IDOWU ANGERED BY TWITTER BAN

Phillips Idowu has revealed that Charles Van Commonee has confiscated his mobile telephone and personal computer "for the rest of the season" and banned the Triple Jump star from "going near a computer". Van Commonee - who branded Idowu a "clown" on the BBC - is said to be furious that the Belgrave Harrier used Twitter to withdraw from this weekend's European Team Championships.

"It's a total joke" thundered Idowu from a phone box "who the hell does he think he is? I'm the World Champion and yet I can't be trusted with a mobile phone. Ridiculous." The triple jump ace added that it "was none of Van Commonee's business" what he did online. "Where exactly is Charles' Gold medal?" pondered Idowu "when he wants some fashion advice he should call me."

Idowu went on to say that the ban was having a "negative impact" on his performance because he was unable to call the AA when his new car broke down last week. "I tried to fashion a device with a paper cup and a bit of string, but it didn't work" said Idowu "in the rain, the cup just disintegrated".

Van Commonee has defended his decision, but faces serious problems within the Team GB camp after Helen Clitheroe was caught on Facebook chat after lights out yesterday evening and Dwain Chambers was found to be "following" the out of favour Idowu on Twitter. Meanwhile, a row has erupted within the BBC after Denise Lewis 'unfriended' Colin Jackson in a row thought to be over shoes and Jonathan Edwards revealed that he didn't even know what Twitter was.

EDWARDS COY ON TORCH BEARER ROLE

Jonathan Edwards has said that he would be "honoured" to light the Olympic torch at next year's London Olympics. The announcement comes just days after Dame Kelly Holmes launched her own bid to become the flame bearer under the strapline DK to Shoot Up. Holmes, who says that she is "the clear choice", told her On Camp With Kelly group that they must "forget about" their summer seasons and spend their time "hitting Facebook, Twitter and everything else" to get the bid going. Holmes is understood to count Edwards amongst her key rivals.

"I'm not saying that I'm putting myself forward" Edwards told Radio Five Live "but it would be a real honour. I know that Seb [His Lordship, Sebastian Newbold Coe] and I go way back and it would be nice to think that loyalty is repaid - not that I'm interested". The Triple Jump World Record holder - whom the echo revealed to be a twerp last year - dismissed a suggestion that fellow BBC commentator Steve Cram could be in with a shout: "it's a real shame Steve never managed to get that Olympic Gold. I guess that that is a pre-requisite".

Meanwhile, the Office of His Lordship have confirmed that they have received "a number of gifts" for the Baron in recent weeks. It is understood that Brendan Foster sent in a "selection of his favourite cakes", David Beckham provided a case of fine wine, whilst Tom Daly (the diver) sent in his favourite cuddly toy. Kelly Sotherton is believed to have emailed a video file marked "for the Lord's eyes only" as her pitch for glory.

"These bribes won't make a difference" said the Lord's Deputy Director of Being Like An Everyday Guy (North West Region) "the BBC have already stipulated that the Opening Ceremony must feature Jessica Ennis in every shot, so our hands are tied on this one. We did however really enjoy eating the chocolates that Paula Radcliffe sent in".

BRENDAN FOSTER SACKED FOR RAISED EYEBROW

Brendan Foster is to have his contract with the BBC terminated after he raised an eyebrow at Jessica Ennis, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The tubby ex-athlete has been the subject of a torrent of Twitter abuse after a YouTube clip came to light showing him "engaging in an adult conversation about athletics" and "complementing [Ennis] on her good performance last year". "This sort of behaviour is absolutely out of order" thundered a senior Beeb executive "we have made this absolutely clear to Brendan and as a result he will not be working with us again". Foster has not commented officially but he is understood to be "devastated" to have been stripped of his job. "Bren is not a dinosaur" said a close friend "in fact, he views everyone on their own merits and so such behaviour is completely out of character".

