COE IN STADIUM NAMING RIDDLE
Lord Sebastian Coe KBE has lost his cool after being informed that the Olympic Stadium will not be called 'The Sebastian Newbold Coe, Baron Coe KBE is Brilliant Stadium'. It is understood that his Lordship presented the idea to fellow Olympic Chiefs last week who unanimously kicked it into touch. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo, Lord Coe said that the British Olympic Association were "ungrateful". "We are here because of me and I think that they should remember that" said the former 800m World Record holder "I think it is high time I got the sort of recognition that Lord Sugar gets." It is thought that Lord Coe is particularly upset that the BBC would not allow him to run his own version of Sugar's Apprentice in order to help him find a new butler. "How come someone like that [Sugar] - a commoner gets all the glamour, whilst I am here with nothing?" thundered the LOCOG Chairman, before breaking off the interview to go and shout at an architect "because he could".
BRENDAN FOSTER MAY QUIT BBC OVER CAKE ROW
Brendan Foster, for so long the voice of British athletics coverage, has handed the Beeb an ultimatum over cake, the Lufbra Echo understands. It is thought that Foster, who retired from running some years ago, is furious after he was told that only three types of cake would be provided at major athletics events from now on. An insider has told of how Mr Foster was "horrified" by the news and would "struggle to cope" with remaining awake for the entirety of the London Marathon without "at least ten" cakes on the go at once. "How would you feel if you were handed a 70% real terms pay cut?" asked a Foster representative "it's not his fault that the BBC have run out of money." The BBC declined to comment on the record this evening, but a source close to Beeb chiefs revealed that "they couldn't care less" if Foster leaves.
ROYAL COUPLE TO MARRY
Prince Robert Whittle of Loughborough has announced his engagement to Laura Kenny. It is understood that the Prince, second in line to the thrown currently occupied by King Guru Gandy III, proposed to Miss Kenny during a training run in the Outwoods and they will be married later this year. Cross Country Captain, Ben Snowball hailed a "wonderful day" for Loughborough and hoped that it would take everyone's mind of the continuing dismal showing at recent cross country events. Miss Kenny will become the Princess of Shepshed after the marriage and has said that she is "one hundred percent committed" to continuing with her career despite the change in circumstances.
HOWE ATHLETE RUNS PB SHOCK
An athlete coached by David Howe has run a personal best, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The result, which is believed to have come over 10km, has left many in the sport shocked. "This is absolutely crazy news" said one spectator, "it is going to turn the athletics world upside down." It is understood that the runner, who has asked not to be named, has engaged in some "solid" training over recent months and that is how the performance is being explained. An insider at Loughborough this evening dismissed the news as a "blip" and remained confident that normal service would soon be restored.