Bud Buldaro has called on BUCS chiefs to hand Loughborough "severe sanctions" after what he called "unbelievable" scenes at today's BUCS Championship. Birmingham's top man was left seething after African Violet fans invaded the track in the wake of a sensational 4x400m victory thus confirming Loughborough's retention of the BUCS title for another year. "We hadn't even seen the photo finish" thundered an irate Buldaro "how can they do that? It's very poor". The usually composed Buldaro added that he "would be ashamed" of his team if they behaved in such a manner.
Buldaro also denied that he felt any pressure having failed to deliver the title yet again. "The fact is that we won the BUCS Cross" he snapped "it's a work in progress. I'm here to knock Loughborough off that bloody high horse they stand on once and for all." Buldaro refused to criticise his athletes and dismissed allegations that they had "let him down" and "bottled the big occasion". "You look all over the park and the guys are getting into good positions" said Buldaro "I thought we showed great character in the face of some very strange officiating today and throughout the weekend".
Birmingham fans flooded radio phone ins on the way home pleading with Buldaro to spend some money to firm up his ailing squad. "We look at our sprinters and that's where we lose it" said a lifelong fan "I can't keep watching us throw competitions like this away because we can't sprint. I know Bud has the money and now it's time to spend some". Other fans laughed at their Director's remarks that they could capture the title in 12 months time: "we're so far off it right now, I could cry" said a season ticket holder.
Meanwhile, Guru George Gandy hailed a "magnificent effort" from his Loughborough team. Gandy was barred from Bedford after being handed a touchline ban for his remarks following the BUCS Cross Country. "Everyone stepped up" beamed Gandy from Font Romeu "it was a superb display. To see people like Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod continue to achieve despite their advancing years is a credit to their professionalism". Gandy dismissed Buldaro's comments as "bad sportsmanship". "Bud has always been a bad loser" sighed the Guru "I don't think it sets a good example to be honest, but there is not a lot you can do about it".
Showing posts with label McLeod. Show all posts
Showing posts with label McLeod. Show all posts
Monday, 2 May 2011
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
VERNON SHELVES DANCING DREAM
Andy Vernon has "all but given up" on his dream of becoming a ballerina, the lufbra echo can exclusively reveal. The Aldershot man has long coveted a place at the prestigious Royal Ballet School in London, but had now conceded that he is "probably too old" to warrant a place. In a revealing interview with the echo, the GB International revealed how running was a "last resort" after all other endeavours failed.
"Let's face it" sighed Vernon "it's no life. No one wants to run all day every day, but unfortunately I am very good at it. I just wish I could be free to express myself in dance." The Nick Anderson coached athlete came late to ballet having been inspired by the hit movie Billie Elliot. Since then, he has become a regular at London showings and is constantly seen dragging his girlfriend to lengthy shows. "It fills me with such excitement" said Vernon "the Nutcracker is my favourite. The moves are so complex!"
Vernon - who is regularly joined on his ballet escapades by close friend Ryan McLeod - conceded that the thought of "just" being an athlete "repulses" him. "The thought of the Olympics makes me feel sick" thundered the stern faced 13:28 5k man "what are they doing for the ballet dancers of the future? It makes a mockery of everything".
Vernon is not the only high profile athlete with a taste for culture. Sprint ace Craig Pickering is a regular at the Royal Albert Hall during the BBC Proms season and Nick McCormick is known to be a fully paid up member of the Royal London Opera.
"Let's face it" sighed Vernon "it's no life. No one wants to run all day every day, but unfortunately I am very good at it. I just wish I could be free to express myself in dance." The Nick Anderson coached athlete came late to ballet having been inspired by the hit movie Billie Elliot. Since then, he has become a regular at London showings and is constantly seen dragging his girlfriend to lengthy shows. "It fills me with such excitement" said Vernon "the Nutcracker is my favourite. The moves are so complex!"
Vernon - who is regularly joined on his ballet escapades by close friend Ryan McLeod - conceded that the thought of "just" being an athlete "repulses" him. "The thought of the Olympics makes me feel sick" thundered the stern faced 13:28 5k man "what are they doing for the ballet dancers of the future? It makes a mockery of everything".
Vernon is not the only high profile athlete with a taste for culture. Sprint ace Craig Pickering is a regular at the Royal Albert Hall during the BBC Proms season and Nick McCormick is known to be a fully paid up member of the Royal London Opera.
Sunday, 13 March 2011
McLEOD IN RED NOSE SNUB
Ryan McLeod has refused to take part in Comic Relief this coming Friday after a row with a revolving door. The GB International was set to be "an integral part" of a live sketch featuring chubby funster, James Corden but has walked out on the gig after a bizarre incident after rehearsals over the weekend.
McLeod traveled to London on Saturday morning and arrived at Television Centre at lunchtime. After a "highly successful" couple of hours with Corden and other participants Davina McCall, Jade Johnson and Robert Mugabe, the 7:52 3k star became trapped in the revolving door "for some hours". It is understood that the fire brigade had to be called in order to free him late into the evening.
A McLeod spokesman confirmed that the Tipton man would not be involved on Friday evening, but refused to speculate on whether this was owing to an irrational fear of revolving doors. It was confirmed that McLeod had become confused on "when to exit" and that he eventually became dizzy thus unable to use the "revolving door app +" (version 2.3.3) on his iPhone. "Ryan feels that it would not now be appropriate to take part" said the spokesman "he is upset at what occurred and I think it is clear that the BBC were less than prompt in their response". Rumours that McLeod was receiving counselling were dismissed as nonsense.
The BBC declined to comment but it is thought that contingencies - including a call up for Andy Vernon - were being put in place.
McLeod traveled to London on Saturday morning and arrived at Television Centre at lunchtime. After a "highly successful" couple of hours with Corden and other participants Davina McCall, Jade Johnson and Robert Mugabe, the 7:52 3k star became trapped in the revolving door "for some hours". It is understood that the fire brigade had to be called in order to free him late into the evening.
A McLeod spokesman confirmed that the Tipton man would not be involved on Friday evening, but refused to speculate on whether this was owing to an irrational fear of revolving doors. It was confirmed that McLeod had become confused on "when to exit" and that he eventually became dizzy thus unable to use the "revolving door app +" (version 2.3.3) on his iPhone. "Ryan feels that it would not now be appropriate to take part" said the spokesman "he is upset at what occurred and I think it is clear that the BBC were less than prompt in their response". Rumours that McLeod was receiving counselling were dismissed as nonsense.
The BBC declined to comment but it is thought that contingencies - including a call up for Andy Vernon - were being put in place.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY: THE BIG DEALS
The Echo rounds up all the major comings and goings after a frantic end to the January transfer window.
Stephen Emery is staying put at Loughborough despite a £40m bid from Birmingham and reported interest from St Mary's. The engineer has pledged the next 18 months to the African Violets by signing a lucrative contract extension.
Ryan McLeod will not leave Tipton after all. It had been thought that the 7:52 3k man was about to walk out on the Midlands club in a row about iPhone usage.
Linford Christie is to come out of retirement and has signed for Windsor, Slough, Eton and Hounslow. The former Olympic Champion said that he was "hugely excited" at the prospect of helping Windsor back into the Premiership. The club were unsuccessful in convincing Sally Gunnell into a similar comeback.
Newham and Essex Beagles have been fined £750,000 and banned from taking part in the summer transfer window after illegally approaching "the vast majority" of the the GB European Cross Team. They also had a £75m bid for Mo Farah rejected after they realised that they had already signed him.
Mark Lewis-Francis is a free agent after storming out of Birchfield Harriers. The European Silver Medallist was heard to say that "Mark Lewis-Francis most definitely will be running for a bigger club than this next summer". As such his £2m contract was terminated but regrettably for the sprinter no one agreed to take him.
Sale Harriers Manchester sacked their entire squad earlier this month as the new owners decided that they "could do better". However, the club were forced into an embarrassing retreat when nobody returned their emails - not even MLF - and so have re-signed the majority of the team on vastly inflated contracts.
Dave Norman caused outrage at Altrincham after handing in a written transfer request. The 5k star has now signed a 3 year contract extension after failing to agree personal terms with £25m suitors, Southend AC.
Kenenisa Bekele will have to wait to have his move to Aldershot, Farnham and District confirmed. The Ethiopian will undergo a medical later today, but the deal has been put in doubt after Mick Woods offended the athlete's entire entourage. However, AFD will be celebrating after managing to persuade Andy Vernon to sign a four year contract extension rather than opting for a big money move to Bedford & County - who were rumoured to be ready to pay the star over £200,000 a week.
Despite reports in the Echo earlier this month that they were ready to spend big, Southend have not been successful in making a single signing. It is understood that the majority of deals fell through when would-be athletes "visited Southend".
Stephen Emery is staying put at Loughborough despite a £40m bid from Birmingham and reported interest from St Mary's. The engineer has pledged the next 18 months to the African Violets by signing a lucrative contract extension.
Ryan McLeod will not leave Tipton after all. It had been thought that the 7:52 3k man was about to walk out on the Midlands club in a row about iPhone usage.
Linford Christie is to come out of retirement and has signed for Windsor, Slough, Eton and Hounslow. The former Olympic Champion said that he was "hugely excited" at the prospect of helping Windsor back into the Premiership. The club were unsuccessful in convincing Sally Gunnell into a similar comeback.
