NERVOUS EMERY HITS OUT AHEAD OF BUCS TEST

Stephen Emery has used his weekly press conference to attack "anyone who thinks they can come close" to him in next weekend's BUCS Cross Country Championships. The Loughborough man is set to lead the weakest African Violet team for decades, but has reacted angrily to any suggestion that this will phase him. "I am quite used to being the favourite" thundered a clearly on edge Emery "I am the big name at Coventry and I am the big name here. I have never bottled it before and I am not about to start now." He went on to state that it was "very unlikely" that he would be beaten on race day: "this is what it's all about - I am ready for it and I am going to smash anyone who comes in my way through a wall".

The 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man has not been without his difficulties in 2011. Despite topping the rankings for 5 miles, Emery failed to medal at his County Championships and openly admitted to being "dominated" in several key predictor sessions. "Training isn't important" he snapped performing one of his thrice daily calf exercises "racing is what matters and I am more than ready to prove my metal. Just you wait till race day - then you'll see how tough I am". Emery is not currently on speaking terms with George Gandy's PA - Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have the time to read this site) - after he accused the star of "not pushing it enough" in training. "What does he know anyway?" snarled Emery "he is a nothing to me - just a one season wonder, that is all."

Emery was forced to concede that he was "holding the Loughborough team together" but stopped short of joining Gary Bradbury in declaring himself "embarrassed" to be a part of it. "Pete [Matthews, the sixth man in the team] is a friend of mine" said Emery of the disgraced AAAs fraudster "and whilst it is distressing that he has made the team, we just have to get on with it. It's not like he is going to count anyway." The Coventry Godiva man also dismissed speculation that he would be relieving Ben Snowball of his captaincy on the day. "That is complete nonsense" he said "who told you that? Was it [Kevin] Seaward causing trouble like he always does? It's an open secret that I think Snowball is a joke, but constitutionally I can't challenge him and so won't even though I am the better athlete by some considerable distance".

HAPLESS SNOWBALL SLAMMED OVER BUS GAFFE

As if fielding the weakest Loughborough team in a generation wasn't bad enough for Ben Snowball, the LSAC skipper now faces a mutiny from furious stars as he broke the news that the bus for BUCS would be leaving at 8:30 am. "This is beyond a joke now" thundered Gary Bradbury "you just can't run a club like this. Who does he think he is? I don't plan on being awake at 8:30 let alone on a bus. It's absolutely outrageous". Bradbury is just one of a number of athletes demanding that the departure time is put back or else they will "seriously consider" strike action.

In a bid to placate the masses, Snowball asked George Gandy's PA - Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this site) - to send out word that it is "imperative" to get the bus under way early. However, an insider told the Echo that this only exasperated matters when Donaldson made his announcement at Wednesday night circuits. "The crowd went mental" said the source "they started shouting expletives and all threw chewing gum at Alasdair. I have never seen such anger".

This is the latest in a long line of blunders from LSAC's inexperienced leader that have led to many asking whether he should be replaced ahead of the crucial season run in. Earlier this month, Paula Radcliffe called on Snowball to buck his ideas up and now Lord Sebastian Coe has added his voice to his growing list of detractors. "It's a tough job that one" said his Lordship "the fans have such expectations and I am not sure Ben is cut out for captaining such a big club. He is more suited to a mid-range team such as Oxford or Bath".

LSAC chiefs were refusing to comment last night, but rumours persist that George Gandy is lining up Stephen Emery to take over on a caretaker basis until the end of the season.

BRENDAN FOSTER SACKED FOR RAISED EYEBROW

Brendan Foster is to have his contract with the BBC terminated after he raised an eyebrow at Jessica Ennis, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The tubby ex-athlete has been the subject of a torrent of Twitter abuse after a YouTube clip came to light showing him "engaging in an adult conversation about athletics" and "complementing [Ennis] on her good performance last year". "This sort of behaviour is absolutely out of order" thundered a senior Beeb executive "we have made this absolutely clear to Brendan and as a result he will not be working with us again". Foster has not commented officially but he is understood to be "devastated" to have been stripped of his job. "Bren is not a dinosaur" said a close friend "in fact, he views everyone on their own merits and so such behaviour is completely out of character".

Foster is not the only boorish BBC male in hot water. News of his dismissal comes as sound recordings of John Inverdale and Jonathan Edwards discussing the fact that Jemma Simpson had "a nice running style" have been made available online. BBC insiders have told of how this is representative of "an awful atmosphere that belongs in the 1950s". "It's appalling to work around such bigots" said the anonymous source "the other week whilst we were covering the Edinburgh Cross Country, Steve Cram offered me his coat as it was cold. How dated is that attitude? I was hurt and upset, but fear for my job if I go public".

