THE LUFBRA ECHO: 100 POSTS OLD

Despite protestations that the site would be “closed down”, the Lufbra Echo today reaches a significant milestone: this is the 100th post. Ahead of an extended holiday for the busy editorial team, and largely because we can’t think of anything else to write, we thought that we would re-hash some of the best bits over the past few months. Cheap and lazy journalism? Well, possibly. But to be fair in two hours of live athletics coverage on Tuesday morning, the BBC spent well over half of it reminiscing about the Barcelona 1992 Olympics, so we feel we are due our own look back. Make yourself a nice cup of tea, sit back and enjoy our look over the top 10 moments in Echo history. Simply click on the number to read the story.

NUMBER 10: It was us who first broke the news that the now European 10,000m champion Mo Farah had had to give up on his hope of scooping the BBC Masterchef crown.

NUMBER 9: Ryan McLeod makes his first appearance in the countdown after he and Nick McCormick broke Loughborough’s pricy Alter-G treadmill.

NUMBER 8: Bowser, a European Cross Champion? Surely not. Err, well according to the BBC he was.

NUMBER 7: And a welcome first entry for the Echo’s award winning Portugal coverage. Here, there are concerns before the annual influx of distance runners even arrive in the Algarve.

NUMBER 6: Justice for LaShawn! The Echo sensitively discusses the drug cheat’s private issues.

NUMBER 5: UKA shocked everyone with their World Cross Selection. We had our own exclusive twist on the story.

NUMBER 4: It’s that man again! Ryan McLeod was in trouble after calling the emergency services for his damaged iPhone

NUMBER 3: It’s a bronze for the much praised coverage of the McLeod-Russell spat. The Echo was thanked by the Sports Journalists Association for our sensitive articles.

NUMBER 2: POST DELETED DUE TO ONGOING LEGAL FIGHT. Uh oh! It looks like we can’t bring you our silver medallist as we are still entrenched in a bitter and drawn out courtroom drama!

NUMBER 1: Well it had to come down to something on Portugal didn’t it? Yep, you guessed it- the gold medal Echo article as voted for by our research department is the report following a “night of scandal” in Vilamoura. Happy memories.

The Echo will now be on holiday until something interesting happens, if it ever does.

NEWS IN BRIEF

DASAOLOU TO APLOGISE FOR ITALIAN RANT

Britain's next big sprinting hope, James Dasaolu, is being forced into an embarrassing U-Turn this morning after clashing with an Italian police officer. The 10.06 (wind assisted) man is currently on a training trip to Rome and is alleged to have "completely lost it" with the officer after being informed that his hire car was parked illegally. By-standers were left stunned as Dasaolu was restrained by close pal and training partner, Harry Aikines-Aryeetey. Dasaolu was particularly upset as the policeman in question had watched the two sprint aces take 20 minutes to maneuver the vehicle into the spot. This in itself brought a heated exchange between the two friends with Dasaolou branding Aikines-Aryeetey an "idiot" as his directions were unclear. One bystander has alleged that Dasaolu's car "clearly touched" another vehicle and it was at this point that the police officer had no option but to become involved. "It was quite funny," said Liverpudlian tourist Denise, "the smaller one [Dasaolou] was getting all upset because the bigger one [Aryeetey] kept doing press ups when he should have been directing him." UK Athletics have said that they will be insisting that their charge apologise to the Italian police generally after calling them "a bunch of corrupt losers who no one likes." Dasaolu, who is not known for his intelligence, is also thought to have injured himself by kicking what he thought was a football in a fit of rage. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a solid marble decorative boulder. A UKA insider has said that the injury is "not season threatening".

JONES TO SET UP CAKE SHOP

Disgraced American sprinter, Marion Jones, is to set up a cake shop in Los Angeles, the Lufbra Echo understands. The cakes, which will be "special brand", will be made by the sprinter herself in a joint venture with fellow dope, Justin Gatlin. Jones is rumoured to have "excelled" on a cookery course she took whilst serving time in prison for defrauding just about everybody she has ever met. However, doubt has been cast on her ability as a prison insider told of how she was disqualified from her final Cake Making Board Exams. "She stole some pre-made cakes from the kitchen," our source said, "and then rigorously denied the allegations. Her cakes never failed an authenticity test, but there was enough evidence to link her with the fraud." Weeks of rumours apparently led to a teary confession on the steps outside the infirmary, where Jones said that she had "let everyone down" particularly her beloved cell-mate Greta 'Biatch, the G-Dog', Griffiths. The Jones-Gatlin camp, have dismissed the allegations and are instead focusing on the "exciting venture" that the pair are currently working on. "We hope that people will either eat in or take out," said a spokesman, "they have decided to call it 'Clean Cakes' and hope that consumers see the irony." USA Track and Field have condemned the plans and warned all of their athletes not to frequent the establishment. LaShwan Merritt was thought to be involved in initial plans for the store, but was forced to pull out citing "little problems".