Newham and Essex Beagles have been fined £750,000 and banned from taking part in the summer transfer window after illegally approaching "the vast majority" of the the GB European Cross Team. They also had a £75m bid for Mo Farah rejected after they realised that they had already signed him.
Mark Lewis-Francis is a free agent after storming out of Birchfield Harriers. The European Silver Medallist was heard to say that "Mark Lewis-Francis most definitely will be running for a bigger club than this next summer". As such his £2m contract was terminated but regrettably for the sprinter no one agreed to take him.
Sale Harriers Manchester sacked their entire squad earlier this month as the new owners decided that they "could do better". However, the club were forced into an embarrassing retreat when nobody returned their emails - not even MLF - and so have re-signed the majority of the team on vastly inflated contracts.
Dave Norman caused outrage at Altrincham after handing in a written transfer request. The 5k star has now signed a 3 year contract extension after failing to agree personal terms with £25m suitors, Southend AC.
Kenenisa Bekele will have to wait to have his move to Aldershot, Farnham and District confirmed. The Ethiopian will undergo a medical later today, but the deal has been put in doubt after Mick Woods offended the athlete's entire entourage. However, AFD will be celebrating after managing to persuade Andy Vernon to sign a four year contract extension rather than opting for a big money move to Bedford & County - who were rumoured to be ready to pay the star over £200,000 a week.
Despite reports in the Echo earlier this month that they were ready to spend big, Southend have not been successful in making a single signing. It is understood that the majority of deals fell through when would-be athletes "visited Southend".
Monday, 10 January 2011
NEWS ROUND UP
BULDARO CALLS FOR "STRONGER" OFFICIALS AT BUCS
Birmingham Director of Athletics has called on UKA and BUCS to clamp down on what he calls the "blatant bating of the officials" by fierce rival George Gandy. Buldaro - who is looking to defend the BUCS title on home soil - has said that he is concerned that some "strange" comments from the Guru and Director at Loughborough will sway race stewards on the day. "Look, we all know that the officials have a really really tough job" said Buldaro from a press conference "and they are not helped by certain Directors constantly railing against them. That is a fact. I only hope they can put it out of their minds on the day." For his part, the Guru issued a statement calling the accusations "ludicrous" adding that "they [the remarks] were a sign of the pressure Bud is under".
Chris Thompson faces a spell on the sidelines after being "seriously scratched" by his pet cat, Jemma. The European Silver Medallist required hospital treatment after the cat pounced on him shortly after being fed her breakfast. A spokesman for the athlete said that it was "unlikely" to effect his training too greatly adding that Jemma would be dispatched for a "full claw clipping" and that he hoped that this would help the news desk on a slow day.
EIGHTLANE SILENT ON MCLEOD RUN
Always known to be even handed with their criticism popular running forum for the intellectually challenged, Eightlane have remained eerily and surprisingly quiet on Ryan McLeod's eleventh place (3rd Brit home) at the Edinburgh Cross Country event held last weekend. High praise was lauded on many who fell short of one of the best performances of McLeod's career. One can be sure it is nothing to do with the fact that the very same forum frothed with rage at McLeod's inclusion in the European Cross Country team just last month with one poster wondering whether UKA were getting "value for money" with McLeod's recent trip to Kenya.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
SNOWBALL MUST GET RESULTS: RADCLIFFE
Paula Radcliffe has added to the pressure mounting on LSAC Cross Country Captain Ben Snowball today by commenting that the captain's future "rests on an upturn in form". The Marathon world record holder and former Loughborough student poured scorn on Snowball's claims that he is "building for the future". "You look at the club over the past few years and it is in a bad way" said Radcliffe from the launch of her new perfume "I don't necessarily blame Ben as it is largely the quad he inherited, but with BUCS just around the corner, I think he is going to have to up his game sharpish".
Loughborough are without a win all season and whilst Snowball has pointed to "an injury crisis" many have questioned the Aldershot man's ability to handle a big club. "He came in with good credentials" continued Radcliffe "but unfortunately we haven't seen any of that yet. Some of the performances of late have been completely abject." Whilst a heavy points deduction for Birchfield Harriers looks like saving LSAC from the ignomy of relegation, the club slumped to one of their worst performances ever at Perry Barr last month evidenced by the fact that Pete Matthews was a high counter. "That is completely humiliating for a club like this" sighed Radcliffe "you look at the great history of scorers and now a hapless ginger is a key figure. It's very sad."
Snowball will be relieved to be able to call on the services of Stephen Emery - whose loan deal does not permit him to race for Loughborough in the Birmingham League - at BUCS next month. However, with the British Number One Five Miler voicing concerns about "a wasted generation" at Loughborough, all is not well. "We should have Ryan [McLeod] and so that will give us some credibility" said Emery from his weekly press conference "but it still is a bit humiliating to look at some of the contenders to be honest." Emery was speaking just days after signing a lucrative contract extension with Coventry Godiva rumoured to be worth somewhere in the region of £5m. "It was never about the money" said the 24:24 5 mile man "I think that this club can best suit my needs going forward and so I am here to stay".
Whether Ben Snowball will be allowed the same luxuries is unclear, but with a "vote of confidence" issued by George Gandy after last month's disaster the signs are not promising.
Loughborough are without a win all season and whilst Snowball has pointed to "an injury crisis" many have questioned the Aldershot man's ability to handle a big club. "He came in with good credentials" continued Radcliffe "but unfortunately we haven't seen any of that yet. Some of the performances of late have been completely abject." Whilst a heavy points deduction for Birchfield Harriers looks like saving LSAC from the ignomy of relegation, the club slumped to one of their worst performances ever at Perry Barr last month evidenced by the fact that Pete Matthews was a high counter. "That is completely humiliating for a club like this" sighed Radcliffe "you look at the great history of scorers and now a hapless ginger is a key figure. It's very sad."
Snowball will be relieved to be able to call on the services of Stephen Emery - whose loan deal does not permit him to race for Loughborough in the Birmingham League - at BUCS next month. However, with the British Number One Five Miler voicing concerns about "a wasted generation" at Loughborough, all is not well. "We should have Ryan [McLeod] and so that will give us some credibility" said Emery from his weekly press conference "but it still is a bit humiliating to look at some of the contenders to be honest." Emery was speaking just days after signing a lucrative contract extension with Coventry Godiva rumoured to be worth somewhere in the region of £5m. "It was never about the money" said the 24:24 5 mile man "I think that this club can best suit my needs going forward and so I am here to stay".
Whether Ben Snowball will be allowed the same luxuries is unclear, but with a "vote of confidence" issued by George Gandy after last month's disaster the signs are not promising.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
McLEOD PERFORMS WELL, EIGHTLANE OUTRAGED
Posters on the newly reincarnated running forum for simpletons Eightlane have been quick to express their dismay at the inclusion of Ryan McLeod in the team for the European Cross Country Championships next weekend.
"The non selection of Lee Carey is a disgrace" thundered one 'BRITS ABROAD' whilst 'i'm with jim [sic]' agreed with the sentiment before turning on the unwitting McLeod: "i will tell you what is even more disappointing [sic]" frothed the enraged opportunist, "mcleod coming 6th. paid trips to france and kenya znd that's what we get in return [sic]". Sensing a case of the green-eyed monster, several offered a defence of McLeod - who notched up his best ever performance at the Liverpool trial race - only to be batted down by 'the three degrees'. "look i like him [sic]" was his/her/it's reasoned opening, "but i don't think we are getting value for money for sending people over there [to Kenya presumably]." Oh dear, it seems as though Mr/Mrs Three Degrees forgot to get his/her application in for the altitude training in time. Clearly forgetting his claim of liking McLeod, the courageously anonymous poster continued: "he has had money thrown at him all of his life. what has carey asked for? the chance to do his exams and fly in to a race is not a lot to ask [sic]." Well, we could point out that Lee Carey is on a full scholarship in the States and that UKA make it clear that athletes have to be back in the UK the week before the Championships (to which Carey could not comply), but one should never let facts get in the way of a good story.
Coincidently, Eightlane is the very same forum that has got itself into a hysterical fit twice in the past twelve months over the non-selection of athletes who finished in the top six places at the supposed trial race. In one bizarre instance, the centre-piece of a presumably ill-fated 'LOVE ATHLETICS, HATE UKA' campaign was an open letter calling for greater transparency in selection. Now what could be more transparent than selecting the top six finishers of a trial I wonder?
"The non selection of Lee Carey is a disgrace" thundered one 'BRITS ABROAD' whilst 'i'm with jim [sic]' agreed with the sentiment before turning on the unwitting McLeod: "i will tell you what is even more disappointing [sic]" frothed the enraged opportunist, "mcleod coming 6th. paid trips to france and kenya znd that's what we get in return [sic]". Sensing a case of the green-eyed monster, several offered a defence of McLeod - who notched up his best ever performance at the Liverpool trial race - only to be batted down by 'the three degrees'. "look i like him [sic]" was his/her/it's reasoned opening, "but i don't think we are getting value for money for sending people over there [to Kenya presumably]." Oh dear, it seems as though Mr/Mrs Three Degrees forgot to get his/her application in for the altitude training in time. Clearly forgetting his claim of liking McLeod, the courageously anonymous poster continued: "he has had money thrown at him all of his life. what has carey asked for? the chance to do his exams and fly in to a race is not a lot to ask [sic]." Well, we could point out that Lee Carey is on a full scholarship in the States and that UKA make it clear that athletes have to be back in the UK the week before the Championships (to which Carey could not comply), but one should never let facts get in the way of a good story.
