Loughborough's controversial new Cross Country Captain has stated his aim to win the Birmingham League this season and so mark an extended period in the wilderness of underachievement. Although not explicitly criticising his predecessors, Snowball did say that he was "hurt" by the record of the African Violets. "I see us as the Arsenal of Cross Country" said the lifelong Tottenham Hotspur fan "we have some really stylish and beautiful runners who achieve absolutely nothing. I aim to overcome that".
Snowball - whose finest hour came at this year's National Cross Country Championships - has made a promising start to his reign as skipper. Having already outlawed the wearing of international kit on easy runs, Snowball went on to ban the popular craze of wearing headbands during sessions. An insider at the club said that whilst some of the more established names (such as beaten Captaincy Candidate, Pete Matthews) were upset at the changes, the majority were going along with it for "the good of the club".
Snowball himself acknowledges the enormous challenge that faces him. With the club crippled with debt, it is unlikely that the free spending of past captains such as Ed Womersley, Shane Kerr and ***** **** will be able to continue. "There's no secret that things are tough around here," said the skipper, who has himself taken a 5% pay cut to just £150,000 a week "but I want to build a team of strong guys who get the job done. This is why I have sent a memo round saying that gloves will not be allowed at any Cross race this season. I have also banned dropping out of sessions."
Snowball's critics have labelled his plans "unworkable" and "poorly thought through". "How can he make dropping out of sessions illegal when Pete Matthews trains here?" grumbled one insider "and there will be a lot of people upset about his ban on looking at yourself whilst running as well." Further bad news came for Matthews when all name dropping was barred and the rampaging skipper has also put a stop to the potentially lethal fad of watching yourself in the windows of cars after dark. It is believed that such vanity nearly brought a premature end to Andrew Mariani's season just last week.
Elsewhere, Stephen Emery remains "very upset" at the limit that has been slapped on his usage of Physio Vouchers. The Coventry man was left stunned when he was informed that Snowball had limited all athletes to just five visits per term in the name of austerity. "Doesn't he know who I am?" thundered Emery from a charity event over the weekend, "I'm a f*****g BUCS medallist! This guy is a total joke." Snowball is seemingly not fazed by such criticism and refused to engage in any discussion of "jumped up little nobodies".