Foster is not the only boorish BBC male in hot water. News of his dismissal comes as sound recordings of John Inverdale and Jonathan Edwards discussing the fact that Jemma Simpson had "a nice running style" have been made available online. BBC insiders have told of how this is representative of "an awful atmosphere that belongs in the 1950s". "It's appalling to work around such bigots" said the anonymous source "the other week whilst we were covering the Edinburgh Cross Country, Steve Cram offered me his coat as it was cold. How dated is that attitude? I was hurt and upset, but fear for my job if I go public".

The BBC are reeling from the incidents this evening and it looks inevitable that tough action awaits those who fail to comply with the anti sex discrimination guidelines. "It is high time that female athletes a judged on how they perform rather than how they look" said one such female athlete shortly after a photo shoot "this pre-historic behaviour is appalling".

FULL COVERAGE OF SEX-GATE SCANDAL IN THE ECHO:
- Do women really know the false start rule?
- Why is the women's discuss lighter than the men's? Isn't this discrimination?
- Andy Gray to become Head of Female Athletics at UKA
- Outrage as UKA official "looks female in the eye"

THE ECHO ASKS: IS THIS MAN SINGLE HANDEDLY KILLING ATHLETICS?

Wanted: Edwards is suspected of "crimes against athletics"

In a shocking report seen by the Lufbra Echo Jonathan Edwards has been accused of being "absolutely responsible" for destroying the interest in British athletics. The world triple jump record holder - affectionately known as Jedwards by his colleagues - has been presenting on the BBC for the past few years and viewers are said to be "turning off in disgust."

"He's unbearable" thundered one Rita from Tunbridge Wells "smug, dismissive, ignorant and dull....I turn the sound down when he comes on." The report commissioned by the BBC Trust and written by academics at the University of North Dunstable said that Edwards' hair was becoming "an increasing concern". "The style of spiked follicles via the use of a hair gel formula" said the authors "is more at home on entertainment programs such as the X Factor than athletics coverage".

Edwards took some heavy criticism after his dismal showing at the European Athletics Championships and many thought that he would not be appearing as the anchor again. However, with Steve Cram and Brendan Foster citing an "adverse reaction to snow" and Sue Barker refusing to work at Winter, Beeb executives were left with no option but to hand the microphone to the hapless Edwards. "We are aware of a number of complaints surrounding Mr Edwards" said a spokesman "this is something we are looking into and can confirm that it was an executive decision to ask Mr Edwards not to wear his earring ever again."

The news comes as a blow to Edwards who was the subject of a similar report last year confirming his credentials as something of a twerp. He will be hoping that the relatively unwatched indoor season will allow him scope to revive his fading reputation.

NEW AGE FOR SKY AS MNF RETURNS

It isn’t athletics but it should be. Sky’s brand spanking new series of Monday Night Football returned to our screens last week and it didn’t half do it in style. Richard Keys and Andy Gray put the footballing world to rights with the very latest gadgets and gismos including – as we discovered this week – an indoor mini-pitch. “We don’t really need technology for this, do we?” pondered Keys of one incident. The usually perfectly sensible anchor was surely speaking somewhat ironically given that the whole premise of this ridiculous and unnecessary hour long build-up to the Monday Night match relies on pointless and malfunctioning technology. This week, the “boys downstairs” ran a Stoke non-goal through a computer that magically removed all the other players on the pitch clearly showing that the ball was over the line. “He [referee Chris Foy] will know in his heart of hearts that he should have got that right,” opined Gray of the incident lasting less than a second, having had the opportunity to look at it several million times from several million angles.

Elsewhere, the problem of penalties was thoroughly addressed. “Is the balance of power shifting towards keepers?” asked Keys, “Why?” snapped Gray. Err, because more are being saved than ever before. “Here we have a left footed goalkeeper,” puzzled Keys, “who chooses to dive to the left. Anything in that theory?” Five minutes, probably 30 researcher hours, several thousand pounds and a tired audience later, it was concluded that keepers may or may not be advantaged at the moment and amazingly there may just be something in Keynes’ theory. “So what I’m saying is,” said Gray in a light bulb moment, “if a keeper goes the right way, he has a chance of saving it.” Right, well that’s money well spent then. Afterwards, as if desperate to justify his £25,000 per week price tag, Gray revealed that he had “been thinking about penalties for a couple of weeks.” Uh oh! Sounds dangerous. Indeed it was: “I’m right handed, Richard, so I would go to my right….I’ve been talking to the lads in the office all day….and it’s noticeable that the keepers who are right handed went big right.” Ok fine, but what about Ben Foster? He’s left footed isn’t he? And yet he went right. “Yes, but is he right handed? I was left footed and right handed.” Phew.

