EMERY FURY OVER 'CHEATING' SLUR

Stephen Emery has expressed his "absolute horror" at being branded a cheat by some of his contemporaries. The £20m Coventry Godiva man was accused of "not behaving in the spirit of the occasion" at a water park visit during his warm weather training trip to Portugal this afternoon. A high-stakes race was organised on a five lane water slide with many of Emery's most bitter rivals taking part. The 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man was disqualified in his heat after false-starting but immediately appealed the decision on the grounds that "a whistle from the crowd" had distracted him. A small scuffle ensued resulting in both Emery and Altrincham's Andy Norman being dragged away by race officials. 

The upshot of the 90 minute steward's inquiry was Emery's reinstatement in a re-run of his heat, with the determined 23 year-old easing into the semi-finals. However, the Godiva star had to put up with boos from the 23,000 spectators and cries of "cheat" as he stretched between rounds. Visibly shaken by the atmosphere, Emery only scraped into the final where he was once again disqualified for what he called a "harsh" false-start. The race was eventually won by the largely unfancied Shane Kerr.

Speaking afterwards, Emery made no effort to hide his displeasure at the circumstances of his defeat. "You work your whole winter for an event like this" he blasted "and then an incident like that ruins the whole day.  I am not a cheat. I would never cheat. It is a personal insult to be called one". On his disqualification in the final, Emery harrumphed that the starter "didn't know what he was doing" and held competitors for far too long. "Total amateurs" thundered the BUCS Bronze medalist "I will never compete here again".

SNOWBALL 'NOT TO BLAME' FOR LEAMINGTON DISASTER: GANDY

George Gandy has this evening reassured Ben Snowball that his job as Cross Country Captain is safe after Loughborough's famous cross country squad slumped to dismal showing at the weekend's first Birmingham League at Leamington. Sunday's News of the World carried the headline SNOWBALL MELTS UNDER PRESSURE and reported that "Loughborough chiefs were planning to axe the new skipper by the end of the week". Speaking from a press conference today, Gandy dismissed such rumours as "nonsense". "Just because it has taken me 48 hours to make a comment, you jump to the incorrect conclusion that Ben's job is under threat," thundered a stony faced guru, "nothing could be further from the truth. Ben is very much the man for the moment."

Snowball's meteoric and quite unexpected elevation to captain has been met with derision from some. A statement of protest from disgraced former president Rob Hodges last week did not help matters and yesterday, Canadian assistant coach David Howe called on the club to address the "crisis of leadership" facing it. "It's about who can motivate the guys," said Howe "I don't think Ben can do that because nobody knows who he is". Snowball himself exclusively told the Echo that Saturday's performance was "depressing" but stopped short of giving up hope. "I think when Pete Matthews actually decides to man up and compete things will be a lot better- no one wants to be beaten by him!"

Whilst Snowball's position is safe at the moment, it is unlikely Gandy and his colleagues will look kindly on the potential of relegation to the second tier of Birmingham competition and a club insider has said that the Aldershot man's days are numbered. "They want to bring in a big name to get us out of this mess," said the source, "there is a lot of talk of Shane Kerr taking it back for the rest of the season, but anything can happen."

Coming Soon:
- SNOWBALL: WE CAN STAY UP
- WHAT HAS GONE WRONG AT LOUGHBOROUGH?
- IS ALASDAIR DONALDSON TO BLAME?
- THE DAY LOUGHBOROUGH LOST ITS SENSE OF HUMOUR: INSIDE STORY

SNOWBALL EYES CROSS SUCCESS

Loughborough's controversial new Cross Country Captain has stated his aim to win the Birmingham League this season and so mark an extended period in the wilderness of underachievement. Although not explicitly criticising his predecessors, Snowball did say that he was "hurt" by the record of the African Violets. "I see us as the Arsenal of Cross Country" said the lifelong Tottenham Hotspur fan "we have some really stylish and beautiful runners who achieve absolutely nothing. I aim to overcome that".

Snowball - whose finest hour came at this year's National Cross Country Championships - has made a promising start to his reign as skipper. Having already outlawed the wearing of international kit on easy runs, Snowball went on to ban the popular craze of wearing headbands during sessions. An insider at the club said that whilst some of the more established names (such as beaten Captaincy Candidate, Pete Matthews) were upset at the changes, the majority were going along with it for "the good of the club".

Snowball himself acknowledges the enormous challenge that faces him. With the club crippled with debt, it is unlikely that the free spending of past captains such as Ed Womersley, Shane Kerr and ***** **** will be able to continue. "There's no secret that things are tough around here," said the skipper, who has himself taken a 5% pay cut to just £150,000 a week "but I want to build a team of strong guys who get the job done. This is why I have sent a memo round saying that gloves will not be allowed at any Cross race this season. I have also banned dropping out of sessions."

