The Lufbra Echo's main computer died as a result of self-inflicted wounds, an inquest has heard. The laptop died suddenly whilst on a routine trip from Echo headquarters to Loughborough town centre just over a fortnight ago. A post mortem revealed "catastrophic damage" to the internal aspects of the hard drive "that could only have been sustained by a deliberate action". Ruling out any accusations of homicide, the coroner was satisfied that the computer had activated the "self-destruct" mechanism designed to stop anyone getting hold of the potentially very inflammatory material that was yet to be published.
Earlier in the day, the court heard how the "immense pressures" of working for one of the most successful blogs in the history of the internet was getting too much for the relatively inexperienced Acer. "He was always complaining that he was being pushed too hard by the Chief Executive," revealed the Loughborough mainframe who was a close friend, "he was genuinely intimidated by having fans as far afield as Japan and Latvia." Another witness - the Loughborough Costa till - told how the Echo's Chief had been seen "angrily banging the keyboard" in a bid to create material that is "better than anything ever written in Britain before" (The Times).
Despite rumours that this tragic demise would spell the end for arguably the greatest piece of literature in the history of mankind, the Echo has acquired a new computer and continues to impress readers from China to Chile. In a rare interview given to bitter rival the Gloucester Echo, the Chief Executive refuted accusations that he had pushed the laptop too far or that his blog was "declining in its appeal" (Mail on Sunday).
"Absolute nonsense," thundered the always anonymous author, "how can anyone say that? I am universally adored and everyone thinks that my blog is fantastic. It's not like I have a basic formula and just change the names of those involved. I think the viewing figures speak for themselves." The top man also dismissed suggestions that he was coming under pressure from sponsors after some infamous upsets. "I write cutting edge, near the knuckle stuff," he snarled from under a veil, "some people compare me to Samuel Beckett or William Shakespeare and so this is the sort of company I am keeping. If they want to find someone new then good luck to them".