Here comes the tenuous link! Wouldn’t it be great if the BBC invested in the same technology for their athletics coverage? Steve Cram and Brendan Foster could thrash out the complexities of the Bekele kick on a virtual track, Jonathon Edwards could thoroughly examine Philips Idowu’s take off having removed everything except his spike. Colin Jackson could play with the heights of the hurdles to debate whether if they were an inch taller, David Oliver would be as proficient. The possibilities are endless. Surely even Phil Jones could use it; a crowd-o-metre could measure “supporter impact” and then comparisons could be drawn with other crowds around the world. Inverdale could be seen hovering above the stadium, conducting things in his Godfather-like way, whilst Denise Lewis could….well, there are always going to be some flaws.

It surely won’t be long before grumblings emerge about the lack of technology in the Beeb’s coverage. The very least they should get is one of the snazzy new iPads that Keys has replaced his clip-board with, even if it was deemed “a bit heavy” last week. Watch this space.

INVERDALE UNDERLINES MONOPOLY, BUT THERE’S NO ESCAPING PHIL JONES

“And a word, Tyson about the crowd?” The obligatory ‘crowd question’ dominates just about all of the BBC’s Phil Jones’ interviews, as if the crowd is that much different from any other the world class athletes have competed in front of on the European circuit (or indeed the Olympic Games or World Championships). Jones is never content with just a cursory “it’s always nice when the spectators are so enthusiastic”. Such a flippant response will be met with a follow up: “but what about this crowd?” Yesterday, Blanka Vlasic was deemed to have sounded less than absolutely ecstatic about the crowd support and so Jones tried a different angle: "in this weather too". Seemingly, there is no escaping the man with the BBC microphone as some bright spark at the Beeb came up with the idea that he could be a ‘roaming’ reporter from now on. Gone are the days when disappointed failures can hurry through the mixed zone avoiding eye contact. Now you get the feeling that Jones will chase any potential interviewee all the way back to his/her hotel in order to understand how the crowd may or may not have influenced their performance.

No such problems for John Inverdale who is fast becoming the Godfather of BBC sports coverage. Only the very select few (BBC darling Jess Ennis) got the nod to be interviewed by the great man. Inverdale's interviews are astoundingly effective as there is a feeling of the headmaster's study about his booth: the athlete is almost certainly more in awe of Inverdale than the other way around. If athletes are battling to escape the Jones treatment, any sports fan really can’t get away from Inverdale. Whatever the sport, Inverdale is there: swimming, horse jumping, tennis, golf, rugby, athletics: you name it- he's covering it. Indeed back in June, on what should have been his day off from Wimbledon coverage, the maestro was hurriedly dispatched to Birmingham Alexander stadium to cover for the bungling Jonathan Edwards. One can’t help thinking that the veteran broadcaster does as he wishes as producers are fearful of what could be an almighty kick off. Surely it is no co-incidence that Sue Barker is looking increasingly uncomfortable on A Question of Sport and Gary Lineker looks like a dead man walking on Match of the Day. The Inverdale juggernaut is seemingly unstoppable; just ask Hazel Irvine who has been sent to the wilderness of women's golf, probably after knocking the Godfather's water over or something.

