Andy Baddeley has blamed “inane conversations with stupid athletes” for his less than impressive form this season. In a revealing interview with the Lufbra Echo, the British number one bemoaned the intelligence of the average Kenyan. “Let’s face it,” said the Cambridge graduate, “[the Kenyans] aren’t on the same level as me. They’re dull and I can’t stand making small talk with anybody- least of all them.” Baddeley, who claims to be in the shape of his life athletically, has not troubled his personal records since 2008 but has refused to let this get to him. “With 150m to go at the European Championships I was certain I would win the Gold Medal,” said the Harrow man, “but then I realised that my IQ was higher than the rest of the field put together and it put me right off.” Baddeley also said that his campaign for all athletes to be degree educated was not going as well as he might have hoped. “It’s for everyone’s benefit,” thundered the one time 3:49 miler, “I just can’t stand sitting in call rooms with a procession of dumb ass Kenyans staring blankly into space or at their managers. I tried to strike up a conversation with Asbel Kiprop about the complexities of particle physics and he didn’t know what I was talking about.”
Baddeley, who says that his part time lecturing at St. Mary’s is charity work for the “intellectually challenged”, has been forced to mount a rigorous defence of his racing tactics this season. Steve Cram and Brendan Foster both felt that he overestimated his ability to kick away from his rivals in the European Championships. “What an earth do they [Cram and Foster] know about how to run a race? I really do get tired of simpletons telling me what to do,” said the fifth placer, “I executed my races perfectly; it was just my realisation of how intelligent I am comparatively wrought havoc with my psychophysiology.” Many have also questioned Baddeley’s decision to stick with New Balance as his sponsor despite lucrative approaches from Nike and Adidas: “This is because New Balance understand my intellectual quality,” he explained whilst showing off his Graduation certificates from Cambridge, “Nike is for idiots who can’t handle more complex logos.”