Alasdair Donaldson will meet with the arriving George Gandy and David Howe in Portugal this evening to explain why yesterday’s evening session was branded “a fiasco” by several of Loughborough’s top athletes. Matt Sullivan is said to be fuming after a “lesser athlete” got in his way forcing him to step out into oncoming traffic during a hill repetition. Chris Warburton is also upset with Donaldson after he claimed a bias in the way the UKA man was encouraging the athletes, “he was clearly cheering for Ricky [Soos] a lot more than people like me, that’s just not on.” It is also said that Gary Bradbury threatened to fly home when members of the 5k group “blocked off” the Woking star during his final 600m effort. Speaking via Skype to the Lufbra Echo, Bradbury told of having to “grimace” when going round the hapless endurance athletes. “Everyone knows that in order to maintain my relaxed attitude I have to never look in any pain. Yesterday night I had to and it is all his [Donaldson’s] fault.”
Gandy is unlikely to be impressed with his deputy, who also upset Danni Christmas earlier this month, and there is much debate over whether the Scot will be allowed to remain at the camp after yet another blunder. Gandy was quick to dispel rumours of “negligence” on the part of Donaldson as he left Gatwick this morning. Claims surfaced in this morning’s Portuguese papers that he had “gone to bed” instead of waiting up for a group of late-arriving athletes. The Espinho carried pictures of an enraged Stephen Emery, complete with trendy new highlights, banging on various villa doors in a quest to locate the illusive Scot. “That was a misunderstanding,” explained Gandy to a pack of journalists at Gatwick airport, “I will be having a discussion with Alasdair later to get his take on how things are going.” Loughborough’s director would not be drawn on whether he had to have last ditch talks with Bradbury late last night to prevent him (and therefore presumably Matt Sullivan) from ordering a third ice cream. “I always maintain a dialogue with my athletes and nothing will change that,” said the guru before being led to a waiting UKA-chartered jet, “everything will get sorted when I arrive- it’ll be great.”
Sullivan, meanwhile, was less eager to play down the incidents at last night’s session. Speaking exclusively to our man in Portugal, the 3:55 athlete fumed about how his training was being “utterly ruined by a bunch of nobodies.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star also questioned the selection policy for the training camp, “I look around here and I don’t recognise half the group. Why are they here? Why are they bothering to run?” His comments are unlikely to sit well with the Loughborough and UKA hierarchy who are all keen to maintain a “unified approach” to endurance performance. Speaking from his personal yacht in the Maldives, Ian Stewart enthused about the “largest group of endurance athletes ever” to be gathered in one place. “This is what we need. Everyone training together and everyone getting on.” The Endurance chief added that he was “certainly not” being frozen out by UKA and that it was “entirely [his] choice” not to attend the camp.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
Monday, 29 March 2010
NEWS FLASH: MATTHEWS EGO DELAYS EASYJET FLIGHT
Breaking News from Portugal: An Easyjet flight has been delayed "for some hours" by Pete Matthews' ego. A spokesman for the no-frills carrier confirmed that crew struggled to get the mountain running star's ego on board the aircraft. "There are some technical glitches that are too complex to explain- this one is pure and simple- we couldn't get it [the ego] through the door." The source confirmed that the service had now left London, but would not be drawn on whether the ego was on board.
Our man in Faro airport (who flew with British Airways) told us via ISDN connection that there was a "growing tension" at the holiday destination. "Hundreds of passengers are waiting to get on board that very aircraft to fly back to London. They are not at all happy at this development and staff are threatening to change their orange uniforms so as not to clash with Matthews' hair".
More as soon as we get it.
Our man in Faro airport (who flew with British Airways) told us via ISDN connection that there was a "growing tension" at the holiday destination. "Hundreds of passengers are waiting to get on board that very aircraft to fly back to London. They are not at all happy at this development and staff are threatening to change their orange uniforms so as not to clash with Matthews' hair".
More as soon as we get it.
NEWS ROUND-UP
LOUGHBOROUGH ELITE ARRIVE SAFELY IN PORTUGAL DESPITE PRIVACY SCARE
Loughborough’s top athletes have landed in Portugal and are “ready to commence a tough period of training” according to insiders. This comes as plans for the trip were thrown into chaos late on Sunday evening after security officials spotted St. Mary’s and Birmingham spies in the area where George Gandy’s athletes are due to train. Our source went on, “it was all off at one stage. George said that he would not tolerate any intrusion whatsoever. Our team spotted a Birmingham lecturer strolling around the track....it seems that Mick Woods came himself.” As a result of the breach, significant restrictions are set to be placed on coverage of the training camp. “All rooms will be swept for bugs twice a day,” confirmed Loughborough’s Director of Security, “and the media will only be permitted to speak to our guys in the presence of a member of staff.” Gandy, who is not to join his group until Wednesday, was keen to play down the incident. Speaking from a press conference, the guru said “to be honest I am just relieved that Ryan McLeod didn’t lose his passport this time. Everything’s set for some good work.”
ECHO SECURES EXCLUSIVE PORTUGAL DEAL
The Lufbra Echo is delighted to announce that it will have exclusive access to the Loughborough training camp in Portugal this Easter. Despite a tightening in security (which resulted in the BBC being barred), we have negotiated unprecedented access to the African Violets ahead of their pivotal track campaign. The Echo’s Chief Executive (who always remains nameless) said that he was “thrilled” by the deal. “Earlier this month, we announced some coverage of the camp, but this goes further than ever before. It is a very exciting time to be an Echo reader!” Whilst nothing is confirmed yet, it is rumoured that readers can look forward to exclusive interviews with stars such as Pete Matthews, Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod. Despite losing out to bitter rival, the Liverpool Echo for the principle “Northern Package”, we are pleased to announce that we have first refusal on scraps surrounding the “Liverpool lads” track preparation. Our chief explained, “the alliance with Adam Peers is really paying off now. We hope to be able to bring snippets such as Johnny Mellor’s vest choice, as well as a look at what spikes he will be wearing this season!”
COE IN WEATHER PLEDGE
Lord Sebastian Coe will be banning bad weather at the London 2012 Olympic Games. The Chairman of LOCOG announced the developments after “extensive talks with the relevant authorities”. “This is fantastic news” enthused the former 800m World Record holder, “by making rain and snow illegal it will guarantee the success of important events such as the beach volleyball....it is of vital importance that that goes ahead as planned.” Opponents of the scheme have argued that Coe has not gone far enough. “Sure, this will bring an end to rain and snow- but it does nothing to prevent the possibility of grey and overcast days,” said Steve Ovett, “London looks rubbish then and we will gain nothing. And what if it’s cold? Then the beach volleyball girls will have to cover up and then the whole Games might as well be cancelled.” Lord Coe did not reveal how he was able to succeed where others (such as the organisers of Wimbledon) have failed, but did concede that it was “very unlikely” that similar deal would be available for the Paralympics.
YELLING BLAMES ‘UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS’ FOR WORLD CROSS DISASTER
Hayley Yelling, the European Cross Country Champion, has blamed her remarkably poor performance at the World Cross Country Championships on a group of Year 11 pupils. The Maths teacher, who was the last Brit home, said that she was “really quite shocked” at her charges’ lack of ability with numbers. “Pythagoras Theorem is a no go area and basic algebra completely throws them.” Yelling said that she received a threat from her head teacher is the blundering students did not pick up their act. “He said that the school had a proud reputation and that Year 11 Set Z was completely ruining it....it was on my mind the whole race weekend.”
Loughborough’s top athletes have landed in Portugal and are “ready to commence a tough period of training” according to insiders. This comes as plans for the trip were thrown into chaos late on Sunday evening after security officials spotted St. Mary’s and Birmingham spies in the area where George Gandy’s athletes are due to train. Our source went on, “it was all off at one stage. George said that he would not tolerate any intrusion whatsoever. Our team spotted a Birmingham lecturer strolling around the track....it seems that Mick Woods came himself.” As a result of the breach, significant restrictions are set to be placed on coverage of the training camp. “All rooms will be swept for bugs twice a day,” confirmed Loughborough’s Director of Security, “and the media will only be permitted to speak to our guys in the presence of a member of staff.” Gandy, who is not to join his group until Wednesday, was keen to play down the incident. Speaking from a press conference, the guru said “to be honest I am just relieved that Ryan McLeod didn’t lose his passport this time. Everything’s set for some good work.”
ECHO SECURES EXCLUSIVE PORTUGAL DEAL
The Lufbra Echo is delighted to announce that it will have exclusive access to the Loughborough training camp in Portugal this Easter. Despite a tightening in security (which resulted in the BBC being barred), we have negotiated unprecedented access to the African Violets ahead of their pivotal track campaign. The Echo’s Chief Executive (who always remains nameless) said that he was “thrilled” by the deal. “Earlier this month, we announced some coverage of the camp, but this goes further than ever before. It is a very exciting time to be an Echo reader!” Whilst nothing is confirmed yet, it is rumoured that readers can look forward to exclusive interviews with stars such as Pete Matthews, Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod. Despite losing out to bitter rival, the Liverpool Echo for the principle “Northern Package”, we are pleased to announce that we have first refusal on scraps surrounding the “Liverpool lads” track preparation. Our chief explained, “the alliance with Adam Peers is really paying off now. We hope to be able to bring snippets such as Johnny Mellor’s vest choice, as well as a look at what spikes he will be wearing this season!”
