MANCHESTER CITY GAMES NEWS

Ahead of this weekend's big event in the London of the North, the lufbra echo excites in the build up


OHURUOGU 'FORGETS' TO PAY FOR PARKING

The Olympic 400m Champion has been slapped with a £70.00 fine by Manchester City Council after failing to pay and display during a shopping trip. It is understood that Ohuruogu will appeal the fine on the grounds that she had to "change her shopping plans at the last minute" and "with all the other stress of being an athlete" shouldn't be expected to remember to pay for parking her 4x4 with blacked out windows.

CHAMBERS BANNED FROM ENTERING 'THE NORTH'

Belgrave's Dwain Chambers has been asked not to venture north of the Watford Gap this weekend on the grounds that he may bring adverse publicity to an event designed to laud the success of Track & Field. It is understood that the sprint king successfully appealed an action from the organisers to ask him to leave the country. Greek sprint darling Katerina Thanou is a guest at tonight's gala dinner.

GEB WARNED AFTER PUSHING OVER GAY

Haile Gebrsalassie has been sanctioned by UK Athletics after attempting to push Tyson Gay into the Manchester Canal during a photo-shoot. The marathon world record holder reduced Gay to tears after repeated taunts about his inability to beat Usain Bolt. An insider revealed that the Ethiopian "told Tyson that even Bolt was a part timer and still much better than him. It was then that he pushed him over but he didn't quite fall in the canal". UKA held a private meeting between the two parties but refused to elaborate on what action - if any - would be taken.

24 HOUR SECURITY PROMISED AFTER THEFT

The 150m straight track was stolen by some visiting Liverpudlians, the lufbra echo can reveal. It is understood that the group - thought to be associated with Liverpool Harriers and led by Johnny Mellor - rolled the track up and put in the back of a Vauxhaull Astra estate (1.6l, XXXL exhaust, no hubcaps). Officials have condemned the theft and stated that David Oliver had now been placed on permanent guard of the new track.

INVERDALE UNDERLINES MONOPOLY, BUT THERE’S NO ESCAPING PHIL JONES

“And a word, Tyson about the crowd?” The obligatory ‘crowd question’ dominates just about all of the BBC’s Phil Jones’ interviews, as if the crowd is that much different from any other the world class athletes have competed in front of on the European circuit (or indeed the Olympic Games or World Championships). Jones is never content with just a cursory “it’s always nice when the spectators are so enthusiastic”. Such a flippant response will be met with a follow up: “but what about this crowd?” Yesterday, Blanka Vlasic was deemed to have sounded less than absolutely ecstatic about the crowd support and so Jones tried a different angle: "in this weather too". Seemingly, there is no escaping the man with the BBC microphone as some bright spark at the Beeb came up with the idea that he could be a ‘roaming’ reporter from now on. Gone are the days when disappointed failures can hurry through the mixed zone avoiding eye contact. Now you get the feeling that Jones will chase any potential interviewee all the way back to his/her hotel in order to understand how the crowd may or may not have influenced their performance.

No such problems for John Inverdale who is fast becoming the Godfather of BBC sports coverage. Only the very select few (BBC darling Jess Ennis) got the nod to be interviewed by the great man. Inverdale's interviews are astoundingly effective as there is a feeling of the headmaster's study about his booth: the athlete is almost certainly more in awe of Inverdale than the other way around. If athletes are battling to escape the Jones treatment, any sports fan really can’t get away from Inverdale. Whatever the sport, Inverdale is there: swimming, horse jumping, tennis, golf, rugby, athletics: you name it- he's covering it. Indeed back in June, on what should have been his day off from Wimbledon coverage, the maestro was hurriedly dispatched to Birmingham Alexander stadium to cover for the bungling Jonathan Edwards. One can’t help thinking that the veteran broadcaster does as he wishes as producers are fearful of what could be an almighty kick off. Surely it is no co-incidence that Sue Barker is looking increasingly uncomfortable on A Question of Sport and Gary Lineker looks like a dead man walking on Match of the Day. The Inverdale juggernaut is seemingly unstoppable; just ask Hazel Irvine who has been sent to the wilderness of women's golf, probably after knocking the Godfather's water over or something.