Inverdale’s showing at Crystal Palace after what was an obviously draining European campaign was made to look all the more impressive by the limp displays of Colin Jackson and Denise Lewis. For too long now, these two have failed to deliver and Inverdale was only too ready to pounce on such weakness. And so when it came to analysing Mo Farah’s 3000m, the distance runners in the commentary box were deemed surplus to requirements by the rampant Inverdale who decided to quiz Lewis (a heptathlete) and Jackson (a hurdler) about it instead. In a ‘rabbit caught in headlights’ moment, Lewis concluded that Farah had “given it his all”, which was met with an “absolutely” from Jackson. Inverdale could barely hide the smile from his face.

Happily, Denise Lewis seems totally incapable of saying anything nasty (or indeed of any value). This is perfect for a meeting in which the British athletes undoubtedly crashed back down to earth from the dizzy heights of European glory. “It’s really hard to get yourself motivated for meetings like this after the major Championships” preached Lewis. Is it? The obvious first question is whether an event in which 10.18 seconds is good enough for a silver medal in the 100m can really be classed as “major”; and then there is the question of whether it should matter. We do not hear of many surgeons who, after a patient dies, sigh and say that they were struggling to get over performing well at a “major” operation last week. Sensationally, the only individual who appears to have conceded as much was the much loved Mark ‘most definitely’ Lewis-Francis. “This is what I do for a living,” said the European silver medallist whilst making some strange movements with his hands, “there’s no excuse”. Unfortunately, Lewis-Francis had already humiliated himself by choosing to point enthusiastically at his baton having won the 4x100m relay whilst mouthing to the camera, “I’m number one!” That’s debatable, but what cannot be debated is that the baton was clearly embossed with the number 3. Such stupid behaviour could well be met with an Inverdale summons early next week.

JONATHAN EDWARDS CONFIRMED AS A TWERP

The BBC have announced that a panel of independent medics have found Jonathan Edwards to be “something of a twerp”. The results- which had been widely expected in the broadcasting community- have been hailed as a “relief” by many inside the BBC. “All this really does is reaffirm what we all expected,” said a spokesman, “ever since he wore that earring at the Great North Run last year, we all knew that he was a bit of a fool.” Many in the athletics world have criticised the time it has taken for the results to be published, with some describing the “unbelievable torment” for Edwards and his family. “Can you imagine it?” asked Mr. Edwards’ official spokesperson, “for months we have all wondered- what is he?” The World Triple Jump record holder has not commented on the results, but it now seems unlikely that Edwards will be allowed to work for the BBC again. The Beeb courted much criticism for allowing Edwards to continue to anchor and commentate for them whilst this dispute was on going. A BBC Trust insider revealed how the department “agonised” over whether to permit Edwards’ coverage of the European Trials, but said they were left with no choice owing to the clash with Wimbledon and the World Cup. “Let’s face it,” said the source, “no one watched it.”

People who have known the BBC star for a long time have said that they “always had an inkling” that all was not well. “When he was growing up,” said a family friend, “I used to say to my husband- ‘that lad could be a twerp one day’. Of course we didn’t say anything at the time, but now it makes sense.” Those who competed with him also revealed their suspicions. “He was always odd,” said Dame Kelly Holmes DBE MBE (Mil.), “so no it isn’t a big shock. I think you could see it in the way he jumped- what a twerp!” Paula Radcliffe MBE (Nike) offered Edwards some support, “he is who he is and I think this judgemental world has to accept him for it. I for one will be telephoning him just as soon as my new contract is ironed out”.

It is unclear what the former Olympic Champion will do next, but it seems very unlikely he will be asked to present Songs of Praise again. Edwards, who once refused to compete on Sundays owing to his devout Christian faith, denounced Christianity in 2007 stating: “when you think about it rationally, it does seem incredibly improbable that there is a God.” BBC Chiefs were left seething after he “officially rejected” his life-long conviction later that year, as they had hoped to make him the new poster boy for the Sunday night faith show. “It was the first time that someone in the office said that he may be a twerp,” said an insider, “the investigations all sprang from there.”

UK CHAMPIONSHIPS NEWS

All the major talking points from the weekend.......

