The Portuguese Government have today announced that they will not be allowing any more distance runners to book a training camp in the country this Easter. The Minister for Foreign Affairs, Luís Amado, has said that he plans to cut the number of runners in the hot spot by "roughly 30%" in 2011 with a further 15% cut in 2012. The news comes after a survey conducted by the Lufbra Echo revealed that 98% of all UK-based distance runners under the age of 26 would be training in Portugal this Easter.
Amado held last ditch talks with British counterpart David Miliband last night in a bid to prevent the migration. The talks broke off in the early hours with "no resolution". Miliband has said quite publicly that he does not see the issue with aspiring athletes heading to the Algarve to prepare for their summer seasons. The Portugese Government however point to last year's famous ice shortage in Vilamoura along with a complaints from locals about a lingering smell of deep heat. "It was dreadful," said a Portuguese source, "we had these thin white people running around everywhere. We ran out of ice as they kept lying in it and moaning about 'sore calves'....they don't even spend much in bars as they are in bed by midnight". The local source went on, "no hill is safe. Every slight incline seems to have these idiots charging up it. This has to stop."
Miliband is believed to have agreed "in principle" to blocking the booking of any further athletes, however "flatly refused" to grant Amado's wish and confiscate the passports of "all distance runners" for the next month. Describing the idea as "unworkable", Miliband did confirm that he spoke at length with Loughborough's infamous director, George Gandy. "He and I had a productive meeting," said the Foreign Secretary, "I told him in no uncertain terms that Portugal was not South Africa and that Chris Parr should be kept on a leash at all times."
LSAC is decamping its entire endurance operation to Portugal for three and a half weeks in a bid to escape what Gandy calls the "tyrannical" rule of Ian Anholm. Gandy yesterday told Anholm to calm down after the latter announced a probe into a missing pen that was last seen above the BUCS sign-up sheet. The prime-suspect is Dani Christmas who was seen "acting suspiciously" after her injury-curtailed drills session last night. Christmas, who is also rumoured to be responsible for Alasdair Donaldson's black eye, is alleged to have "ducked away" from the HiPac before speeding out of the main gate.
The Lufbra Echo will be reporting live from Portugal throughout the LSAC training camp. We will be offering the following:
- LIVE Pete Matthews injury updates
- LIVE relationship updates
- LIVE Donaldson assault updates
- LIVE bitch-ometer, including who is saying what about who
- LIVE Emery tan-watch. Will he tan or just go bright red?
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