VERNON SHELVES DANCING DREAM

Andy Vernon has "all but given up" on his dream of becoming a ballerina, the lufbra echo can exclusively reveal. The Aldershot man has long coveted a place at the prestigious Royal Ballet School in London, but had now conceded that he is "probably too old" to warrant a place. In a revealing interview with the echo, the GB International revealed how running was a "last resort" after all other endeavours failed.

"Let's face it" sighed Vernon "it's no life. No one wants to run all day every day, but unfortunately I am very good at it. I just wish I could be free to express myself in dance." The Nick Anderson coached athlete came late to ballet having been inspired by the hit movie Billie Elliot. Since then, he has become a regular at London showings and is constantly seen dragging his girlfriend to lengthy shows. "It fills me with such excitement" said Vernon "the Nutcracker is my favourite. The moves are so complex!"

Vernon - who is regularly joined on his ballet escapades by close friend Ryan McLeod - conceded that the thought of "just" being an athlete "repulses" him. "The thought of the Olympics makes me feel sick" thundered the stern faced 13:28 5k man "what are they doing for the ballet dancers of the future? It makes a mockery of everything".

Vernon is not the only high profile athlete with a taste for culture. Sprint ace Craig Pickering is a regular at the Royal Albert Hall during the BBC Proms season and Nick McCormick is known to be a fully paid up member of the Royal London Opera. 

IS CAPELLO TO BLAME FOR DISTANCE RUNNING SLUMP?

Fabio Capello is tonight facing accusations that he is "single handedly killing British athletics". UKA have confirmed that they are set to file a law suit against the under fire England football manager for "undoubtedly being responsible for everything that is wrong with the sport". The Italian - who is also alleged to have caused the financial crisis - has denied any wrongdoing but this is unlikely to cut any ice with a rampaging Ian Stewart.

"We have investigated the matter fully" said Stewart's Deputy Director of Swearing Affairs (North West Region) "and it is all his [Capello's] fault. The miserable way in which he is leading the football team is definitely impacting how our runners are performing." England currently sit atop their European qualifying group, but this is not enough for UKA. "They should be winning every game by at least 10 goals" continued the spokesman "that way at least the athletes would be motivated".

Poor performances towards the back end of last summer have also been explained by the lacklustre display from England in the World Cup. "What more evidence do you need?" said George Gandy's PA, Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this site) "as soon as England started playing, everyone's heads dropped. When I was in school.....[unfortunately, the dictaphone then run out of battery]".

The UKA legal team will be asking for "at least £25m" in compensation from Capello personally. The FA will be separately sued for "recklessly" employing Capello.

PASSPORT GAFFE LEAVES WOODS FUMING

Mick Woods has described himself as "speechless" after Tommy Carroll returned to Ireland only to find that his passport had expired. The St Mary's star is now stranded on the Emerald Isle after being arrested attempting to sneak onto the back of a lorry. Woods used his weekly press conference to condemn Carroll as "damn brainless" confirming that it was "very unlikely" the 3:48 1500m star would be released in time for BUCS. It is understood that Woods called an urgent meeting to relay the news to the rest of the squad but was thwarted when not one member of the team "knew where Ireland was".

Carroll is not the only St Mary's athlete to feel the ire of Woods this week. On Monday evening, Stephen Scullion was hauled before the head coach to explain why he had spent nearly an hour trying to pay for his weekly food shop at Tesco with his Oyster card. Scullion had to be escorted off site after losing his temper with the self-service machine having repeatedly waved the pay-as-you-go travelcard at the screen. The Ireland International has now be banned from the store prompting questions as to where he is now going to source the 2.5kg of raw beetroot he eats daily.

Meanwhile, Carroll - who may not be released from prison until the end of May - now faces a large fine and the possibility of having his colouring in book privileges suspended. Woods stated that the matter would be "kept in-house" but made no secret of his "serious concern" for his charges when away from his watchful eye. "The big wide world can be a scary place for my lads" sighed Woods "it's tough out there. I got an email from Mitch [Goose, formerly of St Mary's] the other day asking why he couldn't pay for a haircut with Monopoly money. It makes you wonder."

Woods then ranted for several minutes about "this bloody country" before becoming locked in a walk in wardrobe for some minutes.

COULD 'RUNNING MORE' IMPROVE PERFORMANCE?

A landmark study to be published in the Old England Journal of Medicine (OEJM) looks set to leave the athletics world reeling after it has linked "increased training volume" with performative gains. Whilst academics at the echo's favourite University of North Dunstable have stressed that the study is "not yet complete", the interim results look set to blow current approaches to athletics out of the water.