MOSES CALLS FOR HAWK EYE INTRODUCTION


FURY: Wayne Rooney shares the news

Lewis Moses has said that he felt “absolutely robbed” of a legitimate place in the 1500m final after being denied on a photo-finish. As it was, the Loughborough based star was forced to pace the final and dropped out after 900m. Speaking after the final, Moses’ frustration was clear. “I could see that I got in,” said the 3:42 man, “everyone in the ground could see that I got in, so why didn’t the officials? It’s very poor.” Calling on the IAAF to “act now”, Moses slammed the “historic” arrangements currently on offer at the finish line. “It seems that we are always talking about this and it is ruining the sport,” Moses told the BBC, “how many more high profile foul ups will it take before someone gets the technology right? Tennis have had Hawk-Eye for years and so should we.” The Prime Minister watched the Championships from the G20 Summit in Canada and added weight to the calls for video technology. David Cameron said: "I'm a keen follower of cricket and tennis and I think the third umpire has been a great thing and the machines that bleep at Wimbledon are quite handy too. Maybe that's something that [athletics] could now have a look at."

ANGER AT FOSTER SNUB

The BBC have revealed that they have been “inundated” with complaints regarding their coverage of the UK Championships this weekend. Angry viewers have complained that the commentary was “far too positive” in the absence of Brendan Foster. It seems that many football fans switched over from England’s humiliation at the hands of Germany hoping to find that athletics was in a far worse state that the national game. “As it was, [Steve Cram] just kept dwelling on the positives,” thundered one disappointed female viewer, “where were the gibes at the demise of distance running? By the time the women’s 800m final was on, I switched off because the positivity was all too much.” The BBC have apologised for the positive slant and have said that they would “do all they can” to ensure that future broadcasts will look at how far athletics has gone backwards in future.

Bad news came for Jonathan Edwards who found himself sidelined after Saturday’s “abysmal” anchoring performance. It now seems very unlikely that the former Olympic Champion will be allowed to perform such a role again as rumours are rife that Denise Lewis and Colin Jackson refused to work with him on the Sunday. A BBC insider said, “he kept talking about himself, even when he was interviewing a distance runner.....and he insisted on carrying a clipboard even though it was clear to everyone that there was nothing on the bloody thing!” The criticism will be particularly hard to take for Edwards, as he ditched his trendy earring (seen briefly at the Beeb’s coverage of the Great North Run last year) in order to take on the more serious role. John Inverdale had to be hurriedly dispatched from Wimbledon in order to “clean up the mess” that Edwards had left. The broadcasting legend was none too pleased at having his Sunday afternoon ruined by the former triple-jumper’s incompetence and pledged to have “firm words” as soon as he catches up with him.

RUSSELL FAILS IN 5K BID


HEARTBREAK: Russell's loyal following declared themselves "proud" of their man

SPIKE ‘DID ALL HE COULD’ TO IMPRESS SELECTORS

UK Athletics mascot, Spike, has said that he “made the best of a bad situation” in an attempt to make the team for Barcelona. The mascot, who has been dogged my injuries all season said that he still hoped he would be able to achieve the ‘B’ standard at the Gateshead Grand Prix in a couple of weeks. “This is my first competitive outing this season,” said the red-skinned star, “I got banned from all BMC meetings and so it is hard to find form. I remain positive and thank all those who stood by me.” Spike was referring to his nationwide ban from all British Milers Club events after he was involved in an infamous bust up with Berlino the Bear (of World Championships fame) last year. UKA courted heavy criticism for standing by their mascot despite the fact that he was clearly seen to strike the blue-skinned bear in the face. It is rumoured that Berlino made “disparaging remarks” about Spike’s lineage (he is a cousin of the Manchester United mascot Fred the Red) and professed himself to be a Liverpool fan. The pair had to be separated by police and their conduct is still the subject of an independent investigation. The Chief Executive of the BMC said that he was left with “no choice” but to issue Spike with a lifetime ban as he had “clearly brought the sport into disrepute.”

AAAs AND MORE......