COE IN WEATHER PLEDGE
Lord Sebastian Coe will be banning bad weather at the London 2012 Olympic Games. The Chairman of LOCOG announced the developments after “extensive talks with the relevant authorities”. “This is fantastic news” enthused the former 800m World Record holder, “by making rain and snow illegal it will guarantee the success of important events such as the beach volleyball....it is of vital importance that that goes ahead as planned.” Opponents of the scheme have argued that Coe has not gone far enough. “Sure, this will bring an end to rain and snow- but it does nothing to prevent the possibility of grey and overcast days,” said Steve Ovett, “London looks rubbish then and we will gain nothing. And what if it’s cold? Then the beach volleyball girls will have to cover up and then the whole Games might as well be cancelled.” Lord Coe did not reveal how he was able to succeed where others (such as the organisers of Wimbledon) have failed, but did concede that it was “very unlikely” that similar deal would be available for the Paralympics.
YELLING BLAMES ‘UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS’ FOR WORLD CROSS DISASTER
Hayley Yelling, the European Cross Country Champion, has blamed her remarkably poor performance at the World Cross Country Championships on a group of Year 11 pupils. The Maths teacher, who was the last Brit home, said that she was “really quite shocked” at her charges’ lack of ability with numbers. “Pythagoras Theorem is a no go area and basic algebra completely throws them.” Yelling said that she received a threat from her head teacher is the blundering students did not pick up their act. “He said that the school had a proud reputation and that Year 11 Set Z was completely ruining it....it was on my mind the whole race weekend.”
Sunday, 28 March 2010
BEATEN FARAH HITS OUT AT 'RIDICULOUS' HOTEL CHOICE
Mo Farah has launched an extraordinary attack on UK Athletics after finishing 21st at the IAAF World Cross Country Championships. The exhausted distance running ace told the Lufbra Echo that he had "hardly had a wink of sleep" the night before after he was forced to share a room with UKA Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart. "Whoever booked that hotel wants firing," fumed Farah from the course in Poland, "the food was absolutely shocking. I specifically asked for my steak to be rare at the pre-race meal and what did I get? It was virtually burnt. I had to send it back four times before they got it right." Farah was also critical of having to eat with "the kids" at breakfast on the morning of the race. "The Junior Men are frankly a joke. They were all texting the girls about who was going to get off with who at the post-race party. It's just not on."
The former European Champion described how he was "absolutely stunned" when they arrived at the accommodation on Friday afternoon. "I thought, 'we can't be staying at this dump.' It didn't have a sauna, jacuzzi or a turn-down service. How am I to sleep without a chocolate being placed under my pillow?" Farah said that he would be making his own arrangements when representing his country in future. "I can accept that we don't have to fly first class and I will even tolerate a four star hotel. What won't do is the fiasco that we have had here." The Somalian-born star added that he had "no intention" of staying in Bydgoszcz for the after race festivities. "I'm getting out of this hell hole as soon as I can," stormed Farah, "Ian [Stewart] snores all night when he's had a few and I just can't face watching him go through his moisturising regime again- it takes over an hour."
Farah also said that he was "seriously considering" whether UKA could be trusted to make arrangements for his forthcoming Front Romeu training trip. "To be honest, I might contact George [Gandy] and see if I can jump in with the Loughborough lads in Portugal. To run with Pete Matthews and Andrew Mariani would be such a great opportunity for someone like me."
The former European Champion described how he was "absolutely stunned" when they arrived at the accommodation on Friday afternoon. "I thought, 'we can't be staying at this dump.' It didn't have a sauna, jacuzzi or a turn-down service. How am I to sleep without a chocolate being placed under my pillow?" Farah said that he would be making his own arrangements when representing his country in future. "I can accept that we don't have to fly first class and I will even tolerate a four star hotel. What won't do is the fiasco that we have had here." The Somalian-born star added that he had "no intention" of staying in Bydgoszcz for the after race festivities. "I'm getting out of this hell hole as soon as I can," stormed Farah, "Ian [Stewart] snores all night when he's had a few and I just can't face watching him go through his moisturising regime again- it takes over an hour."
Farah also said that he was "seriously considering" whether UKA could be trusted to make arrangements for his forthcoming Front Romeu training trip. "To be honest, I might contact George [Gandy] and see if I can jump in with the Loughborough lads in Portugal. To run with Pete Matthews and Andrew Mariani would be such a great opportunity for someone like me."
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Friday, 26 March 2010
McLEOD 'SORRY' AFTER ALTER-G BLUNDER
Ryan McLeod has apologised after breaking Loughborough's Alter-G Treadmill. The machine, which costs in excess of £40,000, has been damaged beyond economical repair after the 13:58 man attempted to recreate "rainy conditions" in the lab. It is thought that he and Nick McCormick came up with the idea after bemoaning the lack of preparation that they were getting for the English summer. "The fact is," reasoned McLeod, "it will probably pour it down at the AAAs and when you're injured you never get that feel of rain on your face." McCormick explained how whilst one of them trained on the Alter-G the other threw buckets of water on the runner's head. "Sure, it wasn't ideal" said the Morpeth man, "but it is a jolly sight better than being surprised when it starts to rain for real."
The pair have maintained that they "did not know" that the treadmill was not designed for such experimentation. McLeod said, "at college, they're always telling us to use our initiative. Well I think that this is genius. If only we had known that it would break the damn treadmill." The first sign of trouble came when McCormick went from running at 50% body weight to 95% without any warning. "I was worried then," conceded the 28:57 10k man, "but Ryan said that always happened so we carried on." It was only when sparks started flying from the machine's control panel that they realised there was a serious problem. Unfortunately, McLeod's attempts to "dry out" the treadmill with a hair dryer proved futile. "That was a shame that was," sighed the Geordie, "we would have got away with it otherwise."
George Gandy, Loughborough's Director of Athletics is said to be seething at the gaffe and will deal "strongly" with the pair when he returns from the World Cross Country Championships. Gandy said that he "had not ruled out" revoking the pair's campus parking privileges. "It's a serious mistake and they both need punishing" said the guru from a Polish night-club, "if they can't be trusted with a treadmill then I don't think we can trust them with cars."
The pair have maintained that they "did not know" that the treadmill was not designed for such experimentation. McLeod said, "at college, they're always telling us to use our initiative. Well I think that this is genius. If only we had known that it would break the damn treadmill." The first sign of trouble came when McCormick went from running at 50% body weight to 95% without any warning. "I was worried then," conceded the 28:57 10k man, "but Ryan said that always happened so we carried on." It was only when sparks started flying from the machine's control panel that they realised there was a serious problem. Unfortunately, McLeod's attempts to "dry out" the treadmill with a hair dryer proved futile. "That was a shame that was," sighed the Geordie, "we would have got away with it otherwise."
George Gandy, Loughborough's Director of Athletics is said to be seething at the gaffe and will deal "strongly" with the pair when he returns from the World Cross Country Championships. Gandy said that he "had not ruled out" revoking the pair's campus parking privileges. "It's a serious mistake and they both need punishing" said the guru from a Polish night-club, "if they can't be trusted with a treadmill then I don't think we can trust them with cars."
WORLD CROSS COUNTRY CHAMPIONSHIPS PREVIEW
In line with much of the British media, the Lufbra Echo has decided not to send a whole team to Poland to cover the IAAF World Cross. Instead we have hand picked a specialist who came 48th in the National Cross in 1992- he REALLY knows his stuff. So sit back and enjoy....
Our man, Mr. A. Geing writes:
First things first, I definitely know what I am talking about. I know what you are all thinking- with the Echo being far too concerned with the upcoming Portugal trip, they have just sent a old, past it, wannabe to cover the World Champs in this Godforsaken hell hole. 'To heck with it' the management may have thought, 'if Steve Cram and Brendan Foster aren't prepared to go there then what's the point in us all going out there? Let's send that nobody instead!' Well they didn't think that. They have sent the best of the best to cover this amazing event. Top 50 in a National Champs- that's me. I know what I am doing in this arena. I am the man who made that oh so bold prediction that Usain Bolt might win the 100m AND the 200m at the Berlin World Champs. And just a fortnight ago, I stuck my neck on the line when I foresaw Mo Farah winning the Inter-Counties! I was the runner up in the North East Dunstable Minor-Sports Journalist Awards in 2003 and then again in 2005 for goodness sake!
