RUNNING ‘GOOD FOR YOU’ SHOCK

A study emerging from the University of North Dunstable has left the running community reeling this lunchtime as it has been revealed that running has “some positive health impacts.” The study, led by the same academic who revealed sprinters to be unintelligent earlier in the year, concludes that running could lead to “healthy weight loss, increases in fitness and all round good living.” The results- which were supposed to stay under wraps until later this year- have left many runners “absolutely stunned.” Said one member of Epsom Oddballs Running Club: “I can’t believe that running might be good for your health. This is a massive development and will make me think twice about my jog later.” It is thought that the same research is set to highlight that smoking “might be bad for you” and that eating too many cakes “may lead to weight gain.” Speaking at an event in Liverpool, Prime Minister David Cameron paid tribute to the work of the University of North Dunstable, stating that “[the researchers] were producing vital revelations on a regular basis.” Professor W.A. Ster, whose recent research showed that Afghanistan was "jolly dangerous", is now set to launch his new study into whether it is possible to run the qualifying standard for the European Championships "just because you said you would".