:00.001+01:00

Stephen Emery has reacted angrily to predictions on the popular running forum, eightlane that he will not win a medal at this weekend's BUCS Championships. The website invited its posters to predict how the Championships might turn out and only one post mentioned Emery as a contender for the 5,000m - predicting a 5th placed finish in 14:56.

"F****** outrageous" thundered Emery from his weekly press conference "who the f*** do they think they are? How can they f****** count me out? It's f****** mental if you ask me. I am the bronze medalist! FIFTH? You've got to be kidding me." Emery famously ran a "sensible" race last year to secure his place on the podium - but faced criticism from Steve Cram for "never even trying to win it".

The Coventry Godiva star also denied that his success has gone to his head. Emery has been criticised for "lauding his success" over close pals. "I only display the medal at weekends" said the engineer "and the picture on the wall was a gift". In response to accusations that he is often "over-hydrated", Emery threw his water bottle (room temperature) across the room. "Nonsense" blasted the 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man "they'll try anything to get at me, before my big day. Just you wait until I'm the champion - then you'll all see what correct hydration looks like".

DOCTORS FEAR FOR BOWSER

2011-04-27T16:19:00.000+01:00

Some of the country's leading psychiatrists have voiced concerns as to the well being of 5,000m star, Matt Bowser. The Lincoln man has been the subject of national ridicule since he announced his intention to participate in the London Olympics and a recent video on the popular running forum for simpletons, eightlane seems to show Bowser having a mental breakdown.

"It's very worrying indeed" said a Dr Shrink from the University of North Dunstable's School of Psychiatry "you can clearly see that the lad is unwell. I would urge people not to approach him and contact the police if he is seen." Bowser's whereabouts is currently unknown and friends of the former European Cross Country Champion have called for him to come home. "This is going too far, Matt" said a source close to the star "let's give up these games and get things sorted."

The Police have stressed that Bowser is "not wanted in connection with any crime (for a change)" and that they were "purely concerned for his mental health". This comes less than a year after Bowser was the subject of a national manhunt in connection with a missing UKA Garmin.

NEWS ROUND UP

2011-04-25T14:47:00.003+01:00

'NO CONCERN' OVER OLYMPIC FUNDING: COE

ENNIS 'NOT FAZED' BY MEDIA HYPE

Jessica Ennis has denied that she has been distracted by the special attention she has received since winning the World Championships in 2009. The Heptathlete has been the subject of fierce media scrutiny ever since the BBC revealed plans for an annual "Jess Day" where they show 24 hours of non-stop Ennis related programming on BBC 1 and BBC Radio Five Live. Although the idea has been quietly dropped, it is understood that BBC producers have now rented homes up and down Ennis' Sheffield street in order to be the first to break any "Jess News". A Beeb insider told the echo that the £10m project was already paying off. "Last week and eagle eyed report spotted that Jess has brought 1% milk instead of the usual semi-skimmed" enthused the senior executive "it prompted a series of stories on the benefits of such a move. Unfortunately we had to retract them all when we spotted a return to the usual green tops the following day". Earlier this year, Ennis called for "a thorough review" of Facebook usage after Kelly Sotherton was accused of hacking into her account.

SMITH CALLS FOR NEWHAM FOCUS

Newham's manager Bob Smith has called for his athletes to remain "focussed on the task at hand" ahead of the new season. The club are in serious financial difficulty and are badly in need of the funding that a third successive Premiership title would bring. "I have sat the lads down" said Smith "and told them to forget everything but running". It is understood that the club will be unable to maintain the £150m annual wage bill "much past June" and players are being encouraged by their agents to look for other clubs.

FARAH FUMING AT ROYAL SNUB

Mo Farah has claimed to of "lost sleep" over his "derisory" seating position at Friday's Royal Wedding. The GB International is well known to be a personal friend of Prince William and has been snapped on regular shooting jaunts with the Royals around the Balmoral estate. Farah is upset after being assigned a seat towards the back of Westminster Abbey and is "next to a bunch of no hopers" according to the 5k star. "I am seventeenth in line to be best man" thundered Farah "how can I be treated so badly? I'm sitting next to Nick Clegg - it's going to be awful".

NO REGRETS OVER LEAVING BLACKBURN: MATTHEWS

2011-04-17T12:42:00.001+01:00

Pete Matthews "has never felt better" since being offloaded by his boyhood club at the beginning of this year. The disgraced AAAs fraudster was allowed to leave Blackburn Harriers on a free transfer in the January window and - despite reports of the northerner struggling with the pace of London life - claims to have settled down nicely at Blackheath and Bromley.

"I guess that they appreciate me more" said Matthews from his tanning base in Portugal "I outgrew Blackburn and decided that it was time to move on". Quite a different story is told by the Harriers, who state that they had no choice but to get rid of Matthews as he had quite literally outgrown the club vests. "His behaviour was becoming more and more erratic" said a Blackburn insider "we had a meeting and weighed up what he actually brought to the club. We agreed that he added no value and so moved him on."

The most famous athlete never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m has not been without his difficulties since joining Blackheath. Mike Skinner branded the red head a "national joke" last month and the club fined him heavily after the echo reported that he had fictionalised his 3km time in order to gain entry to the BUCS Indoor Championships. In spite of these setbacks, Matthews told the echo that he was "really excited" about the forthcoming track season. "I might even race" smiled the former GB International (Mountain Running) "in all seriousness though, I am ready to smash it up".

Matthews also played down rumours of an embarrassing incident in Portugal last week. It is understood that he wasted over 90 minutes talking to a Portuguese stranger who he believed to be an international athlete. When it was revealed that the individual was the head groundsman at the track and had only recorded an "average" 10k time, Matthews was forced into a humiliating U-turn and Facebook deletion.

EMERY FURY OVER 'CHEATING' SLUR

2011-04-15T20:24:00.000+01:00

Stephen Emery has expressed his "absolute horror" at being branded a cheat by some of his contemporaries. The £20m Coventry Godiva man was accused of "not behaving in the spirit of the occasion" at a water park visit during his warm weather training trip to Portugal this afternoon. A high-stakes race was organised on a five lane water slide with many of Emery's most bitter rivals taking part. The 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man was disqualified in his heat after false-starting but immediately appealed the decision on the grounds that "a whistle from the crowd" had distracted him. A small scuffle ensued resulting in both Emery and Altrincham's Andy Norman being dragged away by race officials.

The upshot of the 90 minute steward's inquiry was Emery's reinstatement in a re-run of his heat, with the determined 23 year-old easing into the semi-finals. However, the Godiva star had to put up with boos from the 23,000 spectators and cries of "cheat" as he stretched between rounds. Visibly shaken by the atmosphere, Emery only scraped into the final where he was once again disqualified for what he called a "harsh" false-start. The race was eventually won by the largely unfancied Shane Kerr.

Speaking afterwards, Emery made no effort to hide his displeasure at the circumstances of his defeat. "You work your whole winter for an event like this" he blasted "and then an incident like that ruins the whole day. I am not a cheat. I would never cheat. It is a personal insult to be called one". On his disqualification in the final, Emery harrumphed that the starter "didn't know what he was doing" and held competitors for far too long. "Total amateurs" thundered the BUCS Bronze medalist "I will never compete here again".

COULD 'ALIEN INVASION' THREATEN 2012 TICKET PRICES?

2011-04-14T18:00:00.003+01:00

The possibility of a "killer alien invasion" may result in a rise in the Olympic ticket prices. According to a report seen by the lufbra echo, 2012 security chiefs have called for an increase in funding in a bid to combat the potential of a deadly attack from "Martian beings". It is understood that Lord Coe - who is in charge of organising the Games - is concerned that 2012 could dangerously coincide with ancient prophesies that the world will end in 2012. "We're all going to die" laughed an Olympic insider "in all seriousness though, we need to take any threat to athlete security very gravely".

The head of 2012 security has asked for a £500m grant from LOCOG in order to purchase the latest "SkySCANNER" that can detect aliens from "millions of miles away". The report urges London heads to take the threat seriously and suggests that the move could be paid for by "getting the protected spectators" to foot the bill. "It's a no brainer in my opinion" concluded the informal prologue to the report "the fact is that the world should come to its end next year and I would hate for it to happen on my watch". Ticket prices could therefore go up by "at least 35%".

The IOC have recently been forced to deny speculation that the Games themselves were to be moved to 2011 in order to avoid the clash with Armageddon. "It was never discussed" said a spokesman for the President "the Olympics will go ahead in 2012. Regardless of the world ending or not".

BERLINO BACKS WENLOCK TO IMPROVE

2011-04-13T13:53:00.000+01:00

The 2009 IAAF World Championship mascot, Berlino the bear has spoken out in favour of his under-fire London 2012 counterpart, Wenlock. The mascot for the Olympic Games has looked out of sorts this year and many have called for his removal by Paralympic mascot, Mandeville. Speaking to Richard Keys and Andy Gray on TalkSPORT, Berlino called the criticism of Wenlock "unfair and completely ridiculous". "A double act is always going to be tough" said the bear from his retirement home in Barbados "Wenlock will find his feet, you can be sure of that. He is world class." Berlino went onto deny speculation that Lord Sebastian Coe has approached him to take over from the "bland" Wenlock.

Berlino attended the International Mascot College in the United States with both Wenlock and Mandeville and so claims to be in "an ideal position" to judge between the two of them. "Wenlock is a big game player. He will only get his act together when it matters - over a year out from the Games, does it really matter?" Berlino was hailed as one of the greatest mascots of all time after his tremendous performance in Berlin just under two years ago. But the going wasn't always that easy. "I was slated by the German press in the run up to the event" explained Berlino "they all said I couldn't cut it and that I didn't have the moves. You've got to rise above it all".

Reports in the weekend's Telegraph linked Berlino with a possible shock move to London next year. "No way" laughed the bear "I couldn't take that pressure anymore. I can honestly say that Seb [Coe] and I have never had any such discussions. Besides, Wenlock is doing a fine job". Berlino did, however, reveal that he had not ruled out a "guest appearance" at the forthcoming World Championships in Daegu. "Why not? I couldn't do the whole thing, but if they call me and say 'Berlino - we want you to come to dance with Usain [Bolt]' then I'd be up for it." Whilst revealing the design of the official mascot, IAAF Chiefs are still yet to name it - a delay that Berlino says is "cruel". "How can he have an identity without a name?" he blasted "it's very poor indeed and a sign of how badly mascots are treated nowadays".

OLYMPIC STADIUM SHOCK

2011-04-12T12:41:00.001+01:00

OLYMPIC TRAFFIC 'COULD PARK IN MANCHESTER'

2011-04-10T15:50:00.000+01:00

Plans are afoot to build a 25,000 space car park specially for the Olympic Stadium - in Manchester. The echo understands that the idea has been "highly recommended" by Olympic Chiefs in a dramatic bid to avoid high parking charged in East London. "Spectators could park up there and then get a free bus down to London" enthused an insider "it will really free up traffic in Central London".

It is understood that organisers are under pressure to make these Games "the greenest ever" and argue that this - along with their baffling ticket policy - will make a huge contribution. "We figured that if we make it difficult enough for people to come and watch, they will just stay at home and watch it on the television," continued the source "it's not really worth coming anyway - you'll get a much better view from the sofa".

Whilst spokespeople were quick to point out that the plan was "one of a number of possibilities", papers seen by the echo suggest that building work could begin as early as next month. "We are not actively discouraging attendance" said the spokesman, fresh from his role at the Delhi Commonwealth Games "but people should think about whether they really need to come first. We advise against all but essential travel".

COE IN FIGHT FOR OFFICE SPACE AFTER FUNDING CUT

2011-04-09T14:32:00.000+01:00

Lord Sebastian Coe may be forced to move into a "downstairs office" after the BOA announced they are to pursue funds they believe are owed to them by the organising committee. His Lordship is said to be "fuming" that such a drastic measure is being considered but insiders told the echo that they "have absolutely no choice". "Our funding is falling all the time" said the source "continuing to sustain a 2,000 square metre suite complete with a jacuzzi and personal masseuse is simply not sustainable". The office space - which is exclusively for the Lord's use - costs around £1m a week in rent alone.

Lord Coe - who insists on being called 'The Baron' by 2012 workers - revealed privately that he "would do anything" to avoid being "shoved downstairs with a bunch of nobodies". It is understood that the former 800m world record holder is pushing for the Paralympics to be "downsized" rather than sacrifice his much admired office. The committee's Deputy Director of Lord Coe's Ties (Radio Appearances, Northern Europe) told the echo that his boss was "getting desperate" and that he had "blown a gasket" when told that he could no longer claim nights out at London's Ritz Hotel on expenses.

These revelations come at the end of a difficult week for London 2012. The man in charge of organising the marathons, Dave Bedford, branded the Lord "unworkable" after it was suggested that the women's event could be "shortened in order to save time". Elsewhere, a delegation from the IOC were left stranded on a London Underground train fro 17 hours after workers walked out on strike and their guide "forgot all about them".

EXCLUSIVE: NEWHAM COULD GO BUST 'BY THE END OF 2011'

2011-04-03T14:50:00.000+01:00

Newham and Essex Beagles lost £210m in the last financial year and could go out of business by the end of 2011, according to a report seen exclusively by the lufbra echo. The London club's dire financial performance has been blamed on ever increasing oil prices meaning it is costing a fortune to fly athletes in from all corners of the globe. "Obviously these are very disappointing results" said a senior aide to the Chairman "the important thing is that we have a clear plan on how we deal with this debt".

However, insiders are privately "gravely concerned" that the club will have nowhere to go if they fail to land a lucrative new contract with a private sponsor soon. "The decision not to award us the Olympic Stadium (it went instead to West Ham United) was a major blow" revealed an anonymous source "the club had always budgeted on getting the increased revenue from that. I do not know how we will cope without it - the truth is that there is no Plan B".

Newham spent £150m on wages alone last year and Team Manager Bob Smith, has been told that he will "have no money to spend" for the foreseeable future. It is also understood that Smith has himself taken a 20% pay cut as part of the club's austerity measures. Refusing to comment on the financial situation, Smith used his weekly press conference to talk up the club's "superb squad" and "to notch morale" heading into the National Road Relays next weekend. "We smashed it up last year" said Smith "and there is no reason why we can't do the same this. We are the number one club in Europe right now and will be proving it in the coming weeks and months. Belgrave are history".

