NEWS ROUND-UP

With election fever gripping Britain, the Echo focuses on what's important and rounds up all that is new in France, Loughborough and beyond.....

McLEOD RUES DRIVING DECISION

Ryan McLeod has refused to drive his car back to the United Kingdom in the wake of allegations that travel mates, Lewis Moses and Johnny Mellor are not taking their navigational responsibilities seriously. The journey to Front Romeu- some 1,000 miles- took significantly longer than slated after McLeod made several “basic errors” in his directional choice. Mellor revealed earlier this month that he was “livid” with his driver as he refused to follow the instructions of the Sat Nav. However, yesterday Mellor went further, revealing that the convoy had “gone via Poland” in a bid to reach the altitude camp before nightfall. “I couldn’t care less if that daft lad doesn’t want to drive home,” said Mellor, “I’m quite happy to steal the car and drive myself.”

McLeod is rumoured to have been recalled from Barcelona airport having “forgotten” that he was due to drive back to the UK. It was only when he returned to the UKA base that it was revealed that he was having second thoughts over the decision. The Tipton Harrier was remaining silent this morning and refused to take any calls from journalists, but it looks as if days of negotiations lie ahead. UKA have called in specialist negotiators in to try and bring the crisis to a swift end, but it seems that there are “fundamental disagreements” between the two parties. An insider said, “Ryan thinks that Lewis and Johnny should take their role as navigators more seriously. He is also demanding that only songs from his iPod be played throughout the journey.” McLeod, who has a personalised number plate in order to help him remember which car is his, courted criticism on a recent day trip when he ditched conventional roads in an effort to beat George Gandy to a restaurant. His passengers, who have asked not to be named, told of a “terrifying” plunge down a number of ski slopes.

RANKINGS GAFFE INFRURIATES EMERY

Stephen Emery has said that he is “seriously considering” his participation in the Loughborough International later this month after Ian Anholm made an extraordinary error when typing up the latest LSAC rankings. “Why on earth am I not ranked number 1?” fumed the BUCS Outdoor 5,000m Bronze medallist, “who is that nobody, Wall-Clarke? I beat him in the heat and yet he is down as beating me. I am outraged.” Emery told of how this was the latest in a long line of bust ups with Anholm. “He never willingly gives me physio vouchers,” said the Coventry man, “he looks me up and down in a way that says ‘you’re not entitled to them’. Well I think my performance last week [at BUCS] shows that I am.” Anholm refused to comment on the allegation that he “had it in” for Emery, but did concede that the rankings could be wrong. “How am I supposed to get them all right?” protested the Admin supremo, “all I know is that he [Emery] was going backwards in the heat and so I may have assumed Wall-Clarke beat him.”

Anholm stopped short of issuing an apology and instead launched an attack of his own on Emery. Labelling the star “arrogant and dismissive”, Anholm revealed that he had had “a number” of complaints about Emery’s attitude since scooping the medal. “I have heard that he has been surging in runs and then celebrating as if he had won another medal. He also demanded that a fresher clean his spikes the other day and that isn’t on.” It is likely that George Gandy will set out a new disciplinary structure for LSAC upon his return from France, as it has become clear that the guru’s bungling deputies, David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson, are unable to control big names such as Emery. A source for the LSAC chief said, “George is looking forward to the challenge of righting a few wrongs when he gets back. He is disappointed to hear of some of the antics that have occurred in his absence”.

TALCUM POWDER ERROR LEAVES BOWSER EMBROILED IN DRUGS SCANDAL

Matthew Bowser has apologised to his “many fans” for using a brand of talcum powder that contains banned substances. An insider at Bowser’s Front Romeu camp revealed how the sub-30 10k man only realised his gaffe when it was too late. “He offered it around to the other lads,” said our source, “he said that it left his skin feeling wonderfully soft and re-hydrated. Thankfully, Johnny Mellor thought to check the label.” Bowser was forced to admit his wrongs to UKA chiefs and it is thought that the governing body has now launched a “damage limitation” exercise. The City of Sheffield man is “co-operating fully” with French authorities and it is likely that he will be let off with a “firm warning”.