McLEOD IN BIRTHDAY GAFFE

Ryan McLeod celebrated his birthday 24 hours too early in what has been called a "pacing mix up". The Tipton Harrier turned 25 yesterday, but was seen out on Sunday evening celebrating with pals. One observer said, "someone went up to him and suggested that he was going too early and he [McLeod] just glared at him and said 'who do you think you are? Tom Russell?'" It was only in the early hours of the following morning that McLeod realised his blunder but by this time it was too late. "The damage had been done," sighed coach John Nutall, "Ryan tried to make it a true run birthday celebration, but it didn't work out- he was just too eager." It is rumoured that the 13:54 5k man was left "absolutely shattered" for his actual birthday evening. An insider said, "he had nothing left. He had been doing far too much of the work."

EMERY CONFIDENT AHEAD OF MIDLANDS TEST

Stephen Emery has revealed that he is "absolutely certain" that he will win the Midlands' 1500m title this weekend. The Coventry man suffered a blip last week at the BMC Sport City meeting, but claimed that "nobody, not even a cat on EPO" could touch him this weekend. "Sport City was Sport City. I think we all know that it was a joke there and that Gary [Bradbury] maliciously taunted me hair highlights before the race. I'm ready now- come and get me." Emery is likely to face stiff opposition from the likes of Tom Russell and Tim Dalton, but the 3:49 1500m man has had firm words for his rivals. "None of them have achieved what I have. I am the BUCS bronze medalist and showed my kicking ability in that race, so I know I can live with anything."

NEWS ROUND-UP

With election fever gripping Britain, the Echo focuses on what's important and rounds up all that is new in France, Loughborough and beyond.....

McLEOD RUES DRIVING DECISION

Ryan McLeod has refused to drive his car back to the United Kingdom in the wake of allegations that travel mates, Lewis Moses and Johnny Mellor are not taking their navigational responsibilities seriously. The journey to Front Romeu- some 1,000 miles- took significantly longer than slated after McLeod made several “basic errors” in his directional choice. Mellor revealed earlier this month that he was “livid” with his driver as he refused to follow the instructions of the Sat Nav. However, yesterday Mellor went further, revealing that the convoy had “gone via Poland” in a bid to reach the altitude camp before nightfall. “I couldn’t care less if that daft lad doesn’t want to drive home,” said Mellor, “I’m quite happy to steal the car and drive myself.”

McLeod is rumoured to have been recalled from Barcelona airport having “forgotten” that he was due to drive back to the UK. It was only when he returned to the UKA base that it was revealed that he was having second thoughts over the decision. The Tipton Harrier was remaining silent this morning and refused to take any calls from journalists, but it looks as if days of negotiations lie ahead. UKA have called in specialist negotiators in to try and bring the crisis to a swift end, but it seems that there are “fundamental disagreements” between the two parties. An insider said, “Ryan thinks that Lewis and Johnny should take their role as navigators more seriously. He is also demanding that only songs from his iPod be played throughout the journey.” McLeod, who has a personalised number plate in order to help him remember which car is his, courted criticism on a recent day trip when he ditched conventional roads in an effort to beat George Gandy to a restaurant. His passengers, who have asked not to be named, told of a “terrifying” plunge down a number of ski slopes.

RANKINGS GAFFE INFRURIATES EMERY

Stephen Emery has said that he is “seriously considering” his participation in the Loughborough International later this month after Ian Anholm made an extraordinary error when typing up the latest LSAC rankings. “Why on earth am I not ranked number 1?” fumed the BUCS Outdoor 5,000m Bronze medallist, “who is that nobody, Wall-Clarke? I beat him in the heat and yet he is down as beating me. I am outraged.” Emery told of how this was the latest in a long line of bust ups with Anholm. “He never willingly gives me physio vouchers,” said the Coventry man, “he looks me up and down in a way that says ‘you’re not entitled to them’. Well I think my performance last week [at BUCS] shows that I am.” Anholm refused to comment on the allegation that he “had it in” for Emery, but did concede that the rankings could be wrong. “How am I supposed to get them all right?” protested the Admin supremo, “all I know is that he [Emery] was going backwards in the heat and so I may have assumed Wall-Clarke beat him.”

Anholm stopped short of issuing an apology and instead launched an attack of his own on Emery. Labelling the star “arrogant and dismissive”, Anholm revealed that he had had “a number” of complaints about Emery’s attitude since scooping the medal. “I have heard that he has been surging in runs and then celebrating as if he had won another medal. He also demanded that a fresher clean his spikes the other day and that isn’t on.” It is likely that George Gandy will set out a new disciplinary structure for LSAC upon his return from France, as it has become clear that the guru’s bungling deputies, David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson, are unable to control big names such as Emery. A source for the LSAC chief said, “George is looking forward to the challenge of righting a few wrongs when he gets back. He is disappointed to hear of some of the antics that have occurred in his absence”.

TALCUM POWDER ERROR LEAVES BOWSER EMBROILED IN DRUGS SCANDAL

Matthew Bowser has apologised to his “many fans” for using a brand of talcum powder that contains banned substances. An insider at Bowser’s Front Romeu camp revealed how the sub-30 10k man only realised his gaffe when it was too late. “He offered it around to the other lads,” said our source, “he said that it left his skin feeling wonderfully soft and re-hydrated. Thankfully, Johnny Mellor thought to check the label.” Bowser was forced to admit his wrongs to UKA chiefs and it is thought that the governing body has now launched a “damage limitation” exercise. The City of Sheffield man is “co-operating fully” with French authorities and it is likely that he will be let off with a “firm warning”.