The North London club were fined heavily in January after they breached transfer rules. This - coupled with a failed takeover bid from a group of wealthy Arab businessmen - is thought to have led the club into the dire position they now find themselves in. Rumours that the likes of Robbie Schofield and Mo Farah will have to be sold to help pay the bills are unlikely to appease the already uneasy fans. A spokesman for the Newham Supporters Trust blasted the "lazy, good for nothing management" that were "leading the club into terminal decline." Calling for a "fan centred" approach, the source claimed that a 10% increase in season ticket prices were "driving fans away".

DONALDSON APRIL FOOLS PRANK BACKFIRES

2011-04-01T17:56:00.000+01:00

Alasdair Donaldson has been arrested for wasting police time after telling John Nutall that "there was a bomb underneath his car". Loughborough's HiPAC was surrounded by Police from first thing this morning and air traffic at East Midlands airport had to be diverted. Meanwhile, the M1 was closed from Junction 22 to 23A until the all clear was given late in the afternoon. The motorway is still at a standstill now as a result.

It is understood that George Gandy's PA (who does not have time to read this blog) told fellow assistant Nutall that he "had seen George put it [the bomb] there" and that it was "armed to go off if [Nutall] opened the door". Horrified, Nutall dialed 999 and the incident escalated from there. Matters were not helped when George Gandy did not answer his mobile phone and Donaldson (now seemingly on a roll) told them it was "because he was in a meeting with terrorists".

Police bomb disposal experts discharged a controlled explosion of a crisp packet at around noon and it was then that Donaldson was taken into custody. It is understood that the incident is likely to have cost in excess of £5m and the Chief Constable of Leicestershire Police slammed blasted Donaldson's actions. "Totally irresponsible" thundered the top cop "he may have done pranks like this when he was in school, but not in the real world. I know that he is an apprentice and if I was Lord Sugar, I'd be saying 'you're fired'!"

It is unlikely that this latest gaffe from Donaldson will go down very well with UKA, however a source refused to speculate on "the future of any members of the admin team". Last year, Gandy himself was forced to apologise after upsetting the whole of Portugal by telling them that "the Spanish were coming to get them". Donaldson will have to hope that the authorities are equally kind to him.

VERNON SHELVES DANCING DREAM

2011-03-29T22:28:00.000+01:00

Andy Vernon has "all but given up" on his dream of becoming a ballerina, the lufbra echo can exclusively reveal. The Aldershot man has long coveted a place at the prestigious Royal Ballet School in London, but had now conceded that he is "probably too old" to warrant a place. In a revealing interview with the echo, the GB International revealed how running was a "last resort" after all other endeavours failed.

"Let's face it" sighed Vernon "it's no life. No one wants to run all day every day, but unfortunately I am very good at it. I just wish I could be free to express myself in dance." The Nick Anderson coached athlete came late to ballet having been inspired by the hit movie Billie Elliot. Since then, he has become a regular at London showings and is constantly seen dragging his girlfriend to lengthy shows. "It fills me with such excitement" said Vernon "the Nutcracker is my favourite. The moves are so complex!"

Vernon - who is regularly joined on his ballet escapades by close friend Ryan McLeod - conceded that the thought of "just" being an athlete "repulses" him. "The thought of the Olympics makes me feel sick" thundered the stern faced 13:28 5k man "what are they doing for the ballet dancers of the future? It makes a mockery of everything".

Vernon is not the only high profile athlete with a taste for culture. Sprint ace Craig Pickering is a regular at the Royal Albert Hall during the BBC Proms season and Nick McCormick is known to be a fully paid up member of the Royal London Opera.

IS CAPELLO TO BLAME FOR DISTANCE RUNNING SLUMP?

2011-03-28T19:47:00.000+01:00

Fabio Capello is tonight facing accusations that he is "single handedly killing British athletics". UKA have confirmed that they are set to file a law suit against the under fire England football manager for "undoubtedly being responsible for everything that is wrong with the sport". The Italian - who is also alleged to have caused the financial crisis - has denied any wrongdoing but this is unlikely to cut any ice with a rampaging Ian Stewart.

"We have investigated the matter fully" said Stewart's Deputy Director of Swearing Affairs (North West Region) "and it is all his [Capello's] fault. The miserable way in which he is leading the football team is definitely impacting how our runners are performing." England currently sit atop their European qualifying group, but this is not enough for UKA. "They should be winning every game by at least 10 goals" continued the spokesman "that way at least the athletes would be motivated".

Poor performances towards the back end of last summer have also been explained by the lacklustre display from England in the World Cup. "What more evidence do you need?" said George Gandy's PA, Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this site) "as soon as England started playing, everyone's heads dropped. When I was in school.....[unfortunately, the dictaphone then run out of battery]".

The UKA legal team will be asking for "at least £25m" in compensation from Capello personally. The FA will be separately sued for "recklessly" employing Capello.

PASSPORT GAFFE LEAVES WOODS FUMING

2011-03-24T19:53:00.000Z

Mick Woods has described himself as "speechless" after Tommy Carroll returned to Ireland only to find that his passport had expired. The St Mary's star is now stranded on the Emerald Isle after being arrested attempting to sneak onto the back of a lorry. Woods used his weekly press conference to condemn Carroll as "damn brainless" confirming that it was "very unlikely" the 3:48 1500m star would be released in time for BUCS. It is understood that Woods called an urgent meeting to relay the news to the rest of the squad but was thwarted when not one member of the team "knew where Ireland was".

Carroll is not the only St Mary's athlete to feel the ire of Woods this week. On Monday evening, Stephen Scullion was hauled before the head coach to explain why he had spent nearly an hour trying to pay for his weekly food shop at Tesco with his Oyster card. Scullion had to be escorted off site after losing his temper with the self-service machine having repeatedly waved the pay-as-you-go travelcard at the screen. The Ireland International has now be banned from the store prompting questions as to where he is now going to source the 2.5kg of raw beetroot he eats daily.

Meanwhile, Carroll - who may not be released from prison until the end of May - now faces a large fine and the possibility of having his colouring in book privileges suspended. Woods stated that the matter would be "kept in-house" but made no secret of his "serious concern" for his charges when away from his watchful eye. "The big wide world can be a scary place for my lads" sighed Woods "it's tough out there. I got an email from Mitch [Goose, formerly of St Mary's] the other day asking why he couldn't pay for a haircut with Monopoly money. It makes you wonder."

Woods then ranted for several minutes about "this bloody country" before becoming locked in a walk in wardrobe for some minutes.

COULD 'RUNNING MORE' IMPROVE PERFORMANCE?

2011-03-23T17:01:00.002Z

A landmark study to be published in the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) looks set to leave the athletics world reeling after it has linked "increased training volume" with performative gains. Whilst academics at the echo's favourite University of North Dunstable have stressed that the study is "not yet complete", the interim results look set to blow current approaches to athletics out of the water.

A spokesman for the popular running forum for children, Eightlane dismissed any links between running and performance. Calling the study "irresponsible", the source claimed that academics "failed to provide a single reference athlete". The anonymous insider going by the name 'Interested' added: "it is these sort of gimmicks that are derailing any hopes we have of getting British distance running great again. The best thing athletes can do is wear compression garments, eat lots of supplements, obsess about their diets and whine about other athletes on our forum. Hard training never got anyone anywhere".

The authors of the study stand by their work, with one even disputing whether the "magic necklaces" worn by the likes of Paula Radcliffe actually work. "As we have said, these are early results" stressed the Emeritus Professor "but in at least 80% of our subjects, actual training and not mystery supplements and gluten free bread resulted in positive results". The study also questioned the increasing prevalence of allergies in distance runners - stating that "up to 99% were of questionable origin".

Whether the OEJM study will ultimately win over the doubters is unclear, but with senior UKA officials scrambling to rethink their latest 'training in business attire' experiment, it may already be having an impact.

'PETULANT' EMERY TO BE DROPPED FOR NATIONAL SHOWDOWN

2011-03-22T17:42:00.001Z

Coventry Godiva's Director of Athletics, David Dix has dropped star man Stephen Emery after he "showed contempt to his teammates" at the Midland 12 Stage on Saturday. A dismal performance saw the 3:48 (Stretford Timing) star slump to a miserable 27:21 clocking for a long leg at the weekend - an occurrence that "undoubtedly cost" Godiva a medal - according to Dix. "It was arrogant and unprofessional" thundered Dix of Emery "we all know that he wants away from here, but the offers just haven't been good enough". Coventry paid £19.3m for Emery in 2009 and it is understood that Dix wants "at least double" that price in order to let him go.

Emery has been fined two weeks wages (roughly £100,000) after he was photographed on a night out just days before the Midlands event and Dix has said that he is "making a point" by leaving arguably his most important athlete out of the line up for next month's National Relay. "I want to show that the club is bigger than just him. Sure, I'd like to hang onto someone like that but not at the cost of losing the soul of the club." Emery could be replaced in the team by a member of the youth team to further demonstrate "the future".

Coventry legend Dave Moorcroft blasted Emery yesterday evening and stated that the club was "ready to sell". The former Rugby & Northampton talisman was furious in January when the club turned down a £25m bid from Tipton, but Moorcroft's comments now seem to leave the door open for Emery to fulfill his "boyhood dream" of pulling on a Green and White vest. Speaking exclusively to the lufbra echo, Josh Lilley (who recently joined Tipton) said that the club "was the right place" for Emery. "We're building a team that will dominate" said Lilley "it's time to get serious now and go after the big boys".

Emery's spokespeople refused to comment this evening, but he did use his Twitter account to bemoan the increased level of fluoride in Loughborough's tap water.

POST RACE PUNCH UP THE FAULT OF 'HIGH TEMPERATURES'

2011-03-20T22:57:00.000Z

The IAAF have blasted race organisers of the World Cross Country Championships in Spain and blamed "ridiculously hot conditions" for the post-World Cross fight that marred an otherwise successful day's racing. Speaking exclusively to the lufbra echo, an IAAF source claimed that Ethiopian winner Imana Merga "was not himself" when he accused Team GB's Tom Humprhies of "copying his spikes". Humphries responded by throwing one of the said spikes at his opponent, prompting a sixteen man brawl involving multiple nations. Notorious troublemaker Haile Gebrselassie had to be restrained by police as the great man was seen to provoke matters by attempting to pull down the shorts of several of the rioters.

UK Athletics have called for a "full and frank investigation" into how the race was allowed to take place in conditions "equivalent to a sauna". "It was far too hot" thundered Charles Van Commonee's Assistant Director of Spectacle Affairs "it really got to the guys. You could see how Tadese was just itching to fight. I think we need to look at hosting this race in an air conditioned arena in future." The UKA source dismissed accusations that the Endurance supremo Ian Stewart had become involved in a verbal slagging match with his Ethiopian counterpart. Calling it a "measured and clam discussion" any suggestion that the altercation resulted in Stewart receiving a bloody nose was rejected.

Keen to distance themselves from the debacle, the World Governing body's Vice President - His Lordship Sebastian Coe - said that such matters as the temperature were "local affairs". "Things like that have to be controlled by the local organising committee" said the Lord "I myself had to change shirts three times owing to sweat. It was very poor".

POKING SCANDAL LEAVES HOWE ON BRINK

2011-03-17T20:31:00.000Z

David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson's relationship is "beyond economical repair" after Donaldson failed to return the Canadian's Facebook 'poke'. Loughborough's assistant coach is understood to have used the feature over the weekend in a bid to show that there were no hard feelings towards George Gandy's PA after the pair clashed at the Ed Prickett Relays. Onlookers were shocked as they had to be separated in a row over Donaldson's cap.

"David is absolutely gutted" said a source close to the academic "he really thought he had a kindred spirit in Alasdair and that together they could take the reigns when Mr Gandy stands down. He is seriously thinking about moving on now." It is not the first time that Donaldson has found himself in hot water over Facebook usage. The tea and coffee man was fined and firmly reprimanded by UKA last year when he deleted Charles Van Commonee and just last week the Daily Mail published an interview with an enraged Dani Christmas claiming she was "ignored" on the site's chat facility.

It is thought that Gandy will look to host "clear the air" talks tomorrow, but with both parties refusing to confirm their attendance a resolution is looking increasingly unlikely. Insiders have told of how the guru is becoming "extremely frustrated with the "pathetic squabbles" between his deputies. Earlier this year, he was forced to publicly revoke John Nutall's parking privileges after he was deemed to of "maliciously" parked in the space reserved for Bill Foster. This latest dispute "could be the straw that breaks the camel's back" according to insiders and "may lead to an embarrassing dismissal" before the week is out.

OLYMPIC ROUND UP

2011-03-15T17:30:00.001Z

VERNON 'MISTAKE' BREAKS 2012 CLOCK

STOPPAGE TIME: Vernon 'did not know' the clock required constant power

Andy Vernon has apologised after mistakenly pulling the plug on the 'Countdown to 2012' clock in Central London. The Aldershot man told his official website that he had "had a nightmare" when looking for somewhere to charge the battery on his mobile phone. Organisers have called the blunder "hugely embarrassing" and have not ruled out handing Vernon a hefty bill.

TICKETS 'SHOULDN'T BE SOLD TO POOR PEOPLE': COE

Lord Coe looks set to cause a stir after claiming that tickets for blue-ribboned events should only be sold to "the most well off" and "uneducated tramps" should not be allowed in. "The Games is not for everyone" said his Lordship "it would be dreadful to have commoners wandering around in the background of the 100m". It is understood that LOCOG will be banning the wearing of hoodies, low hanging jeans and anything made by Burberry in a bid to discourage "hoipolloi" from coming near.

ENNIS GETS COLD, BBC IN CRISIS

The BBC are preparing for what senior executives have called "the worst case scenario" after Jessica Ennis caught a cold sidelining the World Heptathlon Champion for "at least a day". "An Olympics without Jess would not be an Olympics at all" said the BBC's Director of Ennis Output (Southern Region) "worse still, if she turns up and then doesn't win - hours of pre-prepared footage will be wasted". A Beeb insider told the echo that the Corporation had rushed a "dedicated medic" to be at Ennis' side and denied that they were overreacting.

OLYMPICS 'COST A FORTUNE' SHOCK

The British sporting world is reeling from the news that the Olympic Games actually cost a lot of money. Furious protestors have taken to the streets of the East End to demand that the "wasteful" projects are halted immediately and a 24 hour Asda is built in place of the Olympic Stadium. It is understood that the Games Cleaning Directorate (fresh from the Commonwealth Games cleaning project) are about to walk out in sympathy. "I am shocked at how much this is all costing" said a senior executive at Lloyds Banking Group "I really do wonder how Lord Coe and his team sleep at night"

RUNNING IS 'HARD WORK': REPORT

2011-03-14T21:20:00.000Z

The sport of long distance running is "jolly difficult" according to a report seen by the lufbra echo. The news comes as some runners at last weekend's Trafford 10k complained of "shortness of breath" at the finish. "I got to 3k" gasped Ricky Stevenson after finishing 3rd "and thought 'this is going to be tough'....at 5k I felt worse". Despite rumours that Stevenson had "forgotten" about the race and so trained hard in the run up, many have said that this is the clearest evidence yet that the sport can be difficult.