The BBC are reeling from the incidents this evening and it looks inevitable that tough action awaits those who fail to comply with the anti sex discrimination guidelines. "It is high time that female athletes a judged on how they perform rather than how they look" said one such female athlete shortly after a photo shoot "this pre-historic behaviour is appalling".

FULL COVERAGE OF SEX-GATE SCANDAL IN THE ECHO:
- Do women really know the false start rule?
- Why is the women's discuss lighter than the men's? Isn't this discrimination?
- Andy Gray to become Head of Female Athletics at UKA
- Outrage as UKA official "looks female in the eye"

NEWS ROUND UP

PICK A CLUB, ANY CLUB
Isn't it funny how short the memories of football journalists and followers are? Back in November, TalkSport presenters Mike Parry and Mike Graham kept everything in perspective by declaring the decision not to award England the World Cup in 2018 "the darkest day in [their] lives". Acres of column spaces was wasted by football journos waxing lyrical about "broken promises" and "dirty deals". Would this be the very same sport that is now putting forward a proposal to U-turn on the explicit promises of the 2012 bid team by removing the running track from the Olympic Stadium? It jolly well would. Always famed for his insight, Lawrie Sanchez told the BBC that "football and athletics don't work together. That's a fact". Interesting as AC and Inter Milan, along with Bayern Munich and numerous other successful European clubs would probably disagree.

THE BRADY BUNCH
"It makes my blood boil to be honest" thundered Birmingham City FC Vice-Chairperson Karren Brady on BBC Radio Five Live this morning of Andy Gray and Richard Keys's remarks about female officials: "I don't think any of the comments are anything other than [sexism]". Brady went on to advocate "equality in the workplace" and harrumphed that women just are not taken seriously in her industry. That would be the same Karren Brady who works with noted pornographers David Sullivan and David Gold (a profession famed for its refusal to objectify females) and employs a workforce of "75% women". Now that's equality in action!

WHY KIDS TURN AWAY FROM CROSS COUNTRY: THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER
Parliament Hill


PETE MATTHEWS: A CLARIFICATION
It has been brought to our attention that in recent additions of the Lufbra Echo we have suggested that Pete Matthews is an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. We are aghast at such a suggestion and in light of the fact that he has performed averagely well at a number of races, we would like to clarify that at no time did we intend to portray Pete as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. It has always been our position that Pete is average and unremarkable at everything that he does in the running domain. There are some who will say 'that Matthews lad is just an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space' - we at the Echo feel (and always have felt) that this is most unfair and would like to pledge our unwavering support to his continued endeavour to avoid being classed as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space.

GANDY TO RESIGN OVER MATTHEWS SELECTION

Loughborough Athletics club has been plunged into turmoil this evening after its director, George Gandy announced that he would resign as he "had no option" but to select Pete Matthews for the 'A' Team at the forthcoming BUCS Cross Country Championships. "I have had some dark moments in my career" said the Guru from a hastily arranged press conference "but this is as low as it has come. It is a very sad day and I must say I never thought it would come to this".

Loughborough insiders have revealed how Gandy "had an almighty row" at the selection meeting last night and was seen storming out of the HiPac shortly after 10pm. Alasdair Donaldson - who does not have time to read this site - attempted to go after him carrying a freshly made cup of tea but was unable to talk the Guru round. "His mind is made up" said the source "George is just so embarrassed that he has to pick Matthews that he can't carry on. He said that the buck stops with him and he is intent on going over it".

Matthews has not been without his problems in the past twelve months. It was not long ago that the Lufbra Echo revealed that he had no future in the East Midlands and many are stunned that the disgraced AAAs fraudster has been included in the first wave of selection. "It's a horrible day for Loughborough" said a season ticket holder "it is a mark of how bad things have got. I doubt we'll get in the top 10 now - we certainly don't deserve to." The Echo understands that the team at Loughborough have "done all they can" to avoid selecting Matthews including begging his academic department to terminate - or at least suspend - his studies. "In the end, he was the only choice" continued a senior aide to the Guru "it devalues the rich history that this institution has".

Gandy will vacate his post at 0600 on Monday paving the way for Alasdair Donaldson to take caretaker charge of the club. Loughborough chiefs have stressed that this is "an extremely temporary measure" and that Gandy's current PA will "never be left unsupervised" with the club. The recruitment process to find Gandy's successor will start immediately and not include the Scot who will revert to his tea-making role once someone is in post. Bookmakers have tipped Birmingham's top man Bud Buldaro for the job, but have refused to rule out what would be a sensational promotion for out of favour St Mary's chief, Mick Woods.