A spokesman for the popular running forum for children, Eightlane dismissed any links between running and performance. Calling the study "irresponsible", the source claimed that academics "failed to provide a single reference athlete". The anonymous insider going by the name 'Interested' added: "it is these sort of gimmicks that are derailing any hopes we have of getting British distance running great again. The best thing athletes can do is wear compression garments, eat lots of supplements, obsess about their diets and whine about other athletes on our forum. Hard training never got anyone anywhere".

The authors of the study stand by their work, with one even disputing whether the "magic necklaces" worn by the likes of Paula Radcliffe actually work. "As we have said, these are early results" stressed the Emeritus Professor "but in at least 80% of our subjects, actual training and not mystery supplements and gluten free bread resulted in positive results". The study also questioned the increasing prevalence of allergies in distance runners - stating that "up to 99% were of questionable origin".

Whether the OEJM study will ultimately win over the doubters is unclear, but with senior UKA officials scrambling to rethink their latest 'training in business attire' experiment, it may already be having an impact.

'PETULANT' EMERY TO BE DROPPED FOR NATIONAL SHOWDOWN

Coventry Godiva's Director of Athletics, David Dix has dropped star man Stephen Emery after he "showed contempt to his teammates" at the Midland 12 Stage on Saturday. A dismal performance saw the 3:48 (Stretford Timing) star slump to a miserable 27:21 clocking for a long leg at the weekend - an occurrence that "undoubtedly cost" Godiva a medal - according to Dix. "It was arrogant and unprofessional" thundered Dix of Emery "we all know that he wants away from here, but the offers just haven't been good enough". Coventry paid £19.3m for Emery in 2009 and it is understood that Dix wants "at least double" that price in order to let him go.

Emery has been fined two weeks wages (roughly £100,000) after he was photographed on a night out just days before the Midlands event and Dix has said that he is "making a point" by leaving arguably his most important athlete out of the line up for next month's National Relay. "I want to show that the club is bigger than just him. Sure, I'd like to hang onto someone like that but not at the cost of losing the soul of the club." Emery could be replaced in the team by a member of the youth team to further demonstrate "the future".

Coventry legend Dave Moorcroft blasted Emery yesterday evening and stated that the club was "ready to sell". The former Rugby & Northampton talisman was furious in January when the club turned down a £25m bid from Tipton, but Moorcroft's comments now seem to leave the door open for Emery to fulfill his "boyhood dream" of pulling on a Green and White vest. Speaking exclusively to the lufbra echo, Josh Lilley (who recently joined Tipton) said that the club "was the right place" for Emery. "We're building a team that will dominate" said Lilley "it's time to get serious now and go after the big boys".

Emery's spokespeople refused to comment this evening, but he did use his Twitter account to bemoan the increased level of fluoride in Loughborough's tap water.

POST RACE PUNCH UP THE FAULT OF 'HIGH TEMPERATURES'

The IAAF have blasted race organisers of the World Cross Country Championships in Spain and blamed "ridiculously hot conditions" for the post-World Cross fight that marred an otherwise successful day's racing. Speaking exclusively to the lufbra echo, an IAAF source claimed that Ethiopian winner Imana Merga "was not himself" when he accused Team GB's Tom Humprhies of "copying his spikes". Humphries responded by throwing one of the said spikes at his opponent, prompting a sixteen man brawl involving multiple nations. Notorious troublemaker Haile Gebrselassie had to be restrained by police as the great man was seen to provoke matters by attempting to pull down the shorts of several of the rioters.

UK Athletics have called for a "full and frank investigation" into how the race was allowed to take place in conditions "equivalent to a sauna". "It was far too hot" thundered Charles Van Commonee's Assistant Director of Spectacle Affairs "it really got to the guys. You could see how Tadese was just itching to fight. I think we need to look at hosting this race in an air conditioned arena in future." The UKA source dismissed accusations that the Endurance supremo Ian Stewart had become involved in a verbal slagging match with his Ethiopian counterpart. Calling it a "measured and clam discussion" any suggestion that the altercation resulted in Stewart receiving a bloody nose was rejected.

Keen to distance themselves from the debacle, the World Governing body's Vice President - His Lordship Sebastian Coe - said that such matters as the temperature were "local affairs". "Things like that have to be controlled by the local organising committee" said the Lord "I myself had to change shirts three times owing to sweat. It was very poor".

POKING SCANDAL LEAVES HOWE ON BRINK

David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson's relationship is "beyond economical repair" after Donaldson failed to return the Canadian's Facebook 'poke'. Loughborough's assistant coach is understood to have used the feature over the weekend in a bid to show that there were no hard feelings towards George Gandy's PA after the pair clashed at the Ed Prickett Relays. Onlookers were shocked as they had to be separated in a row over Donaldson's cap.