Speaking at a press conference before travelling home this morning Bowser said, “I am one hundred percent responsible. The friendly man in Holland and Barrett never mentioned that there was an issue with it, but I should have asked.” The Lincoln based star went on, “it’s just that I have always struggled with dry and flaky skin- this powder solved those issues and so it is with a heavy heart that I stop using it.” UKA chief Charles Van Commenee sat in on the press conference, but would not be drawn on what sanctions await Bowser. “Let me be clear,” said the performance supremo, “Matthew is only guilty of wanting fresh, peachy skin like that of myself. He has not knowingly committed a doping violation.” Van Commenee went on to state that there had been no noticeable improvement in Bowser’s performances whilst using the powder. “It is unlikely that he inhaled enough to make any real difference,” said the Dutchman, “if he had been finishing sessions and races or producing unbelievable times it would be more of an issue. But he hasn’t so it’s fine”.

Both Van Commenee and Bowser stated that they were “absolutely dedicated” to a drug free sport and that Bowser would be giving a series of lectures on the “dangers of dermatological products” in competition. It is likely that the 14:13 5k man will be counting his blessings that this was discovered before it was too late. Only a fortnight ago, LaShawn Merritt was slapped with a lengthy ban for using a “male enhancement drug”.

UKA CHIEFS FUMING AFTER FRONT ROMEU ‘DISASTER’

The country’s top athletics officials are tonight calling for a “full and frank investigation” into the goings on at the UKA endurance camp in Front Romeu. The revelations come after an official complaint was lodged by French President Sarkozy. The French head of state is said to be angry after cars have been thrown off mountains and a senior member of UKA staff was apprehended attempting to steal the bicycle of a disgruntled Tour de France hopeful. Performance supremo, Charles Van Commenee has not ruled out flying out to the Pyrenees later this week to “bring some order” to proceedings. “It’s a joke,” said the bespectacled ace, “what we need is discipline. They are not there to have fun.” The Dutchman is alleged to be planning to travel to France “as soon as UKA have designed an appropriate ski jacket” for the trip.

Meanwhile, insiders have told of a “blazing row” between George Gandy and Ian Stewart’s bungling PA, Spencer Barden. After “between 10 and 20 inches” of snow fell in the past 24 hours the guru is “hugely frustrated” according to our source. Barden claims that this “has never happened before” and maintains that he is “as frustrated as everyone else” at the weather. “Look, I came on a total of 12 reconnaissance trips and it never snowed. I’m stunned.” Gandy is thought to be upset after all training has had to be put on hold for the foreseeable future. “It’s a calamity,” said LSAC’s Director, “I worked on my tan in Portugal and now it’s fading fast....I woke up this morning and it looked like Kate Moss had sneezed. It’s very poor.” Not all UKA staffers were disappointed, however. Ian Stewart enjoyed “an excellent day” on the skiing slopes. “It was superb,” enthused UKA’s Director of Endurance, “it’s been tough since I returned from my holiday in the Maldives last week and so it was great just to relax.”

The snow has brought with it its own set of unique problems. Ryan McLeod clashed violently with Johnny Mellor in a snowball fight after Mellor beat the Newcastle man on FIFA 2010. Both athletes were left requiring minor medical treatment after the fight, with accusations of foul play marring the brawl. “Johnny’s shown himself to be really quite desperate,” thundered McLeod, “he put stones in the snowballs and that really hurt. He cheated on FIFA as well.” McLeod went on to accuse the Liverpool man of "living up to his reputation" by allegedly stealing some hubcaps on the trip down. For his part, Mellor rejected the "ridiculous accusations" and blamed his travel-mate for a poor start to the training trip. Referring to the fact that McLeod had driven the star to Front Romeu, he said “the plonker was all over the place. We had to remind him which side of the road to drive on and he kept playing on his iPhone.....I feel physically sick just thinking about it.” McLeod did concede a "catastrophic error" in forgetting to disable the "data roaming" facility on his iPhone. "It's going to cost a fortune," said the 13:58 5k man, "Lewis [Moses] has been on there downloading Michael Buble videos on YouTube."