Anyway, down to my report. I ran in to Sue Barker at the airport. She wasn't here covering the event, but rather on a "personal trip". And why shouldn't she come to Eastern Europe on a personal errand payed for by the Licence Fee? What a consummate professional and always has time for the little people. I could learn a lot from her. She came over and spoke to me of course, "don't you write for the Echo? Didn't I see you coming 48th at the National Cross in 1992?"- the usual tripe. I am used to dealing with it though- I have class. She looked well- particularly given her Sport Relief exploits. Isn't that a wonderful event? Loads of celebs heading out to the real needy places of the world and stare at all the poor people. I was asked (of course) but unfortunately the BBC were only offering Business Class travel and that just will not do. Anyway, I see this coverage as my public service for the year!
Anyway, down to my report. The Echo were so concerned that I got to my hotel safely (conveniently located a short 3 and a half hour drive from the course) that they asked me to get the train! Not only was them clearly caring as much about this great event as the BBC and UKA, it also gave me the opportunity to have a chat with Jason Henderson, editor of Athletics Weekly no less! What an ass! Totally got his head in the clouds about everything and didn't even remember MY name! Of course, he is jetting off to Portugal straight after the Champs to report on how Pete Matthews is recovering from his latest injury scare. I wouldn't want to go though. The Echo's management have asked me to cover the first North Dunstable open meet and we are expecting the 1500m 'A' race to go sub 4:20 so well worth a trip if you can make it!
Anyway, down to my report. I wonder whether their will be adequate lavatory provision at the course. I do hope so. I remember when, in 2002, I managed to win the North East Dunstable (Western Division) V40 Cross Country title, there was only one loo! Outrageous. I have a bit of a confession to make actually and this IS an exclusive- I used the bushes! I am not sure whether there are any bushes at this course. Do they even have bushes in Poland? Isn't that more an Anglo-Saxon thing? I should ask Alan Titchmarsh when I next see him- woops bit of a name drop there! Wasn't that a great show with David Cameron (or DC as I like to call him) on it? He had some really tough questions to answer but thought he looked statesman-like. Better than those BA Cabin Crew. Thank goodness I shunned the opportunity to fly Club Class with them in order to fly with Ryanair here. Of course, I had the Echo's editor on the phone begging me to fly BA- but I like Ryanair!
Anyway, down to my report. Oh wait- I seem to have hit my word limit! Oh well, quickly and based on all my extensive research since arriving here I can exclusively reveal that Bekele is the firm favourite. After that it really is any one's guess. I will try to keep you updated on my Twitter feed. Now isn't Twitter a wonderful idea? Sort of like Facebook, but more succinct. There's a funny story about that actually. I remember when I was meeting with Barrack Obama in Wash....[That will do]
THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ANYMORE FROM MR. A. GEING DEPENDING ON WHETHER WE CAN TOLERATE IT.
Our man, Mr. A. Geing writes:
First things first, I definitely know what I am talking about. I know what you are all thinking- with the Echo being far too concerned with the upcoming Portugal trip, they have just sent a old, past it, wannabe to cover the World Champs in this Godforsaken hell hole. 'To heck with it' the management may have thought, 'if Steve Cram and Brendan Foster aren't prepared to go there then what's the point in us all going out there? Let's send that nobody instead!' Well they didn't think that. They have sent the best of the best to cover this amazing event. Top 50 in a National Champs- that's me. I know what I am doing in this arena. I am the man who made that oh so bold prediction that Usain Bolt might win the 100m AND the 200m at the Berlin World Champs. And just a fortnight ago, I stuck my neck on the line when I foresaw Mo Farah winning the Inter-Counties! I was the runner up in the North East Dunstable Minor-Sports Journalist Awards in 2003 and then again in 2005 for goodness sake!
Anyway, down to my report. I ran in to Sue Barker at the airport. She wasn't here covering the event, but rather on a "personal trip". And why shouldn't she come to Eastern Europe on a personal errand payed for by the Licence Fee? What a consummate professional and always has time for the little people. I could learn a lot from her. She came over and spoke to me of course, "don't you write for the Echo? Didn't I see you coming 48th at the National Cross in 1992?"- the usual tripe. I am used to dealing with it though- I have class. She looked well- particularly given her Sport Relief exploits. Isn't that a wonderful event? Loads of celebs heading out to the real needy places of the world and stare at all the poor people. I was asked (of course) but unfortunately the BBC were only offering Business Class travel and that just will not do. Anyway, I see this coverage as my public service for the year!
Anyway, down to my report. The Echo were so concerned that I got to my hotel safely (conveniently located a short 3 and a half hour drive from the course) that they asked me to get the train! Not only was them clearly caring as much about this great event as the BBC and UKA, it also gave me the opportunity to have a chat with Jason Henderson, editor of Athletics Weekly no less! What an ass! Totally got his head in the clouds about everything and didn't even remember MY name! Of course, he is jetting off to Portugal straight after the Champs to report on how Pete Matthews is recovering from his latest injury scare. I wouldn't want to go though. The Echo's management have asked me to cover the first North Dunstable open meet and we are expecting the 1500m 'A' race to go sub 4:20 so well worth a trip if you can make it!
Anyway, down to my report. I wonder whether their will be adequate lavatory provision at the course. I do hope so. I remember when, in 2002, I managed to win the North East Dunstable (Western Division) V40 Cross Country title, there was only one loo! Outrageous. I have a bit of a confession to make actually and this IS an exclusive- I used the bushes! I am not sure whether there are any bushes at this course. Do they even have bushes in Poland? Isn't that more an Anglo-Saxon thing? I should ask Alan Titchmarsh when I next see him- woops bit of a name drop there! Wasn't that a great show with David Cameron (or DC as I like to call him) on it? He had some really tough questions to answer but thought he looked statesman-like. Better than those BA Cabin Crew. Thank goodness I shunned the opportunity to fly Club Class with them in order to fly with Ryanair here. Of course, I had the Echo's editor on the phone begging me to fly BA- but I like Ryanair!
Anyway, down to my report. Oh wait- I seem to have hit my word limit! Oh well, quickly and based on all my extensive research since arriving here I can exclusively reveal that Bekele is the firm favourite. After that it really is any one's guess. I will try to keep you updated on my Twitter feed. Now isn't Twitter a wonderful idea? Sort of like Facebook, but more succinct. There's a funny story about that actually. I remember when I was meeting with Barrack Obama in Wash....[That will do]
THERE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ANYMORE FROM MR. A. GEING DEPENDING ON WHETHER WE CAN TOLERATE IT.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
NEWS ROUND-UP
The Lufbra Echo rounds up all that has been going down in the world of athletics in the past 48 hours
WORLD CROSS COURSE TO BE ALTERED
The course at this weekend's World Cross Country Championships will be changed after African federations complained that it was "too interesting". The IAAF held a crisis meeting late last night to discuss the issue and have apologised for the blunder. "We realise now that the Africans cannot be expected to run over muddy courses," said a spokesman, "in the spirit of all previous events we will now be running the races on a flat, mud-free field that has been kept under cover for the entire winter. We would like to express our sincere apologies for the distress that we have caused Mr. Bekele and all his fellow athletes."
BOLT IN PLANE SCARE
World 100 and 200m world record holder, Usain Bolt has been hailed as a hero after he took control of a Jamaican Airlines Boeing 737 just minutes before it was about to plunge into the ocean. The sprint ace was flying home from a training trip in the US when both of the pilots reacted badly to some marijuana that they had been smoking. Bolt (who is also a qualified doctor, lawyer and all round great guy who is doing his best for the sport and we should appreciate that) strolled into the cockpit and landed the aircraft safely. A spokesman praised Bolt's bravery but also said that he showed poor sportsmanship, "he could be heard celebrating on the radio before the wheels had hit the tarmac," said the source, "and afterwards he didn't shake any one's hand- just did a strange dance."
TWELL 'GOING OFF THE RAILS': INSIDER
Stephanie Twell, the "new Paula Radcliffe" (after Emily Pidgeon but before Charlotte Purdue and Emelia Gorecka) has been seen throwing full bottles of beetroot juice out of her home, sources have revealed. It is also rumoured that the distance hope has been cooking her broccoli before eating it and not wearing her Garmin when doing tempo runs. An insider at Twell's St. Mary's base told of how coach Mick Woods was "gravely concerned". "Steph couldn't even complete her track session of 100x400m with 30 seconds recovery yesterday," he said, "and she only called Mick 8 times on Monday....it's a sorry state of affairs." These revelations come just days after Woods was left reeling by the news that Andy Vernon had eaten a sandwich with butter in it. A close friend of the fiery Aldershot coach said, "Mick is keeping his chin up and hoping his guys and girls will do the business in Poland [at the World Cross]".