"David is absolutely gutted" said a source close to the academic "he really thought he had a kindred spirit in Alasdair and that together they could take the reigns when Mr Gandy stands down. He is seriously thinking about moving on now." It is not the first time that Donaldson has found himself in hot water over Facebook usage. The tea and coffee man was fined and firmly reprimanded by UKA last year when he deleted Charles Van Commonee and just last week the Daily Mail published an interview with an enraged Dani Christmas claiming she was "ignored" on the site's chat facility.

It is thought that Gandy will look to host "clear the air" talks tomorrow, but with both parties refusing to confirm their attendance a resolution is looking increasingly unlikely. Insiders have told of how the guru is becoming "extremely frustrated with the "pathetic squabbles" between his deputies. Earlier this year, he was forced to publicly revoke John Nutall's parking privileges after he was deemed to of "maliciously" parked in the space reserved for Bill Foster. This latest dispute "could be the straw that breaks the camel's back" according to insiders and "may lead to an embarrassing dismissal" before the week is out.

OLYMPIC ROUND UP

VERNON 'MISTAKE' BREAKS 2012 CLOCK

STOPPAGE TIME: Vernon 'did not know' the clock required constant power

Andy Vernon has apologised after mistakenly pulling the plug on the 'Countdown to 2012' clock in Central London. The Aldershot man told his official website that he had "had a nightmare" when looking for somewhere to charge the battery on his mobile phone. Organisers have called the blunder "hugely embarrassing" and have not ruled out handing Vernon a hefty bill. 

TICKETS 'SHOULDN'T BE SOLD TO POOR PEOPLE': COE

Lord Coe looks set to cause a stir after claiming that tickets for blue-ribboned events should only be sold to "the most well off" and "uneducated tramps" should not be allowed in. "The Games is not for everyone" said his Lordship "it would be dreadful to have commoners wandering around in the background of the 100m". It is understood that LOCOG will be banning the wearing of hoodies, low hanging jeans and anything made by Burberry in a bid to discourage "hoipolloi" from coming near.

ENNIS GETS COLD, BBC IN CRISIS

The BBC are preparing for what senior executives have called "the worst case scenario" after Jessica Ennis caught a cold sidelining the World Heptathlon Champion for "at least a day". "An Olympics without Jess would not be an Olympics at all" said the BBC's Director of Ennis Output (Southern Region) "worse still, if she turns up and then doesn't win - hours of pre-prepared footage will be wasted". A Beeb insider told the echo that the Corporation had rushed a "dedicated medic" to be at Ennis' side and denied that they were overreacting.

OLYMPICS 'COST A FORTUNE' SHOCK

The British sporting world is reeling from the news that the Olympic Games actually cost a lot of money. Furious protestors have taken to the streets of the East End to demand that the "wasteful" projects are halted immediately and a 24 hour Asda is built in place of the Olympic Stadium. It is understood that the Games Cleaning Directorate (fresh from the Commonwealth Games cleaning project) are about to walk out in sympathy. "I am shocked at how much this is all costing" said a senior executive at Lloyds Banking Group "I really do wonder how Lord Coe and his team sleep at night" 

RUNNING IS 'HARD WORK': REPORT

The sport of long distance running is "jolly difficult" according to a report seen by the lufbra echo. The news comes as some runners at last weekend's Trafford 10k complained of "shortness of breath" at the finish. "I got to 3k" gasped Ricky Stevenson after finishing 3rd "and thought 'this is going to be tough'....at 5k I felt worse". Despite rumours that Stevenson had "forgotten" about the race and so trained hard in the run up, many have said that this is the clearest evidence yet that the sport can be difficult.

Professor W A Ster from the University of North Dubstable who is the lead author of the paper, told the lufbra echo that his findings should "make everyone sit up and pay attention". "It goes along way to explaining why people struggled to convert their dreams into reality" explained the man who found running to be a healthy form of exercise last year "I think that UK Athletics should take this very seriously".

A key finding from the report was that in order to excel in athletics "a significant amount of hard training is required". However, sources close to several top athletes have slammed the findings as "ridiculous". "Hard work never got anyone anywhere" thundered Nick Goolab's Deputy Director of Bag Carrying Affairs "this is just a silly myth designed to scare people - Nick has gone straight for a blood test as a result".

It is not yet clear what the implications of the study will be, but 2012 insiders have said that crisis meetings are to be held over the coming days. "This is what we call a game-changer" said a source "it could have a profound impact on how the Games are structured - if they go ahead at all."