AIR RESTRICTIONS LIFTED AFTER GANDY CALL

Eurocontrol, the body responsible for air traffic in Europe had lifted bans imposed on aircraft following a phone call from an enraged George Gandy, who accused the controllers of "overreacting". Until 2200 BST yesterday evening, Northern Europe was at an effective standstill as heavy restrictions were imposed as a result of a volcanic ash cloud from Iceland. However, the prospect of missing Loughborough's BUCS trial on Saturday proved too much for LSAC Director George Gandy and the guru was left with "no choice" but to intervene. "The mouthwatering encounter between Warburton and Emery over 3,000m is going to be huge," explained Gandy "and Emery would have been stuck in Portugal had I not acted...it's all a bit silly anyway- when I was a lad planes used to fly whatever the weather, now a little bit of ash and they all go running for cover."

It is also rumoured that the UKA Endurance Coach has become "fed up" with the "dull" set up in Front Romeu and so is desperate to get back to Loughborough if only for a short while. "I must admit I regret leaving Portugal for this hell hole," said Gandy "it's just so boring here. I wanted to take the lads skiing on the glacier but old sissy Stewart [UKA Chief, Ian Stewart] said that they might get injured- so what? A touch of injury never hurt anyone! Besides, it would do Mo Farah good to get out of the hotel for a bit- a nice stroll near the edge of a cliff." It is well documented that Gandy and distance ace Farah do not get on and that situation has shown no signs of improvement. Branding the European Silver Medalist a "crank", Gandy went on to hit out at Farah's "sensitivity". "I am not here to be a parent," said the LSAC Director, "and my job does not extend to tucking Mo in every night....the airline lost his teddy bear and he didn't sleep for two nights- that is pathetic."

Gandy is expected to fly home for the BUCS trial on Friday but will return "with a heavy heart" to France the following Monday. "I have to say that I miss the guys- Warburton and his hissy fits, Emery and his sensibleness, all of them really," he said "but duty calls and so I will be back here with miserable Mo and the clan next week- what chance another ash cloud?"

NEWS ROUND-UP

With the whole of Europe at a standstill, the Athletics world rumbles on and the Lufbra Echo dutifully rounds up all the comings and goings in France, Portugal and beyond.

GANDY SLAMS ‘PRECIOUS’ ATHLETES

George Gandy has used an exclusive interview with the Lufbra Echo to hit out at what he calls a “culture of self-importance” within British Athletics. The guru was recently reprimanded after Mo Farah complained of “relentless nasty comments” in the UK Athletics Front Romeu training camp. Farah is believed to have been upset after Gandy joked that he would “push him off the mountain” and branded the GB International’s duck à l’orange “average at best”. The European Cross Country silver medallist was said to be “deeply hurt” by the criticism but the LSAC director was in no mood for a retraction. “That is the whole problem with athletes in this country,” fumed Gandy, “they are all so precious. One little comment and everything kicks off....I half expect a shirty letter from their parents sometimes.”

The UKA Endurance Coach revealed that spirits at the altitude camp remained high despite fears that Ryan McLeod may not make it. The 13:58 5k man took the decision to drive to the camp after flights were axed due to the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud. “Ryan forgets where he lives sometimes,” sighed Gandy, “and so how he is going to drive over 1,000 miles to get here is beyond me....at least we’ll get to use his fancy new car.” For his part, McLeod confirmed that the enormous road trip was “progressing well” despite a minor mishap at Dover. The Tipton man spent several hours searching for the “road to France” despite his passenger’s protestations that none such road existed. “I was a bit shocked that I could take my car on board a boat,” said McLeod, “that’s mental. I insisted that I stayed in the car though because I don’t trust the French and they might chav my new alloys.”

ASH CLOUD UPDATE

UK Athletics have confirmed that their offices will remain closed for “the foreseeable future” after many members of staff were stranded in their holiday homes around Europe. A source for the National Governing Body said, “we operate on a four day weekend principle here and so many of the top brass take the opportunity to get away to their second homes in Monte Carlo, Zurich, Nice and the like. They’re all stuck there now as our fleet of jets is grounded.”