Snowball's critics have labelled his plans "unworkable" and "poorly thought through". "How can he make dropping out of sessions illegal when Pete Matthews trains here?" grumbled one insider "and there will be a lot of people upset about his ban on looking at yourself whilst running as well." Further bad news came for Matthews when all name dropping was barred and the rampaging skipper has also put a stop to the potentially lethal fad of watching yourself in the windows of cars after dark. It is believed that such vanity nearly brought a premature end to Andrew Mariani's season just last week.

Elsewhere, Stephen Emery remains "very upset" at the limit that has been slapped on his usage of Physio Vouchers. The Coventry man was left stunned when he was informed that Snowball had limited all athletes to just five visits per term in the name of austerity. "Doesn't he know who I am?" thundered Emery from a charity event over the weekend, "I'm a f*****g BUCS medallist! This guy is a total joke." Snowball is seemingly not fazed by such criticism and refused to engage in any discussion of "jumped up little nobodies".

PORTUGAL ROUND-UP

With the country still reeling from "the biggest influx of endurance athletes in the history of the world", the Lufbra Echo looks at the day's big stories....

MAJESTIC MACQUARRIE STUNS GREEN TO TAKE ALL YOU CAN EAT CROWN

“The real winner was the sport,” enthused observers of yesterday evening’s All You Can Eat Carvery Contest. David Macquarrie was quite simply superb. Having already devoured “a mountain” of his own food- the Leeds man then moved on to Ben Green’s half eaten sprouts and Yorkshire puddings. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo after the event, Macquarrie told of “a long road” back to form since being humiliated in Loughborough’s Jaffa Cake Challenge last year. “It was tough,” said the new champion, “I had to ask myself whether this was the sport for me....I had some really dark moments.” Those dark moments were clearly behind him yesterday as, after a “tactical” false start, he kicked away from established names such as Shane Kerr and Rob Hodges. No one can deny that such brilliance is just the shot in the arm the sport needed after a string of negative headlines in recent weeks. The turgid affair that was Paul Walker’s Jaffa Cake victory, followed by allegations surrounding James Griffiths “soaking” biscuits before competitions, has done little for the image of eating contests. “It’s a great day for us all,” said the Chair of UK Eating (UKE), “we can certainly build on this success and perhaps attract a better deal from Sky Sports next year.”

It was not all good news, however. Rob Hodges, venturing back to competition for the first time since failing in his ‘Dairy Milk Challenge’ last year, was unable to rediscover the form that saw him down two medium pizzas in one sitting. In truth, it was a disappointing outing from the outgoing LSAC Chair, who was unable to even match Stephen ‘sensible’ Emery’s six roast potatoes. Hodges headed straight into his warm down after the competition and his spokesman said that he would not be giving any interviews.

HOWE ‘WILL NOT APOLOGISE’ OVER SPIT-GATE

David Howe has been accused of “despicable behaviour” after he was spotted spitting at one of his top athletes. The male athlete, who has asked not be named, told the Echo that he was “traumatised” by the insult. “I want to stand up to this bullying,” said the anonymous source, “but I am afraid that it will jeopardise my place in LSAC’s team”. However, the Canadian born Howe was unrepentant. Claiming that he has “no recollection” of the incident, he accused his charge of being “a pussy”. “There are some guys who just need to toughen up a bit; this is why British running is going to the wall.” When asked whether he will be sitting down to discuss the incident with the athlete, Howe refused to commit to any course of action. “It’s about him and not me....this isn’t really the place for personal discussions”. A spokesman for LSAC did confirm that "a certain athlete" was receiving counselling after an "unfortunate incident" during yesterday's training. It is rumoured (although not confirmed) that the athlete involved is demanding an immediate apology as well as a new pair of trainers as he "cannot even look at" the pair he wore during the run in dispute.

GANDY CONCEDES APRIL FOOLS PRANK ‘WENT TOO FAR’

George Gandy will travel to Lisbon tomorrow to offer a “full and unqualified apology” to the Portuguese Government after sparking mass panic in the country by telling a police officer that the Spanish were about to invade. Portuguese media broke into normal coverage to warn country-folk to stock up on “water and other essentials” in order to prepare for a “long and bloody conflict.” Portugal’s special forces were also placed on standby as senior government officials were rushed into war bunkers. Queues outside supermarkets were said to exceed an hour’s wait and retailers quickly ran out of eggs, milk, bottled water and Christiano Ronaldo calendars. Said one Vilamoura resident, “it’s crazy. I only went in to pick up some baby oil for my three-month old, but there are a group of sprinters here and they’ve got it all.” Gandy is said to have approached the officer early yesterday morning after being egged on by Canadian assistant, David Howe. It is believed that Howe, who maintains that he “was only kidding”, went for a run after making the suggestion and was appalled to discover that the LSAC Director had gone through with it on his return. An insider described “a blazing row” between the pair that ended with Howe hiding Gandy’s hair gel.