WARBURTON CAMPAIGN IN TATTERS AFTER OFFICIAL BUST-UP
Chris Warburton has had to shelve ambitions to become LSAC’s new Secretary of Committee for the Alumni after a 5 minute rant at “officious nobodies” during last night’s opening Loughborough Midweek. The 1500m star was “shocked and disappointed” by the tone of voice adopted by the timekeepers' assistant reading out the lap splits during his race. “There was no support in there,” fumed the eventual race winner, “it was like she wasn’t interested or didn’t care. Frankly I felt as if she wanted to be any place else but watching me run.” The Notts AC man was also upset by what he called a “tactical” false start from bitter rival Stephen Emery. “There should be laws against that sort of behaviour,” thundered the 3:39 man, “the truth is that the starter bottled it. Emery should have been out on his ear, no question.” In extraordinary scenes at Loughborough’s track last night, Warburton had to be dragged from the Meeting Referee by fellow athletes and announced shortly afterwards that he would not be standing for Committee representation. In his statement, the 27 year-old refused to apologise for his actions and called for a “fundamental review” of the officiating in the UK. “It’s time we got some competent people in to do this job,” he said, “this sort of amateur nonsense just won’t do.”
STEWART BACKS HIMSELF FOR PRESIDENTIAL ROLE
In a strange interview given exclusively to the Lufbra Echo last night, UKA’s Director of Endurance seemed to throw his hat into the ring for a Presidential campaign. It had long been assumed that Sophie Thomas- the current Secretary of Committee for making the tea- would run for the position unopposed, but the UKA supremo last night boasted of his “f******g superb record” in athlete management. “Nobody could do that job but me,” said Stewart from last night’s Midweek meet, “I am the only f******g candidate. Who is this f******g woman going for it? Are you f******g serious?” Stewart’s words have left many scrambling for the Loughborough Students Athletic Club Constitution which is said to be “vague at best” on whether an outsider could be appointed. A club historian said, “it certainly would be the most extraordinary development since the Coe-Moorcroft coalition in the 1980s.” It is not yet clear whether the Scot was being serious in his interview, but he did reserve strong words for “whoever was f******g responsible for making these f******g awful sandwiches”. Alasdair Donaldson has since apologised.
STOTT CALLS FOR ICE REVIEW
Luke Stott, the current Secretary of Committee for not doing very much, has said that if he were to become the new Secretary of Committee for doing even less (Track and Field Captain), he would chair an investigation into the “substandard” ice quality in Loughborough. “If we are to remain at the top of our game,” said the sprinter, “we really need to address the ice machines.” It seems that many of Loughborough’s sprint community have slammed the current ice arrangements as they “are too cold”. Echo favourite James Dasaolu recently threw an ice bag across the plyometric mat after a well meaning physio applied it to his hurt leg. An insider revealed that the coldness of the ice “had come as a complete surprise” to Dasaolou, who demanded someone fetch him some “warm ice”.
FLANNERY SET TO “CLEAN UP MESS” AS MATTHEWS SEEKS PROMOTION
Keiran Flannery has stated that it is his “constitutional duty” to remain as Secretary of Committee for (not) delivering the kit. The 800m star had offered his resignation from the disastrous coalition with Pete Matthews after the kit did not arrive. However launching his campaign manifesto today, Flannery indicated that he felt the experience of the past year would “serve him well” in taking the kit situation forward. “I know what it’s like to be at the lowest point,” said Flannery to an excited crowd of more than 4, “I know how to make this club’s kit great again. I got you into this and I can get you out of it.”
It has become clear that Pete Matthews will not be following his former partner’s example and has instead opted to campaign to become the joint new Secretary of Committee for drunkenness with Andrew Mariani. Matthews claims to be well qualified for the role by being “an all round great guy”, however some would question his suitability given that he gave close friends “roughly a five percent chance” of making the BUCS final. One close source, who asked not to be named, said “Matthews has a dark side and is committed to being at the top. He will crawl over dead bodies to get there”. The former GB International (Mountain Running) used his CV to indicate that he was “very unlucky” to miss out on being appointed Head Boy whilst at school, but has obtained Grades 1, 2 and 3 on the piano. Potential voters are also informed of the “prestigious” institutions to which Matthews was invited to attend before opting for Loughborough. Our source continued, “frankly, I wish he’d taken up one of those other offers- it would’ve saved us all some trouble”.
BRADBURY EYES VP ROLE
Gary Bradbury has pledged to “bring a bit of talent” to the committee if he was to be elected as the Vice President, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The so far unconfirmed VP candidate told friends and activists that his rivals “should never underestimate the determination of a quiet man”. The outgoing (and largely disgraced) President Rob Hodges made no secret of his desire to see “a man of Bradbury’s ilk” in his last Committee. Hodges told the Echo that he would be “delighted” if Bradbury chose to run. “To be honest,” said the President, “I have looked at the current nominations list and it contains a bunch of no hopers. We need an athlete of Gary’s calibre to advertise ourselves to the world.” The largely ceremonial role of Vice President involves chairing committee meetings and President’s Questions when the President is away on Club business as well as carrying the Presidential Spikes to race meetings. Hodges revealed that he attempted to use the 25th Amendment to the Club Constitution to get Bradbury “in through the back door” last year. “It didn’t work out,” said the premiere, “you see the Gary and I sometimes race together and the President and Vice President can never travel together.” Publicly, Bradbury was remaining coy this morning- but insiders are said to be gearing up with a “hard hitting” campaign manifesto.