ATHLETE QUITS SPORT AFTER SOMEONE 'WASN'T VERY NICE' TO HIM
A long distance runner who has asked to remain nameless has walked away from the sport because some people were critical of his training patterns. The male athlete, who ran 375 miles per week, said "it was awful- I was warming down from a race and some guy came up to me and said 'I think you might be over training'. I was so hurt that I couldn't even finish my 24 mile cool down." The promising youngster, who also claims to have excelled at rugby, football, sailing, chess, cricket, diving, swimming, darts and archery was critical of the fact that he had to pay to use his local track "like normal people". "It was outrageous," said the former star, "how dare they treat me like that. I had to pay for food as well, you know!"
'IAMLUFRBA' LAUNCHED
IAMGOINGTOGETMYSPACEBARFIXEDLATERTODAY
IAMGOINGTOSPENDMONEYBEINGPROUDOFMYUNIVERSITY
IAMNOTGOINGTOGOBACKTOHEYEWE
IAMSTILLWAITINGFORTHEKIT
IAMPRETENDINGIAMONANIKEADVERT
IAMHOPINGYOUENJOYEDREADINGMYBLOG
IAMHUNGRY
IAMGOINGINTHESHOWERNOW
IAMWISHINGYOUAGOODDAY
IAMASKINGYOUTOVISITAGAINSOON
IAMLUFBRA
WORLD CROSS COURSE TO BE ALTERED
The course at this weekend's World Cross Country Championships will be changed after African federations complained that it was "too interesting". The IAAF held a crisis meeting late last night to discuss the issue and have apologised for the blunder. "We realise now that the Africans cannot be expected to run over muddy courses," said a spokesman, "in the spirit of all previous events we will now be running the races on a flat, mud-free field that has been kept under cover for the entire winter. We would like to express our sincere apologies for the distress that we have caused Mr. Bekele and all his fellow athletes."
BOLT IN PLANE SCARE
World 100 and 200m world record holder, Usain Bolt has been hailed as a hero after he took control of a Jamaican Airlines Boeing 737 just minutes before it was about to plunge into the ocean. The sprint ace was flying home from a training trip in the US when both of the pilots reacted badly to some marijuana that they had been smoking. Bolt (who is also a qualified doctor, lawyer and all round great guy who is doing his best for the sport and we should appreciate that) strolled into the cockpit and landed the aircraft safely. A spokesman praised Bolt's bravery but also said that he showed poor sportsmanship, "he could be heard celebrating on the radio before the wheels had hit the tarmac," said the source, "and afterwards he didn't shake any one's hand- just did a strange dance."
TWELL 'GOING OFF THE RAILS': INSIDER
Stephanie Twell, the "new Paula Radcliffe" (after Emily Pidgeon but before Charlotte Purdue and Emelia Gorecka) has been seen throwing full bottles of beetroot juice out of her home, sources have revealed. It is also rumoured that the distance hope has been cooking her broccoli before eating it and not wearing her Garmin when doing tempo runs. An insider at Twell's St. Mary's base told of how coach Mick Woods was "gravely concerned". "Steph couldn't even complete her track session of 100x400m with 30 seconds recovery yesterday," he said, "and she only called Mick 8 times on Monday....it's a sorry state of affairs." These revelations come just days after Woods was left reeling by the news that Andy Vernon had eaten a sandwich with butter in it. A close friend of the fiery Aldershot coach said, "Mick is keeping his chin up and hoping his guys and girls will do the business in Poland [at the World Cross]".
ATHLETE QUITS SPORT AFTER SOMEONE 'WASN'T VERY NICE' TO HIM
A long distance runner who has asked to remain nameless has walked away from the sport because some people were critical of his training patterns. The male athlete, who ran 375 miles per week, said "it was awful- I was warming down from a race and some guy came up to me and said 'I think you might be over training'. I was so hurt that I couldn't even finish my 24 mile cool down." The promising youngster, who also claims to have excelled at rugby, football, sailing, chess, cricket, diving, swimming, darts and archery was critical of the fact that he had to pay to use his local track "like normal people". "It was outrageous," said the former star, "how dare they treat me like that. I had to pay for food as well, you know!"
'IAMLUFRBA' LAUNCHED
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Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Monday, 22 March 2010
UKA SCOOP EUROPEAN GONG
UK Athletics have won the prestigious prize for the 'Worst Governing Body' at yesterday evening's European Sporting Howlers Awards. UKA, who lost out to the French Cricket Board last year, were commended for their "lack of coherent leadership and cliquey approach to selection" as well as a "complete ineptitude to finances". A spokesman for the judging panel said, "UKA have really weakened their game this year- they were close in 2009 and the judges were impressed by even more failings this year."
Accepting the award, UKA's Chief Executive Niels De Vos hailed a "wonderful day" for British sport. "This is such a shock...we really thought that Snowsport UK had it in the bag this year," he said "I would like to thank everyone at Athletics House for all their incompetence". De Vos went on to say that he would now be targeting the Global version of the award later this year- "that's where we are headed now. It's very exciting....of course we have a lot of laziness and arrogance ahead, as well as the European Championships to mess up first".
It was not all glory for the British, however. UKA's head of endurance, Ian Stewart was just beaten by the Fijian Director of Equestrian Development Wasta Spaceo, in the 'Worst Departmental Head' category. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo after the dinner Stewart said, "well obviously it's disappointing to lose out again [he was third last year], but I feel that I am really going backwards now and so there is always next year." The Scot went on, "this is a great night for UKA, but we must guard against hard work if we are to maintain our low standards."
Accepting the award, UKA's Chief Executive Niels De Vos hailed a "wonderful day" for British sport. "This is such a shock...we really thought that Snowsport UK had it in the bag this year," he said "I would like to thank everyone at Athletics House for all their incompetence". De Vos went on to say that he would now be targeting the Global version of the award later this year- "that's where we are headed now. It's very exciting....of course we have a lot of laziness and arrogance ahead, as well as the European Championships to mess up first".
It was not all glory for the British, however. UKA's head of endurance, Ian Stewart was just beaten by the Fijian Director of Equestrian Development Wasta Spaceo, in the 'Worst Departmental Head' category. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo after the dinner Stewart said, "well obviously it's disappointing to lose out again [he was third last year], but I feel that I am really going backwards now and so there is always next year." The Scot went on, "this is a great night for UKA, but we must guard against hard work if we are to maintain our low standards."
Saturday, 20 March 2010
GANDY BEMUSED BY EMERY SUCCESS
George Gandy has conceded that he is "at a loss" to explain why Stephen Emery has had such a good winter. Emery today ended an impressive season with a 14:44 short leg at the Midland 12 Stage Relays. Speaking from a UKA team bonding day, Gandy said "it makes no sense at all. We have thrown everything at him: weights, drill, circuits- that body isn't designed for such abuse." The Coventry Godiva star has gone from strength to strength since joining Loughborough in 2008, finishing 55th at the National Cross and enjoying a string of top ten placings in the Birmingham League. After a disappointing summer, Gandy confessed that he had written Emery off. "To be honest I forgot his name," said the self-proclaimed guru, "but then he ran unbelievably well at the Leeds Relays so I had to re-learn it."
For his part, Emery has put his success down to a "sensible" lifestyle. "I never do anything silly," said the 22 year-old, "I enjoy a glass of warm milk before bed every night and am rarely out of bed after 10pm." His meteoric rise to fame in the past six months has left some eating their words and Emery admitted that this drove him on. "I know that some people like Seb Foy and Tim Dalton have got it in for me, but that makes me be more and more sensible in training." Many have drawn parallels between Emery and Andy Baddeley's running styles, but the 3:57 man dismissed such comparisons as "insulting". "My running style is better than a lot of people think and the sooner they realise that the sooner they will get over losing all the time," stormed Emery, "Baddeley is over-rated and he has every reason to be threatened by me."
Gandy maintained that he was hopeful Emery would "make a mess" of his summer again and thus he would be able to focus on "serious athletes". "He peaked in South Africa last year and let's hope the same happens in Portugal next month," said the LSAC Director, "I'm not sure what will happen if he runs well in the summer as well." Gandy was then called away to commence some trust exercises with other UKA senior staffers. These are believed to have included pin the funding on the athlete and a new game to "randomly draw" names of athletes invited to the next altitude training trip. It is not yet known whether they were a success.
For his part, Emery has put his success down to a "sensible" lifestyle. "I never do anything silly," said the 22 year-old, "I enjoy a glass of warm milk before bed every night and am rarely out of bed after 10pm." His meteoric rise to fame in the past six months has left some eating their words and Emery admitted that this drove him on. "I know that some people like Seb Foy and Tim Dalton have got it in for me, but that makes me be more and more sensible in training." Many have drawn parallels between Emery and Andy Baddeley's running styles, but the 3:57 man dismissed such comparisons as "insulting". "My running style is better than a lot of people think and the sooner they realise that the sooner they will get over losing all the time," stormed Emery, "Baddeley is over-rated and he has every reason to be threatened by me."