Speaking at a press conference before travelling home this morning Bowser said, “I am one hundred percent responsible. The friendly man in Holland and Barrett never mentioned that there was an issue with it, but I should have asked.” The Lincoln based star went on, “it’s just that I have always struggled with dry and flaky skin- this powder solved those issues and so it is with a heavy heart that I stop using it.” UKA chief Charles Van Commenee sat in on the press conference, but would not be drawn on what sanctions await Bowser. “Let me be clear,” said the performance supremo, “Matthew is only guilty of wanting fresh, peachy skin like that of myself. He has not knowingly committed a doping violation.” Van Commenee went on to state that there had been no noticeable improvement in Bowser’s performances whilst using the powder. “It is unlikely that he inhaled enough to make any real difference,” said the Dutchman, “if he had been finishing sessions and races or producing unbelievable times it would be more of an issue. But he hasn’t so it’s fine”.

Both Van Commenee and Bowser stated that they were “absolutely dedicated” to a drug free sport and that Bowser would be giving a series of lectures on the “dangers of dermatological products” in competition. It is likely that the 14:13 5k man will be counting his blessings that this was discovered before it was too late. Only a fortnight ago, LaShawn Merritt was slapped with a lengthy ban for using a “male enhancement drug”.

MERRITT ACCEPTS GUILT IN ENHANCEMENT FOUL-UP

LaShawn Merritt, the disgraced 400m Olympic and World Champion has conceded that he “did a dumb ass thing” but has hit out at what he calls the “stupidly tight” USA team kit. Merritt tested positive on three separate occasions for an illegal steroid which he claims was in an over the counter “male enhancement” drug. Whilst the star said he would accept “any punishment” handed down, he pleaded for clemency on the grounds of “complex personal issues”. “It’s alright for the likes of Usain [Bolt] and Tyson [Gay], they don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” said a stricken Merritt from a press conference in New York, “but those suits really highlight the fallibility of someone like myself...I wanted to wear jogging shorts but they [USATF] wouldn’t allow it.” The 400m star now faces a two year suspension and the prospect of having his reputation sullied for the rest of his career.

The American spoke of a “bullying culture” in the athletics locker rooms around the globe. “The Golden Leagues were the worst,” explained Merritt, “Jeremy Wariner laughed in my face prior to my race in Paris- he called me mini-Merritt and that gets to you after a while. The truth is that I have had to put up with it since High School.” The Olympic Champion also spoke of the “other options” that he looked at before resorting to medication. “I tried to stick a sock down there for the 4x400m in Beijing- but then Martyn Rooney just called me socky-Shawn. As I was about to race I would shout ‘go sock it to ‘em Shawn’ and that was too much. I had to act.” It has also been revealed that surgical enhancement was ruled out due to “proportionality”. The athlete went on, “I only really wanted an increase in girth and length of around 3-5%. Surgery would have led to at least a 15% increase and that would have been very noticeable as well as uncomfortable....it would also have left me unable to race for six to seven months.”

Merritt’s revelations are bad news for another convicted dopester, Justin Gatlin. The former 100m Olympic Champion famously claimed that he tested positive after a wayward masseuse rubbed “testosterone gel” into his enlarged quadriceps. Gatlin’s representatives were remaining coy this morning, but did reveal that they felt their charge’s title for “best excuse” was under threat. “I think we all thought it would be a very long time before we had an excuse to rival Justin’s. LaShawn has shown originality and we have to respect that.” It is not known whether Gatlin will come up with another reason for his doping misdemeanours but “nothing has been ruled out” by his camp. “Justin is a proud man. Everyone respected him for his doping excuses and now they are talking about someone else. That’s sport and we now need to figure out how to respond to it.”

Closer to home, British starlet James Desaolu has bemoaned Merritt’s behaviour as a “major blow” to male athletes around the world. “It’s a vanity thing,” stormed the Loughborough based man, “we all looked at LaShawn and thought ‘there’s a guy who is small and proud’. We can’t do that anymore and that’s really sad.” Action groups across the country have also condemned Merritt’s actions saying that they fear an uptake in artificial enhancement. A spokesman for The Institute of Testicular Care and Happiness (TITCH) said, “we are what we are and we should be happy with that. What we don’t want is hundreds and thousands of young men resorting to these measures. Anyone with any fears should log on to www.sizeisnteverything.com.” Meanwhile the BBC have not ruled out raising the issue at the final Prime Ministerial debate to be held next Thursday. A Corporation insider said, “we can’t deny that size does matter and it would be interesting to get the leaders’ take on that.” The Liberal Democrat and Conservative Parties both refused to comment when contacted today, but Gordon Brown’s spokesman said that it was a “pertinent point that needed addressing.”

Merritt, meanwhile has pledged that we will be back in competition after his ban. “I am going to run for smaller gentlemen everywhere,” he said, “I have let them all down and so will prove that you don’t have to be big to win.”