Coincidently, Eightlane is the very same forum that has got itself into a hysterical fit twice in the past twelve months over the non-selection of athletes who finished in the top six places at the supposed trial race. In one bizarre instance, the centre-piece of a presumably ill-fated 'LOVE ATHLETICS, HATE UKA' campaign was an open letter calling for greater transparency in selection. Now what could be more transparent than selecting the top six finishers of a trial I wonder?
Saturday, 4 December 2010
WARBURTON LEFT RED FACED BY MINCE PIE GAFFE
Chris Warburton has been forced into an embarrassing apology after mistakenly making mince pies with beef mince meat. The 1500m star was throwing a festive party for his Loughborough pals and had been "up all night" finalising the arrangements. However, things went drastically wrong when several of the guests dashed to the lavatories after sampling some of the mince pies. One insider labelled the food "absolutely foul" and the Notts AC man himself has conceded that his cooking skills "require development".
Warburton - who is best known for baking bread - is rumoured to be "devastated" by the error. Apparently "throwing the cook book away", he was desperate to prove that he was cut out to throw a memorable party. Sadly the event aimed at celebrating the continuation of the Warburton dynasty at Loughborough, will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. "I only hope this hasn't ruined my European Cross preparations" thundered a furious Ryan McLeod "how can anyone make that sort of mistake? I've got an iPhone app for that sort of thing."
A Warburton spokesman was keen to play down the incident this evening, stating that "it was all forgotten now." The star's official website thanked fans for "all their support" and went on to dismiss rumours that the 3:39 man had compounded his mince pie foul up by preparing a cheesecake with cheddar.
Warburton - who is best known for baking bread - is rumoured to be "devastated" by the error. Apparently "throwing the cook book away", he was desperate to prove that he was cut out to throw a memorable party. Sadly the event aimed at celebrating the continuation of the Warburton dynasty at Loughborough, will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. "I only hope this hasn't ruined my European Cross preparations" thundered a furious Ryan McLeod "how can anyone make that sort of mistake? I've got an iPhone app for that sort of thing."
A Warburton spokesman was keen to play down the incident this evening, stating that "it was all forgotten now." The star's official website thanked fans for "all their support" and went on to dismiss rumours that the 3:39 man had compounded his mince pie foul up by preparing a cheesecake with cheddar.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
ECHO CHIEFS FUMING OVER 'SPOOF' SLUR
The Lufbra Echo is today fighting allegations that it is nothing more than a "fun spoof website". The reports on spikesmag.com have left the management in a desperate struggle to claw back some credibility and could yet spell the end for "the greatest website ever to grace the internet" (Sunday Times). "This is the most outrageous libel I have ever seen" thundered a senior source, "how dare they suggest that our work is anything other than hard hitting journalistic investigation?" The Echo was given one of the most prestigious awards in journalism last month, and insiders have accused Spikes Mag of jealousy. "The fact is that they will never have the following that we have" continued our source "they have printed this garbage in order to attract headlines, but all they are going to attract is legal action."
The Chief Executive was too upset to comment this evening, but did promise to fight the accusations "with all his heart" and dismissed speculation that he had authorised the article as a publicity stunt. A spokesman for the £4m man said that the entire team was "standing by their man" at this difficult time. "We have broken some huge stories," said the Senior Press Secretary (UK & North West Europe) "and if our rivals can't deal with that, then they should get out and do some investigating." The Echo has not been without its detractors in recent months, and rumours are circulating that they were forced to make a "sizeable payout" to the BBC's John Inverdale after a senior staffer was heard to crticise the Godfather's presenting style. It is understood that both parties signed a binding confidentiality agreement and the Echo's top man was forced into a grovelling apology.
"This is a setback we could all do without" said our insider of the Spikes article, "it has been a really rough few months for the top brass as we rolled out in Korea and have had various fights on our hands. However, we will put a stop to this nonsense and if we have to go to Court then so be it." The source would not be drawn on whether a pay-wall akin to that employed by News International would have to be looked at for the Echo, but with advertising revenue down 12% (to £834,000) last month the light at the end of the tunnel may well have to be switched off to save the energy.
The Echo has been responsible for some of the most shameful antics in the sport being exposed. Its first major scoop came when Ryan McLeod and Nick McCormick were caught breaking UKA's £40,000 Alter-G Treadmill and the site went on to win high praise for its all-encompassing coverage of Loughborough's Warm Weather trip to Portugal. It is often the first port of call for whistle blowers keen to put a stop to corruption in the sport and in the summer, the European Court of Human Rights praised the Echo for its "tremendous bravery" in reporting the tyranny of Charles Van Commenee at UKA. It can only be hoped that similar support is forthcoming during the latest woe to beset this plucky outfit.
The Chief Executive was too upset to comment this evening, but did promise to fight the accusations "with all his heart" and dismissed speculation that he had authorised the article as a publicity stunt. A spokesman for the £4m man said that the entire team was "standing by their man" at this difficult time. "We have broken some huge stories," said the Senior Press Secretary (UK & North West Europe) "and if our rivals can't deal with that, then they should get out and do some investigating." The Echo has not been without its detractors in recent months, and rumours are circulating that they were forced to make a "sizeable payout" to the BBC's John Inverdale after a senior staffer was heard to crticise the Godfather's presenting style. It is understood that both parties signed a binding confidentiality agreement and the Echo's top man was forced into a grovelling apology.
"This is a setback we could all do without" said our insider of the Spikes article, "it has been a really rough few months for the top brass as we rolled out in Korea and have had various fights on our hands. However, we will put a stop to this nonsense and if we have to go to Court then so be it." The source would not be drawn on whether a pay-wall akin to that employed by News International would have to be looked at for the Echo, but with advertising revenue down 12% (to £834,000) last month the light at the end of the tunnel may well have to be switched off to save the energy.
The Echo has been responsible for some of the most shameful antics in the sport being exposed. Its first major scoop came when Ryan McLeod and Nick McCormick were caught breaking UKA's £40,000 Alter-G Treadmill and the site went on to win high praise for its all-encompassing coverage of Loughborough's Warm Weather trip to Portugal. It is often the first port of call for whistle blowers keen to put a stop to corruption in the sport and in the summer, the European Court of Human Rights praised the Echo for its "tremendous bravery" in reporting the tyranny of Charles Van Commenee at UKA. It can only be hoped that similar support is forthcoming during the latest woe to beset this plucky outfit.
Sunday, 17 October 2010
'DOOR ALWAYS OPEN' TO TIPTON: EMERY
Stephen Emery has indicated that he would "always consider" a move to Tipton Harriers "if the contract was right". The 1500m star is rumoured to be unhappy at Coventry after a dismal display at the 6 Stage this weekend. David Dix - Coventry's manager - has already criticised his athlete recently after Emery opted for a weekend away over competing for his club at the Midland's event. The BUCS Bronze medallist slumped to an 18:07 clocking on Saturday which was only good enough fourth fastest amongst his team mates. Such a performance will almost certainly put his place in the National Cross Country Relays in jeopardy and it is unlikely that this will sit well with the £80,000 a week star.
Speaking at a press conference this afternoon, Emery refused to rule out a switch to Coventry's midland rivals and had harsh words for his current employers. "I didn't know what leg I was to run until the morning of the race", said the 3:48 man "that isn't on. I know that McLeod [of Tipton] knew his leg weeks ago. It almost certainly cost me an individual medal." Speaking of Tipton, Emery conceded that he "had always dreamt" of a National medal and wondered whether it "would ever be possible" at his current club. "I am better than the Birmingham League" sighed Emery "I'm always associated with my stunning displays there, but I feel that I have done all I can for Coventry."
Tipton have made no secret of their desire to attract Emery - with rumours that they are ready to install him on a "significant sum" circulating in yesterday's papers. However, Emery is on a four year deal at Coventry and it is likely that his transfer fee could stretch into tens of millions. Issuing a "hands off" order, Dix said that he was "very disappointed" with Tipton, adding that it "undoubtedly contributed" to his man's appalling showing at Sutton Park. "These so-called big clubs have to learn that they are not the be all and end all," thundered Dix this evening, "it is outrageous. I will be lodging a complaint with UKA - not that they'll care."
Speaking at a press conference this afternoon, Emery refused to rule out a switch to Coventry's midland rivals and had harsh words for his current employers. "I didn't know what leg I was to run until the morning of the race", said the 3:48 man "that isn't on. I know that McLeod [of Tipton] knew his leg weeks ago. It almost certainly cost me an individual medal." Speaking of Tipton, Emery conceded that he "had always dreamt" of a National medal and wondered whether it "would ever be possible" at his current club. "I am better than the Birmingham League" sighed Emery "I'm always associated with my stunning displays there, but I feel that I have done all I can for Coventry."
Tipton have made no secret of their desire to attract Emery - with rumours that they are ready to install him on a "significant sum" circulating in yesterday's papers. However, Emery is on a four year deal at Coventry and it is likely that his transfer fee could stretch into tens of millions. Issuing a "hands off" order, Dix said that he was "very disappointed" with Tipton, adding that it "undoubtedly contributed" to his man's appalling showing at Sutton Park. "These so-called big clubs have to learn that they are not the be all and end all," thundered Dix this evening, "it is outrageous. I will be lodging a complaint with UKA - not that they'll care."
