Jonathan Edwards has said that he would be "honoured" to light the Olympic torch at next year's London Olympics. The announcement comes just days after Dame Kelly Holmes launched her own bid to become the flame bearer under the strapline DK to Shoot Up. Holmes, who says that she is "the clear choice", told her On Camp With Kelly group that they must "forget about" their summer seasons and spend their time "hitting Facebook, Twitter and everything else" to get the bid going. Holmes is understood to count Edwards amongst her key rivals.
"I'm not saying that I'm putting myself forward" Edwards told Radio Five Live "but it would be a real honour. I know that Seb [His Lordship, Sebastian Newbold Coe] and I go way back and it would be nice to think that loyalty is repaid - not that I'm interested". The Triple Jump World Record holder - whom the echo revealed to be a twerp last year - dismissed a suggestion that fellow BBC commentator Steve Cram could be in with a shout: "it's a real shame Steve never managed to get that Olympic Gold. I guess that that is a pre-requisite".
Meanwhile, the Office of His Lordship have confirmed that they have received "a number of gifts" for the Baron in recent weeks. It is understood that Brendan Foster sent in a "selection of his favourite cakes", David Beckham provided a case of fine wine, whilst Tom Daly (the diver) sent in his favourite cuddly toy. Kelly Sotherton is believed to have emailed a video file marked "for the Lord's eyes only" as her pitch for glory.
"These bribes won't make a difference" said the Lord's Deputy Director of Being Like An Everyday Guy (North West Region) "the BBC have already stipulated that the Opening Ceremony must feature Jessica Ennis in every shot, so our hands are tied on this one. We did however really enjoy eating the chocolates that Paula Radcliffe sent in".
Showing posts with label Holmes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holmes. Show all posts
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Thursday, 8 July 2010
JONATHAN EDWARDS CONFIRMED AS A TWERP
The BBC have announced that a panel of independent medics have found Jonathan Edwards to be “something of a twerp”. The results- which had been widely expected in the broadcasting community- have been hailed as a “relief” by many inside the BBC. “All this really does is reaffirm what we all expected,” said a spokesman, “ever since he wore that earring at the Great North Run last year, we all knew that he was a bit of a fool.” Many in the athletics world have criticised the time it has taken for the results to be published, with some describing the “unbelievable torment” for Edwards and his family. “Can you imagine it?” asked Mr. Edwards’ official spokesperson, “for months we have all wondered- what is he?” The World Triple Jump record holder has not commented on the results, but it now seems unlikely that Edwards will be allowed to work for the BBC again. The Beeb courted much criticism for allowing Edwards to continue to anchor and commentate for them whilst this dispute was on going. A BBC Trust insider revealed how the department “agonised” over whether to permit Edwards’ coverage of the European Trials, but said they were left with no choice owing to the clash with Wimbledon and the World Cup. “Let’s face it,” said the source, “no one watched it.”
People who have known the BBC star for a long time have said that they “always had an inkling” that all was not well. “When he was growing up,” said a family friend, “I used to say to my husband- ‘that lad could be a twerp one day’. Of course we didn’t say anything at the time, but now it makes sense.” Those who competed with him also revealed their suspicions. “He was always odd,” said Dame Kelly Holmes DBE MBE (Mil.), “so no it isn’t a big shock. I think you could see it in the way he jumped- what a twerp!” Paula Radcliffe MBE (Nike) offered Edwards some support, “he is who he is and I think this judgemental world has to accept him for it. I for one will be telephoning him just as soon as my new contract is ironed out”.
It is unclear what the former Olympic Champion will do next, but it seems very unlikely he will be asked to present Songs of Praise again. Edwards, who once refused to compete on Sundays owing to his devout Christian faith, denounced Christianity in 2007 stating: “when you think about it rationally, it does seem incredibly improbable that there is a God.” BBC Chiefs were left seething after he “officially rejected” his life-long conviction later that year, as they had hoped to make him the new poster boy for the Sunday night faith show. “It was the first time that someone in the office said that he may be a twerp,” said an insider, “the investigations all sprang from there.”
People who have known the BBC star for a long time have said that they “always had an inkling” that all was not well. “When he was growing up,” said a family friend, “I used to say to my husband- ‘that lad could be a twerp one day’. Of course we didn’t say anything at the time, but now it makes sense.” Those who competed with him also revealed their suspicions. “He was always odd,” said Dame Kelly Holmes DBE MBE (Mil.), “so no it isn’t a big shock. I think you could see it in the way he jumped- what a twerp!” Paula Radcliffe MBE (Nike) offered Edwards some support, “he is who he is and I think this judgemental world has to accept him for it. I for one will be telephoning him just as soon as my new contract is ironed out”.
It is unclear what the former Olympic Champion will do next, but it seems very unlikely he will be asked to present Songs of Praise again. Edwards, who once refused to compete on Sundays owing to his devout Christian faith, denounced Christianity in 2007 stating: “when you think about it rationally, it does seem incredibly improbable that there is a God.” BBC Chiefs were left seething after he “officially rejected” his life-long conviction later that year, as they had hoped to make him the new poster boy for the Sunday night faith show. “It was the first time that someone in the office said that he may be a twerp,” said an insider, “the investigations all sprang from there.”