HOWE FACES UKA CHARGE

David Howe is likely to face a lengthy touchline ban and heavy fine after being 'sent to the car' at this afternoon's Birmingham League Division One meeting at Coventry. The Loughborough Assistant Coach was dismissed by the match referee after constantly berating officials over what he called a "laughable piece of marshalling". Howe was left seething when the organisers slightly tweaked the course from previous years in order to maximise the conditions. The Canadian was given his marching orders roughly three minutes into the second half of the race after an altercation with the fourth official.

UKA have confirmed that he will be handed an automatic three race suspension after seeing red, but could face a further charge of "using foul and abusive language" that could lead to a ban of up to 12 weeks. Speaking after the race, Howe conceded that he had "spoken out of turn" by resisted any suggestion that he had used bad language. "That isn't something I would do," said Howe "I admit that I was upset at the way the match was going. I think that it was a bit big for the race referee to be honest, but I should have kept those thoughts to myself."

In a move that is unlikely to win him any friends at UKA, the academic added that he was "becoming increasingly concerned" at the weak officiating seen at recent events. His comments come just days after Bud Buldaro voiced worries over the degree to which officials were influenced by Guru Gandy in the run up to BUCS. "If anything decisions seem to go against us" said Howe "I am not sure how Bud can say that. It is no secret that UKA officials seem to have it in for Loughborough and Loughborough athletes - you just need to look at the way Lewis Moses was treated in the summer. It's very poor and I think it confirms that we need to have another look at race officiating."

STRESS FRACTURE 'EPIDEMIC' CONCERNS DOCTORS

Britain's Chief Medical Officer has issued a dire warning as to the state of the nation's bone health today. Professor Dame Sally Davies has said that stress fractures amongst long distance runners are costing the NHS "millions of pounds". "Until recently, a stress fracture was a serious condition confined to a limited number of patients" said the Professor "today it seems that in order to be taken seriously as an athlete you have to of suffered such an injury".

Dame Sally added that whilst the findings of this recent report were "very worrying", the recovery rate - particularly amongst female athletes - was becoming remarkably fast. "Just a couple of years ago, a stress fracture would leave an athlete unable to walk for between two and four weeks, with it taking many months for a full recovery" said the sickle cell specialist "now it seems that the symptoms can mysteriously vanish ahead of an evening out with friends. It really is remarkable."

Professor Davies reported that recovery times "from diagnosis to resumption of full training" can be as little as a week. "However," she continued "such is the severity of the injury nowadays, the athlete feels the need to talk about the injury for some time after it has completely healed. They tend to drop it into casual conversations that have absolutely nothing to do with running whatsoever. For example, if one were to be talking about a broken mobile telephone, the formerly 'injured' athlete would add: 'broken - a little like my bone was when I had that stress fracture.' It becomes so very tiresome for the friends of the said athlete and as such the inevitably find themselves isolated."

The CMO said that she felt the NHS needed to "get a grip of the epidemic" and "deal with all facets of the condition". "If that means providing psychological help to injured athletes then so be it," she added.

NEWS ROUND UP

BULDARO CALLS FOR "STRONGER" OFFICIALS AT BUCS

Birmingham Director of Athletics has called on UKA and BUCS to clamp down on what he calls the "blatant bating of the officials" by fierce rival George Gandy. Buldaro - who is looking to defend the BUCS title on home soil - has said that he is concerned that some "strange" comments from the Guru and Director at Loughborough will sway race stewards on the day. "Look, we all know that the officials have a really really tough job" said Buldaro from a press conference "and they are not helped by certain Directors constantly railing against them. That is a fact. I only hope they can put it out of their minds on the day." For his part, the Guru issued a statement calling the accusations "ludicrous" adding that "they [the remarks] were a sign of the pressure Bud is under". 

THOMPSON HIT WITH CAT INJURY
Chris Thompson faces a spell on the sidelines after being "seriously scratched" by his pet cat, Jemma. The European Silver Medallist required hospital treatment after the cat pounced on him shortly after being fed her breakfast. A spokesman for the athlete said that it was "unlikely" to effect his training too greatly adding that Jemma would be dispatched for a "full claw clipping" and that he hoped that this would help the news desk on a slow day.