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
ECHO COMPUTER DIES IN LEICESTER
The Lufrba Echo is this evening coming to terms with the loss of its principal laptop. The Echo's main computer suffered a "catastrophic hard drive failure" during a car journey from Head Office to a meeting in Loughborough town centre. Our Chief Executive rushed it to PC World's emergency department in Leicester but the damage was too severe and it was pronounced dead shortly after 3pm.
"The computer arrived in a critical condition" said a PC World source, "our tech team worked on it for over an hour, but the injuries were very serious indeed. Despite multiple USB transfusions and the efforts of several experienced professionals, we were unable to save it." A post mortem is slated for the coming days to establish exactly what caused the 13 month old computer (helpfully just out of warranty) to suffer such an unexpected death. "We will not speculate until the after-death care team have had a chance to asses it," said the PC World spokesman, "sometimes these things just happen".
Ryan McLeod, who shares a flat with the Echo's Head Quarters, has revealed that he is "gravely concerned" for the safety of his Mac Book and iPhone. Speaking from his girlfriend's house, the Tipton Harrier said that he was refusing to return until the mystery illness had been sorted out. "I got everything out the flat when I heard," said the 7:52 3k man, "I can't take the risk. It was so unexpected and if I were to lose my iPhone I don't know what I'd do."
The Echo Chief Executive was too shocked to comment this evening, but insiders have said that another laptop has been acquired going some way to speeding the healing process. "We are all totally devastated," said the source, "it is a very very sad time."
"The computer arrived in a critical condition" said a PC World source, "our tech team worked on it for over an hour, but the injuries were very serious indeed. Despite multiple USB transfusions and the efforts of several experienced professionals, we were unable to save it." A post mortem is slated for the coming days to establish exactly what caused the 13 month old computer (helpfully just out of warranty) to suffer such an unexpected death. "We will not speculate until the after-death care team have had a chance to asses it," said the PC World spokesman, "sometimes these things just happen".
Ryan McLeod, who shares a flat with the Echo's Head Quarters, has revealed that he is "gravely concerned" for the safety of his Mac Book and iPhone. Speaking from his girlfriend's house, the Tipton Harrier said that he was refusing to return until the mystery illness had been sorted out. "I got everything out the flat when I heard," said the 7:52 3k man, "I can't take the risk. It was so unexpected and if I were to lose my iPhone I don't know what I'd do."
The Echo Chief Executive was too shocked to comment this evening, but insiders have said that another laptop has been acquired going some way to speeding the healing process. "We are all totally devastated," said the source, "it is a very very sad time."
Tuesday, 31 August 2010
FROM THE EIGHTLANE FORUM.....
Eightlaners respond to the crucial issue to dog the running world this week:
THE RETURN OF SEMENYA
Lookatherballs
Shes so obviously a bloke. Look at how she runs; cum on iaaf lets get this freek banned for life
Interested
What exactly does the test involve? I remember reading about it in an academic journal once, but I don’t think the IAAF have been exactly transparent on this
Fv4.
It is a complex and very interesting process. Physiologically, there can be no dispute that Caster is probably female. That is to say that the IAAF will have engaged in extensive tests to ensure that she is eligible to compete as such. The question is what does SHE see herself as. That would have fascinating psychological implications for the sporting world at large.
Milkman
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010110101100010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
Tt_3
What more evidence do you need. SHE’S A GUY FOR SURE. She has a deep voice and runs better than everyone else.
We love simpson
It’s the girls that have to race her I feel sorry for. Imagine having to look at that just before you start.
Get a grip
I think you should all get a grip and go and do sum trainin
Cheatcheatcheat
It’s a common problem in African villages. Caster has clearly been offered enough money to feed her family for a lifetime just to keep quiet. She probably gets a testosterone injection once a week and providing she gets the right dose, the authorities will never know.
BNP Lover
Spot on ‘Cheatcheatcheat’, I am fed up wit them africaans coming and rewining are sport. When are the wimps at wada gonna get on top of this????????????????????????????????? BAN AFRICANS FOR LIFE
GBATHLETICSRULES
I think they should gender test all athletes who beat Semenya
Balls
Surely there is a very simple test that can be done: LOOK AT HER BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RunnersLife
Really interesting interview on Runnerslife with Semenya. They ask her what her opinion is on steady runs, tempos and interval work. She give in depth answers lasting around 25 words. WELL DONE RUNNERSLIFE AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
Agreed
I don’t know the last poster in anyway and I am not from Wales, but have to agree- it’s a really really good read and I don’t think the creators get the respect they deserve.
Grow some balls and take the pace
I rekon the reason everyone h8s RL so much is cos that c*** mcloud posts on their. when is he gonna fuck off and get a reel job rather than post crap about not gettin payed to race abrord?????????
Daddys boy
That’s the best post all day ‘Grow some…’ It’s about time someone spoke up against that bully, McLeod.
Back to the point
But what about that cheat Semenya? Lets not forget that she is rewining are sport.
So is mcleeeeeeooooooddd!
I fink ryans to blame
African Violet
I think that this raises a pertinent question. Is the Loughborough regime responsible for the downfall of athletics in this world and the greater prevalence of drug cheats? Maybe if Gandy and his cronies took their responsibility a bit more seriously, then this would never have happened. I bet that if Semenya was a Gandy athlete, there wouldn’t have been any questions. Like when he shoe-horns shit athletes into the Loughborough International as ‘past’ students. They cheat just as badly.
Old Welshy
I am quite interested in Caster’s training. Although she can run a good 800m, I am not sure if she really has the kick to medal globally over 1500m+. Given that she has two years until the OG, perhaps it is time for her to focus primarily on the half mile distance? I know that she does a lot of ‘base’ work, but this might be wasted when it comes to the crunch
Homo
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON WESLSHY??????????????????????????????? Shes a bloke and so wont be aloud to the Olympics
Old Welshy
No reason to get personal. I was only commenting on her training as I know it well
Milkman
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
10101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
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Belgrave=evil
Wen r Belgrave goin to steel semenya for there bal team? Hahahaha!
Spot on
Love that last post. It is about time people publicaly slated Belgrave- they get waaaaaay too much support.
Iblameuka
I think that Stewart is to blame with his fuck of salary and shite dress sense. SACK STEWART, SAVE SEMENYA
Do some runnin
Has anyone ever thought that we may just be wasting our lives talking about things that don’t matter when we could be training and trying to emulate our heroes? Just a thought. Love the site though- well done Alan!
Athleticos????????????
Why haven’t those lazy aresholes at athleticos dun anythink on this? They claim to be passionate about the sport but this is reely crusial stuff and they aint got nuffink.
Cynical
I hate u all. Wen I was runnin in the 1950s loods of peeps wanted ter reed my blogs and now they only give a shit about lesbians and trannies. I nearly thru away all my v95 medals ve over day cos I fort whats ve point. Wife convinsed overwise.
Administrator
This thread is now locked.
THE RETURN OF SEMENYA
Lookatherballs
Shes so obviously a bloke. Look at how she runs; cum on iaaf lets get this freek banned for life
Interested
What exactly does the test involve? I remember reading about it in an academic journal once, but I don’t think the IAAF have been exactly transparent on this
Fv4.
It is a complex and very interesting process. Physiologically, there can be no dispute that Caster is probably female. That is to say that the IAAF will have engaged in extensive tests to ensure that she is eligible to compete as such. The question is what does SHE see herself as. That would have fascinating psychological implications for the sporting world at large.
Milkman
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010110101100010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
Tt_3
What more evidence do you need. SHE’S A GUY FOR SURE. She has a deep voice and runs better than everyone else.
We love simpson
It’s the girls that have to race her I feel sorry for. Imagine having to look at that just before you start.
Get a grip
I think you should all get a grip and go and do sum trainin
Cheatcheatcheat
It’s a common problem in African villages. Caster has clearly been offered enough money to feed her family for a lifetime just to keep quiet. She probably gets a testosterone injection once a week and providing she gets the right dose, the authorities will never know.
BNP Lover
Spot on ‘Cheatcheatcheat’, I am fed up wit them africaans coming and rewining are sport. When are the wimps at wada gonna get on top of this????????????????????????????????? BAN AFRICANS FOR LIFE
GBATHLETICSRULES
I think they should gender test all athletes who beat Semenya
Balls
Surely there is a very simple test that can be done: LOOK AT HER BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RunnersLife
Really interesting interview on Runnerslife with Semenya. They ask her what her opinion is on steady runs, tempos and interval work. She give in depth answers lasting around 25 words. WELL DONE RUNNERSLIFE AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK
Agreed
I don’t know the last poster in anyway and I am not from Wales, but have to agree- it’s a really really good read and I don’t think the creators get the respect they deserve.
Grow some balls and take the pace
I rekon the reason everyone h8s RL so much is cos that c*** mcloud posts on their. when is he gonna fuck off and get a reel job rather than post crap about not gettin payed to race abrord?????????
Daddys boy
That’s the best post all day ‘Grow some…’ It’s about time someone spoke up against that bully, McLeod.
Back to the point
But what about that cheat Semenya? Lets not forget that she is rewining are sport.
So is mcleeeeeeooooooddd!