Professor W A Ster from the University of North Dubstable who is the lead author of the paper, told the lufbra echo that his findings should "make everyone sit up and pay attention". "It goes along way to explaining why people struggled to convert their dreams into reality" explained the man who found running to be a healthy form of exercise last year "I think that UK Athletics should take this very seriously".

A key finding from the report was that in order to excel in athletics "a significant amount of hard training is required". However, sources close to several top athletes have slammed the findings as "ridiculous". "Hard work never got anyone anywhere" thundered Nick Goolab's Deputy Director of Bag Carrying Affairs "this is just a silly myth designed to scare people - Nick has gone straight for a blood test as a result".

It is not yet clear what the implications of the study will be, but 2012 insiders have said that crisis meetings are to be held over the coming days. "This is what we call a game-changer" said a source "it could have a profound impact on how the Games are structured - if they go ahead at all."

McLEOD IN RED NOSE SNUB

2011-03-13T17:41:00.001Z

Ryan McLeod has refused to take part in Comic Relief this coming Friday after a row with a revolving door. The GB International was set to be "an integral part" of a live sketch featuring chubby funster, James Corden but has walked out on the gig after a bizarre incident after rehearsals over the weekend.

McLeod traveled to London on Saturday morning and arrived at Television Centre at lunchtime. After a "highly successful" couple of hours with Corden and other participants Davina McCall, Jade Johnson and Robert Mugabe, the 7:52 3k star became trapped in the revolving door "for some hours". It is understood that the fire brigade had to be called in order to free him late into the evening.

A McLeod spokesman confirmed that the Tipton man would not be involved on Friday evening, but refused to speculate on whether this was owing to an irrational fear of revolving doors. It was confirmed that McLeod had become confused on "when to exit" and that he eventually became dizzy thus unable to use the "revolving door app +" (version 2.3.3) on his iPhone. "Ryan feels that it would not now be appropriate to take part" said the spokesman "he is upset at what occurred and I think it is clear that the BBC were less than prompt in their response". Rumours that McLeod was receiving counselling were dismissed as nonsense.

The BBC declined to comment but it is thought that contingencies - including a call up for Andy Vernon - were being put in place.

THE ECHO BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS

2011-03-08T17:43:00.000Z

IN IT TOGETHER: The Coalition share their highlights

YES WE CAN: President Obama shares his favourites with Secretary Clinton

A MOMENT IN HISTORY: Egypt gives thanks for the Echo

BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT: The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh at the official party

NEW MATTHEWS RACE SHOCK

2011-03-07T15:37:00.000Z

McCOURT BLAMES CUP CAKE INCIDENT FOR EURO SLUMP

2011-03-06T11:10:00.002Z

Colin McCourt spent the run up to his dismal 1500m European Indoor heat in a Paris police cell, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The controversial Aldershort star was arrested on Saturday morning following a row at one of the French capital's world famous patisseries and only released with "hours to spare". A spokesman for UK Athletics confirmed that "an unfortunate incident" had taken place. "Colin became upset after he was informed that his favourite flavour of cup cake had run out" said the source "he flew into a vicious rage and we regret to say got very violent indeed."

McCourt's coach - Craig Winrow - was left seething by the affair and accused the French police of "overreacting". "What is the world coming to?" blasted Winrow "a little bit of shouting and a few smashed windows and this is what happens. It's outrageous". Adding that UKA's response time was "pathetic" Winrow claimed that the whole day left his charge "tired and emotional" and wondered whether "Colin will ever be able to race again".

It is understood that McCourt requested the "Fruits de Tropique" cup cake, having become hooked on the flavour on Friday evening. When offered the banana topped goody instead, the 3:37 man was inconsolable and that is when things took a turn for the worst. Onlookers were forced to duck for cover as the star hurled croissants and icing sugar around the store. Speaking after his race, a despondent McCourt called his performance "embarrassing" and slammed his opponents as "weak". "It was a great opportunity against that lot" McCourt told the BBC "I am embarrassed, I don't deserve to be here". Stopping short of apologising, the 26 year-old conceded that his "behaviour needed attention".

UKA refused to speculate on the consequences for McCourt, but it looks likely he will be charged with brining the sport into disrepute and fined up to £15,000.

ENNIS CALLS FOR ACTION AFTER FACEBOOK ROW

2011-03-03T21:18:00.002Z

Jessica Ennis has criticised ex-heptathlete Kelly Sotherton after her Facebook account was hacked into. It is understood that the World Champion and BBC Golden Girl was left seething when her account announced that she was "taking a break from athletics to focus on her pole dancing career". Sotherton has since accepted a UKA charge of improper conduct and faces a hefty fine.

"So childish" sighed Ennis from a Comic Relief wet t-shit competition "it's a shame really, Kelly was never as good as I am and so is constantly undermining me. Last year she hid my Javelin pole in the men's toilets before the start of the Europeans. This has got to stop". Ennis - who came third in the t-shirt competition after being narrowly beaten by Sue Barker and Zara Phillips - added that it was about time UKA got tough on "bully" Sotherton. "She has got away with this for too long now. I don't know what she has got on UKA but it must be dynamite". Ennis spent nearly an hour signing autographs for well-wishers and BBC executives before leaving in a black Mercedes.

For her part, Sotherton defended her actions stating that Ennis "had it coming". "Who the hell does she think she is?" stormed an irate Sotherton from outside Asda (Bracknell branch - 24 hours) "all the time on the BBC smirking about this or that or nothing in particular. Where's her Olympic medal? Where is it? Answer me! It's nowhere, because she is nowhere and never will be!" Sotherton - who denied that she had been drinking or that Ennis' success was getting to her - then walked into a window before being escorted off site by store security. "Just you wait until I master the hammer throw" shouted Southerton as was bundled on to the free bus "then you'll see. I'm a thousand times what Jess will ever be!"

CLUB MUSIC 'TOO LOUD' SAYS SKINNER

2011-02-27T12:45:00.000Z

Mike Skinner caused a stir at London nightclub 'Tiger Tiger' last night when he complained that the music was "dangerously loud". Fresh from a silver medal at the National Cross last weekend, the Blackheath and Bromley star was out with pals celebrating a new five year deal with the club rumoured to be worth in excess of £5m. Having initially been turned away from the swanky hot spot at 6:30pm - the club was not yet open - it is believed that the group went for a decaffeinated coffee before returning shortly after 9pm, just an hour before Skinner was aiming to be in bed.

The night then turned sour for 31 year-old when he berated the club's manager for playing music "so loud, it was probably heard in America" and demanded some heavy duty earplugs before going back on the dance floor. Sadly, things went from bad to worse when he spotted that one of the fire exit signs was not fully illuminated. "Mike was really upset about the whole thing" said an observer "he told the bar staff that what they were doing was tantamount to reckless endangerment and demanded that the police be called".

A Metropolitan Police spokesman confirmed that officers had attended the scene to investigate "a noise violation" but had to explain to a baffled Skinner that no rules had been breached and complaints could not be taken seriously from people inside the club. "By this stage it had reached 10pm and Mike was very tired" continued our source "he pledged to take up the matter at a more reasonable time, but was shocked to discover that the club would remain open past 11pm".

Skinner made himself unavailable to comment this morning, but his club have confirmed that he will be visiting an audiologist first thing on Monday morning.

ANDY ATTACKS STEVE IN THE BATTLE OF THE VERNONS

2011-02-21T18:25:00.001Z

Steve Vernon "isn't even the best Vernon in the country let alone the best runner" according to his namesake, Andy. The astonishing attack from the Aldershot man comes after Steve romped home to comfortably win the National Cross in unprecedented Alton Towers conditions at the weekend. "Steve text me after his win" said a stern faced Andy from a charity event "he said that I would never have got round the course and that I was mentally weak not to show up. That's completely out of order. The only reason I didn't run was because I got caught in the queue for Nemesis".

The tension between the pair has been bubbling under the surface ever since Andy attempted to sue Steve for "copyright infringement on [his] name" early last year. A High Court judge threw out the case - pointing to the fact that the Stockport man was in fact older than Andy. However, this has not stopped Andy from appealing the "very unfair" ruling, nor the bad blood from running deep. The St Mary's based athlete was eager to voice his fury at the "gallivanting" of "arrogant Steve", adding that he "couldn't wait" to "tear him apart" at the Inter Counties next month. "Did you see him celebrate?" thundered Vernon "who does he think he is? He was acting like it was like it was a forgone conclusion - beyond the pale if you ask me."

Almost as shocking as the attack on his rival was the concession from Andy that he "had fully intended" to race on Saturday. "It was a real shame," he explained "I had done Oblivion and Air, but had been in the line for Nemesis for over an hour. If I had given up my place, it would have meant starting again after the race. I wasn't prepared to do that". Steve Vernon has called Andy's comments "remarkable" and said that it demonstrated "a lack of professionalism". "We all wanted to play on the rides" said the newly crowned National Champion "I tore myself away from the teacups in order to do my warm up. You've got to know when to draw the line".

Steve would not be drawn on whether he thought that Andy could have beaten him on the day, but did concede that the course favoured him. "I know that Mike [Skinner, who came second] is a bit of a wimp and so probably didn't like the downhills" said the mud lover "he wouldn't even go on the banana boat before hand and I think that says it all".

ENGLAND ATHLETICS APOLOGISE FOR 'SOMME-LIKE' NATIONAL

2011-02-20T16:24:00.001Z

MUD BATH: Steve Vernon celebrates his win

England Athletics have conceded that they "got it wrong" in allowing the National Cross Country Championships to take place on a course "more suitable for a war than a race". The governing body have today been inundated with complaints from furious athletes about the mess of their kit and the resulting damage to washing machines across the country.

"Cross Country should not be run in these sort of conditions" said a red faced EA spokesman "we appreciate now that to have any mud on the course to totally unacceptable and we will be doing our best to rectify it in future years". 2012's event at Parliament Hill is already under threat as organisers face increasing calls for it "to be held indoors" from now on. "Any event at Parliament Hill is likely to involve mud" continued the spokesman "and so it might be best to steer away from that. We are ruling nothing out - it could even be run on road".

Yesterday's race - won by Steve Vernon - had the highest drop out rate in history and officials had deal with a stream of furious team managers pointing out "severe mud damage" to club tents. Some athletes have still yet to finish their race. England Athletics insiders have today estimated the cost of the clean up operation to be "close to £35m". "The whole field is going to have to be dug up and relaid" said our source "and [EA] will have to pay for thousands of cars to be fully valeted". The association have set up a 24 hour hotline to deal with the "unprecedented call volume" following the event and have encouraged relatives concerned about competitors to contact them urgently.

James Wilkinson who slumped to a disappointing 21st place blasted race organisers calling the whole day "a fiasco". "How can any half decent runner be expected to run in that?" thundered Wilkinson from his post race press conference "I am going to need psychological help to get over this. I am absolutely traumatised".

LIES, DAMNED LIES AND STATISTICS

2011-02-17T20:13:00.000Z

Many a mystery race flies under the radar nowadays, but Loughborough's Pete Matthews seems to be involved in an awful lot of them. Last year, the Lufbra Echo revealed how the most famous athlete never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m had lied to get himself included in the field for the U23 AAAs Championships. Lessons were learned and that was that - it would never happen again and the red head was set to "go places" as of right.

But what's this? The entry lists for the forthcoming BUCS Indoor Championships. A rather dubious entry for a one 'Peter Matthews' appears to have his personal best for 3,000m at 8:40. Surely some clerical mix up as the famously accurate and on the ball Power of Ten appear to record it at 9:10.31. What could have gone wrong? An underworld race meeting that no one was invited to perhaps? Or is it simply reckless cheating that continues to bring Loughborough's name into disrepute?

DASAOLU HANDED FINE AFTER WATER COOLER RUN IN

2011-02-17T17:19:00.001Z

James Dasaolu has been fined £8,000 and warned about his future conduct after he threw a water cooler from a balcony in Sheffield. The sprint prodigy was said to be irate with the water cooler after the liquid it dispensed did not meet his high standards of cleanliness. Calling it "f****** rank" the Croydon man slammed the cup on the floor and then stunned observers by picking the entire unit up and dumping it over the railing. The cooler fell 20 feet and has not worked since.

It is understood that Dasaolu - who has since apologised for his behaviour - became worked up after struggling for "over an hour" to use the lift. An onlooker said "it was really strange. He couldn't figure out the difference between the ground floor and the first floor. He kept going up and down until one his coaches came to assist him." Dasaolu then had a disappointing workout - which included a heated row with a door that "deliberately closed on him" - before the now infamous water cooler incident.

UKA said that they would now be drawing a line under the matter and denied making an example of Dasaolu. "We could have banned him from competition but decided against it," said a spokesman "the important thing is that he realises that such behaviour is absolutely unacceptable." Dasaolu has been banned from using the indoor facility in Sheffield and will attend a 'water cooler awareness workshop' at UKA Headquarters next month.

BOWSER DEFENDS SHEFFIELD RUN

2011-02-14T20:18:00.005Z

Matt Bowser's 2012 ambition is "alive and well" despite slumping to one of the worst performances of his career on Sunday. The Lincoln man - who the BBC think won the European title in 2006 - quit the sport at the end of last summer in mysterious circumstances and still faces a misconduct hearing at UKA over a missing Garmin. Having come out of retirement "with 2012 in mind", Bowser stormed to victory in Thursday's Armagh 5k leaving a stunned Johnny Mellor asking "whether he had completed the entire distance". However, his comeback appeared to have stalled on Sunday as he was well beaten in the 3,000m - struggling to a miserable 8:18 clocking.

"You see what happened was" explained Bowser "when I was on the way to the race my three wheel van broke down. I was then forced to steal a mobility scooter from an old aged pensioner and all this before I had even left the end of my street." The 5k star then recounted how he had "driven the scooter into the ground" but only got half a mile closer to Sheffield. Fortunately he had also snatched the old lady's hand bag and so had enough money to pay for a cab - to Manchester. "I figured that the race was there" said a bemused Bowser "I then had to get a plane to Madrid, which is in France I believe. Then I got a plane to New York, then London and got a train to Sheffield from there - it was a nightmare."