Gandy maintained that he was hopeful Emery would "make a mess" of his summer again and thus he would be able to focus on "serious athletes". "He peaked in South Africa last year and let's hope the same happens in Portugal next month," said the LSAC Director, "I'm not sure what will happen if he runs well in the summer as well." Gandy was then called away to commence some trust exercises with other UKA senior staffers. These are believed to have included pin the funding on the athlete and a new game to "randomly draw" names of athletes invited to the next altitude training trip. It is not yet known whether they were a success.
Friday, 19 March 2010
PORTUGAL 'CLOSED' TO ANY MORE DISTANCE RUNNERS
The Portuguese Government have today announced that they will not be allowing any more distance runners to book a training camp in the country this Easter. The Minister for Foreign Affairs, LuÃs Amado, has said that he plans to cut the number of runners in the hot spot by "roughly 30%" in 2011 with a further 15% cut in 2012. The news comes after a survey conducted by the Lufbra Echo revealed that 98% of all UK-based distance runners under the age of 26 would be training in Portugal this Easter.
Amado held last ditch talks with British counterpart David Miliband last night in a bid to prevent the migration. The talks broke off in the early hours with "no resolution". Miliband has said quite publicly that he does not see the issue with aspiring athletes heading to the Algarve to prepare for their summer seasons. The Portugese Government however point to last year's famous ice shortage in Vilamoura along with a complaints from locals about a lingering smell of deep heat. "It was dreadful," said a Portuguese source, "we had these thin white people running around everywhere. We ran out of ice as they kept lying in it and moaning about 'sore calves'....they don't even spend much in bars as they are in bed by midnight". The local source went on, "no hill is safe. Every slight incline seems to have these idiots charging up it. This has to stop."
Miliband is believed to have agreed "in principle" to blocking the booking of any further athletes, however "flatly refused" to grant Amado's wish and confiscate the passports of "all distance runners" for the next month. Describing the idea as "unworkable", Miliband did confirm that he spoke at length with Loughborough's infamous director, George Gandy. "He and I had a productive meeting," said the Foreign Secretary, "I told him in no uncertain terms that Portugal was not South Africa and that Chris Parr should be kept on a leash at all times."
LSAC is decamping its entire endurance operation to Portugal for three and a half weeks in a bid to escape what Gandy calls the "tyrannical" rule of Ian Anholm. Gandy yesterday told Anholm to calm down after the latter announced a probe into a missing pen that was last seen above the BUCS sign-up sheet. The prime-suspect is Dani Christmas who was seen "acting suspiciously" after her injury-curtailed drills session last night. Christmas, who is also rumoured to be responsible for Alasdair Donaldson's black eye, is alleged to have "ducked away" from the HiPac before speeding out of the main gate.
The Lufbra Echo will be reporting live from Portugal throughout the LSAC training camp. We will be offering the following:
- LIVE Pete Matthews injury updates
- LIVE relationship updates
- LIVE Donaldson assault updates
- LIVE bitch-ometer, including who is saying what about who
- LIVE Emery tan-watch. Will he tan or just go bright red?
For the price of just £35 per SMS, you can hear all this news A WHOLE 5 MINUTES before I put it on here. Terms and Conditions apply. For more information visit: www.sawyoucoming.co.uk
Amado held last ditch talks with British counterpart David Miliband last night in a bid to prevent the migration. The talks broke off in the early hours with "no resolution". Miliband has said quite publicly that he does not see the issue with aspiring athletes heading to the Algarve to prepare for their summer seasons. The Portugese Government however point to last year's famous ice shortage in Vilamoura along with a complaints from locals about a lingering smell of deep heat. "It was dreadful," said a Portuguese source, "we had these thin white people running around everywhere. We ran out of ice as they kept lying in it and moaning about 'sore calves'....they don't even spend much in bars as they are in bed by midnight". The local source went on, "no hill is safe. Every slight incline seems to have these idiots charging up it. This has to stop."
Miliband is believed to have agreed "in principle" to blocking the booking of any further athletes, however "flatly refused" to grant Amado's wish and confiscate the passports of "all distance runners" for the next month. Describing the idea as "unworkable", Miliband did confirm that he spoke at length with Loughborough's infamous director, George Gandy. "He and I had a productive meeting," said the Foreign Secretary, "I told him in no uncertain terms that Portugal was not South Africa and that Chris Parr should be kept on a leash at all times."
LSAC is decamping its entire endurance operation to Portugal for three and a half weeks in a bid to escape what Gandy calls the "tyrannical" rule of Ian Anholm. Gandy yesterday told Anholm to calm down after the latter announced a probe into a missing pen that was last seen above the BUCS sign-up sheet. The prime-suspect is Dani Christmas who was seen "acting suspiciously" after her injury-curtailed drills session last night. Christmas, who is also rumoured to be responsible for Alasdair Donaldson's black eye, is alleged to have "ducked away" from the HiPac before speeding out of the main gate.
The Lufbra Echo will be reporting live from Portugal throughout the LSAC training camp. We will be offering the following:
- LIVE Pete Matthews injury updates
- LIVE relationship updates
- LIVE Donaldson assault updates
- LIVE bitch-ometer, including who is saying what about who
- LIVE Emery tan-watch. Will he tan or just go bright red?
For the price of just £35 per SMS, you can hear all this news A WHOLE 5 MINUTES before I put it on here. Terms and Conditions apply. For more information visit: www.sawyoucoming.co.uk
Thursday, 18 March 2010
SPRINTERS 'ACTUALLY A BIT THICK': REPORT
Sprinters are not as intelligent as long distance runners, a shocking report is set to reveal. The article, which the Lufbra Echo has had an exclusive preview of, will be published in the Journal of Useless Research later this month. The authors of the report have spoken to "many" sprinters and distance runners in order to make this ground-breaking conclusion. Professor W.A Ster who was the lead author of the report said, "we set out to prove that intelligence was about the same....but we were stunned with what we found, sprinters really aren't very bright at all".
The findings will come as little surprise to those who work with fast twitch athletes day in day out. One source, who does not wish to be named, said "you just have to look at the way they bounce around on the start line before they get their a*** kicked by Usain Bolt- bunch of idiots." However, some are said to be really quite hurt by the report. British starlet, James Dasaolu pledged to "hunt down" the author of the report and then presumably kick his water bottle over. "It's out of order" thundered Dasaolou, "how can anyone say that we [as a collective body] are thick? Have they even met Dwain Chambers?" Dasaolu was speaking just days after he miscounted the change at a parking metre and then threatened to steal a traffic warden's hat and pour his recovery shake all over it.
Professor W.A Ster was keen to point out that his findings do not exonerate distance runners. "Absolutely not," said the University of North Dunstable academic, "I spent time with some really quite stupid endurance athletes as well....Mick Woods at St. Mary's was kind enough to accommodate me for several days." When asked what the point of his research was Ster said, "I just think that the public should be prepared for when they have to sit through that tortuous post-race interview with Phil Jones....they shouldn't judge- it's not their fault." He also said that his findings did not extend to hurdlers or field eventers- "regrettably we ran out of money". The learned professor would also not be drawn on how 400m runners fit into the general picture. "Of course you have got the likes of Jeremy Wariner in the world, but there are some really quite intelligent quarter milers as well....we mainly draw a distinction between 100/200m runners and those over 800m"
Ster is now set to begin his next piece of insightful research into actually how bright Phil Jones is.
The findings will come as little surprise to those who work with fast twitch athletes day in day out. One source, who does not wish to be named, said "you just have to look at the way they bounce around on the start line before they get their a*** kicked by Usain Bolt- bunch of idiots." However, some are said to be really quite hurt by the report. British starlet, James Dasaolu pledged to "hunt down" the author of the report and then presumably kick his water bottle over. "It's out of order" thundered Dasaolou, "how can anyone say that we [as a collective body] are thick? Have they even met Dwain Chambers?" Dasaolu was speaking just days after he miscounted the change at a parking metre and then threatened to steal a traffic warden's hat and pour his recovery shake all over it.
Professor W.A Ster was keen to point out that his findings do not exonerate distance runners. "Absolutely not," said the University of North Dunstable academic, "I spent time with some really quite stupid endurance athletes as well....Mick Woods at St. Mary's was kind enough to accommodate me for several days." When asked what the point of his research was Ster said, "I just think that the public should be prepared for when they have to sit through that tortuous post-race interview with Phil Jones....they shouldn't judge- it's not their fault." He also said that his findings did not extend to hurdlers or field eventers- "regrettably we ran out of money". The learned professor would also not be drawn on how 400m runners fit into the general picture. "Of course you have got the likes of Jeremy Wariner in the world, but there are some really quite intelligent quarter milers as well....we mainly draw a distinction between 100/200m runners and those over 800m"
Ster is now set to begin his next piece of insightful research into actually how bright Phil Jones is.