I fink ryans to blame
African Violet
I think that this raises a pertinent question. Is the Loughborough regime responsible for the downfall of athletics in this world and the greater prevalence of drug cheats? Maybe if Gandy and his cronies took their responsibility a bit more seriously, then this would never have happened. I bet that if Semenya was a Gandy athlete, there wouldn’t have been any questions. Like when he shoe-horns shit athletes into the Loughborough International as ‘past’ students. They cheat just as badly.
Old Welshy
I am quite interested in Caster’s training. Although she can run a good 800m, I am not sure if she really has the kick to medal globally over 1500m+. Given that she has two years until the OG, perhaps it is time for her to focus primarily on the half mile distance? I know that she does a lot of ‘base’ work, but this might be wasted when it comes to the crunch
Homo
WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON WESLSHY??????????????????????????????? Shes a bloke and so wont be aloud to the Olympics
Old Welshy
No reason to get personal. I was only commenting on her training as I know it well
Milkman
1010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
10101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
10101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101010101101011000
Belgrave=evil
Wen r Belgrave goin to steel semenya for there bal team? Hahahaha!
Spot on
Love that last post. It is about time people publicaly slated Belgrave- they get waaaaaay too much support.
Iblameuka
I think that Stewart is to blame with his fuck of salary and shite dress sense. SACK STEWART, SAVE SEMENYA
Do some runnin
Has anyone ever thought that we may just be wasting our lives talking about things that don’t matter when we could be training and trying to emulate our heroes? Just a thought. Love the site though- well done Alan!
Athleticos????????????
Why haven’t those lazy aresholes at athleticos dun anythink on this? They claim to be passionate about the sport but this is reely crusial stuff and they aint got nuffink.
Cynical
I hate u all. Wen I was runnin in the 1950s loods of peeps wanted ter reed my blogs and now they only give a shit about lesbians and trannies. I nearly thru away all my v95 medals ve over day cos I fort whats ve point. Wife convinsed overwise.
Administrator
This thread is now locked.
Monday, 23 August 2010
ALTITUDE BLUNDER PROVES COSTLY FOR McLEOD
Ryan McLeod has been rushed to the Leicester Royal Infirmary after becoming trapped in his new altitude tent. The Tipton Harrier “couldn’t find the zip” having spent most of the day in conditions equivalent to an altitude 25,000 feet. McLeod was forced to take a knife to the expensive tent and dialled 999 after failing to get his breath back. Hospital officials have confirmed that a 25 year-old was treated for altitude sickness, but refused to elaborate citing patient confidentiality.
A spokesman for Loughborough Sport lamented McLeod’s “idiotic conduct” stating that the tent was not designed for such high altitude settings. “You wouldn’t open the door of a jumbo jet,” thundered George Gandy’s private secretary, “so why on earth did McLeod think he could spend his whole day at such a stupid altitude?”
A source close to McLeod revealed that the 7:52 3k man thought such a high altitude would have “added training impact” and was seeking to bring about a state of mild hypoxia. “He reasoned that the Kenyans lived high and so he should play Call of Duty even higher,” said the insider, “it only went wrong because he forgot where the zip was. It can be confusing in there you know. It could have happened to anyone.”
It is unlikely that UKA and Loughborough officials will be looking too kindly on the error as the tent has now been rendered effectively useless. After McLeod broke an Alter-G treadmill earlier in the year, it could be a while before he is allowed near any state of the art technology again. It is not yet clear whether he had had his full UKA induction (which takes a week and involves three hour exam at the end), but onlookers have said that it would be unlikely that he would have made such an error if full training had been undertaken. “They go through the whole system,” said an insider, “it really is fool-proof.”
A spokesman for Loughborough Sport lamented McLeod’s “idiotic conduct” stating that the tent was not designed for such high altitude settings. “You wouldn’t open the door of a jumbo jet,” thundered George Gandy’s private secretary, “so why on earth did McLeod think he could spend his whole day at such a stupid altitude?”
A source close to McLeod revealed that the 7:52 3k man thought such a high altitude would have “added training impact” and was seeking to bring about a state of mild hypoxia. “He reasoned that the Kenyans lived high and so he should play Call of Duty even higher,” said the insider, “it only went wrong because he forgot where the zip was. It can be confusing in there you know. It could have happened to anyone.”
It is unlikely that UKA and Loughborough officials will be looking too kindly on the error as the tent has now been rendered effectively useless. After McLeod broke an Alter-G treadmill earlier in the year, it could be a while before he is allowed near any state of the art technology again. It is not yet clear whether he had had his full UKA induction (which takes a week and involves three hour exam at the end), but onlookers have said that it would be unlikely that he would have made such an error if full training had been undertaken. “They go through the whole system,” said an insider, “it really is fool-proof.”
Thursday, 19 August 2010
McLEOD SEASON ENDED BY SWAN RUN IN
Ryan McLeod has had to bring an end to his 2010 track season after being head butted by a Swan, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The 25 year-old was left visibly shaken after being chased by the bird when he was running along the Loughborough canal. “It came out of nowhere,” said the Eightlane favourite, “one minute I was knocking out a tempo and the next I had a swan on me.”
Representatives of the Swan Appreciation Group (SAG) have criticised the Tipton Harrier for jumping into the canal after the Swan and attempting to break its neck. “What else was I supposed to do?” asked McLeod, who was left with cuts and bruises after the incident, “I was only defending myself. I lost my keys in the water as well.”
The swan – who was badly injured – was rushed to a nearby treatment centre and remains in a “critical but stable” condition. A spokesman for the Leicestershire Constabulary revealed that the Swan could face “termination” if it were to recover. “We have opened an investigation into the incident,” said Dt. Supt. Plod of the Anti-Social Swan Behaviour Unit, “if it is proved that the Swan deliberately attacked Mr McLeod, we will have no option but to recommend the Death Penalty.”
McLeod had hoped to round off a hugely successful season in Cardiff next weekend, but these plans have now been ditched. “My new running shoes are ruined, I’ve got a bad cut and I can’t run along the canal,” sighed McLeod from a charity event, “I can’t be expected to compete under these conditions.” The 7:52 3k man has come in for some criticism on the popular running forum Eightlane over the bust up, with one poster demanding that he be “exercuted or sumthink [sic]”. Another anonymous contributor felt sorry for the swan stating that: “mcclouds dad probly had sumfink to do with it. bet he got loads of money for gettin a cut [sic]”.
The local authorities have said that they hope to have the canal “fully operational” by the end of the week, but in the meantime are asking boats and walkers to divert away from the area. “Our forensic team haven’t quite finished yet,” said Dt. Supt. Plod.
Representatives of the Swan Appreciation Group (SAG) have criticised the Tipton Harrier for jumping into the canal after the Swan and attempting to break its neck. “What else was I supposed to do?” asked McLeod, who was left with cuts and bruises after the incident, “I was only defending myself. I lost my keys in the water as well.”
The swan – who was badly injured – was rushed to a nearby treatment centre and remains in a “critical but stable” condition. A spokesman for the Leicestershire Constabulary revealed that the Swan could face “termination” if it were to recover. “We have opened an investigation into the incident,” said Dt. Supt. Plod of the Anti-Social Swan Behaviour Unit, “if it is proved that the Swan deliberately attacked Mr McLeod, we will have no option but to recommend the Death Penalty.”
McLeod had hoped to round off a hugely successful season in Cardiff next weekend, but these plans have now been ditched. “My new running shoes are ruined, I’ve got a bad cut and I can’t run along the canal,” sighed McLeod from a charity event, “I can’t be expected to compete under these conditions.” The 7:52 3k man has come in for some criticism on the popular running forum Eightlane over the bust up, with one poster demanding that he be “exercuted or sumthink [sic]”. Another anonymous contributor felt sorry for the swan stating that: “mcclouds dad probly had sumfink to do with it. bet he got loads of money for gettin a cut [sic]”.
The local authorities have said that they hope to have the canal “fully operational” by the end of the week, but in the meantime are asking boats and walkers to divert away from the area. “Our forensic team haven’t quite finished yet,” said Dt. Supt. Plod.
Friday, 30 July 2010
THE LUFBRA ECHO: 100 POSTS OLD
Despite protestations that the site would be “closed down”, the Lufbra Echo today reaches a significant milestone: this is the 100th post. Ahead of an extended holiday for the busy editorial team, and largely because we can’t think of anything else to write, we thought that we would re-hash some of the best bits over the past few months. Cheap and lazy journalism? Well, possibly. But to be fair in two hours of live athletics coverage on Tuesday morning, the BBC spent well over half of it reminiscing about the Barcelona 1992 Olympics, so we feel we are due our own look back. Make yourself a nice cup of tea, sit back and enjoy our look over the top 10 moments in Echo history. Simply click on the number to read the story.
NUMBER 10: It was us who first broke the news that the now European 10,000m champion Mo Farah had had to give up on his hope of scooping the BBC Masterchef crown.
NUMBER 9: Ryan McLeod makes his first appearance in the countdown after he and Nick McCormick broke Loughborough’s pricy Alter-G treadmill.
NUMBER 8: Bowser, a European Cross Champion? Surely not. Err, well according to the BBC he was.
NUMBER 7: And a welcome first entry for the Echo’s award winning Portugal coverage. Here, there are concerns before the annual influx of distance runners even arrive in the Algarve.