Saturday, 15 May 2010
COE SET TO WIELD AXE AS TORY CUTS START TO BITE
Sebastian Coe has today revealed the 2012 Games “will not and should not” be exempt from the forthcoming public service cuts set out by the new Conservative Government. Speaking from a press conference outside Downing Street (where he had met with Dave and/or Nick), his Lordship conceded that plans were already falling into place. “We cannot kid ourselves,” said William Hague’s former ‘Chief of Staff’, “the public purse is in a mess and it is our responsibility to do something about it”. Coe refused to be drawn on speculation surrounding where the cuts would be made, but the Lufbra Echo yesterday revealed that the former world record holder was “seriously thinking about” opting for a grass track in order to make the Olympics “greener”. An insider told this morning how Coe and the LOCOG board had “been shopping in Wilkinson’s” in search of a cheap set of medals. “Lord Coe is hoping that by buying in bulk we will save a packet,” said one of the Lord’s senior aides, “he’s really quite set on the idea.”
Meanwhile, other sources have leaked news that the one hundred metres may be reduced to 95 in order to save some money. “This is a 5% reduction,” enthused a BOA insider, “and we have not ruled out downsizing other events. I know that there is a general feeling that the marathon is too long anyway- we’re thinking about just saying the winner of the London Marathon [in April] is the Olympic Champion- it will save a lot of hassle.” It also looks certain that “almost all” the women’s Track and Field events will be cancelled. Our source went on, “would you really miss them? We sat in Beijing and thought ‘what a waste of time!’ They’re slower and duller than the men....most aren’t even that attractive”.
Downing Street also refused to deny speculation that the Government was set to cancel the Olympics altogether. A story set to be printed in a Sunday newspaper reveals how the new administration is “looking to postpone the Games to a more economically convenient time.” A Whitehall source said, “telephone calls have been made. We have looked at trying to loan the Games out to some other country that has loads of money. Like Greece, for example”.
It was confirmed last week that plans to have Dame Kelly Holmes present some of the medals were scrapped after the great Dame demanded a £300,000 payment per medal as well as helicopter transport to and from each ceremony. It is thought that the incoming Culture Minister, Jeremy Hunt (who was a Conservative at the time of writing), was fuming when he discovered such an astronomical sum was being mooted. Hunt has also vetoed demands by Usain Bolt that there be “a chicken nugget outlet on every corner” on the grounds that it was extortionate.
It seems that Bolt will not be the only athlete to be disappointed with the feeding arrangements. Newly appointed Prime Minister David Cameron (and/or Nick Clegg, delete as appropriate) has indicated that it is likely that ASDA will provide “two meals a day, maximum” for each athlete. Horrified by the thought of having to eat such rubbish, Andrew Lemoncello has “ruled himself out” of the Games. A Lemoncello source said, “Andrew is clear on this- ASDA’s green colours naturally offend him and the Olympics really isn’t that high on his list of priorities anyway”.
Elsewhere, Ryanair has been confirmed as the “Official Airline” of the 2012 Olympics.
Meanwhile, other sources have leaked news that the one hundred metres may be reduced to 95 in order to save some money. “This is a 5% reduction,” enthused a BOA insider, “and we have not ruled out downsizing other events. I know that there is a general feeling that the marathon is too long anyway- we’re thinking about just saying the winner of the London Marathon [in April] is the Olympic Champion- it will save a lot of hassle.” It also looks certain that “almost all” the women’s Track and Field events will be cancelled. Our source went on, “would you really miss them? We sat in Beijing and thought ‘what a waste of time!’ They’re slower and duller than the men....most aren’t even that attractive”.
Downing Street also refused to deny speculation that the Government was set to cancel the Olympics altogether. A story set to be printed in a Sunday newspaper reveals how the new administration is “looking to postpone the Games to a more economically convenient time.” A Whitehall source said, “telephone calls have been made. We have looked at trying to loan the Games out to some other country that has loads of money. Like Greece, for example”.
It was confirmed last week that plans to have Dame Kelly Holmes present some of the medals were scrapped after the great Dame demanded a £300,000 payment per medal as well as helicopter transport to and from each ceremony. It is thought that the incoming Culture Minister, Jeremy Hunt (who was a Conservative at the time of writing), was fuming when he discovered such an astronomical sum was being mooted. Hunt has also vetoed demands by Usain Bolt that there be “a chicken nugget outlet on every corner” on the grounds that it was extortionate.
It seems that Bolt will not be the only athlete to be disappointed with the feeding arrangements. Newly appointed Prime Minister David Cameron (and/or Nick Clegg, delete as appropriate) has indicated that it is likely that ASDA will provide “two meals a day, maximum” for each athlete. Horrified by the thought of having to eat such rubbish, Andrew Lemoncello has “ruled himself out” of the Games. A Lemoncello source said, “Andrew is clear on this- ASDA’s green colours naturally offend him and the Olympics really isn’t that high on his list of priorities anyway”.
Elsewhere, Ryanair has been confirmed as the “Official Airline” of the 2012 Olympics.
Friday, 14 May 2010
THE WEEK IN PICTURES
OBAMA SHARES THE GOOD NEWS
McLEOD REGRETS ATTEMPTING TO 'FLY HIMSELF' HOME
GANDY REQUESTS CABINET POSITION
COE IN SHOCK ANNOUNCEMENT
McLEOD REGRETS ATTEMPTING TO 'FLY HIMSELF' HOME
GANDY REQUESTS CABINET POSITION
COE IN SHOCK ANNOUNCEMENT
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