McLEOD SEASON IN JEAPORDY AFTER CALL OF DUTY DEFEAT
Ryan McLeod has confessed today that he "does not know" how long he will be out of action following a catastrophic incident with his Playstation 3 on Monday. The 24 year-old was so incensed at being beaten by Olympic 400m finalist Martyn Rooney that he kicked his console from one side of the room to the other. The pair had been locked in a fierce battle "for some hours" before McLeod made what he has called a "basic error". Rooney for his part was said to be vitriolic and it was a combination of this and personal frustration that led to McLeod's violent response. "It didn't hurt that much at the time," explained the abashed Tipton Harrier, "but when I woke up on Tuesday, I could barely walk."
McLeod's coach, John Nutall, is said to be fuming at the incident and has pledged to have "firm words" with all of his charges over the potential pitfalls computer games. "This is not the first time computers have got in the way of athletics," sighed the coach, "I remember when Chris Thompson lost to Scott Overall on Pro Evolution Soccer- the pair were literally at each other's throats."
McLeod is set to undergo a scan towards the end of the week and has said that he is "hopeful" the injury is not too serious. "It's not a fracture," he affirmed "it can't be as I didn't even break my PS3". McLeod has been known to react poorly to computer game defeats in the past. Last year he unwittingly knocked a neighbour unconscious when he tossed his controller out of his second-floor window in a fit of rage. Just last month, the 5k man was in trouble after hurling abuse at autograph hunters on a late-night visit to Tesco. It was only after the incident that McLeod revealed that he was "stocking up" ahead of a long night's play and was "under immense pressure."
McLeod's coach, John Nutall, is said to be fuming at the incident and has pledged to have "firm words" with all of his charges over the potential pitfalls computer games. "This is not the first time computers have got in the way of athletics," sighed the coach, "I remember when Chris Thompson lost to Scott Overall on Pro Evolution Soccer- the pair were literally at each other's throats."
McLeod is set to undergo a scan towards the end of the week and has said that he is "hopeful" the injury is not too serious. "It's not a fracture," he affirmed "it can't be as I didn't even break my PS3". McLeod has been known to react poorly to computer game defeats in the past. Last year he unwittingly knocked a neighbour unconscious when he tossed his controller out of his second-floor window in a fit of rage. Just last month, the 5k man was in trouble after hurling abuse at autograph hunters on a late-night visit to Tesco. It was only after the incident that McLeod revealed that he was "stocking up" ahead of a long night's play and was "under immense pressure."
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
NEWS ROUND-UP
After a busy day in the running world, the Lufbra Echo rounds up the comings and goings around the sport
RUNNER LEFT OUT OF TEAM SHOCK
A long distance runner who has asked not to be named has been left out of Great Britain's team for the forthcoming World Cross Country Championships. UKA insiders have revealed that the runner, who underperformed at the trial race, was "absolutely devastated" at the news. The source also stated that more runners could be left out of more teams in the future.
RUNNER INCLUDED IN TEAM SHOCK
A long distance runner who has asked not to be named has been included in Great Britain's team for the forthcoming World Cross Country Championships. UKA insiders have revealed that the runner was one of a number of athletes "to be given the nod" for the event which takes place in Poland later this month.
RADCLIFFE 'DEEPLY SORRY' FOR BIN INFRACTION
Paula Radcliffe has apologised to her many sponsors for placing plastic bags into a bin intended for recycling. Leicestershire County Council have not ruled out prosecuting the World Record holder over the blunder. "I had just got back from my sixth run of the day," sobbed Radcliffe "and was just about to prepare my raw quails eggs- I just didn't think. I feel like I have let everyone down...I hope Nike, I mean, my fans can forgive me".
NIKE LAUNCH NEW RACING FLAT
Nike have launched their latest lightweight offering just in time for the Spring road season. The 'ZOOM LOADSACASH' offers innovative technology weighing in at just 0.5g per shoe. A retailer told the Lufbra Echo, "the shoe consists of a tight fitting cotton that wraps around the whole foot and ankle. It is ideal for runners looking for that extra half-yard and they can even go in the washing machine." Nike have specifically designed the racers to "wear out" after 5km of use. A spokesman enthused, "this gives runners that new shoe feel every day." The flats will cost £130.
PURDUE DENIES GORECKA SPAT
Charlotte Purdue has hailed rival Emelia Gorecka's "magnificent" run at the weekend's Inter-Country Championships. The injured star "absolutely rejected" rumours that she was "threatened" by her team mate. "It's a shame I missed Saturday- it would have been a great race. Emelia's a great girl and that text message was nothing to do with me," said Purdue.
RUNNER LEFT OUT OF TEAM SHOCK
A long distance runner who has asked not to be named has been left out of Great Britain's team for the forthcoming World Cross Country Championships. UKA insiders have revealed that the runner, who underperformed at the trial race, was "absolutely devastated" at the news. The source also stated that more runners could be left out of more teams in the future.
RUNNER INCLUDED IN TEAM SHOCK
A long distance runner who has asked not to be named has been included in Great Britain's team for the forthcoming World Cross Country Championships. UKA insiders have revealed that the runner was one of a number of athletes "to be given the nod" for the event which takes place in Poland later this month.
RADCLIFFE 'DEEPLY SORRY' FOR BIN INFRACTION
Paula Radcliffe has apologised to her many sponsors for placing plastic bags into a bin intended for recycling. Leicestershire County Council have not ruled out prosecuting the World Record holder over the blunder. "I had just got back from my sixth run of the day," sobbed Radcliffe "and was just about to prepare my raw quails eggs- I just didn't think. I feel like I have let everyone down...I hope Nike, I mean, my fans can forgive me".
NIKE LAUNCH NEW RACING FLAT
Nike have launched their latest lightweight offering just in time for the Spring road season. The 'ZOOM LOADSACASH' offers innovative technology weighing in at just 0.5g per shoe. A retailer told the Lufbra Echo, "the shoe consists of a tight fitting cotton that wraps around the whole foot and ankle. It is ideal for runners looking for that extra half-yard and they can even go in the washing machine." Nike have specifically designed the racers to "wear out" after 5km of use. A spokesman enthused, "this gives runners that new shoe feel every day." The flats will cost £130.
PURDUE DENIES GORECKA SPAT
Charlotte Purdue has hailed rival Emelia Gorecka's "magnificent" run at the weekend's Inter-Country Championships. The injured star "absolutely rejected" rumours that she was "threatened" by her team mate. "It's a shame I missed Saturday- it would have been a great race. Emelia's a great girl and that text message was nothing to do with me," said Purdue.
Monday, 15 March 2010
FARAH SHELVES MASTERCHEF AMBITION
Mo Farah has revealed that he will not now compete in a forthcoming series of Masterchef. The GB International is rumoured to have suffered a "devastating blow" to his confidence when he burnt some toast on returning home from a victorious outing at Saturday's Inter-Counties' Cross Country Championships. An insider told the Lufbra Echo, "Mo only wanted a light snack but it went disastrously wrong when he managed to set the fire alarms off." Farah had planned to prepare Lobster Soup followed by Braised Beef with Potato Gratin for his supper, the two dishes he had hoped to wow judges Greg Wallace and John Torode with in the contest.
A spokesman for the Somalian-born star refused to rule out a potential return to the kitchen in the future. "Mo has not given up on his dream. This is a massive set-back but it's not the end- he'll be back." Farah recently told of how he was prioritising his cooking in a bid to swipe the title later this year. "It means everything to me," he told The Times in January, "I stay up half the night sometimes practicing my dishes...when I'm really tired I just dream of how I will feel when I am the Champion. I get goosebumps just thinking about it."
However, it now seems that such hopes are all but over. Despite claims to the contrary, Farah was seen throwing his cooking utensils out of his Twickenham home. A neighbour said, "he looked so upset and just tossed a load of saucepans and the like on the floor...he then angrily threw a toaster down and stamped all over it before running back inside crying." The source concluded, "it is very sad to see someone like that- absolutely devastated. I hope he'll be OK."
The BBC have said that they were "saddened" to hear of Farah's withdrawal but promised that a line up including former Big Brother contestant Kinga Karolczak would be "hugely exciting". For their part, UK Athletics have said that they still expect Farah to compete at the World Cross Country Championships later this month.
A spokesman for the Somalian-born star refused to rule out a potential return to the kitchen in the future. "Mo has not given up on his dream. This is a massive set-back but it's not the end- he'll be back." Farah recently told of how he was prioritising his cooking in a bid to swipe the title later this year. "It means everything to me," he told The Times in January, "I stay up half the night sometimes practicing my dishes...when I'm really tired I just dream of how I will feel when I am the Champion. I get goosebumps just thinking about it."
However, it now seems that such hopes are all but over. Despite claims to the contrary, Farah was seen throwing his cooking utensils out of his Twickenham home. A neighbour said, "he looked so upset and just tossed a load of saucepans and the like on the floor...he then angrily threw a toaster down and stamped all over it before running back inside crying." The source concluded, "it is very sad to see someone like that- absolutely devastated. I hope he'll be OK."