NUMBER 6: Justice for LaShawn! The Echo sensitively discusses the drug cheat’s private issues.
NUMBER 5: UKA shocked everyone with their World Cross Selection. We had our own exclusive twist on the story.
NUMBER 4: It’s that man again! Ryan McLeod was in trouble after calling the emergency services for his damaged iPhone
NUMBER 3: It’s a bronze for the much praised coverage of the McLeod-Russell spat. The Echo was thanked by the Sports Journalists Association for our sensitive articles.
NUMBER 2: POST DELETED DUE TO ONGOING LEGAL FIGHT. Uh oh! It looks like we can’t bring you our silver medallist as we are still entrenched in a bitter and drawn out courtroom drama!
NUMBER 1: Well it had to come down to something on Portugal didn’t it? Yep, you guessed it- the gold medal Echo article as voted for by our research department is the report following a “night of scandal” in Vilamoura. Happy memories.
The Echo will now be on holiday until something interesting happens, if it ever does.
Saturday, 24 July 2010
BMC CRITICISED FOR ORGANISING RACE
The British Milers Club will today apologise for organising a 3,000m before running it past the Eightlane community first. The event- slated for next Wednesday- looks set to feature Australian superstar Craig Mottram but has been greeted with a chorus of disapproval from outraged Eightlaners. “How come the 3k is now at 8pm?” grumbled ‘Rather you than me’, “it’s not listed on the BMC website and the 3000 normally goes off at 10pm or later.” Meanwhile, after Eightlane favourite Ryan McLeod confirmed his intention to race, ‘Dirty Craig fact’ amused himself with the irresistible: “So it could be the drug cheat v Mc Cock [sic]”. All richly comic and, undeterred by this small libel, ‘its a BMC mcleod [sic]’ lambasted the “terrible attitude” of the Tipton man. “[Y]ou should be sharing the pace with Mottram” howled the anonymous poster, “as it’s a BMC and the only point of these races is to run quick!” Some jokes just never get old, do they?
Elsewhere and away from the outcry at the rearranged start time, Chris Carter came in for some criticism for planning on running a 1500m. “Is chris carter the joker who runs in full adidas kit and most of the time runs outside 4minutes? [sic]” asked ‘another day hey’. And he/she/it is right. How dare an athlete wear matching kit to a race! That is absolutely scandalous. The Echo cannot support such a policy and thus is calling on all athletes to ensure that their kit does not match from now on. And while we’re at it, the BMC simply must stop organising these high quality races. If we aren’t careful, this country’s generation of wasters will be running out of excuses to spout on Eightlane and Letsrun. David Cameron: are you listening?
Elsewhere and away from the outcry at the rearranged start time, Chris Carter came in for some criticism for planning on running a 1500m. “Is chris carter the joker who runs in full adidas kit and most of the time runs outside 4minutes? [sic]” asked ‘another day hey’. And he/she/it is right. How dare an athlete wear matching kit to a race! That is absolutely scandalous. The Echo cannot support such a policy and thus is calling on all athletes to ensure that their kit does not match from now on. And while we’re at it, the BMC simply must stop organising these high quality races. If we aren’t careful, this country’s generation of wasters will be running out of excuses to spout on Eightlane and Letsrun. David Cameron: are you listening?
Monday, 12 July 2010
NEWS UPDATE
TEENAGE KICKS: Gerrard hopes to transfer his "passion" for working with youngsters to athletics
GERRARD EYES COACHING ROLE
Steven Gerrard is “actively considering” taking up a job within UKA after he retires from football, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. The multi-millionaire Liverpudlian- who captained England during their recent failure at the World Cup- has said that he wants to “give something back” to the country once his footballing days end. “I enjoy working with kids,” Gerrard said from his hide-out in Mexico, “I think that football is being tarnished somewhat and I watch athletics on the television a fair bit. I think I could add a lot of value.” Gerrard has often been praised for his “enormous heart and lungs” when on and off the football pitch and UKA officials are secretly hoping he can turn that fitness and fighting (in a purely self-defensive way) spirit to “transforming British distance running”. However, an insider revealed that it was unlikely Gerrard would be let loose on the senior ranks for a while. “It’s a tricky business and it will take time,” said the source, “Steven has a particularly positive impact on the ladies and so we are thinking of assigning him to the Junior Girls. I doubt he can do much harm there and can move on to the grown-ups when he is ready.”
MISERABLE McLEOD FORCED TO RUE MISSED SOLIHULL OPPORTUNITY
Ryan McLeod has conceded that he made a “catastrophic error” in opting for a race in Belgium over the BMC Solihull Grand Prix. The Tipton Harrier was left red faced when he was only able to chalk up his third fastest 5000m performance at the Belgium meeting, whilst the Solihull event was won by landscape gardener, Mark Draper. Disappointed Eightlaners were upset at missing a potential showdown between the pair: “this is the guy who bleats at not being given paid trips [14:01] his dad [Olympic Silver Medallist, Mike McLeod] would have been embarressed [sic] to be offered anythig [sic] for that,” thundered ‘shouldhebepaid’ in reference to the fact that McLeod had to pay for his journey. A spokesman for the McLeod camp said that his charge was “saddened” to hear that the Eightlane community were getting exercised again. “Obviously, Ryan would rather have been involved in a race where two people broke 14:20 as opposed to one where ten ran under 13:50, but these things happen,” said the source, adding that he was “deeply sorry” to anyone who had taken exception to his race choices.
ASTON TO BLAME: WHITTLE
Ed Aston has been blamed for Rob Whittle's calamitous closing 150m in the ‘B’ race of the 1500m at Solihull on Saturday evening. The Loughborough star slammed Aston for running “an inspirational race” just moments before his own. “I watched that and as a result went out too hard,” sighed Whittle after the race, “it’s all his [Aston’s] fault. I hope he is happy now.” Aston was imperious in front running the majority of his race and being rewarded with a 1:47.96 PB. A Loughborough spokesman has confirmed that they will be asking the BMC to caution the Cambridge & Coleridge star against running so well again. “It just isn’t on to expect other athletes to watch superb performances like that and then go out and run sensibly,” said the official, “frankly we think it’s a little selfish.”
POLICE IN BOWSER FOUL UP
Police have thanked readers of the Lufbra Echo for their help in trying to locate the missing athlete Matt Bowser, but have been forced to concede that they bungled a move to intercept him on Sunday evening. “Mr. Bowser arrived back at Stansted airport after a race oversees,” said Dt. Supt. Lukatme who is leading the investigation, “somehow he gave us the slip. We are still looking for him and once again worn against approaching this man.” In an ironic twist, it seems likely that Bowser escaped the police by using the Garmin that UKA are trying to locate. UKA officials have spoken of Charles Van Commenee’s “sleepless nights” over the missing gadget and reiterated an appeal for its safe return. “Please, Matt have the heart to bring the Garmin home,” said the press secretary, “it’s never too late”.
Tuesday, 6 July 2010
NEWS IN BRIEF
WOMEN’S STEEPLE FACES HATCHET
The women’s 3,000m steeplechase will not be included in the programme for the 2012 Olympic Games, because Sebastian Coe “doesn’t much like” Hatti Dean. The former World 800m Record holder has been under pressure from the cost-cutting Coalition Government to somehow reduce the £9 billion budget currently set for the Games. In an extraordinary press conference, the Chairman of LOCOG attacked the steeplechase, branding it a “waste of space” and also reserved firm words for the “nasty and manipulative” Dean. “I hate her,” said Coe, “I hate the way she looks, I hate the way she runs and I hate the way she hurdles. If I had my way, I would just introduce a blanket ban on Deans being allowed to compete.” Coe is said to be upset because he "doesn't like hats". "What a stupid name!" thundered Coe, "I hate people who go around wearing hats- particularly in races, like that **** Dave Wottle".
McLEOD SNUB ANGERS UNIONS
Trade Unions have called for athletes and spectators to boycott the Super 8 series on Wednesday owing to the exclusion of Ryan McLeod. Unison, Unite, GMB and BECTU all balloted their members after the start lists were published and the results confirmed that 98.7% of members voted in favour of action. One Glasgow Council insider said: “our members work incredibly hard for their cash and demand the right to see McLeod lead a race only to be out-kicked in the closing stages. We couldn’t all make it down to Sport City and some idiot edited out the good bits on the video.” McLeod insiders have denied rumours that their man was offered a race but had to turn it down as he “did not know where Glasgow was”. One source said: “we can’t understand why he has been left out. He could run for just about anyone, but they all said no. It’s like someone has a grudge against him.” UKA have refused to comment on the strikes, but did say that they “regretted” having to overlook the Tipton man. A spokesman said: “we just didn’t have a need for any pacemakers on this occasion.”
GAY ‘BANNED FROM WINNING’ IN OREGON
The only non-Nike sponsored athlete to be permitted a race in the Pre Classic Diamond League meeting, Tyson Gay, has told the Lufbra Echo that he was told “not to win” just minutes before his race. “Some guy came up to be beforehand,” said Gay, “and said that he would ruin by career if I didn’t let Dix win”. It was also alleged that Gay was given “sticky blocks” meaning that he was delayed slightly at the start. A Nike spokesman was unrepentant when challenged on the issue: “how embarrassing would it be if an Adidas athlete won a race?” said the source, “that’s like saying that you don’t need to wear Nike kit to be the best. Also, Tyson has an unfortunate surname and we couldn’t have a Dix finishing behind a Gay- we have family values, you know!”