Inverdale’s showing at Crystal Palace after what was an obviously draining European campaign was made to look all the more impressive by the limp displays of Colin Jackson and Denise Lewis. For too long now, these two have failed to deliver and Inverdale was only too ready to pounce on such weakness. And so when it came to analysing Mo Farah’s 3000m, the distance runners in the commentary box were deemed surplus to requirements by the rampant Inverdale who decided to quiz Lewis (a heptathlete) and Jackson (a hurdler) about it instead. In a ‘rabbit caught in headlights’ moment, Lewis concluded that Farah had “given it his all”, which was met with an “absolutely” from Jackson. Inverdale could barely hide the smile from his face.

Happily, Denise Lewis seems totally incapable of saying anything nasty (or indeed of any value). This is perfect for a meeting in which the British athletes undoubtedly crashed back down to earth from the dizzy heights of European glory. “It’s really hard to get yourself motivated for meetings like this after the major Championships” preached Lewis. Is it? The obvious first question is whether an event in which 10.18 seconds is good enough for a silver medal in the 100m can really be classed as “major”; and then there is the question of whether it should matter. We do not hear of many surgeons who, after a patient dies, sigh and say that they were struggling to get over performing well at a “major” operation last week. Sensationally, the only individual who appears to have conceded as much was the much loved Mark ‘most definitely’ Lewis-Francis. “This is what I do for a living,” said the European silver medallist whilst making some strange movements with his hands, “there’s no excuse”. Unfortunately, Lewis-Francis had already humiliated himself by choosing to point enthusiastically at his baton having won the 4x100m relay whilst mouthing to the camera, “I’m number one!” That’s debatable, but what cannot be debated is that the baton was clearly embossed with the number 3. Such stupid behaviour could well be met with an Inverdale summons early next week.

NEWS IN BRIEF

WOMEN’S STEEPLE FACES HATCHET

The women’s 3,000m steeplechase will not be included in the programme for the 2012 Olympic Games, because Sebastian Coe “doesn’t much like” Hatti Dean. The former World 800m Record holder has been under pressure from the cost-cutting Coalition Government to somehow reduce the £9 billion budget currently set for the Games. In an extraordinary press conference, the Chairman of LOCOG attacked the steeplechase, branding it a “waste of space” and also reserved firm words for the “nasty and manipulative” Dean. “I hate her,” said Coe, “I hate the way she looks, I hate the way she runs and I hate the way she hurdles. If I had my way, I would just introduce a blanket ban on Deans being allowed to compete.” Coe is said to be upset because he "doesn't like hats". "What a stupid name!" thundered Coe, "I hate people who go around wearing hats- particularly in races, like that **** Dave Wottle".

McLEOD SNUB ANGERS UNIONS

Trade Unions have called for athletes and spectators to boycott the Super 8 series on Wednesday owing to the exclusion of Ryan McLeod. Unison, Unite, GMB and BECTU all balloted their members after the start lists were published and the results confirmed that 98.7% of members voted in favour of action. One Glasgow Council insider said: “our members work incredibly hard for their cash and demand the right to see McLeod lead a race only to be out-kicked in the closing stages. We couldn’t all make it down to Sport City and some idiot edited out the good bits on the video.” McLeod insiders have denied rumours that their man was offered a race but had to turn it down as he “did not know where Glasgow was”. One source said: “we can’t understand why he has been left out. He could run for just about anyone, but they all said no. It’s like someone has a grudge against him.” UKA have refused to comment on the strikes, but did say that they “regretted” having to overlook the Tipton man. A spokesman said: “we just didn’t have a need for any pacemakers on this occasion.”