The BBC have said that they were "saddened" to hear of Farah's withdrawal but promised that a line up including former Big Brother contestant Kinga Karolczak would be "hugely exciting". For their part, UK Athletics have said that they still expect Farah to compete at the World Cross Country Championships later this month.
Sunday, 14 March 2010
BAUER IMPRESSION LANDS STEWART IN JAIL
UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart, has spent the night in a Doha police cell after he and George Gandy were caught pretending to be characters in hit US TV show 24. Stewart, who was playing the show's star Jack Bauer, was arrested after trying to fend off Gandy's advances with a banana. A police spokesman confirmed that a British man had been arrested after police suspected him of possessing a dangerous weapon. "A man in a Great Britain tracksuit was caught making strange noises with a banana," the officer said, "it is an offence that carries a maximum penalty of 30 years in prison in Qatar." It is thought that Gandy evaded capture after spotting the patrol and sneaking away as the police detained Stewart.
It is believed that Stewart pleaded his innocence at the time and demanded that the arresting officer "contact Chloe O'Brien at CTU" to vouch for him. "He was very upset" said the spokesman, "particularly so when he realised that his banana was not loaded". Police are said to be willing to release the UKA chief but no one has come forward and provide bail. Gandy has hurriedly flown home and other officials are believed to be on a two day "strictly business" cruise.
This news comes at the end of a difficult weekend for UKA. Not only has the team fallen short of its five medal target, but Chief Executive Niels De Vos had to apologise to hotel staff after several senior UKA coaches were caught playing hide and seek in the early hours. Speaking from a harbour-side restaurant, the UKA ace said that he would be "evaluating" the conduct of his team.
It is believed that Stewart pleaded his innocence at the time and demanded that the arresting officer "contact Chloe O'Brien at CTU" to vouch for him. "He was very upset" said the spokesman, "particularly so when he realised that his banana was not loaded". Police are said to be willing to release the UKA chief but no one has come forward and provide bail. Gandy has hurriedly flown home and other officials are believed to be on a two day "strictly business" cruise.
This news comes at the end of a difficult weekend for UKA. Not only has the team fallen short of its five medal target, but Chief Executive Niels De Vos had to apologise to hotel staff after several senior UKA coaches were caught playing hide and seek in the early hours. Speaking from a harbour-side restaurant, the UKA ace said that he would be "evaluating" the conduct of his team.
Friday, 12 March 2010
MEADOWS EASES INTO SEMIS DESPITE SUNGLASSES SCARE
Jenny Meadows has qualified for the semi-final of the 800m at the World Indoor Championships in spite of losing her sunglasses just hours before the start of her race. It is thought that they were "hidden" by cheeky 1500m star, Charlotte Best. Meadows, who is one of the favorites in her event, was seen frantically searching for the missing shades when she should have been warming up. All the while, Best had stashed them away in her hotel room and only owned up to the prank with minutes to spare.
Speaking to journalists after her heat, the Team GB captain said that she "was all set to withdraw" from the Championships. "I was on the phone to my travel agent booking a flight home. I have to wear those sunglasses or else it is all pointless...it's really disappointing when someone does that, hides things. I am really upset." Best for her part conceded that the joke went too far. "Jess Ennis was supposed to hand them over after about an hour, but she said that they were nice shades and wanted to keep them....it took a lot of convincing."
UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart said that he would be putting a stop to any future pranks. "This is not a jolly, well not for the athletes at least," said the main man from a theme park, "the moment they [the athletes] start enjoying themselves is the moment we start having problems...it's unacceptable." The Scot then broke off the interview as he had to order an ice cream for Niels De Vos (UKA Chief Executive) who was holding their place in the Banana Boat queue.
Speaking to journalists after her heat, the Team GB captain said that she "was all set to withdraw" from the Championships. "I was on the phone to my travel agent booking a flight home. I have to wear those sunglasses or else it is all pointless...it's really disappointing when someone does that, hides things. I am really upset." Best for her part conceded that the joke went too far. "Jess Ennis was supposed to hand them over after about an hour, but she said that they were nice shades and wanted to keep them....it took a lot of convincing."
UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart said that he would be putting a stop to any future pranks. "This is not a jolly, well not for the athletes at least," said the main man from a theme park, "the moment they [the athletes] start enjoying themselves is the moment we start having problems...it's unacceptable." The Scot then broke off the interview as he had to order an ice cream for Niels De Vos (UKA Chief Executive) who was holding their place in the Banana Boat queue.
Thursday, 11 March 2010
GANDY FUMING AFTER TRAINING BLUNDER
George Gandy has threatened to fly home from the World Indoor Championships after his gaffe-prone deputies "made a complete mess" of Tuesday night's training session. The self-proclaimed 'guru' slammed his assistant coaches for failing to allow the 5km group sufficient time to recover from their tempo run before moving onto hill repetitions. "That [the 5km error] was one of a number of things I was unhappy with" stormed Gandy from his Doha hotel, "I heard that we had people dropping out all over the place with 'stomach complaints' and some in the 800m group doing 20 minute tempo runs....a complete fiasco I'm afraid." It is thought the mix up occurred after Alasdair Donaldson sent an un-sanctioned email to the entire endurance group "clarifying" the training situation. "He [Donaldson] shouldn't have done that" said Gandy, "I'm the only one who can send emails".
This is not the first time things have gone awry in Gandy's absence. Late last year a Beacon Hill session was labelled "a disaster" by the guru when half the group trained at 11am and the other at 2:30pm. Several key athletes were hauled before Loughborough chiefs at the time to explain themselves. More recently, John Nutall was in hot water for running an "alternative" morning session on a Saturday. The pair had to be separated by stunned observers after Gandy threatened to revoke Nutall's campus car parking privileges.
Gandy has said that he spoke at length with Donaldson yesterday evening, but that in itself led to another foul-up. The Scot was supposed to be overseeing a Circuits session at the time and a whole minute passed without a single call- leaving some 'horizontal sprinting' the entire time. This was too much for 800m starlet Dani Christmas who branded the whole session a "waste of time". "I did 30 seconds too much on burpees," harrumphed Christmas calling Dame Kelly Holmes, "that could ruin my entire season now."
LSAC's Director is expected back in the East Midlands on Tuesday and will doubtless be hoping his program can remain in one piece until then.
This is not the first time things have gone awry in Gandy's absence. Late last year a Beacon Hill session was labelled "a disaster" by the guru when half the group trained at 11am and the other at 2:30pm. Several key athletes were hauled before Loughborough chiefs at the time to explain themselves. More recently, John Nutall was in hot water for running an "alternative" morning session on a Saturday. The pair had to be separated by stunned observers after Gandy threatened to revoke Nutall's campus car parking privileges.
Gandy has said that he spoke at length with Donaldson yesterday evening, but that in itself led to another foul-up. The Scot was supposed to be overseeing a Circuits session at the time and a whole minute passed without a single call- leaving some 'horizontal sprinting' the entire time. This was too much for 800m starlet Dani Christmas who branded the whole session a "waste of time". "I did 30 seconds too much on burpees," harrumphed Christmas calling Dame Kelly Holmes, "that could ruin my entire season now."
LSAC's Director is expected back in the East Midlands on Tuesday and will doubtless be hoping his program can remain in one piece until then.
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
McLEOD CRITICISED AFTER 999 CALL
Ryan McLeod has been given a formal reprimand by the Leicesterhire Constabulary after he called an ambulance this morning to attend to his "badly hurt" iPhone. Paramedics were rushed to the 24 year-old's apartment after reports of a "software malfunction". A spokesperson for the Loughborough Ambulance Service called the phone call "irresponsible". "We deal principally with human beings," he said "the Ambulance Service do not deal with telephones, computers or anything else." The news comes just days after the Fire Service were called in by McLeod in a quest to locate a missing PS3 Controller.
The Tipton Harrier, however, was unrepentant. Speaking shortly after defeating Scott Overall in a 'death match' he said, "they were both emergencies. I genuinely thought my phone was broken. I couldn't open Facebook or anything." McLeod also dismissed suggestions that his behaviour was irresponsible. "If there had actually been a fire then I wouldn't be able to actually call anyone if my phone was broken. It's just lucky that Fairbourn's [McLeod's housemate] phone was on hand this time." When asked about the PS3 controller hunt, he hailed "a great success". "Thankfully we found it OK. I don't know what I would have done otherwise".
Leicestershire Police confirmed that they have had "firm words" with the 24 year-old over the two incidents. "It is unacceptable, particularly from someone like Mr. McLeod who so many youngsters look up to." McLeod did not share the same opinion. "They've got it in for me," thundered the 13:58 5k man, "ever since I got done with 3 penalty points for tinted windows, I have been getting right dirty looks of 'em all [all Police Officers]." McLeod added that he was prepared to take his case to the Independent Police Complaints Commission.