The women’s 3,000m steeplechase will not be included in the programme for the 2012 Olympic Games, because Sebastian Coe “doesn’t much like” Hatti Dean. The former World 800m Record holder has been under pressure from the cost-cutting Coalition Government to somehow reduce the £9 billion budget currently set for the Games. In an extraordinary press conference, the Chairman of LOCOG attacked the steeplechase, branding it a “waste of space” and also reserved firm words for the “nasty and manipulative” Dean. “I hate her,” said Coe, “I hate the way she looks, I hate the way she runs and I hate the way she hurdles. If I had my way, I would just introduce a blanket ban on Deans being allowed to compete.” Coe is said to be upset because he "doesn't like hats". "What a stupid name!" thundered Coe, "I hate people who go around wearing hats- particularly in races, like that **** Dave Wottle".
McLEOD SNUB ANGERS UNIONS
Trade Unions have called for athletes and spectators to boycott the Super 8 series on Wednesday owing to the exclusion of Ryan McLeod. Unison, Unite, GMB and BECTU all balloted their members after the start lists were published and the results confirmed that 98.7% of members voted in favour of action. One Glasgow Council insider said: “our members work incredibly hard for their cash and demand the right to see McLeod lead a race only to be out-kicked in the closing stages. We couldn’t all make it down to Sport City and some idiot edited out the good bits on the video.” McLeod insiders have denied rumours that their man was offered a race but had to turn it down as he “did not know where Glasgow was”. One source said: “we can’t understand why he has been left out. He could run for just about anyone, but they all said no. It’s like someone has a grudge against him.” UKA have refused to comment on the strikes, but did say that they “regretted” having to overlook the Tipton man. A spokesman said: “we just didn’t have a need for any pacemakers on this occasion.”
GAY ‘BANNED FROM WINNING’ IN OREGON
The only non-Nike sponsored athlete to be permitted a race in the Pre Classic Diamond League meeting, Tyson Gay, has told the Lufbra Echo that he was told “not to win” just minutes before his race. “Some guy came up to be beforehand,” said Gay, “and said that he would ruin by career if I didn’t let Dix win”. It was also alleged that Gay was given “sticky blocks” meaning that he was delayed slightly at the start. A Nike spokesman was unrepentant when challenged on the issue: “how embarrassing would it be if an Adidas athlete won a race?” said the source, “that’s like saying that you don’t need to wear Nike kit to be the best. Also, Tyson has an unfortunate surname and we couldn’t have a Dix finishing behind a Gay- we have family values, you know!”
Saturday, 3 July 2010
NEWS ROUND-UP.......
The Echo rounds up everything you need to know....
LAUNDRY GAFFE LEAVES WELL KNOWN SPORTS BRAND FUMING
A “washing mix up” from one of the foremost distance runners in the country has left his sponsors “absolutely disappointed”, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The athlete, who is based in the North West of England, was photographed last week running away from a swan and clearly wearing another company’s kit. Whilst the names of both the athlete in question and the companies involved cannot be revealed, we can confirm that the individual “does not wish” to terminate his contract. A well-placed source told the Echo that the error was owing to “reds being washed with whites”. “[Unnamed athlete] is very well known in [the area in which he lives] and as such did not want to be seen training in pink kit….the locals around here can be quite mean”. The sports brand is said to be “one of the top three” in the world and is thought to be “considering its options”. An insider at the brand said: “I can tell you that this has gone to the very highest level. The top man has been recalled from his holiday to discuss it and nothing is being ruled out at this stage.”
NEWHAM IN ARAB TALKS
Newham and Essex Beagles look set to be taken over by a syndicate of wealthy Dubai-based businessman, the Lufbra Echo understands. It is believed that the group are buying the club as there “are no football clubs left” and have promised “European Domination” within the next three years. It is understood that George Gandy and Ian Stewart have already been approached to head up the venture and other “top stars” are said to be involved. Newham have had some well catalogued financial troubles since they paid “several pounds” to secure the services of Alasdair Donaldson. An insider told of the “eye watering” salaries that athletes receive. “[Robbie] Schofield gets paid five pounds per race,” said the anonymous source, “and I know that Frank Baddick has been looking for a pay rise. You can’t sustain a business like that.” Newham’s woes were added to when they released their “disappointing” kit for the new season. One retail analyst said that consumers “just were not interested” in the bright yellow designs. Some have indicated that the kit will be the first thing changed by the new owners as well as “hugely exciting” potential bids for the likes of Kenenisa Bekele and Pete Matthews. Matthews' club have since issued a "come and get him" call to the London club.
ARMSTRONG ONCE TOOK “SOME IBUPROFEN”: LANDIS
With the Tour de France getting underway today, it is traditional for previously disgraced riders to publish some accusations about former team mates. This year was no different, but Floyd Landis’ sensational revelation has left many in the sport reeling. “I clearly saw Lance take several ibuprofen tablets during training,” frothed Landis in this morning’s Wall Street Journal, “he claimed to have a headache, but we all know that he just wanted to stop some inflammation….it made be so physically sick that I went and took a load of testosterone to get over it.” The story will come as a relief to Tour officials as there were rumours that this year’s Tour was set to be “scandal free” after the Echo blew the lid on a negative test at the Giro D’Italia in May. An insider said: “thank goodness for Floyd! We didn’t need much more from him after he so generously lit up the 2006 Tour by taking more testosterone than all of the world’s top sprinters put together.” Other sources have indicated that Tour chiefs will be writing to Landis in order to thank him for the interviews along with a request that he test positive again at next year’s Tour. “I do love a good life ban,” said one interested observer.
EBAY SCAM LEAVES LOUGHBOROUGH STAR OUT OF POCKET
One of the “lesser athletes” at Loughborough University has been the victim of an eBay scam. The athlete in question was said to be trying to replace his faulty iPhone with an “absolute bargain” from the popular bidding website. A source close to the long-distance man said that he “could not understand” what went wrong. “It seemed completely legitimate,” said the insider, “all he had to do was leave £330 in used notes underneath a stolen car in Leicester and the phone was then going to be sent out to a derelict house just outside Nottingham.” It is thought that the star did not realise that he had been conned until he received a mug through the post. “He’s really cross,” our source went on, “we all agreed that it seemed perfectly normal.” The athlete in question is undergoing counselling for the loss of his iPhone and is being forced to use a “normal phone like normal people.” It is hoped, however, that Ryan McLeod- currently using the iPhone 9th Generation (not yet released)- will let him look at one of the older phones from time to time.
LAUNDRY GAFFE LEAVES WELL KNOWN SPORTS BRAND FUMING
A “washing mix up” from one of the foremost distance runners in the country has left his sponsors “absolutely disappointed”, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The athlete, who is based in the North West of England, was photographed last week running away from a swan and clearly wearing another company’s kit. Whilst the names of both the athlete in question and the companies involved cannot be revealed, we can confirm that the individual “does not wish” to terminate his contract. A well-placed source told the Echo that the error was owing to “reds being washed with whites”. “[Unnamed athlete] is very well known in [the area in which he lives] and as such did not want to be seen training in pink kit….the locals around here can be quite mean”. The sports brand is said to be “one of the top three” in the world and is thought to be “considering its options”. An insider at the brand said: “I can tell you that this has gone to the very highest level. The top man has been recalled from his holiday to discuss it and nothing is being ruled out at this stage.”
NEWHAM IN ARAB TALKS
Newham and Essex Beagles look set to be taken over by a syndicate of wealthy Dubai-based businessman, the Lufbra Echo understands. It is believed that the group are buying the club as there “are no football clubs left” and have promised “European Domination” within the next three years. It is understood that George Gandy and Ian Stewart have already been approached to head up the venture and other “top stars” are said to be involved. Newham have had some well catalogued financial troubles since they paid “several pounds” to secure the services of Alasdair Donaldson. An insider told of the “eye watering” salaries that athletes receive. “[Robbie] Schofield gets paid five pounds per race,” said the anonymous source, “and I know that Frank Baddick has been looking for a pay rise. You can’t sustain a business like that.” Newham’s woes were added to when they released their “disappointing” kit for the new season. One retail analyst said that consumers “just were not interested” in the bright yellow designs. Some have indicated that the kit will be the first thing changed by the new owners as well as “hugely exciting” potential bids for the likes of Kenenisa Bekele and Pete Matthews. Matthews' club have since issued a "come and get him" call to the London club.
ARMSTRONG ONCE TOOK “SOME IBUPROFEN”: LANDIS
With the Tour de France getting underway today, it is traditional for previously disgraced riders to publish some accusations about former team mates. This year was no different, but Floyd Landis’ sensational revelation has left many in the sport reeling. “I clearly saw Lance take several ibuprofen tablets during training,” frothed Landis in this morning’s Wall Street Journal, “he claimed to have a headache, but we all know that he just wanted to stop some inflammation….it made be so physically sick that I went and took a load of testosterone to get over it.” The story will come as a relief to Tour officials as there were rumours that this year’s Tour was set to be “scandal free” after the Echo blew the lid on a negative test at the Giro D’Italia in May. An insider said: “thank goodness for Floyd! We didn’t need much more from him after he so generously lit up the 2006 Tour by taking more testosterone than all of the world’s top sprinters put together.” Other sources have indicated that Tour chiefs will be writing to Landis in order to thank him for the interviews along with a request that he test positive again at next year’s Tour. “I do love a good life ban,” said one interested observer.