GAY ‘BANNED FROM WINNING’ IN OREGON

The only non-Nike sponsored athlete to be permitted a race in the Pre Classic Diamond League meeting, Tyson Gay, has told the Lufbra Echo that he was told “not to win” just minutes before his race. “Some guy came up to be beforehand,” said Gay, “and said that he would ruin by career if I didn’t let Dix win”. It was also alleged that Gay was given “sticky blocks” meaning that he was delayed slightly at the start. A Nike spokesman was unrepentant when challenged on the issue: “how embarrassing would it be if an Adidas athlete won a race?” said the source, “that’s like saying that you don’t need to wear Nike kit to be the best. Also, Tyson has an unfortunate surname and we couldn’t have a Dix finishing behind a Gay- we have family values, you know!”

MERRITT ACCEPTS GUILT IN ENHANCEMENT FOUL-UP

LaShawn Merritt, the disgraced 400m Olympic and World Champion has conceded that he “did a dumb ass thing” but has hit out at what he calls the “stupidly tight” USA team kit. Merritt tested positive on three separate occasions for an illegal steroid which he claims was in an over the counter “male enhancement” drug. Whilst the star said he would accept “any punishment” handed down, he pleaded for clemency on the grounds of “complex personal issues”. “It’s alright for the likes of Usain [Bolt] and Tyson [Gay], they don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” said a stricken Merritt from a press conference in New York, “but those suits really highlight the fallibility of someone like myself...I wanted to wear jogging shorts but they [USATF] wouldn’t allow it.” The 400m star now faces a two year suspension and the prospect of having his reputation sullied for the rest of his career.

The American spoke of a “bullying culture” in the athletics locker rooms around the globe. “The Golden Leagues were the worst,” explained Merritt, “Jeremy Wariner laughed in my face prior to my race in Paris- he called me mini-Merritt and that gets to you after a while. The truth is that I have had to put up with it since High School.” The Olympic Champion also spoke of the “other options” that he looked at before resorting to medication. “I tried to stick a sock down there for the 4x400m in Beijing- but then Martyn Rooney just called me socky-Shawn. As I was about to race I would shout ‘go sock it to ‘em Shawn’ and that was too much. I had to act.” It has also been revealed that surgical enhancement was ruled out due to “proportionality”. The athlete went on, “I only really wanted an increase in girth and length of around 3-5%. Surgery would have led to at least a 15% increase and that would have been very noticeable as well as uncomfortable....it would also have left me unable to race for six to seven months.”

Merritt’s revelations are bad news for another convicted dopester, Justin Gatlin. The former 100m Olympic Champion famously claimed that he tested positive after a wayward masseuse rubbed “testosterone gel” into his enlarged quadriceps. Gatlin’s representatives were remaining coy this morning, but did reveal that they felt their charge’s title for “best excuse” was under threat. “I think we all thought it would be a very long time before we had an excuse to rival Justin’s. LaShawn has shown originality and we have to respect that.” It is not known whether Gatlin will come up with another reason for his doping misdemeanours but “nothing has been ruled out” by his camp. “Justin is a proud man. Everyone respected him for his doping excuses and now they are talking about someone else. That’s sport and we now need to figure out how to respond to it.”

Closer to home, British starlet James Desaolu has bemoaned Merritt’s behaviour as a “major blow” to male athletes around the world. “It’s a vanity thing,” stormed the Loughborough based man, “we all looked at LaShawn and thought ‘there’s a guy who is small and proud’. We can’t do that anymore and that’s really sad.” Action groups across the country have also condemned Merritt’s actions saying that they fear an uptake in artificial enhancement. A spokesman for The Institute of Testicular Care and Happiness (TITCH) said, “we are what we are and we should be happy with that. What we don’t want is hundreds and thousands of young men resorting to these measures. Anyone with any fears should log on to www.sizeisnteverything.com.” Meanwhile the BBC have not ruled out raising the issue at the final Prime Ministerial debate to be held next Thursday. A Corporation insider said, “we can’t deny that size does matter and it would be interesting to get the leaders’ take on that.” The Liberal Democrat and Conservative Parties both refused to comment when contacted today, but Gordon Brown’s spokesman said that it was a “pertinent point that needed addressing.”

Merritt, meanwhile has pledged that we will be back in competition after his ban. “I am going to run for smaller gentlemen everywhere,” he said, “I have let them all down and so will prove that you don’t have to be big to win.”