Bowser arrived "just 6 minutes before the start" having only had a warm of "twelve miles" from the train station. "Given the circumstances and the fact that I was tired from Armagh, I'm not too disappointed" he said "I am still very much in the running for 2012".

SNOWBALL SLAMS 'SELFISH' MATTHEWS

2011-02-13T09:00:00.048Z

THE SUNDAY INTERVIEW: BEN SNOWBALL

In the first of a series of interviews, the Echo catches up with displaced LSAC skipper Ben Snowball just days after being forced out by angry fans. He shares his views on leadership, mud and Pete Matthews

GOING, GOING, GONG: Snowball collected no silverware as LSAC skipper

IT HAS BEEN a tortuous few weeks for Ben Snowball. First, he suffered repeated calls from high profile stars to walk away from his £4m top job at LSAC, then he faced the humiliation of leading Loughborough to the worst BUCS performance in their history. Snowball inherited a mess at LSAC. With debts soaring to record levels and the leftovers of a squad ravaged by the reckless signings of his predecessors, many felt that the job was a poisoned chalice. But Snowball didn't see it like that: "I am not going to sit and here say that I thought it would be easy. But I never had any idea how bad things were and I never saw the sort of vilification I got coming. No one deserves that." A beleaguered skipper finally called it quits late last Sunday night just eight months into his contract.

"It was a really tough call" sighed Snowball, running his hand through his unkept curly hair "I feel very upset about the way I was treated - and I can honestly say that what happened at BUCS was not my fault. Hand on heart I can say that". Looking visibly tired, he then paused a moment to gather himself and took a sip of mineral water. "I think that many people need to stand up and take responsibility for what happened."

Who does Ben hold responsible for Loughborough's fall from grace? "Pete Matthews" stormed the now worked up ex-skipper "he is completely to blame. How can he drop out of a BUCS 'A' Race? How can anyone do that? I picked him in good faith and he let me down and everyone else down." Matthews was forced out of the race with injury, but rallied himself to record a personal best performance over 5k in Armagh less than a week later. "That says it all, doesn't it?" said Snowball, his face creased with rage and his hazel eyes staring straight ahead. "Either his physio is a miracle worker or he isn't a team player. I mean, this is a recovery akin to that of f****** Lazarus isn't it?" Snowball went on to reveal that he would "never be talking" to Matthews again, adding that he had on good authority that the disgraced AAAs fraudster would never be picked for a Loughborough team again. "He's a joke, a complete joke" he added.

Speaking from his swanky London hideaway, Snowball didn't stop at blasting Pete Matthews - Guru George Gandy also came in for heavy criticism. "If he's the guru then I'm worried about athletics" thundered the one-time National Cross Country (team) Champion "I expected to be blown away when I met him, but all I got was a lecture about altitude. I know it's not George's fault that Pete Matthews did what he did, but I felt like I was on my own out there - no support." Gandy famously took three days to lend his support to his captain when many ex-alumni called for him to go. There were even rumours that the guru was lining up Stephen Emery to take over. "That isn't fair, no one should have to work like that".

So, what has Snowball learned from his experience? "Never trust gingers" he concluded curtly "and take a bit of valium to get you through it. Keep smiling and carry on - I took a lot of refuge in the arms of my friends and as soon as I can show my face in public again, I will go back and see them".

THE LUFBRA ECHO: UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

2011-02-11T19:47:00.000Z

The Lufbra Echo today announces that it has replaced its Chief Executive. The anonymous dictator has resigned amid growing unrest amongst the staff. This resulted in the Echo being taken offline for the past week and the protesters posting the 'GET READY' headline. This was, of course, in reference to the date at which the tyrant would be forced from office.

Whilst it is not the place of this organisation to speculate on the ongoing police inquiries, we can confirm that the Chief has been questioned about the practice of phone hacking that some have said was "entirely routine" at the Echo. We must reiterate that the displaced boss maintains that he "knew nothing" of the illegal prying. This despite having an iron grip on all things Echo.

Either way, the old man has gone and today marks a new age for Echo readers. In order to celebrate, we have changed our letterhead to lower case. This shows that never again will we be dictated to by tyrants. A military committee will be running affairs in an entirely anonymously transparent way until such time as another anonymous (yet transparent and legal) supreme leader can be appointed via a coup d'etat.

Happy reading,

TEMPORARY UNNAMED ACCOUNTABLE MILITARY PEACEFUL LEADERSHIP TEAM

GET READY........

2011-02-06T20:48:00.003Z

12.2.11

BEATEN EMERY BEMOANS 'RIDICULOUS' COURSE

2011-02-06T09:00:00.008Z

Stephen Emery has hit out at what he calls an "unbelievable" course for Saturday's BUCS Cross Country Championships. Emery was well beaten in the race by Nick Goolab and slumped to a disappointing 12th place, unable to hold his dismal Loughborough team together. The Coventry Godiva man was indignant in defeat however and claimed that Birmingham were "totally wrong" in selecting a course that "played right into the hands" of their top men. "What's done is done," sighed Loughborough's first counter "I can't change that now and whilst they [the rules] weren't absolutely clear going into the race- I have to live with it."

A representative for BUCS Cross Country dismissed Emery's allegations and added that the day had been a "resounding success". The spokesperson went on, "we have had many many emails praising our efforts on the day. There were a few issues with parking and that is something we will address in later years." When asked to respond to Emery's comments about the decision to "ditch the ditch", the spokesman said that it had been a "safety decision". "If someone fell and hurt themselves, we could never live with it" said the source "we had no choice but to take it out. There were some really, really poor runners out there today".

Emery, however, is incandescent. When asked when he would next be competing, the 3:48 1500m man looked away. "It's really upsetting when something like this happens" said the clearly tired engineer "I have come to trust the rules, the authorities and then an incident like this ruins all of that. Who knows whether I'll bother again, I'm just really hurting right now". Emery went on to add that he felt he would have "won comfortably" on the standard course. "I have been successful there time and time again and suddenly they change it. My question is why? What are they scared of?"

Emery's comments will come as a relief to under-fire LSAC captain Ben Snowball. Radio phone-ins were inundated with angry Loughborough fans yesterday evening demanding the skipper's "immediate resignation". One caller said that the performance was "the worst in history" and that Snowball should "do the decent thing". "He's hanging on for the payout, that much is clear" said the lifetime season ticket holder "we can't go on like this". Snowball would stand to gain £4m if his contract was terminated. Although not explicitly stating support for Snowball, many inside LSAC have not been so quick to criticise. George Gandy chose to blame David Howe yesterday evening and with Emery now citing "obviously biassed" officiating, Snowball might just be able to fight on for another week.

HOWE TO BLAME FOR LOUGHBOROUGH DEMISE: GANDY

2011-02-05T18:13:00.001Z

David Howe is responsible for "the worst period in Loughborough's history" according to George Gandy. The guru was quick to point the finger at the Canadian after his team's men slumped to their worst ever BUCS performance this afternoon.

As bating journalists waited for Ben Snowball to explain his side's extraordinarily limp display, they were met with a rampaging Gandy who dismissed claims that Snowball was to be sacked later this evening. "I will be looking to shake things up," said Gandy "but if anything, it is David [Howe] who needs replacing". Gandy pointed out that Loughborough have not been successful in winning an 'A' Team event since Howe's arrival in 2007.

"David just brings this negative vibe to the club - I think it's his voice" sighed a clearly exasperated guru "it has been a very long day, made all the longer by my having to spend time with David." For his part, Howe has said that all his athletes performed well. "In my opinion, it's Donaldson's fault" claimed the academic "since he turned up, everything has gone wrong. We're all fed up with his stories and I bet all the guys were distracted."

Mr Donaldson - who does not have time to read this site - was not available for comment this evening, but with Gandy promising a "comprehensive investigation" into what went wrong in Birmingham, it is unlikely he will remain silent for long. Snowball will not address the media until a scheduled news conference tomorrow afternoon.

BULDARO READY FOR BUCS CHALLENGE

2011-02-03T20:58:00.000Z

Bud Buldaro has said that his Birmingham team are "the strongest in years" ahead of this weekend's BUCS Cross Country Championships. Buldaro will not announce his team until tomorrow evening but was in a bullish move this lunchtime. "Loughborough are as poor as I have ever seen them" said the velvet tongued head coach "and I think the majority of the St Mary's team are busy re-taking their exams. I can't see anyone getting close to Birmingham". The manager will be hoping his side will be able to defend their title on home soil this Saturday afternoon.

Buldaro was largely dismissive of a very quiet transfer window for his team. Birmingham were not successful in landing Stephen Emery - despite a rumoured £40m bid - and also had an approach for Gary Bradbury rejected. "I don't need to strengthen my team" said Buldaro "I always think that the January transfer window is just about panicking to be honest. You look at weaker sides and they see the summer coming and think 'gee, we need to get more guys in'. Nonsense, I back my lot". Buldaro denied that the Emery deal had fallen through after the Vice Chancellor vetoed it and maintained that he had "complete control" of team affairs.

News for Birmingham got even better this evening as a spokesman revealed that Nick Goolab had "completely recovered" from a broken toe nail and was therefore available this weekend. "Nick had a blood test at the beginning of this week" said the source "and it is all clear. If selected, he will line up on Saturday".

FOLLOW THE RACE EXCLUSIVELY LIVE WITH THE ECHO. FOLLOW US ON TWITTER @LUFBRAECHO

TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY: THE BIG DEALS

2011-02-01T00:02:00.003Z

The Echo rounds up all the major comings and goings after a frantic end to the January transfer window.

Stephen Emery is staying put at Loughborough despite a £40m bid from Birmingham and reported interest from St Mary's. The engineer has pledged the next 18 months to the African Violets by signing a lucrative contract extension.

Ryan McLeod will not leave Tipton after all. It had been thought that the 7:52 3k man was about to walk out on the Midlands club in a row about iPhone usage.

Linford Christie is to come out of retirement and has signed for Windsor, Slough, Eton and Hounslow. The former Olympic Champion said that he was "hugely excited" at the prospect of helping Windsor back into the Premiership. The club were unsuccessful in convincing Sally Gunnell into a similar comeback.

Newham and Essex Beagles have been fined £750,000 and banned from taking part in the summer transfer window after illegally approaching "the vast majority" of the the GB European Cross Team. They also had a £75m bid for Mo Farah rejected after they realised that they had already signed him.

Mark Lewis-Francis is a free agent after storming out of Birchfield Harriers. The European Silver Medallist was heard to say that "Mark Lewis-Francis most definitely will be running for a bigger club than this next summer". As such his £2m contract was terminated but regrettably for the sprinter no one agreed to take him.

Sale Harriers Manchester sacked their entire squad earlier this month as the new owners decided that they "could do better". However, the club were forced into an embarrassing retreat when nobody returned their emails - not even MLF - and so have re-signed the majority of the team on vastly inflated contracts.

Dave Norman caused outrage at Altrincham after handing in a written transfer request. The 5k star has now signed a 3 year contract extension after failing to agree personal terms with £25m suitors, Southend AC.

Kenenisa Bekele will have to wait to have his move to Aldershot, Farnham and District confirmed. The Ethiopian will undergo a medical later today, but the deal has been put in doubt after Mick Woods offended the athlete's entire entourage. However, AFD will be celebrating after managing to persuade Andy Vernon to sign a four year contract extension rather than opting for a big money move to Bedford & County - who were rumoured to be ready to pay the star over £200,000 a week.

Despite reports in the Echo earlier this month that they were ready to spend big, Southend have not been successful in making a single signing. It is understood that the majority of deals fell through when would-be athletes "visited Southend".

NERVOUS EMERY HITS OUT AHEAD OF BUCS TEST

2011-01-31T06:44:00.005Z

Stephen Emery has used his weekly press conference to attack "anyone who thinks they can come close" to him in next weekend's BUCS Cross Country Championships. The Loughborough man is set to lead the weakest African Violet team for decades, but has reacted angrily to any suggestion that this will phase him. "I am quite used to being the favourite" thundered a clearly on edge Emery "I am the big name at Coventry and I am the big name here. I have never bottled it before and I am not about to start now." He went on to state that it was "very unlikely" that he would be beaten on race day: "this is what it's all about - I am ready for it and I am going to smash anyone who comes in my way through a wall".

The 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man has not been without his difficulties in 2011. Despite topping the rankings for 5 miles, Emery failed to medal at his County Championships and openly admitted to being "dominated" in several key predictor sessions. "Training isn't important" he snapped performing one of his thrice daily calf exercises "racing is what matters and I am more than ready to prove my metal. Just you wait till race day - then you'll see how tough I am". Emery is not currently on speaking terms with George Gandy's PA - Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have the time to read this site) - after he accused the star of "not pushing it enough" in training. "What does he know anyway?" snarled Emery "he is a nothing to me - just a one season wonder, that is all."

Emery was forced to concede that he was "holding the Loughborough team together" but stopped short of joining Gary Bradbury in declaring himself "embarrassed" to be a part of it. "Pete [Matthews, the sixth man in the team] is a friend of mine" said Emery of the disgraced AAAs fraudster "and whilst it is distressing that he has made the team, we just have to get on with it. It's not like he is going to count anyway." The Coventry Godiva man also dismissed speculation that he would be relieving Ben Snowball of his captaincy on the day. "That is complete nonsense" he said "who told you that? Was it [Kevin] Seaward causing trouble like he always does? It's an open secret that I think Snowball is a joke, but constitutionally I can't challenge him and so won't even though I am the better athlete by some considerable distance".

HAPLESS SNOWBALL SLAMMED OVER BUS GAFFE

2011-01-29T15:00:00.003Z

As if fielding the weakest Loughborough team in a generation wasn't bad enough for Ben Snowball, the LSAC skipper now faces a mutiny from furious stars as he broke the news that the bus for BUCS would be leaving at 8:30 am. "This is beyond a joke now" thundered Gary Bradbury "you just can't run a club like this. Who does he think he is? I don't plan on being awake at 8:30 let alone on a bus. It's absolutely outrageous". Bradbury is just one of a number of athletes demanding that the departure time is put back or else they will "seriously consider" strike action.

In a bid to placate the masses, Snowball asked George Gandy's PA - Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this site) - to send out word that it is "imperative" to get the bus under way early. However, an insider told the Echo that this only exasperated matters when Donaldson made his announcement at Wednesday night circuits. "The crowd went mental" said the source "they started shouting expletives and all threw chewing gum at Alasdair. I have never seen such anger".