The Tipton Harrier, however, was unrepentant. Speaking shortly after defeating Scott Overall in a 'death match' he said, "they were both emergencies. I genuinely thought my phone was broken. I couldn't open Facebook or anything." McLeod also dismissed suggestions that his behaviour was irresponsible. "If there had actually been a fire then I wouldn't be able to actually call anyone if my phone was broken. It's just lucky that Fairbourn's [McLeod's housemate] phone was on hand this time." When asked about the PS3 controller hunt, he hailed "a great success". "Thankfully we found it OK. I don't know what I would have done otherwise".
Leicestershire Police confirmed that they have had "firm words" with the 24 year-old over the two incidents. "It is unacceptable, particularly from someone like Mr. McLeod who so many youngsters look up to." McLeod did not share the same opinion. "They've got it in for me," thundered the 13:58 5k man, "ever since I got done with 3 penalty points for tinted windows, I have been getting right dirty looks of 'em all [all Police Officers]." McLeod added that he was prepared to take his case to the Independent Police Complaints Commission.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
MATTHEWS FITNESS SHOCK
Pete Matthews is "not currently injured", the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The shocking news, leaked by LSAC sources late last night, will come as a major blow to the University's Sports Medicine department. Said one exasperated physio, "I just don't know what to think. Pete's a mainstay on the table and I have a mortgage to pay....it's a very worrying time." Matthews is believed to have attended weights yesterday evening for only the second time since Christmas and now faces the distinct possibility of several weeks' solid training. Our source said, "obviously it's too early to tell the extent of his recovery. We will monitor it closely, but it seems likely that he will do the session tonight [Tuesday]".
George Gandy, Loughborugh's infamous director, refused to comment on the news but is believed to have immediately placed a call to Alasdair Donaldson who is currently overseeing the Loughborough program whilst Gandy is in Doha. Matthews, who once represented Great Britain in a sport called mountain running, has had numerous injuries since his career highlight performance of winning a bronze medal at the AAAs U17 Indoor 1500m in 2006. A source close to the troubled star revealed that Matthews was "deeply concerned" at the prospect of a decent block of training. "With Seb [Foy, Matthews' housemate] on crutches, Pete's nose is right out of joint. With Portugal so close [LSAC's warm weather training camp] the timing of this comeback is bad. Fingers crossed it will work out and he'll be able to sun-bathe and miss training."
Loughborough athletes were coy on the potential of training alongside the red head. Stephen Emery, Loughborough's 4th best athlete, said "Pete seems to be injured a lot. I find it a bit suspicious to be honest, but if he is fit again I doubt he will be at a session for a while." Emery also denied any ambitions to become the LSAC Cross Country Captain next year, "no way, it's all media nonsense" said the Coventry star.
COMING UP: MOUNTAIN RUNNING: WHAT IS IT? and SHOULD MOUNTAIN RUNNING BE CLASSED AS A SPORT?
George Gandy, Loughborugh's infamous director, refused to comment on the news but is believed to have immediately placed a call to Alasdair Donaldson who is currently overseeing the Loughborough program whilst Gandy is in Doha. Matthews, who once represented Great Britain in a sport called mountain running, has had numerous injuries since his career highlight performance of winning a bronze medal at the AAAs U17 Indoor 1500m in 2006. A source close to the troubled star revealed that Matthews was "deeply concerned" at the prospect of a decent block of training. "With Seb [Foy, Matthews' housemate] on crutches, Pete's nose is right out of joint. With Portugal so close [LSAC's warm weather training camp] the timing of this comeback is bad. Fingers crossed it will work out and he'll be able to sun-bathe and miss training."
Loughborough athletes were coy on the potential of training alongside the red head. Stephen Emery, Loughborough's 4th best athlete, said "Pete seems to be injured a lot. I find it a bit suspicious to be honest, but if he is fit again I doubt he will be at a session for a while." Emery also denied any ambitions to become the LSAC Cross Country Captain next year, "no way, it's all media nonsense" said the Coventry star.
COMING UP: MOUNTAIN RUNNING: WHAT IS IT? and SHOULD MOUNTAIN RUNNING BE CLASSED AS A SPORT?
Monday, 8 March 2010
GANDY BLAMES 'VOODOO SPELL' FOR LOUGHBOROUGH SLUMP
With his university experiencing one of the worst periods in its illustrious history, Loughborough’s self-proclaimed “guru” has launched an extraordinary attack on the HiPac’s newly resurfaced track. “I saw the builders hovering down the back straight. I thought nothing of it at the time, but it is now clear that they were casting a spell on us. I am pretty certain they buried St. Mary’s and Birmingham vest down there.” Gandy admitted that he was at a loss how else to explain why established names like Frank Baddick are performing so poorly. “That’s why I have come up with this explanation,” explained Gandy, “it’s the only one there can be.”
“You look at the likes of Kev [Deighton]- injured all the time. That’s not just bad luck, there is clearly something really awful going on here,” Gandy went on. “I mean, Stephen Emery is one our best runners now, no one and I mean no one could have seen that coming and in the 1980s he would have been a joke. To be honest, it’s all a bit much.” The Director of Athletics refused to rule out digging the whole track up in a quest to retrieve the troublesome vests. “I discussed it with Ian [Anholm, Facilities manager] and he fainted with the thought of extra work. But Nutall seemed up for it and I’ve already met with Bill Foster [LSAC Women’s coach] to ask him to do the heavy lifting.”
Foster’s group, known as ‘Bill’s Babes’ seem to have mysteriously escaped the spell and Gandy described this as “no co-incidence”. With an icy stare, he went on, “Bill has it in for me, I am sorry to say. He denies it but I know that he and Bud [Buldaro, Head Coach at Birmingham] and Mick [Woods, of St. Mary’s fame] are in league with each other". However, Gandy has dismissed as “nonsense” the accusation that he was trying to poach Natalie Gray, Abbey McGee and Kirsty Milner. “I want to be quite clear on this, I’m the victim here. Bill and I haven’t had a cross word with each other since he tried to beat me up in Bedford last year and that smashed windscreen [on Foster’s car] was absolutely nothing to do with me or John [Nutall].”
Gandy also labeled David Howe’s attempt at a coup “really rather pathetic.” Howe is thought to be unhappy at the arrival of Alisdair Donaldson, the latest coach brought into the club. “We are all one big happy family here," said Gandy, "and if David has an issue with that he can take his underachieving athletes elsewhere. He’d never have the balls to do that anyway.” The guru has conceded that he now regrets emailing Howe telling him to “go f**k himself.” The email went on, “everyone knows that I (and now to a certain extent John) am the special one. I am THE guy at Loughborough, who the f**k are you? A nobody.” The ‘special one’ today said that the email was sent after a “heavy” night and that he retracted “most” of what it contained. “David’s a nice enough guy I suppose and so he gets to stay.”
“You look at the likes of Kev [Deighton]- injured all the time. That’s not just bad luck, there is clearly something really awful going on here,” Gandy went on. “I mean, Stephen Emery is one our best runners now, no one and I mean no one could have seen that coming and in the 1980s he would have been a joke. To be honest, it’s all a bit much.” The Director of Athletics refused to rule out digging the whole track up in a quest to retrieve the troublesome vests. “I discussed it with Ian [Anholm, Facilities manager] and he fainted with the thought of extra work. But Nutall seemed up for it and I’ve already met with Bill Foster [LSAC Women’s coach] to ask him to do the heavy lifting.”
Foster’s group, known as ‘Bill’s Babes’ seem to have mysteriously escaped the spell and Gandy described this as “no co-incidence”. With an icy stare, he went on, “Bill has it in for me, I am sorry to say. He denies it but I know that he and Bud [Buldaro, Head Coach at Birmingham] and Mick [Woods, of St. Mary’s fame] are in league with each other". However, Gandy has dismissed as “nonsense” the accusation that he was trying to poach Natalie Gray, Abbey McGee and Kirsty Milner. “I want to be quite clear on this, I’m the victim here. Bill and I haven’t had a cross word with each other since he tried to beat me up in Bedford last year and that smashed windscreen [on Foster’s car] was absolutely nothing to do with me or John [Nutall].”
Gandy also labeled David Howe’s attempt at a coup “really rather pathetic.” Howe is thought to be unhappy at the arrival of Alisdair Donaldson, the latest coach brought into the club. “We are all one big happy family here," said Gandy, "and if David has an issue with that he can take his underachieving athletes elsewhere. He’d never have the balls to do that anyway.” The guru has conceded that he now regrets emailing Howe telling him to “go f**k himself.” The email went on, “everyone knows that I (and now to a certain extent John) am the special one. I am THE guy at Loughborough, who the f**k are you? A nobody.” The ‘special one’ today said that the email was sent after a “heavy” night and that he retracted “most” of what it contained. “David’s a nice enough guy I suppose and so he gets to stay.”
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