The spokesman also confirmed that UKA would be checking air quality across the country as athletes rang in complaining of poor sessions. “Many of our top guys can’t understand why they are struggling in training at the moment. The only explanation we can come up with is that the air is loaded with volcanic ash.” Many competitors at the National 12 Stage Relays bemoaned a “nasty smell” on the course that adversely affected their performances. Critics have pointed out that this largely occurred around the lavatories shortly after Ian Stewart was seen using them. However, an ERRA source said that they were “looking into” the complaints nonetheless. A source confirmed, “we may re-run them if ash is the cause. We have had many complaints from various clubs.”

Meanwhile, in Portugal, tension is mounting as it looks as if LSAC’s training camp may be extended. David Howe stormed out of the camp this morning stating that “anywhere in the world” is better than being a neighbour of Pete Matthews. The Canadian assistant coach had firm words for the one-time GB International (Mountain Running) after Matthews claimed that once he gets past his injuries he “will be better than anyone else, anywhere.” As Howe boarded a train to Lisbon he told a pack of journalists, “Pete needs a reality check. He claims that he will be the best athlete in the country but has much work to do. He isn’t even the best athlete in his family at the moment.”

UKA man Alasdair Donaldson (and leader of the LSAC camp) plans to head to Front Romeu to link up with Gandy and the team tomorrow amid fears that the remaining athletes will be kicked out of Portugal “regardless of circumstance.” It is thought that the Scot held last ditch talks with the Portuguese Foreign Minister Lúis Amado after government officials said that the East Midlands group has “outstayed their welcome.” Amado told The Espinho “it is time for them [LSAC] to go. We’ve had coffee shortage, drivers are fed up of swerving to avoid them and if I see another milk-bottle white guy with his top off I might just hit him.” When asked whether the volcanic ash constitutes an extenuating circumstance, the Minister said, “absolutely not. We had a deal and now they go. I don’t care where, just not Portugal.”

EMERY MUST GUARD AGAINST COMPLACENCY: GREEN

Ben Green has used his weekly press conference to criticise Stephen Emery’s “disappointing” attitude after a successful block of training. The Coventry Godiva man has really stepped up his form of late- most recently winning the final 800m rep in an unofficial 1:55.85. “There is no doubt Stephen is running well,” said Green from his Vilamoura base, “but what use is training form if it can’t be converted into decent track performances?” The 1:47 800m athlete went onto criticise Emery’s decision to post a video of the session on social networking site, Facebook. “That was a shame and it isn’t something that I would have done. It’s really put pressure on the lad and I just hope he doesn’t blow it to be honest.” Green went on, “I didn’t like the way he celebrated at the end, it smacked of arrogance to be honest. I hope he learns from this.”

Firm words also came from George Gandy who watched the whole session from Front Romeu via a live video feed. “He [Emery] looked good on the track,” said the guru, “but he was taking it easy on the hills. That is bound to have made a difference and I also worry that he will go stale like he did last summer.” Gandy was referring to Emery’s inability to run a significant PB over the metric mile despite claiming that he was “in better shape than most other athletes in the country.” Gandy went on, “he peaked on a 600m rep in South Africa last year and promptly kept telling everyone about it. I will start to have faith when he runs well in actual races.” Last month, Gandy conceded that he had “forgotten all about” Emery until his performance at the Leeds Relays and the LSAC Director still appears hesitant to give the 3:57 man his full backing. “Stephen and I will have a chat about how to conduct himself on and off the track...judging from the video the lad still has much to learn about tanning.” Gandy went onto point out that his personal tan was “as strong as ever” and rigorously denied using artificial enhancers to maintain it. “That is a malicious rumour spread by Ian [Stewart, UKA Endurance Chief] because it rained during his holiday in the Maldives. I guess I just naturally tan well.”

Emery, meanwhile was in no mood to play down his recent accomplishments. Branding Green “jealous” and “mentally weak”, the Loughborough star went on an extraordinary defence of his record. “I deal in facts,” stormed the 55th man home in the National Cross, “this is a fact: I won the 1200m rep last week and I won the 800m rep this. I backed off in the 10x400m session but that was only because George texted me and asked me to let Warbo [Chris Warburton] win because he cried when I beat him.” Emery went on, “I just wish everyone would stop their winging and recognise how good I am. Week after week I perform. That’s fact. You wait until the AAAs, then you’ll know how tough I am.”