This is the latest in a long line of blunders from LSAC's inexperienced leader that have led to many asking whether he should be replaced ahead of the crucial season run in. Earlier this month, Paula Radcliffe called on Snowball to buck his ideas up and now Lord Sebastian Coe has added his voice to his growing list of detractors. "It's a tough job that one" said his Lordship "the fans have such expectations and I am not sure Ben is cut out for captaining such a big club. He is more suited to a mid-range team such as Oxford or Bath".

LSAC chiefs were refusing to comment last night, but rumours persist that George Gandy is lining up Stephen Emery to take over on a caretaker basis until the end of the season.

BRENDAN FOSTER SACKED FOR RAISED EYEBROW

2011-01-26T16:15:00.000Z

Brendan Foster is to have his contract with the BBC terminated after he raised an eyebrow at Jessica Ennis, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The tubby ex-athlete has been the subject of a torrent of Twitter abuse after a YouTube clip came to light showing him "engaging in an adult conversation about athletics" and "complementing [Ennis] on her good performance last year". "This sort of behaviour is absolutely out of order" thundered a senior Beeb executive "we have made this absolutely clear to Brendan and as a result he will not be working with us again". Foster has not commented officially but he is understood to be "devastated" to have been stripped of his job. "Bren is not a dinosaur" said a close friend "in fact, he views everyone on their own merits and so such behaviour is completely out of character".

Foster is not the only boorish BBC male in hot water. News of his dismissal comes as sound recordings of John Inverdale and Jonathan Edwards discussing the fact that Jemma Simpson had "a nice running style" have been made available online. BBC insiders have told of how this is representative of "an awful atmosphere that belongs in the 1950s". "It's appalling to work around such bigots" said the anonymous source "the other week whilst we were covering the Edinburgh Cross Country, Steve Cram offered me his coat as it was cold. How dated is that attitude? I was hurt and upset, but fear for my job if I go public".

The BBC are reeling from the incidents this evening and it looks inevitable that tough action awaits those who fail to comply with the anti sex discrimination guidelines. "It is high time that female athletes a judged on how they perform rather than how they look" said one such female athlete shortly after a photo shoot "this pre-historic behaviour is appalling".

FULL COVERAGE OF SEX-GATE SCANDAL IN THE ECHO:
- Do women really know the false start rule?
- Why is the women's discuss lighter than the men's? Isn't this discrimination?
- Andy Gray to become Head of Female Athletics at UKA
- Outrage as UKA official "looks female in the eye"

NEWS ROUND UP

2011-01-24T19:17:00.004Z

PICK A CLUB, ANY CLUB
Isn't it funny how short the memories of football journalists and followers are? Back in November, TalkSport presenters Mike Parry and Mike Graham kept everything in perspective by declaring the decision not to award England the World Cup in 2018 "the darkest day in [their] lives". Acres of column spaces was wasted by football journos waxing lyrical about "broken promises" and "dirty deals". Would this be the very same sport that is now putting forward a proposal to U-turn on the explicit promises of the 2012 bid team by removing the running track from the Olympic Stadium? It jolly well would. Always famed for his insight, Lawrie Sanchez told the BBC that "football and athletics don't work together. That's a fact". Interesting as AC and Inter Milan, along with Bayern Munich and numerous other successful European clubs would probably disagree.

THE BRADY BUNCH
"It makes my blood boil to be honest" thundered Birmingham City FC Vice-Chairperson Karren Brady on BBC Radio Five Live this morning of Andy Gray and Richard Keys's remarks about female officials: "I don't think any of the comments are anything other than [sexism]". Brady went on to advocate "equality in the workplace" and harrumphed that women just are not taken seriously in her industry. That would be the same Karren Brady who works with noted pornographers David Sullivan and David Gold (a profession famed for its refusal to objectify females) and employs a workforce of "75% women". Now that's equality in action!

WHY KIDS TURN AWAY FROM CROSS COUNTRY: THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER
Parliament Hill

PETE MATTHEWS: A CLARIFICATION
It has been brought to our attention that in recent additions of the Lufbra Echo we have suggested that Pete Matthews is an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. We are aghast at such a suggestion and in light of the fact that he has performed averagely well at a number of races, we would like to clarify that at no time did we intend to portray Pete as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. It has always been our position that Pete is average and unremarkable at everything that he does in the running domain. There are some who will say 'that Matthews lad is just an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space' - we at the Echo feel (and always have felt) that this is most unfair and would like to pledge our unwavering support to his continued endeavour to avoid being classed as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space.

GANDY TO RESIGN OVER MATTHEWS SELECTION

2011-01-22T18:12:00.001Z

Loughborough Athletics club has been plunged into turmoil this evening after its director, George Gandy announced that he would resign as he "had no option" but to select Pete Matthews for the 'A' Team at the forthcoming BUCS Cross Country Championships. "I have had some dark moments in my career" said the Guru from a hastily arranged press conference "but this is as low as it has come. It is a very sad day and I must say I never thought it would come to this".

Loughborough insiders have revealed how Gandy "had an almighty row" at the selection meeting last night and was seen storming out of the HiPac shortly after 10pm. Alasdair Donaldson - who does not have time to read this site - attempted to go after him carrying a freshly made cup of tea but was unable to talk the Guru round. "His mind is made up" said the source "George is just so embarrassed that he has to pick Matthews that he can't carry on. He said that the buck stops with him and he is intent on going over it".

Matthews has not been without his problems in the past twelve months. It was not long ago that the Lufbra Echo revealed that he had no future in the East Midlands and many are stunned that the disgraced AAAs fraudster has been included in the first wave of selection. "It's a horrible day for Loughborough" said a season ticket holder "it is a mark of how bad things have got. I doubt we'll get in the top 10 now - we certainly don't deserve to." The Echo understands that the team at Loughborough have "done all they can" to avoid selecting Matthews including begging his academic department to terminate - or at least suspend - his studies. "In the end, he was the only choice" continued a senior aide to the Guru "it devalues the rich history that this institution has".

Gandy will vacate his post at 0600 on Monday paving the way for Alasdair Donaldson to take caretaker charge of the club. Loughborough chiefs have stressed that this is "an extremely temporary measure" and that Gandy's current PA will "never be left unsupervised" with the club. The recruitment process to find Gandy's successor will start immediately and not include the Scot who will revert to his tea-making role once someone is in post. Bookmakers have tipped Birmingham's top man Bud Buldaro for the job, but have refused to rule out what would be a sensational promotion for out of favour St Mary's chief, Mick Woods.

HOWE FACES UKA CHARGE

2011-01-15T18:33:00.000Z

David Howe is likely to face a lengthy touchline ban and heavy fine after being 'sent to the car' at this afternoon's Birmingham League Division One meeting at Coventry. The Loughborough Assistant Coach was dismissed by the match referee after constantly berating officials over what he called a "laughable piece of marshalling". Howe was left seething when the organisers slightly tweaked the course from previous years in order to maximise the conditions. The Canadian was given his marching orders roughly three minutes into the second half of the race after an altercation with the fourth official.

UKA have confirmed that he will be handed an automatic three race suspension after seeing red, but could face a further charge of "using foul and abusive language" that could lead to a ban of up to 12 weeks. Speaking after the race, Howe conceded that he had "spoken out of turn" by resisted any suggestion that he had used bad language. "That isn't something I would do," said Howe "I admit that I was upset at the way the match was going. I think that it was a bit big for the race referee to be honest, but I should have kept those thoughts to myself."

In a move that is unlikely to win him any friends at UKA, the academic added that he was "becoming increasingly concerned" at the weak officiating seen at recent events. His comments come just days after Bud Buldaro voiced worries over the degree to which officials were influenced by Guru Gandy in the run up to BUCS. "If anything decisions seem to go against us" said Howe "I am not sure how Bud can say that. It is no secret that UKA officials seem to have it in for Loughborough and Loughborough athletes - you just need to look at the way Lewis Moses was treated in the summer. It's very poor and I think it confirms that we need to have another look at race officiating."

STRESS FRACTURE 'EPIDEMIC' CONCERNS DOCTORS

2011-01-12T20:25:00.000Z

Britain's Chief Medical Officer has issued a dire warning as to the state of the nation's bone health today. Professor Dame Sally Davies has said that stress fractures amongst long distance runners are costing the NHS "millions of pounds". "Until recently, a stress fracture was a serious condition confined to a limited number of patients" said the Professor "today it seems that in order to be taken seriously as an athlete you have to of suffered such an injury".

Dame Sally added that whilst the findings of this recent report were "very worrying", the recovery rate - particularly amongst female athletes - was becoming remarkably fast. "Just a couple of years ago, a stress fracture would leave an athlete unable to walk for between two and four weeks, with it taking many months for a full recovery" said the sickle cell specialist "now it seems that the symptoms can mysteriously vanish ahead of an evening out with friends. It really is remarkable."

Professor Davies reported that recovery times "from diagnosis to resumption of full training" can be as little as a week. "However," she continued "such is the severity of the injury nowadays, the athlete feels the need to talk about the injury for some time after it has completely healed. They tend to drop it into casual conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with running whatsoever. For example, if one were to be talking about a broken mobile telephone, the formerly 'injured' athlete would add: 'broken - a little like my bone was when I had that stress fracture.' It becomes so very tiresome for the friends of the said athlete and as such the inevitably find themselves isolated."

The CMO said that she felt the NHS needed to "get a grip of the epidemic" and "deal with all facets of the condition". "If that means providing psychological help to injured athletes then so be it," she added.

NEWS ROUND UP

2011-01-10T22:16:00.006Z

BULDARO CALLS FOR "STRONGER" OFFICIALS AT BUCS

Birmingham Director of Athletics has called on UKA and BUCS to clamp down on what he calls the "blatant bating of the officials" by fierce rival George Gandy. Buldaro - who is looking to defend the BUCS title on home soil - has said that he is concerned that some "strange" comments from the Guru and Director at Loughborough will sway race stewards on the day. "Look, we all know that the officials have a really really tough job" said Buldaro from a press conference "and they are not helped by certain Directors constantly railing against them. That is a fact. I only hope they can put it out of their minds on the day." For his part, the Guru issued a statement calling the accusations "ludicrous" adding that "they [the remarks] were a sign of the pressure Bud is under".

THOMPSON HIT WITH CAT INJURY
Chris Thompson faces a spell on the sidelines after being "seriously scratched" by his pet cat, Jemma. The European Silver Medallist required hospital treatment after the cat pounced on him shortly after being fed her breakfast. A spokesman for the athlete said that it was "unlikely" to effect his training too greatly adding that Jemma would be dispatched for a "full claw clipping" and that he hoped that this would help the news desk on a slow day.

EIGHTLANE SILENT ON MCLEOD RUN
Always known to be even handed with their criticism popular running forum for the intellectually challenged, Eightlane have remained eerily and surprisingly quiet on Ryan McLeod's eleventh place (3rd Brit home) at the Edinburgh Cross Country event held last weekend. High praise was lauded on many who fell short of one of the best performances of McLeod's career. One can be sure it is nothing to do with the fact that the very same forum frothed with rage at McLeod's inclusion in the European Cross Country team just last month with one poster wondering whether UKA were getting "value for money" with McLeod's recent trip to Kenya.

THE ECHO ASKS: IS THIS MAN SINGLE HANDEDLY KILLING ATHLETICS?

2011-01-09T13:52:00.002Z

Wanted: Edwards is suspected of "crimes against athletics"

In a shocking report seen by the Lufbra Echo Jonathan Edwards has been accused of being "absolutely responsible" for destroying the interest in British athletics. The world triple jump record holder - affectionately known as Jedwards by his colleagues - has been presenting on the BBC for the past few years and viewers are said to be "turning off in disgust."

"He's unbearable" thundered one Rita from Tunbridge Wells "smug, dismissive, ignorant and dull....I turn the sound down when he comes on." The report commissioned by the BBC Trust and written by academics at the University of North Dunstable said that Edwards' hair was becoming "an increasing concern". "The style of spiked follicles via the use of a hair gel formula" said the authors "is more at home on entertainment programs such as the X Factor than athletics coverage".

Edwards took some heavy criticism after his dismal showing at the European Athletics Championships and many thought that he would not be appearing as the anchor again. However, with Steve Cram and Brendan Foster citing an "adverse reaction to snow" and Sue Barker refusing to work at Winter, Beeb executives were left with no option but to hand the microphone to the hapless Edwards. "We are aware of a number of complaints surrounding Mr Edwards" said a spokesman "this is something we are looking into and can confirm that it was an executive decision to ask Mr Edwards not to wear his earring ever again."

The news comes as a blow to Edwards who was the subject of a similar report last year confirming his credentials as something of a twerp. He will be hoping that the relatively unwatched indoor season will allow him scope to revive his fading reputation.

SNOWBALL MUST GET RESULTS: RADCLIFFE

2011-01-08T18:16:00.001Z

Paula Radcliffe has added to the pressure mounting on LSAC Cross Country Captain Ben Snowball today by commenting that the captain's future "rests on an upturn in form". The Marathon world record holder and former Loughborough student poured scorn on Snowball's claims that he is "building for the future". "You look at the club over the past few years and it is in a bad way" said Radcliffe from the launch of her new perfume "I don't necessarily blame Ben as it is largely the quad he inherited, but with BUCS just around the corner, I think he is going to have to up his game sharpish".

Loughborough are without a win all season and whilst Snowball has pointed to "an injury crisis" many have questioned the Aldershot man's ability to handle a big club. "He came in with good credentials" continued Radcliffe "but unfortunately we haven't seen any of that yet. Some of the performances of late have been completely abject." Whilst a heavy points deduction for Birchfield Harriers looks like saving LSAC from the ignomy of relegation, the club slumped to one of their worst performances ever at Perry Barr last month evidenced by the fact that Pete Matthews was a high counter. "That is completely humiliating for a club like this" sighed Radcliffe "you look at the great history of scorers and now a hapless ginger is a key figure. It's very sad."

Snowball will be relieved to be able to call on the services of Stephen Emery - whose loan deal does not permit him to race for Loughborough in the Birmingham League - at BUCS next month. However, with the British Number One Five Miler voicing concerns about "a wasted generation" at Loughborough, all is not well. "We should have Ryan [McLeod] and so that will give us some credibility" said Emery from his weekly press conference "but it still is a bit humiliating to look at some of the contenders to be honest." Emery was speaking just days after signing a lucrative contract extension with Coventry Godiva rumoured to be worth somewhere in the region of £5m. "It was never about the money" said the 24:24 5 mile man "I think that this club can best suit my needs going forward and so I am here to stay".