EIGHTLANE SILENT ON MCLEOD RUN
Always known to be even handed with their criticism popular running forum for the intellectually challenged, Eightlane have remained eerily and surprisingly quiet on Ryan McLeod's eleventh place (3rd Brit home) at the Edinburgh Cross Country event held last weekend. High praise was lauded on many who fell short of one of the best performances of McLeod's career. One can be sure it is nothing to do with the fact that the very same forum frothed with rage at McLeod's inclusion in the European Cross Country team just last month with one poster wondering whether UKA were getting "value for money" with McLeod's recent trip to Kenya.

THE ECHO ASKS: IS THIS MAN SINGLE HANDEDLY KILLING ATHLETICS?

Wanted: Edwards is suspected of "crimes against athletics"

In a shocking report seen by the Lufbra Echo Jonathan Edwards has been accused of being "absolutely responsible" for destroying the interest in British athletics. The world triple jump record holder - affectionately known as Jedwards by his colleagues - has been presenting on the BBC for the past few years and viewers are said to be "turning off in disgust."

"He's unbearable" thundered one Rita from Tunbridge Wells "smug, dismissive, ignorant and dull....I turn the sound down when he comes on." The report commissioned by the BBC Trust and written by academics at the University of North Dunstable said that Edwards' hair was becoming "an increasing concern". "The style of spiked follicles via the use of a hair gel formula" said the authors "is more at home on entertainment programs such as the X Factor than athletics coverage".

Edwards took some heavy criticism after his dismal showing at the European Athletics Championships and many thought that he would not be appearing as the anchor again. However, with Steve Cram and Brendan Foster citing an "adverse reaction to snow" and Sue Barker refusing to work at Winter, Beeb executives were left with no option but to hand the microphone to the hapless Edwards. "We are aware of a number of complaints surrounding Mr Edwards" said a spokesman "this is something we are looking into and can confirm that it was an executive decision to ask Mr Edwards not to wear his earring ever again."

The news comes as a blow to Edwards who was the subject of a similar report last year confirming his credentials as something of a twerp. He will be hoping that the relatively unwatched indoor season will allow him scope to revive his fading reputation.

SNOWBALL MUST GET RESULTS: RADCLIFFE

Paula Radcliffe has added to the pressure mounting on LSAC Cross Country Captain Ben Snowball today by commenting that the captain's future "rests on an upturn in form". The Marathon world record holder and former Loughborough student poured scorn on Snowball's claims that he is "building for the future". "You look at the club over the past few years and it is in a bad way" said Radcliffe from the launch of her new perfume "I don't necessarily blame Ben as it is largely the quad he inherited, but with BUCS just around the corner, I think he is going to have to up his game sharpish".

Loughborough are without a win all season and whilst Snowball has pointed to "an injury crisis" many have questioned the Aldershot man's ability to handle a big club. "He came in with good credentials" continued Radcliffe "but unfortunately we haven't seen any of that yet. Some of the performances of late have been completely abject." Whilst a heavy points deduction for Birchfield Harriers looks like saving LSAC from the ignomy of relegation, the club slumped to one of their worst performances ever at Perry Barr last month evidenced by the fact that Pete Matthews was a high counter. "That is completely humiliating for a club like this" sighed Radcliffe "you look at the great history of scorers and now a hapless ginger is a key figure. It's very sad."

Snowball will be relieved to be able to call on the services of Stephen Emery - whose loan deal does not permit him to race for Loughborough in the Birmingham League - at BUCS next month. However, with the British Number One Five Miler voicing concerns about "a wasted generation" at Loughborough, all is not well. "We should have Ryan [McLeod] and so that will give us some credibility" said Emery from his weekly press conference "but it still is a bit humiliating to look at some of the contenders to be honest." Emery was speaking just days after signing a lucrative contract extension with Coventry Godiva rumoured to be worth somewhere in the region of £5m. "It was never about the money" said the 24:24 5 mile man "I think that this club can best suit my needs going forward and so I am here to stay".

Whether Ben Snowball will be allowed the same luxuries is unclear, but with a "vote of confidence" issued by George Gandy after last month's disaster the signs are not promising.

WEEK IN PICTURES

NORTH KOREA SHOCK

GANDY IN DATE RIDDLE

2012 OLYMPICS UPDATE

* Editor's Note: Mr Donaldson does not have the time to read this site.

BADDELEY SET FOR MASTERMIND TEST

Andy Baddeley has shelved winter training in order to sharpen up for a forthcoming appearance on the BBC's Mastermind. Baddeley - who claims the show's title was in honour of him - has said that his involvement is inspired by a belief that "Britain is getting thicker". The one-time 3:49 miler is rumoured to be filming as early as February and has chosen a specialist subject of Particle Physics. A spokesman for the Harrrow man has denied speculation that he is only going ahead with idea as sales of his début book Quantum Chromodynamics and the Long Distance Runner: Thoughts and Observations have been disappointing. "Andy is ready to prove to all the world that he has the best mind in the business" said the aide "and above all he just wants to prove that he is an ordinary guy, doing ordinary things."