McLEOD IN RED NOSE SNUB

Ryan McLeod has refused to take part in Comic Relief this coming Friday after a row with a revolving door. The GB International was set to be "an integral part" of a live sketch featuring chubby funster, James Corden but has walked out on the gig after a bizarre incident after rehearsals over the weekend.

McLeod traveled to London on Saturday morning and arrived at Television Centre at lunchtime. After a "highly successful" couple of hours with Corden and other participants Davina McCall, Jade Johnson and Robert Mugabe, the 7:52 3k star became trapped in the revolving door "for some hours". It is understood that the fire brigade had to be called in order to free him late into the evening.

A McLeod spokesman confirmed that the Tipton man would not be involved on Friday evening, but refused to speculate on whether this was owing to an irrational fear of revolving doors. It was confirmed that McLeod had become confused on "when to exit" and that he eventually became dizzy thus unable to use the "revolving door app +" (version 2.3.3) on his iPhone. "Ryan feels that it would not now be appropriate to take part" said the spokesman "he is upset at what occurred and I think it is clear that the BBC were less than prompt in their response". Rumours that McLeod was receiving counselling were dismissed as nonsense.

The BBC declined to comment but it is thought that contingencies - including a call up for Andy Vernon - were being put in place.

THE ECHO BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS

IN IT TOGETHER: The Coalition share their highlights

YES WE CAN: President Obama shares his favourites with Secretary Clinton

A MOMENT IN HISTORY: Egypt gives thanks for the Echo

BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT: The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh at the official party

NEW MATTHEWS RACE SHOCK

McCOURT BLAMES CUP CAKE INCIDENT FOR EURO SLUMP

Colin McCourt spent the run up to his dismal 1500m European Indoor heat in a Paris police cell, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The controversial Aldershort star was arrested on Saturday morning following a row at one of the French capital's world famous patisseries and only released with "hours to spare". A spokesman for UK Athletics confirmed that "an unfortunate incident" had taken place. "Colin became upset after he was informed that his favourite flavour of cup cake had run out" said the source "he flew into a vicious rage and we regret to say got very violent indeed."

McCourt's coach - Craig Winrow - was left seething by the affair and accused the French police of "overreacting". "What is the world coming to?" blasted Winrow "a little bit of shouting and a few smashed windows and this is what happens. It's outrageous". Adding that UKA's response time was "pathetic" Winrow claimed that the whole day left his charge "tired and emotional" and wondered whether "Colin will ever be able to race again".

It is understood that McCourt requested the "Fruits de Tropique" cup cake, having become hooked on the flavour on Friday evening. When offered the banana topped goody instead, the 3:37 man was inconsolable and that is when things took a turn for the worst. Onlookers were forced to duck for cover as the star hurled croissants and icing sugar around the store. Speaking after his race, a despondent McCourt called his performance "embarrassing" and slammed his opponents as "weak". "It was a great opportunity against that lot" McCourt told the BBC "I am embarrassed, I don't deserve to be here". Stopping short of apologising, the 26 year-old conceded that his "behaviour needed attention".

UKA refused to speculate on the consequences for McCourt, but it looks likely he will be charged with brining the sport into disrepute and fined up to £15,000.

ENNIS CALLS FOR ACTION AFTER FACEBOOK ROW

Jessica Ennis has criticised ex-heptathlete Kelly Sotherton after her Facebook account was hacked into. It is understood that the World Champion and BBC Golden Girl was left seething when her account announced that she was "taking a break from athletics to focus on her pole dancing career". Sotherton has since accepted a UKA charge of improper conduct and faces a hefty fine.

"So childish" sighed Ennis from a Comic Relief wet t-shit competition "it's a shame really, Kelly was never as good as I am and so is constantly undermining me. Last year she hid my Javelin pole in the men's toilets before the start of the Europeans. This has got to stop". Ennis - who came third in the t-shirt competition after being narrowly beaten by Sue Barker and Zara Phillips - added that it was about time UKA got tough on "bully" Sotherton. "She has got away with this for too long now. I don't know what she has got on UKA but it must be dynamite". Ennis spent nearly an hour signing autographs for well-wishers and BBC executives before leaving in a black Mercedes.

For her part, Sotherton defended her actions stating that Ennis "had it coming". "Who the hell does she think she is?" stormed an irate Sotherton from outside Asda (Bracknell branch - 24 hours) "all the time on the BBC smirking about this or that or nothing in particular. Where's her Olympic medal? Where is it? Answer me! It's nowhere, because she is nowhere and never will be!" Sotherton - who denied that she had been drinking or that Ennis' success was getting to her - then walked into a window before being escorted off site by store security. "Just you wait until I master the hammer throw" shouted Southerton as was bundled on to the free bus "then you'll see. I'm a thousand times what Jess will ever be!"