Whether Ben Snowball will be allowed the same luxuries is unclear, but with a "vote of confidence" issued by George Gandy after last month's disaster the signs are not promising.

WEEK IN PICTURES

2011-01-07T15:58:00.002Z

NORTH KOREA SHOCK

GANDY IN DATE RIDDLE

2012 OLYMPICS UPDATE

* Editor's Note: Mr Donaldson does not have the time to read this site.

BADDELEY SET FOR MASTERMIND TEST

2011-01-03T11:57:00.000Z

Andy Baddeley has shelved winter training in order to sharpen up for a forthcoming appearance on the BBC's Mastermind. Baddeley - who claims the show's title was in honour of him - has said that his involvement is inspired by a belief that "Britain is getting thicker". The one-time 3:49 miler is rumoured to be filming as early as February and has chosen a specialist subject of Particle Physics. A spokesman for the Harrrow man has denied speculation that he is only going ahead with idea as sales of his début book Quantum Chromodynamics and the Long Distance Runner: Thoughts and Observations have been disappointing. "Andy is ready to prove to all the world that he has the best mind in the business" said the aide "and above all he just wants to prove that he is an ordinary guy, doing ordinary things."

Baddeley's campaign to prove what his people call "normality" took a backward step over the summer, when the European fifth placer slammed Kenyans for their lack of intelligence. "It was a shame the press chose to focus on that" continued his press secretary "but since then, Andy has made a real effort to show that he is just a normal world class athlete with a double first from Cambridge. For example, just last month he watched five minutes of the X Factor whilst he waited for his show about the history of the Large Electron-Positron Collider to come onto BBC Four."

The part time lecturer at St Mary's is slated to appear on the celebrity edition of the show alongside Big Brother star Kinga Karolczak and Fame Academy winner David Sneddon. Baddeley did concede that he "had never heard" of either rival but hoped for "some lively mathematical related banter" backstage.

SOUTHEND READY TO SPLASH CASH AS TRANSFER WINDOW OPENS

2011-01-02T17:41:00.000Z

Southend AC have this evening signalled their ambition for the forthcoming summer by approaching no fewer than five big names in the distance running world. The Essex club have recently been taken over by a super-rich paper merchant from Sardinia, who has demanded European Athletics success within the next two years. The Lufbra Echo understands that Southend have made a multi-million pound offer for Morpeth's Nick McCormick and have also expressed an interest in enticing Andrew Lemoncello back to the UK.

Whilst McCormick is well known to be on the look out for a move, it seems unlikely that he would lower himself to Division 3 athletics just for the sake of financial gain. A Morpeth spokesman slammed Southend's "obscene" levels of wealth and said that the club had not ruled out reporting them to UKA. "It's really bad form," thundered the source "they come here with their big Essex chequebooks and try to unsettle our top guys- it's wrong, just wrong". McCormick remained silent on the possibility this evening, but insiders have revealed that the 3:33 1500m could be on the verge of a "career defining move" in the next month.

Lemoncello, meanwhile, was spotted sharing fish and chips with Southend chiefs just last week and sources have let slip that the seaside club could be about to net the British number 1 marathoner. "The Chairman sent a private jet to collect Mr Lemoncello" said the high level aide "it was a really productive discussion and they discussed the merits of setting up a training base in the area." It is understood that Lemoncello "likes the idea of living on an island" and as such is contemplating the purchase of a property on nearby Canvey Island. "We know of a few hills on the isle" continued the source "and so it would be just like training at altitude".

Southend have also had offers for Mo Farah and the athlete formerly known as Geele (now to be called Gala) rejected by Newham and Essex Beagles. However, with Frank Baddick "desperately unhappy" with the new kit at the London club, it looks likely that he will be allowed to leave. Strong Loughborough links have also resulted in leading names such as Gary Bradbury and Rob Whittle "not ruling out" the possibility of a move. "If the set up and club philosophy was right" opined Bradbury "then I would consider the switch. For me, it's all about the feel of a place. If I knew everyone's karma was right then yes, I would look at Southend." A spokesman for the Essex club categorically denied speculation that they were about to or had any intention of ever signing Pete Matthews.

SEAWARD TO BE FINED OVER NEW YEAR SHAME

2011-01-01T16:36:00.000Z

George Gandy has confirmed that Kevin Seaward is likely to be fined by LSAC after being caught by police with a blood alcohol level of zero. The former Irish International was arrested shortly after 3:30am for being neither drunk nor remotely disorderly and is now having to explain to LSAC chiefs why he was "a shit lad". Gandy was awoken early this morning by PA Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this blog) and demanded immediate talks with Seaward who compounded his shocking behaviour the night before by being "on a run" when the call came through.

"Kevin would have done well to follow the example of Pete Matthews" said an insider at the HiPac "he kept up his extraordinary record of pulling unwilling and rotund girls and even managed to irritate just about everyone he came into contact with." High praise also came for Stephen Emery, who told shocked bystanders that he was a "dead cert" for the next six Birmingham Leagues. "Emery really let himself go last night" said the source "it was good to see, although we don't actively encourage pretending that bar tables are podiums, it is better than doing nothing at all."

Seaward has remained largely silent today, although he did use his Twitter feed to reveal that he had "a meeting with the boss". The Belfast man continued: "just heading off now, scary stuff!" Sources close to him have revealed that he is "upset with himself more than anything" for failing to mount a respectable showing. "Kevin freely admits that his story telling is at its strongest after a few drinks" said the friend "he wanted to try it sober and we all now agree that it failed miserably. He is looking forward to being able to prove himself at the next available opportunity."

EDMONDS SNUB LEAVES EMERY OUT IN THE COLD

2010-12-28T08:15:00.001Z

Noel Edmonds has blocked Stephen Emery from appearing on Deal or No Deal, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. It is understood that the Coventry Godiva star applied to be on the Channel 4 show in order to fulfil a "long-held" ambition to beat the banker and become the first male quarter millionaire in the history of the show. However things went array when Edmonds - a life long Rugby and Northampton fan - discovered that the 3:48 man had snubbed his beloved club in favour of a lucrative move to Coventry.

Emery is known to be "borderline obsessed" with the programme and regularly plans training commitments in order to free him up for its tea-time slot. "This is a major blow to Stephen" said a close friend "it has been such a tough few weeks and I know that he was really looking forward to the show. He has quite literally been sent to Coventry". The BUCS Bronze Medallist is said to be "devastated" that his boyhood hero is behind the rejection. The source refused to confirm whether the Noel Edmonds poster that adorned Emery's bedroom wall had been torn down in disgust, but did say that he was "really really upset".

It is not known whether this setback will effect Emery's preparations for the 2011 campaign, but it is now likely that his availability for training on weekday evenings will be a lot more flexible.

DEVONISH LATE NIGHT TV SHAME

2010-12-27T14:24:00.000Z

Marlon Devonish is today facing a fight for his future after shocking revelations appeared in this morning's Daily Star. The former Olympic (Relay) Gold Medallist has been accused of staying up "into the early hours" watching "smutty shows from Australia" that involve 22 men "playing with bats and balls for days at a time". It is understood that this sick showing appears nightly on Sky and is known in the trade as "The Ashes".

Devonish has remained silent this morning and a spokesman for his club Coventry Godiva said that they were treating the incident "very seriously". "We believe that the show demonstrates rituals known as sledging and hitting each other for six," said the source "whilst I cannot speculate on Marlon's involvement in the viewing of such filth, it goes without saying that the club would be most concerned if that were to be the case."

Devonish - who was 34 this year - had previously said that he hoped to continue his career as long as the London Olympics in 2012, but it seems very likely that meeting organisers will now steer clear. Whilst shocked fans today pledged to "stand by" their man regardless of his alleged wrongdoing, others have been quick to distance themselves from the sprint ace stating that his behaviour has "cheapened the sport".

THE GURU'S CHRISTMAS MESSAGE - 2010

2010-12-24T11:53:00.002Z

People of Loughborough, UKA and beyond,

I write to you from my Guru retreat far from the constant gaze of media attention and the miserable snow that has ground the British people down. Rest assured that the sun is peaking over the horizon as I sip from my Guru cocktail supplied to me by my Guru aides, all the time watched over by my Guru security team.

2010 has been a difficult year for us all. We have had the horrors of debt at LSAC to deal with, the nightmare of the kit scandal and above all, the hiring of a new tea boy - Alasdair Donaldson (who doesn't have time to read that fantastic Lufbra Echo) . I realise now what a dreadful mistake that was - but you have to understand that he made a very good case for himself when I interviewed him and spoke glowingly about his time at school. Alas, his tea is too weak and his emails require constant correction. The whistle at sessions (rather than my grandly shouts) was the final straw for me and Alasdair and I are set for "crisis talks" if you will, early in the New Year.

Many people have asked me about why I took the executive (and extraordinary) decision to scrap the LSAC Grass Session this year. Indeed, I have a letter right here in front of me from Joanna Lumley (she of Gurkha fame) demanding to know why "the little people" of the grass have been treated "so very badly". Well the truth is that I worked out that getting rid of the grass session was the best possible way of annoying David Howe and so went ahead with it. I must say the results have been very pleasing indeed!

To close off LSAC affairs, I turn my attention to Director Dakin who has continued in his capacity as Director of Coaching. There has been some debate over whether Director Dakin is my superior or not. This is a ridiculous and futile discussion. How can a mere 'coach' outrank a Guru? Just because Director Dakin has a big plush office that is separate from the rest of the team, you all think that he is the number one around here. Nonsense. I chose to be in the open plan area because I am confident in my position. I do not need that status of a personal office to make me feel adequate. It is a great shame that Director Dakin is so petulant about this and we are all getting sick of his hissy fits and door slamming pantomimes. The truth is that he is jealous of my Guru status, but it was not me who failed his Fellowship of the Royal College of Gurus entrance exams now was it? I aced mine years ago and he simply lacks the experience. In all honesty, he shouldn't really be a director at all and we only gave him that to stop his whining all the time.

On the UK Athletics front, we have seen unprecedented success this year. I have just had the pleasure of spending some time with successful contestants in the "Race to Portugal" competition that was UKA's initiative to select the team for the European Cross Country Championships. It was such a shame that I had to push Andy Vernon and James Wilkinson off the cliff because the disappointed me so. Only joking! That would be a direct breach of the Guru Handbook, Section 22, Paragraph 6: "Never, under any circumstances, intentionally push, throw or in any way encourage an athlete - underachiever or otherwise - to fall from a cliff".

In all seriousness, it has been quite a year. So good to see that Chirs Thompson and Mo Farah have made up after that pathetic spat over Mo stealing from Chris. It was a real shame that Chris had to bring that up in the middle of a live BBC interview with Godfather Inverdale, but I am afraid that it only demonstrative of 'Thommo's' lack of class. Of course, I have been single handedly responsible for the turn around in Distance Running success this year and so I think we should all collectively (and metaphorically) pat me on the back: WELL DONE MR GURU, SIR! I can't wait to watch the World Championships in Berlin again (Seoul will probably be called off because I am about to declare war on South Korea on behalf of my Northern comrades), but I will be personally ensuring that Alasdair tears up that horrid blue track.

Here's to yet more success in 2011, and to hoping that I finally get Charles Van Commenee's job that I richly deserve!

Warmest Regards to you all (you certainly need them!)

NJoy!

Guru George Gandy FRCG

SPORTS AWARD SHOW OR X FACTOR? HARD TO TELL

2010-12-19T21:02:00.003Z

"It's been an incredible year" said a breathless Sue Barker at the start of the two-hour broadcast marathon that is the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year. Clearly not "incredible" enough for some, as the schedulers daren't go up against ITV's X Factor and as such we find it here - delayed by two weeks and conveniently right before the finale of the Beeb's most successful show The Apprentice. Given the new obsession with sob story over sporting substance (where was Mo Farah on the short-list?) some of the VTs for the individual contenders would have been more at home on Simon Cowell's ratings monopoliser.

And so as we went through the short-list, the viewing public were told about Tom Daley's sick father, AP McCoy's injuries and falls (which can't come as surprise to a jump jockey), Jessica Ennis' "heartbreak" at missing the Olympics (2 years ago) and Mark Cavendish's dreadful crash earlier in the year. David Haye clearly decided that beating people up was never going to win the public's adoration and as such steered clear, citing a bout of flu. Ironic that the Heavyweight Champion of the World can "make hay" of anyone but cannot handle the icy weather.

But in this supposed year of "incredible" sporting achievement, where was surely one of the most incredible achievers of the lot? Mo Farah has this year broken the men's 5,000m British Record and won two European titles. Let us compare that to Phil 'the Power' Taylor who has seemingly just thrown some darts at a wall with a particular degree of accuracy. To suggest that the public decide this award is a fallacy - in reality a room full of sporting journalists and producers sit down and discuss who will make the best telly. Unfortunately for Mo, his passage has been a little bit heartbreak free and getting married means that his private life is far too happy to warrant inclusion.

But that is just the problem with SPOTY now. The real sporting achievements get overlooked owing to a lack of understanding of what the sport is all about or because the athlete focusses more on the sport than on working on their persona. And so in an excruciating exchange between the evergreen Gary Liniker and Mark Cavendish, jug ears seemed more interested in the sprint king's chess credentials than his cycling ones. Of course, that conveniently teed up the Walkers Crisps man to wonder whether Cavendish will get "check mate" tonight. All richly comic.

The same can be said of Amy Williams (you know, the Winter Olympics girl) who whilst others had solid sporting backers, was oddly supported by er, Jeremy Clarkson. Now surely there was a British speaking bob-sleigher out there who could have added some weight to this pathetic link? It did leave the door open for Sue Barker to comment that Jeremy Clarkson is "a difficult man to impress". Wow, able to win Olympic Gold AND impress Jezzer - surely worth a vote.

In the end, it was nice to see AP McCoy recognised for falling off a horse a lot. Good night too for David Beckham (lifetime achievement award) who added a little glitz to the evening - as if it needed any - but left many wondering how he finds time to play football these days. Tom Daley was consoled on missing out on the grown up award by a third victory as the Young Sports Personality of the Year - although how he managed to outbid the double World Junior Champion and seemingly unbeatable Jodie Williams is beyond anyone. It would, perhaps, have been nice to see Daley and Williams engage in a sing off and Cavendish go for a dance off with Jess Ennis. Just as long as it wasn't a 'sport off' - that doesn't seem to matter any more.