BIRMINGHAM SET FOR UK CHAMPS

Security is set to be “tighter than ever before” at the UK Championships, according to UKA insiders. It is believed that UKA have tightened the ticketing policy after thousands of touts were arrested outside the ground last year and many fans were turned away having bought counterfeit tickets. The ugly scenes that appeared on the final Sunday of the 2009 event- with many desperate supporters charging the gate in a bid to get inside- are the subject of an ongoing judicial review, the results of which will be published later this year. A senior UKA source said that lessons would be learned from past mistakes. “The police have doubled their provision,” said the member of Neils De Vos’ office, “I think it is fair to say we underestimated the animosity that existed between rival sets of fans last year.” Crowd segregation is to be “absolute” for the first time since the Coe-Ovett era, a time that saw many hooligans handed life bans.

On the track, UKA chiefs have been keen to play down rumours that the distance events will suffer from being so close to the Trafford Grand Prix to be held on Tuesday. Event organisers from Stretford have been talking up their “tremendous fields” and “cast iron guarantees from top guns” and this has angered some inside UKA. “I am certain that the National Championships will prevail,” said UKA’s events secretary, “we have made it clear to all at Trafford that such scheduling in future will be viewed very dimly.”

BEEB COMMITS TO ‘MORE COVERAGE THAN EVER’

The BBC have confirmed that the athletics will be given “prime time billing” and as such “at least 45 minutes” of live action will be shown over the course of the weekend. It is at this stage unclear who will be anchoring the coverage as Sue Barker is tied up at Wimbledon and the rest of the BBC Sport team has been dispatched to South Africa. An insider said, “to be honest, we could have done with England going out on Wednesday. We need some guys back here.” Jonathan Edwards once again “failed to impress” in his anchorage of the European Team Championships last weekend, and thus it seems likely that Hazel Irvine will be brought out of the wilderness she has inhabited since the now infamous Crystal Palace-gate last year. Irvine courted heavy criticism after looking like she was about to “burst with excitement” at the news of a failed Jamaican drug test and was accused of “going to pieces” when attempting to interview Usain Bolt. The BBC have not yet confirmed whether Phil Jones will be available to ask athletes “how they feel”, as he was last seen harassing exhausted tennis players in SW19.

CAPELLO IN SHOCK VISIT TO McLEOD PREPARATION SESSION



VAN COMMENEE SUPPORTS DRUG CHEATS ‘BECAUSE HE GREW UP IN AMSTERDAM’

Angry Eightlaners have hit out at UKA’s performance chief after he was seen to show support to Britain’s number one sprinter, Dwain Chambers. In some fearful reviews on the popular running forum, Van Commonee is accused of “[spending] many of his formative years in the cafes of Amsterdam” on the grounds that he lived “in the suburbs” as a youngster. The anonymous poster, who presumably did not spend many of his/her formative years in the schools of England, went on to add “someone in UKA who does understand the British public needs to have a quiet word”. ‘Outlook’, clearly horrified by the situation, added: “there is wacky backy and hash cake on sale in every city centre bar”. This, coupled with his “suicidal” backing of Chambers, clearly proves that Van Commenee must have spent his entire childhood doped up and is now causing “Women’s Institute types [to be] switching off their televisions in disgust” [‘Point’ et al.,2010]. One can’t help but feel that the Dutchman’s position is now untenable and his resignation will surely follow.

ISNER AND MAHUT MATCH LONGER THAN RADCLIFFE TRAINING RUN

The Wimbledon tennis match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut lasted longer than one of Paula Radcliffe’s ‘medium length’ runs. The revelation comes as Radcliffe lambasted members of the press for praising the two players’ staying power. “This is the problem with tennis players,” fumed the usually placid Radcliffe, “they stay on court for a little longer than they would have hoped and suddenly they want they earth. It’s pathetic.” Revealing that she has “warmed down for longer than their entire match”, Radcliffe maintained that she did not train too hard. “If other people spent the time I did running, then maybe we wouldn’t be in the mess that we are now in,” she said from her toe strengthening suite, “my injuries are nothing to do with over training.” In an unusually vocal mood, Radcliffe also furiously denied speculation that her next child would be named ‘Nike’.