EBAY SCAM LEAVES LOUGHBOROUGH STAR OUT OF POCKET
One of the “lesser athletes” at Loughborough University has been the victim of an eBay scam. The athlete in question was said to be trying to replace his faulty iPhone with an “absolute bargain” from the popular bidding website. A source close to the long-distance man said that he “could not understand” what went wrong. “It seemed completely legitimate,” said the insider, “all he had to do was leave £330 in used notes underneath a stolen car in Leicester and the phone was then going to be sent out to a derelict house just outside Nottingham.” It is thought that the star did not realise that he had been conned until he received a mug through the post. “He’s really cross,” our source went on, “we all agreed that it seemed perfectly normal.” The athlete in question is undergoing counselling for the loss of his iPhone and is being forced to use a “normal phone like normal people.” It is hoped, however, that Ryan McLeod- currently using the iPhone 9th Generation (not yet released)- will let him look at one of the older phones from time to time.
Friday, 25 June 2010
AAAs AND MORE......
BIRMINGHAM SET FOR UK CHAMPS
Security is set to be “tighter than ever before” at the UK Championships, according to UKA insiders. It is believed that UKA have tightened the ticketing policy after thousands of touts were arrested outside the ground last year and many fans were turned away having bought counterfeit tickets. The ugly scenes that appeared on the final Sunday of the 2009 event- with many desperate supporters charging the gate in a bid to get inside- are the subject of an ongoing judicial review, the results of which will be published later this year. A senior UKA source said that lessons would be learned from past mistakes. “The police have doubled their provision,” said the member of Neils De Vos’ office, “I think it is fair to say we underestimated the animosity that existed between rival sets of fans last year.” Crowd segregation is to be “absolute” for the first time since the Coe-Ovett era, a time that saw many hooligans handed life bans.
On the track, UKA chiefs have been keen to play down rumours that the distance events will suffer from being so close to the Trafford Grand Prix to be held on Tuesday. Event organisers from Stretford have been talking up their “tremendous fields” and “cast iron guarantees from top guns” and this has angered some inside UKA. “I am certain that the National Championships will prevail,” said UKA’s events secretary, “we have made it clear to all at Trafford that such scheduling in future will be viewed very dimly.”
BEEB COMMITS TO ‘MORE COVERAGE THAN EVER’
The BBC have confirmed that the athletics will be given “prime time billing” and as such “at least 45 minutes” of live action will be shown over the course of the weekend. It is at this stage unclear who will be anchoring the coverage as Sue Barker is tied up at Wimbledon and the rest of the BBC Sport team has been dispatched to South Africa. An insider said, “to be honest, we could have done with England going out on Wednesday. We need some guys back here.” Jonathan Edwards once again “failed to impress” in his anchorage of the European Team Championships last weekend, and thus it seems likely that Hazel Irvine will be brought out of the wilderness she has inhabited since the now infamous Crystal Palace-gate last year. Irvine courted heavy criticism after looking like she was about to “burst with excitement” at the news of a failed Jamaican drug test and was accused of “going to pieces” when attempting to interview Usain Bolt. The BBC have not yet confirmed whether Phil Jones will be available to ask athletes “how they feel”, as he was last seen harassing exhausted tennis players in SW19.
CAPELLO IN SHOCK VISIT TO McLEOD PREPARATION SESSION
VAN COMMENEE SUPPORTS DRUG CHEATS ‘BECAUSE HE GREW UP IN AMSTERDAM’
Angry Eightlaners have hit out at UKA’s performance chief after he was seen to show support to Britain’s number one sprinter, Dwain Chambers. In some fearful reviews on the popular running forum, Van Commonee is accused of “[spending] many of his formative years in the cafes of Amsterdam” on the grounds that he lived “in the suburbs” as a youngster. The anonymous poster, who presumably did not spend many of his/her formative years in the schools of England, went on to add “someone in UKA who does understand the British public needs to have a quiet word”. ‘Outlook’, clearly horrified by the situation, added: “there is wacky backy and hash cake on sale in every city centre bar”. This, coupled with his “suicidal” backing of Chambers, clearly proves that Van Commenee must have spent his entire childhood doped up and is now causing “Women’s Institute types [to be] switching off their televisions in disgust” [‘Point’ et al.,2010]. One can’t help but feel that the Dutchman’s position is now untenable and his resignation will surely follow.
ISNER AND MAHUT MATCH LONGER THAN RADCLIFFE TRAINING RUN
The Wimbledon tennis match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut lasted longer than one of Paula Radcliffe’s ‘medium length’ runs. The revelation comes as Radcliffe lambasted members of the press for praising the two players’ staying power. “This is the problem with tennis players,” fumed the usually placid Radcliffe, “they stay on court for a little longer than they would have hoped and suddenly they want they earth. It’s pathetic.” Revealing that she has “warmed down for longer than their entire match”, Radcliffe maintained that she did not train too hard. “If other people spent the time I did running, then maybe we wouldn’t be in the mess that we are now in,” she said from her toe strengthening suite, “my injuries are nothing to do with over training.” In an unusually vocal mood, Radcliffe also furiously denied speculation that her next child would be named ‘Nike’.
Security is set to be “tighter than ever before” at the UK Championships, according to UKA insiders. It is believed that UKA have tightened the ticketing policy after thousands of touts were arrested outside the ground last year and many fans were turned away having bought counterfeit tickets. The ugly scenes that appeared on the final Sunday of the 2009 event- with many desperate supporters charging the gate in a bid to get inside- are the subject of an ongoing judicial review, the results of which will be published later this year. A senior UKA source said that lessons would be learned from past mistakes. “The police have doubled their provision,” said the member of Neils De Vos’ office, “I think it is fair to say we underestimated the animosity that existed between rival sets of fans last year.” Crowd segregation is to be “absolute” for the first time since the Coe-Ovett era, a time that saw many hooligans handed life bans.
On the track, UKA chiefs have been keen to play down rumours that the distance events will suffer from being so close to the Trafford Grand Prix to be held on Tuesday. Event organisers from Stretford have been talking up their “tremendous fields” and “cast iron guarantees from top guns” and this has angered some inside UKA. “I am certain that the National Championships will prevail,” said UKA’s events secretary, “we have made it clear to all at Trafford that such scheduling in future will be viewed very dimly.”
BEEB COMMITS TO ‘MORE COVERAGE THAN EVER’
The BBC have confirmed that the athletics will be given “prime time billing” and as such “at least 45 minutes” of live action will be shown over the course of the weekend. It is at this stage unclear who will be anchoring the coverage as Sue Barker is tied up at Wimbledon and the rest of the BBC Sport team has been dispatched to South Africa. An insider said, “to be honest, we could have done with England going out on Wednesday. We need some guys back here.” Jonathan Edwards once again “failed to impress” in his anchorage of the European Team Championships last weekend, and thus it seems likely that Hazel Irvine will be brought out of the wilderness she has inhabited since the now infamous Crystal Palace-gate last year. Irvine courted heavy criticism after looking like she was about to “burst with excitement” at the news of a failed Jamaican drug test and was accused of “going to pieces” when attempting to interview Usain Bolt. The BBC have not yet confirmed whether Phil Jones will be available to ask athletes “how they feel”, as he was last seen harassing exhausted tennis players in SW19.
CAPELLO IN SHOCK VISIT TO McLEOD PREPARATION SESSION
VAN COMMENEE SUPPORTS DRUG CHEATS ‘BECAUSE HE GREW UP IN AMSTERDAM’
Angry Eightlaners have hit out at UKA’s performance chief after he was seen to show support to Britain’s number one sprinter, Dwain Chambers. In some fearful reviews on the popular running forum, Van Commonee is accused of “[spending] many of his formative years in the cafes of Amsterdam” on the grounds that he lived “in the suburbs” as a youngster. The anonymous poster, who presumably did not spend many of his/her formative years in the schools of England, went on to add “someone in UKA who does understand the British public needs to have a quiet word”. ‘Outlook’, clearly horrified by the situation, added: “there is wacky backy and hash cake on sale in every city centre bar”. This, coupled with his “suicidal” backing of Chambers, clearly proves that Van Commenee must have spent his entire childhood doped up and is now causing “Women’s Institute types [to be] switching off their televisions in disgust” [‘Point’ et al.,2010]. One can’t help but feel that the Dutchman’s position is now untenable and his resignation will surely follow.
ISNER AND MAHUT MATCH LONGER THAN RADCLIFFE TRAINING RUN
The Wimbledon tennis match between John Isner and Nicolas Mahut lasted longer than one of Paula Radcliffe’s ‘medium length’ runs. The revelation comes as Radcliffe lambasted members of the press for praising the two players’ staying power. “This is the problem with tennis players,” fumed the usually placid Radcliffe, “they stay on court for a little longer than they would have hoped and suddenly they want they earth. It’s pathetic.” Revealing that she has “warmed down for longer than their entire match”, Radcliffe maintained that she did not train too hard. “If other people spent the time I did running, then maybe we wouldn’t be in the mess that we are now in,” she said from her toe strengthening suite, “my injuries are nothing to do with over training.” In an unusually vocal mood, Radcliffe also furiously denied speculation that her next child would be named ‘Nike’.
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