ALL CROSS COUNTRY EVENTS CANCELLED: UKA

2010-12-18T22:06:00.000Z

All Cross Country events for the rest of the season have been cancelled because of the snow. UK Athletics released a brief statement this evening blaming Dwain Chambers for the extraordinary action and advising all race organisers against flouting the regulation. The spokesman did not rule out banning the sport all together "in the interests of everyone" but said that the governing body would "make every effort" to run some semblance of a calender next season. The news comes as the majority of Western European governing bodies take similar action, with USA Track and Field holding a crisis meeting early next week. The World Cross - set to take place in Spain next year - has already been axed.

LORD GURU GANDY SET TO NAME APPRENTICE

2010-12-17T17:33:00.001Z

The climax of "the job interview from hell" is to be reached this weekend as the Guru reveals the chosen one - and winner of a three figure salary - from the two remaining candidates. Alasdair Donaldson and David Howe have beaten off the competition of thousands and a twelve month selection process in order to go head to head in the final. Donaldson - who does not have the time to read this blog - has five times been in the firing line and has the poorer record of the two. Canadian Howe, meanwhile, only came unstuck in the Craig Mottram task when his athlete was nearly lapped by the Australian.

"Alasdair has shown great passion and tenacity" explained the Guru to a the BBC's One Show, "he has a lot to learn but if he was prepared to listen, I am sure we could do something with him." Donaldson has been a controversial figure from the start and was almost immediately sent packing when he project managed the disastrous Portugal task. On that occasion, he was able to convince the Guru of his "huge potential" and passed the blame on to the "virtually absent" John Nutall who was fired. The Fife man then went on to record some big wins - most notably in the Circuit Session task where he scrapped the conventional method of calling out time every 30 seconds for an automated watch and then again in the Emailing task, where he sent all of the Guru's emails out in the quickest time.

"David is more a safe pair of hands" said the Guru of Howe "he has been round the block a few times, but I am concerned about his maverick tendencies." Howe was lucky to escape in Portugal after his team recorded a narrow victory. However, the Middle Saturday task led to him being heavily criticised by Ian Anholm - one of his Lordship's aides - for spiking the drink of one his athletes in a bid to help him relax. Howe shone in the Winter Session task when he "rolled the dice" in opting to go ahead with a grass session despite explicit instructions to do otherwise. Howe was also praised for a "spark of brilliance" when opting to ignore the fact that one of his athletes had tripped and fallen in a 1500m race. Calling it "a moment of true intuition" the Guru immediately put the Canadian through to the latter stages much to the ire of Bill Foster, with whom Howe has regularly clashed. Foster was fired after the Easy Run task went wrong and some of his athletes were spotted running sub-5 minute miles - something that Foster claims was "David's idea".

The final task sees the two finalists really put through their paces as they both pitch to the Guru their ideas for his 'Office Expansion Project.' The winner will be rewarded with a seat in the corner of the new office and the dream opportunity of making Lord Gandy's tea.

CHRISTMAS 'LIKELY TO BE CANCELLED': SANTA CLAUSE

2010-12-16T17:49:00.001Z

Lapland have confirmed that they are "seriously considering" cancelling Christmas in the UK, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. It is understood that a "growing concern" over treacherous snow and ice has forced Santa to question whether it is will be possible to make his rounds this year. Last year, the 134 year-old was treated for minor abrasions after losing control of his sleigh at over 1,000,000,000 miles per hour and it is understood that he does not want to take the same "insane risk" again this year. "It is with great regret that we must announce that Christmas could be delayed to the new year" said a red faced elf "we are looking into organising something in June when the weather is more conducive to delivering gifts on a mass scale."

The move has been heavily criticised by many, with some calling for the immediate resignation of Father Christmas. "It is absolutely outrageous" thundered a spokesperson for the Easter Bunny "you'd never get our organisation cancelling a major event because of a bit of snow. We have a responsibility to everyone." Whilst Lapland chiefs desperately try to thrash out some form of "contract agreement" with DHL, others have offered some defence of the organisation. "It is an impossible situation" said the health and safety officer for the Tooth Fairy "we all know that Santa has a very large workload and these conditions are unprecedented. I don't think any of us would want a tragic accident."

This is not the first time Santa has hit controversy. In 2006, he was cleared by the Court of Appeal of driving whilst under the influence of alcohol after his legal team argued that reindeer do not count as motorised vehicles. And back in 2004 he nearly caused a major incident at Heathrow Airport after forgetting to get Air Traffic Control clearance before making deliveries in Hounslow.

EMERY 'FED UP' WITH LOUGHBOROUGH REGIME

2010-12-14T21:59:00.002Z

Stephen Emery could be on the brink of a shock move to Birmingham after telling his advisers not to enter into discussions about the renewal of his contract at Loughborough. The 3:48 1500m man is said to be "very upset" after not receiving a personal email of congratulations from Guru George Gandy after his recent Birmingham League success and has always had a soft spot for the velvet tongued Bud Buldaro. The Lufbra Echo also understands that Emery is still furious about the new arrangements surrounding physio vouchers that have been introduced by a rampaging Ian Anholm. The Director of Administrative Affairs (Upstairs Office) has limited all athletes to just five vouchers per term and Emery has slammed this decision as "unreasonable" and is rumoured to have left a "stroppy note" on Anholm's car windscreen.

"Stephen is tired at the moment" sighed a seemingly unconcerned George Gandy from his weekly press conference "I am sure that this is the hours of stretching are taking their toll and in the new year he will be refreshed and ready to commit his future to us." The fact that a possible Emery defection is headline news only serves to underline how far the unfancied engineer has come in the past eighteen months. Written off by many, Emery was criticised for his "handlebars" by assistant coach David Howe just over a year ago and was on the brink of being "moved on" from the club after a dismal summer campaign in 2009. Since then, the Coventry Godiva man has become a linchpin in Gandy's squad and however much LSAC protest otherwise, his loss would be catastrophic in the run up to the BUCS Cross Country Championships.

An Emery spokesman was keen to play down the rumours this evening and was instead focussing on the "ludicrous" decision by Pete Matthews to grow a pony tail for the aforementioned BUCS. "If anything it is Mr Matthews that is forcing Stephen to consider his position" said the source "living with him is an awful experience and I think anyone would get fed up of hearing about how he once medalled at the U6 National Cross Relays every single day".

Matthews is said to be growing the pony tail for "attention seeking purposes".

EUROPEAN BORN ATHLETE WINS EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP SCANDAL

2010-12-12T15:26:00.001Z

European Athletics are tonight launching an investigation into the "farcical scenes" that marred today's European Cross Country Championships. In what senior officials have branded "a deeply sad and shocking day", not one but three athletes of European birth scooped an individual title. "What's the point of these competitions if non-Europeans can't come and dominate?" thundered a senior aide to the President "it is a complete nonsense. We will be looking into this and believe that it is likely to be the fault of the British."

A UKA spokesman dismissed the accusations as "hysterical" and "made in the heat of the moment" but did concede that the Championships were "effectively a waste of time" after Charlotte Purdue stormed to victory in the Junior Women's race. "That set the tone for a hugely embarrassing day" said the official "with Augusto [the Portuguese female] also winning a title, it is a dark day for this event and then Lebid crowned a proper disaster." Going on to state that "if anyone was to blame then Dwain Chambers was likely to be at fault" the source said that UKA would be "fully compliant" with any investigation.

A bad day got worse for the Spanish as the vast majority of their team suddenly had "pressing personal matters" to attend to back in Madrid. A well placed insider at the Spanish federation mused on "what the point of importing a load of African runners was if they weren't allowed to race".

NEWS ROUND UP

2010-12-08T21:07:00.003Z

RADCLIFFE MAY RUN IN RACE SHOCK
Paula Radcliffe is "considering" competing in a race, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The news has left many in the athletics world reeling from the shock with many scratching their heads trying to remember the last time she raced. "This is crazy" said one senior UKA source, "everyone knows that Paula is the best trainer in the world. Can she convert that into racing? I'm not sure." It is thought that the Monaco based star is targeting "at least one" race within the next year and whilst there are no guarantees that an appropriate contractual arrangement can be agreed, some say that a thrilling sequel could be seen in 2012.

GANDY SHELVES TRAINING AMID ICE CHAOS
George Gandy was forced to cancel organised training at Loughborough this week after his apprentice was unable to blow dry the track to safety. The Guru was left with no alternative but to make the "self operate" call despite nearly three hours of back breaking work from Alasdair Donaldson - who does not have time to read this site. Donaldson borrowed the hair dryer from great man himself and conceded that this was "probably not the best decision". David Howe, meanwhile, risked the wrath of the authorities by continuing to run his unsanctioned grass session. It is understood that the Canadian will be asked to explain himself in the coming months having repeatedly ignored a Guru Order on the matter.

The snow and ice has always been said to bring out the worst in Loughborough athletes and this year's crop did not disappoint. Leicestershire Police were despatched to attend to a distress call from Frank Baddick who had attempted to complete a training session on the icy Loughborough canal. The unwitting Baddick had fallen through the ice "half way through the fifth rep" after thinking it safer to train on there "rather than running the risk of turning an ankle" elsewhere. Calling the session "irresponsible" a spokesman for the Police confirmed that the 1500m star will make a full recovery.

OHURUOGU 'FORGETS' TO PAY FOR PETROL
Dappy 400m Olympic Champion, Christine Ohuruogu has been handed a £400 fine by the Metropolitan Police after failing to pay for petrol for the third time in 18 months. The quarter mile ace slammed the "ridiculously unworkable" system of payment at her local Esso Garage and pleaded that it had "completely slipped her mind" to pay for the fuel. "I fill up with petrol and am just focussed on getting back on the road" explained an unapologetic Ohuruogu, "there was no malice in the action and this fine is completely disproportionate." This is not the first time Ohuruogo's forgetful nature has got her into trouble. Earlier this year, the Londoner was fined after failing to put her recycling out for collection and she has been warned that any future misdemeanours could be dealt with "very severely".

ECHO CRITIC, THE HYPOCRITE?
"It's not funny....it's just weird" was one of the Echo's favourite detractors damning assessment of the hard hitting journalism we produce. Said critic was seething when an unwitting sub-editor (now retired) dared to lift a picture from his Facebook wall and use it in an article about Big Brother. Lack of respect and all that was the thunderous cry! Well, said individual should know all about respect given that his current Facebook profile picture shows him openly mocking world famous physicist, Stephen Hawking. This blog may not be funny, but we are not quite sure how a terminal illness is.

McLEOD PERFORMS WELL, EIGHTLANE OUTRAGED

2010-12-05T17:24:00.000Z

Posters on the newly reincarnated running forum for simpletons Eightlane have been quick to express their dismay at the inclusion of Ryan McLeod in the team for the European Cross Country Championships next weekend.

"The non selection of Lee Carey is a disgrace" thundered one 'BRITS ABROAD' whilst 'i'm with jim [sic]' agreed with the sentiment before turning on the unwitting McLeod: "i will tell you what is even more disappointing [sic]" frothed the enraged opportunist, "mcleod coming 6th. paid trips to france and kenya znd that's what we get in return [sic]". Sensing a case of the green-eyed monster, several offered a defence of McLeod - who notched up his best ever performance at the Liverpool trial race - only to be batted down by 'the three degrees'. "look i like him [sic]" was his/her/it's reasoned opening, "but i don't think we are getting value for money for sending people over there [to Kenya presumably]." Oh dear, it seems as though Mr/Mrs Three Degrees forgot to get his/her application in for the altitude training in time. Clearly forgetting his claim of liking McLeod, the courageously anonymous poster continued: "he has had money thrown at him all of his life. what has carey asked for? the chance to do his exams and fly in to a race is not a lot to ask [sic]." Well, we could point out that Lee Carey is on a full scholarship in the States and that UKA make it clear that athletes have to be back in the UK the week before the Championships (to which Carey could not comply), but one should never let facts get in the way of a good story.

Coincidently, Eightlane is the very same forum that has got itself into a hysterical fit twice in the past twelve months over the non-selection of athletes who finished in the top six places at the supposed trial race. In one bizarre instance, the centre-piece of a presumably ill-fated 'LOVE ATHLETICS, HATE UKA' campaign was an open letter calling for greater transparency in selection. Now what could be more transparent than selecting the top six finishers of a trial I wonder?

WARBURTON LEFT RED FACED BY MINCE PIE GAFFE

2010-12-04T19:25:00.000Z

Chris Warburton has been forced into an embarrassing apology after mistakenly making mince pies with beef mince meat. The 1500m star was throwing a festive party for his Loughborough pals and had been "up all night" finalising the arrangements. However, things went drastically wrong when several of the guests dashed to the lavatories after sampling some of the mince pies. One insider labelled the food "absolutely foul" and the Notts AC man himself has conceded that his cooking skills "require development".

Warburton - who is best known for baking bread - is rumoured to be "devastated" by the error. Apparently "throwing the cook book away", he was desperate to prove that he was cut out to throw a memorable party. Sadly the event aimed at celebrating the continuation of the Warburton dynasty at Loughborough, will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. "I only hope this hasn't ruined my European Cross preparations" thundered a furious Ryan McLeod "how can anyone make that sort of mistake? I've got an iPhone app for that sort of thing."

A Warburton spokesman was keen to play down the incident this evening, stating that "it was all forgotten now." The star's official website thanked fans for "all their support" and went on to dismiss rumours that the 3:39 man had compounded his mince pie foul up by preparing a cheesecake with cheddar.

REVEALED: BUCS IN VOTE SELLING SCANDAL

2010-12-02T18:37:00.000Z

A scandal that looks set to shake British University sport to its foundations can be revealed today. The bidding process to host the Cross Country Championships is one of the most hotly contested votes in world sport and the delegates who vote on who has the right to host them are open to bribery, an investigation by the Lufbra Echo has found. This news comes days after Birmingham University chiefs were forced to deny accusations that they offered a free night's accommodation at a local Travelodge to one of the BUCS Vice Presidents in order to land the event in February of 2011.

And now the whole process for choosing the hosts of the 2012 event has been plunged into chaos. Posing as a senior member of the 'BUCS at Falmouth' campaign team, our undercover reporter offered a Parker pen to a major player on the decision panel. Dismissing the revelations as "hysterical ramblings", the BUCS Vice President for Voting Affairs strongly defended the "robust nature" of the vote. "It is ethically as sound as it gets" stormed an outraged Vice President from his Soho office "how dare this cowboy outfit come in and deliberately undermine the whole process? Who are they to do this?"