Baddeley's campaign to prove what his people call "normality" took a backward step over the summer, when the European fifth placer slammed Kenyans for their lack of intelligence. "It was a shame the press chose to focus on that" continued his press secretary "but since then, Andy has made a real effort to show that he is just a normal world class athlete with a double first from Cambridge. For example, just last month he watched five minutes of the X Factor whilst he waited for his show about the history of the Large Electron-Positron Collider to come onto BBC Four."

The part time lecturer at St Mary's is slated to appear on the celebrity edition of the show alongside Big Brother star Kinga Karolczak and Fame Academy winner David Sneddon. Baddeley did concede that he "had never heard" of either rival but hoped for "some lively mathematical related banter" backstage.

SOUTHEND READY TO SPLASH CASH AS TRANSFER WINDOW OPENS

Southend AC have this evening signalled their ambition for the forthcoming summer by approaching no fewer than five big names in the distance running world. The Essex club have recently been taken over by a super-rich paper merchant from Sardinia, who has demanded European Athletics success within the next two years. The Lufbra Echo understands that Southend have made a multi-million pound offer for Morpeth's Nick McCormick and have also expressed an interest in enticing Andrew Lemoncello back to the UK.

Whilst McCormick is well known to be on the look out for a move, it seems unlikely that he would lower himself to Division 3 athletics just for the sake of financial gain. A Morpeth spokesman slammed Southend's "obscene" levels of wealth and said that the club had not ruled out reporting them to UKA. "It's really bad form," thundered the source "they come here with their big Essex chequebooks and try to unsettle our top guys- it's wrong, just wrong". McCormick remained silent on the possibility this evening, but insiders have revealed that the 3:33 1500m could be on the verge of a "career defining move" in the next month.

Lemoncello, meanwhile, was spotted sharing fish and chips with Southend chiefs just last week and sources have let slip that the seaside club could be about to net the British number 1 marathoner. "The Chairman sent a private jet to collect Mr Lemoncello" said the high level aide "it was a really productive discussion and they discussed the merits of setting up a training base in the area." It is understood that Lemoncello "likes the idea of living on an island" and as such is contemplating the purchase of a property on nearby Canvey Island. "We know of a few hills on the isle" continued the source "and so it would be just like training at altitude".

Southend have also had offers for Mo Farah and the athlete formerly known as Geele (now to be called Gala) rejected by Newham and Essex Beagles. However, with Frank Baddick "desperately unhappy" with the new kit at the London club, it looks likely that he will be allowed to leave. Strong Loughborough links have also resulted in leading names such as Gary Bradbury and Rob Whittle "not ruling out" the possibility of a move. "If the set up and club philosophy was right" opined Bradbury "then I would consider the switch. For me, it's all about the feel of a place. If I knew everyone's karma was right then yes, I would look at Southend." A spokesman for the Essex club categorically denied speculation that they were about to or had any intention of ever signing Pete Matthews.

SEAWARD TO BE FINED OVER NEW YEAR SHAME

George Gandy has confirmed that Kevin Seaward is likely to be fined by LSAC after being caught by police with a blood alcohol level of zero. The former Irish International was arrested shortly after 3:30am for being neither drunk nor remotely disorderly and is now having to explain to LSAC chiefs why he was "a shit lad". Gandy was awoken early this morning by PA Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this blog) and demanded immediate talks with Seaward who compounded his shocking behaviour the night before by being "on a run" when the call came through.

"Kevin would have done well to follow the example of Pete Matthews" said an insider at the HiPac "he kept up his extraordinary record of pulling unwilling and rotund girls and even managed to irritate just about everyone he came into contact with." High praise also came for Stephen Emery, who told shocked bystanders that he was a "dead cert" for the next six Birmingham Leagues. "Emery really let himself go last night" said the source "it was good to see, although we don't actively encourage pretending that bar tables are podiums, it is better than doing nothing at all."

Seaward has remained largely silent today, although he did use his Twitter feed to reveal that he had "a meeting with the boss". The Belfast man continued: "just heading off now, scary stuff!" Sources close to him have revealed that he is "upset with himself more than anything" for failing to mount a respectable showing. "Kevin freely admits that his story telling is at its strongest after a few drinks" said the friend "he wanted to try it sober and we all now agree that it failed miserably. He is looking forward to being able to prove himself at the next available opportunity."