GANDY CONTEMPLATES PORTUGAL RETURN AFTER NIGHT OF SCANDAL

David Howe will have a meeting with George Gandy and other LSAC Chiefs upon his return to Loughborough after he was accused of spiking an unnamed athlete’s drink yesterday evening. The athlete required minor medical treatment after reacting badly to a Double Vodka and Red Bull despite asking his hapless coach for a straight energy drink. When interviewed by the Lufbra Echo this morning, Howe was unrepentant and cited a need for his charge to “relax”. The Canadian explained, “when I was running I had some of my best sessions the morning after drinking heavily....how was I to know that he was allergic to alcohol?” The incident was one of several that has left Gandy and the rest of his team reeling with some insiders indicating that the guru is contemplating travelling back to LSAC’s warm weather camp.

“Stephen Emery is a genuine concern,” said our source, “he has really gone off the rails since winning the session earlier in the week- he was really quite inflammatory towards Chris [Warburton].” Emery was seen leaving a casino in the early hours of the morning and was later spotted completing his long run just before 8am. Earlier in the evening, the Coventry Godiva man could be heard shouting at Warburton “where were you on Tuesday night?” in reference to his annihilation of the Notts AC man over 1200m- Warburton comfortably beat Emery at yesterday afternoon’s session. Gandy confirmed that Emery was now likely to be fined and could face exlusion from the BUCS Outdoors early next month.

Elsewhere, UK Athletics apprentice coach Alasdair Donaldson was released from a Vilamoura police cell without charge after he was accused of “boring police officers to tears” with stories about “the good old days”. A police spokesman condemned the Scot for “dangerous behaviour” after the incident. “If there had been a genuine emergency, our officers would not have been able to respond,” said Mr. Pedro “they became seriously fatigued after hearing yet another story about the size of ice creams and the whiteness of the walls in the late 1990s”.

Gandy is also said to be “distressed” to hear of an attempt by Gary Bradbury to steal a yacht. The 1500m man bungled the theft when he drunkenly slipped on the gangway plunging into the cold water. “Gary saw Pete Matthews out by the lighthouse and wanted to pay him a visit,” sighed Gandy, “it’s just lucky that Matt Sullivan was on hand to dive in and save him”. Gandy also conceded that he was starting to have doubts over his blundering deputies’ ability to control the group of unruly athletes. “I have fielded calls from the Prime Minister today asking me to explain why Charlotte Best was seen on the roof of a bar at 4:30am,” harrumphed LSAC’s director, “Dave and Alasdair really need to get their act together.”

MEADOWS EASES INTO SEMIS DESPITE SUNGLASSES SCARE

Jenny Meadows has qualified for the semi-final of the 800m at the World Indoor Championships in spite of losing her sunglasses just hours before the start of her race. It is thought that they were "hidden" by cheeky 1500m star, Charlotte Best. Meadows, who is one of the favorites in her event, was seen frantically searching for the missing shades when she should have been warming up. All the while, Best had stashed them away in her hotel room and only owned up to the prank with minutes to spare.

Speaking to journalists after her heat, the Team GB captain said that she "was all set to withdraw" from the Championships. "I was on the phone to my travel agent booking a flight home. I have to wear those sunglasses or else it is all pointless...it's really disappointing when someone does that, hides things. I am really upset." Best for her part conceded that the joke went too far. "Jess Ennis was supposed to hand them over after about an hour, but she said that they were nice shades and wanted to keep them....it took a lot of convincing."

UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart said that he would be putting a stop to any future pranks. "This is not a jolly, well not for the athletes at least," said the main man from a theme park, "the moment they [the athletes] start enjoying themselves is the moment we start having problems...it's unacceptable." The Scot then broke off the interview as he had to order an ice cream for Niels De Vos (UKA Chief Executive) who was holding their place in the Banana Boat queue.