The Echo did not stop at its initial enquiries. This time posing as a representative for the Bolton Institute of Higher Education bid team, our reporter offered one decision maker a Smarties McFlurry in order to gain his backing for the campaign. The delegate then directed us to the Chief of London Operations - who is believed to able to deliver three votes (South London, North London and South East England) - and he agreed to provide "full backing" in exchange for a pair of Wellington boots.

Insiders at BUCS have indicated that all plans for a vote later this month have been shelved, with some speculating that the event will default back to Scotland as it did after the scandal that was the Aberdeen snow race. "These stories - and that is all they are at this stage - have changed everything" said the senior source "it even brings into dispute the Birmingham bid. Scotland could be hosting BUCS Cross for years to come".

OLYMPIC GAMES TO BE CANCELLED DUE TO SNOW: EXCLUSIVE

2010-12-01T22:27:00.001Z

The 2012 Olympic Games are set to be cancelled due to snow and ice, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. Tonight, Lord Sebastian Coe KBE is locked in talks with London Council chiefs who have axed the Games over "legitimate and serious safety concerns." Stratford Borough Council - who were alleged to have fined Christine Ohuruogu over a litter infraction earlier this year - have said that they were left with "no choice" but to revoke the licence for the event "in the interests of athletes and spectators alike".

"It is something we have agonised over" said a senior spokesman "but in truth, we simply cannot guarantee that this snow will not occur in 2012". It is believed that there are fears that similar scenes to those witnessed all over the country this evening will be repeated at the Olympics. Athletes have been forced indoors across the nation by the adverse weather, with Loughborough's 800m squad being forced to do laps of George Gandy's office in a dramatic bid to avoid getting cold. "Just imagine if we had to move the Javelin indoors," continued the Counsellor "it would be even more dangerous than doing it on the ice."

Lord Coe KBE has slammed the Council's decision, calling it "the most outrageous case of anal retentiveness in the history of mankind." The Baron went on to state that the team were looking at alternatives that included shifting the whole operation to one of the Channel Islands. The Right Honourable Gentleman has a vested interest in ensuring that the Games go ahead as he stands to gain a £10m bonus on successful completion. "I am paid on results" thundered his Lordship "and these working class nobodies are about to take food out of my children's mouths".

EIGHTLANE FACES WINDING UP ORDER

2010-11-28T19:37:00.001Z

END OF THE TRACK: The error message shown to loyal Eightlaners this evening

Popular running forum, Eightlane has been handed a winding up order by the HMRC, the Lufbra Echo understands. In what is sure to go down as one of the saddest days in the history of the sport, the website was shut down after tax bills totalling in excess of £5m were left unpaid. A spokesperson for the forum this evening said that he "had every hope" that the site could be back on its feet under new ownership in the coming weeks.

Today's news comes just days after Eightlane was forced to pay an undisclosed sum to one its employees after they successfully sued over the "appalling conditions" endured by the staff. The tribunal heard how eighteen hour days were "very much the norm" and "inane and irrelevant posts about people no one had ever heard of" were making staff "borderline suicidal".

It is understood that a dramatic take over attempt by Runnerslife was foiled just hours before the court order was sent out. A RL spokesman said that the team at Eightlane were "unworkable" and as such the deal could not be finalised. "Like all these things, it came down to money" said the Welshman "we didn't see why such a large proportion of earning should be paid to an essentially bust site that relies on underachievers ranting about nonsense".

Runnerslife are, of course, not without fault in this. During the summer they infuriated Eightlane chiefs by poaching Dave Norman and were rumoured to be behind the dramatic exit of Luke Cragg. Loyal Eightlane fans have been resigned to this outcome for sometime and have called on "anybody with a conscience" to boycott the Wales based site from now on. "I think it's outrageous" said regular poster 'Interested', "just because they have their stupid blogs and stupid running vests, they have gone after and destroyed a national treasure."

MANHATTAN THANKSGIVING PARADE NEWS

2010-11-27T21:33:00.000Z

UKA CONCERN AT LIVERPOOL CONDITIONS

2010-11-26T17:45:00.001Z

UK Athletics have expressed their "horror" at the weather forecast for tomorrow's Liverpool Cross Challenge. It is understood that after last year's selection fiasco, all selectors are being forced to "actually attend" the event and as such are "mortified" at the prospect of the sub-zero temperatures expected tomorrow. "It is totally unreasonable" thundered a spokesperson for Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart "you wouldn't treat a slave like this. Ian has had to order a massive fur coat and had the UKA logo embroidered on it just to survive the cold".

The endurance team are thought to be furious at a demand from UKA chiefs that they must show an interest in "each and every event, even the senior women". It is also rumoured that the VIP lounge that has been laid on at most other events has been scrapped in the name of austerity. Insiders have expressed fears that if selectors are allowed to mingle with "normal Liverpudlians" there could be trouble. "I hear that security has been relaxed this year" said a source "it could mean that the selectors are held to account by the athletes and that could be awful". Police have already confirmed that "a number of known trouble makers" will not be permitted at Sefton Park tomorrow- Mick Woods is said to be appealing the decision.

Speaking from his holiday home in the Maldives, UKA supremo Neils De Vos was unrepentant and largely unsympathetic. "I think it is appropriate that the whole team is there. It's not all that bad and they can rally together and see it as a sort of camping trip" said De Vos. "It's just such a shame that I can't be there as I have pressing athletics related business to deal with out here".

De Vos' demands have been heavily criticised by athletics guru, George Gandy. The guru was told in no uncertain terms that it would not be acceptable to despatch his PA Alasdair Donaldson to the event and Gandy wondered "what the point of an apprentice was if you couldn't send him to do chores". "After all," he continued "you don't have a dog and bark yourself." The assistant is instead to remain in Loughborough and transcribe the results into an email ready to send out to all and sundry. Donaldson - who does not have the time to read this site - is said to be "delighted" with his assignment and aims to maintain the high standards his emails have thus far exhibited.

ROYAL WEDDING SHOCK

2010-11-24T23:46:00.000Z

LIVERPOOL COUNCIL DENY 'FLOOD' CLAIMS

2010-11-23T22:29:00.000Z

Liverpool City Council have this evening mounted a rigorous defence of accusations that they have been flooding Sefton Park ahead of the European Cross Country Trials this weekend. It is understood that the plan is designed to "get one over" the athletes who have been training in Kenya, thus opening the door for the "non-pussies" to qualify for the Championships. An insider told an investigator from the Sun newspaper how the authorities were out late at night turning fire hydrants over the course and that the practice had "gone on for years".

The reports - which have been described as "hysterical" by the Council - will come as a major blow to race organisers UKA, as they seek to recover from the "catastrophe" that was last year's event. At the time, the Governing Body launched an internal inquiry into how and why positions were allocated on photographic evidence, with the results clearly pointing the finger at Dwain Chambers. "It was all Dwain's fault" said Ian Stewart "and we have taken steps to insure that he can't sabotage yet another UKA event." UKA chiefs were forced to deny that they had "picked names out of a hat" in order to select the team for last year's Championships.

Many have called for a move away from the Sefton Park course after some athletes had to be rescued from the horrendously muddy "loop" last year. However, UKA have resisted the pressure on the grounds of their "excellent working relationship" with the Council. With tonight's revelations, there now are surely gravely serious concerns hanging over the event.

NEWS ROUND UP

2010-11-21T16:06:00.003Z

COE IN STADIUM NAMING RIDDLE

Lord Sebastian Coe KBE has lost his cool after being informed that the Olympic Stadium will not be called 'The Sebastian Newbold Coe, Baron Coe KBE is Brilliant Stadium'. It is understood that his Lordship presented the idea to fellow Olympic Chiefs last week who unanimously kicked it into touch. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo, Lord Coe said that the British Olympic Association were "ungrateful". "We are here because of me and I think that they should remember that" said the former 800m World Record holder "I think it is high time I got the sort of recognition that Lord Sugar gets." It is thought that Lord Coe is particularly upset that the BBC would not allow him to run his own version of Sugar's Apprentice in order to help him find a new butler. "How come someone like that [Sugar] - a commoner gets all the glamour, whilst I am here with nothing?" thundered the LOCOG Chairman, before breaking off the interview to go and shout at an architect "because he could".

BRENDAN FOSTER MAY QUIT BBC OVER CAKE ROW

Brendan Foster, for so long the voice of British athletics coverage, has handed the Beeb an ultimatum over cake, the Lufbra Echo understands. It is thought that Foster, who retired from running some years ago, is furious after he was told that only three types of cake would be provided at major athletics events from now on. An insider has told of how Mr Foster was "horrified" by the news and would "struggle to cope" with remaining awake for the entirety of the London Marathon without "at least ten" cakes on the go at once. "How would you feel if you were handed a 70% real terms pay cut?" asked a Foster representative "it's not his fault that the BBC have run out of money." The BBC declined to comment on the record this evening, but a source close to Beeb chiefs revealed that "they couldn't care less" if Foster leaves.

ROYAL COUPLE TO MARRY

Prince Robert Whittle of Loughborough has announced his engagement to Laura Kenny. It is understood that the Prince, second in line to the thrown currently occupied by King Guru Gandy III, proposed to Miss Kenny during a training run in the Outwoods and they will be married later this year. Cross Country Captain, Ben Snowball hailed a "wonderful day" for Loughborough and hoped that it would take everyone's mind of the continuing dismal showing at recent cross country events. Miss Kenny will become the Princess of Shepshed after the marriage and has said that she is "one hundred percent committed" to continuing with her career despite the change in circumstances.

HOWE ATHLETE RUNS PB SHOCK

An athlete coached by David Howe has run a personal best, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The result, which is believed to have come over 10km, has left many in the sport shocked. "This is absolutely crazy news" said one spectator, "it is going to turn the athletics world upside down." It is understood that the runner, who has asked not to be named, has engaged in some "solid" training over recent months and that is how the performance is being explained. An insider at Loughborough this evening dismissed the news as a "blip" and remained confident that normal service would soon be restored.

ECHO CHIEFS FUMING OVER 'SPOOF' SLUR

2010-11-17T19:10:00.000Z

The Lufbra Echo is today fighting allegations that it is nothing more than a "fun spoof website". The reports on spikesmag.com have left the management in a desperate struggle to claw back some credibility and could yet spell the end for "the greatest website ever to grace the internet" (Sunday Times). "This is the most outrageous libel I have ever seen" thundered a senior source, "how dare they suggest that our work is anything other than hard hitting journalistic investigation?" The Echo was given one of the most prestigious awards in journalism last month, and insiders have accused Spikes Mag of jealousy. "The fact is that they will never have the following that we have" continued our source "they have printed this garbage in order to attract headlines, but all they are going to attract is legal action."

The Chief Executive was too upset to comment this evening, but did promise to fight the accusations "with all his heart" and dismissed speculation that he had authorised the article as a publicity stunt. A spokesman for the £4m man said that the entire team was "standing by their man" at this difficult time. "We have broken some huge stories," said the Senior Press Secretary (UK & North West Europe) "and if our rivals can't deal with that, then they should get out and do some investigating." The Echo has not been without its detractors in recent months, and rumours are circulating that they were forced to make a "sizeable payout" to the BBC's John Inverdale after a senior staffer was heard to crticise the Godfather's presenting style. It is understood that both parties signed a binding confidentiality agreement and the Echo's top man was forced into a grovelling apology.

"This is a setback we could all do without" said our insider of the Spikes article, "it has been a really rough few months for the top brass as we rolled out in Korea and have had various fights on our hands. However, we will put a stop to this nonsense and if we have to go to Court then so be it." The source would not be drawn on whether a pay-wall akin to that employed by News International would have to be looked at for the Echo, but with advertising revenue down 12% (to £834,000) last month the light at the end of the tunnel may well have to be switched off to save the energy.

The Echo has been responsible for some of the most shameful antics in the sport being exposed. Its first major scoop came when Ryan McLeod and Nick McCormick were caught breaking UKA's £40,000 Alter-G Treadmill and the site went on to win high praise for its all-encompassing coverage of Loughborough's Warm Weather trip to Portugal. It is often the first port of call for whistle blowers keen to put a stop to corruption in the sport and in the summer, the European Court of Human Rights praised the Echo for its "tremendous bravery" in reporting the tyranny of Charles Van Commenee at UKA. It can only be hoped that similar support is forthcoming during the latest woe to beset this plucky outfit.

SPINELESS SEAWARD STOPPED IN THIRD MILE OF GROUP TEMPO

2010-11-16T19:54:00.000Z

Kevin Seaward's "career defining" challenge to become the new Heavyweight Champion of Loughborough Tempo Runs disintegrated into a whimper as the Irishman was forced to turn back just three miles into the race. Seaward - who claims to be in the shape of his life - never even made it to campus to meet the bulk of the group yesterday evening and was unable to live up to pre-event hype. Speaking on BBC Radio Five Live just last week, he spoke confidently of being able to "end the careers" of others in the group. "What does [Chris] Warburton have? I mean really?" said Seaward "his family think they rule to roost at Loughborough, well I will be putting an end to the dynasty. Chris will be on the bread line when I'm through with him."

Unfortunately despite much bloviating about "some of the best sessions the world has ever seen", the former International was clearly in trouble from the outset. Immediately coming under pressure from some of the girls, Seaward's form started to slip, ultimately resulting in the race referee having to order him back home just 15 minutes into the contest. Speaking after the event, Seaward said that he felt the race had been ended "prematurely" but did concede that he probably "wasn't in the right place" to mount a significant challenge to the group. "I have to think about where I go from here," a shell-shocked Seaward told Five Live "my body just wouldn't play." UK Athletics would not speculate on reports that the Irishman would have part of his race purse withheld after such a dismal showing, but they did confirm that they were satisfied that the problem gambler had not deliberately thrown the race.

Meanwhile, it was a welcome surprise to see Pete Matthews doing a little running rather than talking about how he had "achieved more in the sport than Mo Farah" and Gary Bradbury seemed at ease after his well documented contractual problems. Whilst it remains to be seen how difficult a winter the African Violets will have under new captain Ben Snowball, there is optimism that Alasdair Donaldson's ludicrous decision to scrap the Tuesday night grass session will not lead to the all out mutiny many predicted. An insider told the Echo that there was "significant unrest" at the move, but many were "getting their heads down" for the good of the club. It is not believed that underground and unsanctioned grass sessions are as widespread as first feared, but our source did reveal that David Howe was under investigation by the club's Directorate of Non-compliance (DON) and that the findings would be published "in the new year".