RUNNERSLIFE IN EIGHTLANE SLUR

“Nonsensical tosh written by idiots, for idiots” was the shocking accusation levelled at popular running forum Eightlane.com this evening. The rant came from the Chief Executive of fierce rival, runnerslife.co.uk, after several months of underhand blows. Runnerslife has accused Eightlane founder, Alan Wales, of employing “dirty tricks” in a bid to lure their athletes away to post training logs onto his sites. Lawyers for Mr. Wales have dismissed the complaints as “nonsense”, but the Welsh-based Runnerslife may well cite the recent departure of Stephen Sharp as evidence- the Belgrave man has been a regular fixture on Eightlane since he quit Runnerslife. It is no secret that Sharp complained to the Runnerslife management on several occasions that he was not receiving adequate protection from “slanderous, baseless filth” appearing as comments on his blog and rival sites. Speaking earlier in the year, Sharp said “it is what drove Mark Draper away and the same is happening to me. We put ourselves out there and get shot down. Where are the lawyers when you need them?” It is thought that Runnerslife are “very nervous” that they could lose Sharp’s coaching charge, Nick Goolab, if they do not act now.

Runnerslife insiders have also revealed that website chiefs are “absolutely fuming” that a potential move for Eightlane regular, Luke Cragg was thwarted. Our source said, “Cragg was ready to join the team, but pulled out at the last moment. We all know it is because Wales threatened him with de-registration.” Wales could be in hot water this week after Runnerslife reported comments made on his site in the recent McLeod-Russell dispute to Ofcom. It is rumoured that McLeod threatened to “up sticks and leave” if his website did not back him in the spat and regulators at Runnerslife are said to be “disappointed” that the thread in question was not frozen. “They wonder why they are losing viewership to Letsrun.com [another rival], well it’s that sort of behaviour that drives them away,” said a Runnerslife executive.

Eightlane took unsuccessful legal action when the “fly on the wall” style rival launched a forum of its own last year. A High Court judge threw out the claims as “everyone is entitled to have a forum- we all look forward to reading what anonymous people think about other anonymous people”. At the time, Runnerslife received a rough-ride on the boards of its rival. “Runnerslife is awful,” thundered ‘Rubbish’, “I read some [training logs] the other day that said something like Thursday – 7 tempo.... WTF?” Whilst ‘Fanofboth’ was keen to remain impartial, others clearly had it in for the plucky Welsh site. “That runnerslife lot fink they are well good [sic]” chortled ‘p*ss off’, “well they shud run well away innit [sic]”.

Runnerslife did, however, find themselves in serious trouble over the axe-gate scandal. Spies on Eightlane circulated rumours that Runnerslife had been shut down leading to the website being inundated with requests for it to stay. It was later proved in court that it had all been a publicity stunt and a “rebranding exercise.” Eightlaners were indignant, “Outrageous,” opined ‘Derek Dogg’, “how can they use Eightlane for such blatant lies?” Runnerslife were ordered to compensate Mr. Wales to the tune of a little over £5,000 for the gaffe. This latest dispute is unlikely to end up in court. However, negation experts ACAS have been placed on standby if a compensatory agreement for the loss of Sharp and Cragg cannot be reached. An ACAS source said that this was “no worse” than the British Airways strikes and that he was confident a solution could be reached. “The lines of communication are open,” said the source, “we just hope that ‘Cod Liver Oil’ and the team play ball”.

SPORT CITY BMC: ‘SLOW TRACK’ ANGERS ATHLETES

Numerous athletes have hit out at the Sport City surface this evening, with some stating that it is the “athletics equivalent of Wembley”. BMC chiefs have been involved in an emergency meeting this evening to discuss the issue after many complained that the track seemed “too spongy”. “It cost me at least 2 seconds a lap”, thundered an unnamed 5,000m athlete searching for a computer to whine on Eightlane, “it really is unacceptable in a meeting like this. I expected better.” Rumours that meeting officials were considering “rounding down” all times by a few seconds have dismissed along with reports that the “last 300m was too long”. A spokesman said, “we take these sorts of complaints very seriously and so will look into them. However, all times remain the same.”

Meanwhile, Ben Scarlett was left red faced (geddit?!) when he mistakenly took a friend’s spikes to the race. Aside from upsetting his sponsors- the rogue spikes were some three sizes too large for the 1:48 man causing him to stumble badly at the start of his race. Explaining the mix up, Scarlett said “these things happen. I thought it was a bit weird when I was doing strides, but it was only after I looked down at the start that I realised. I’ll be back”. Scarlett was not the only one to be upset at the start. Many athletes have slammed what they called “an excessively loud” starter’s gun. “It made me jump right out of my skin,” harrumphed a distraught Robbie Schofield, “it ruined any hope I had of running well.” Others reported a “sharp rise in heart rate” upon hearing the gun. “Look at these readouts,” stormed Steve Sharp brandishing his Garmin, “can you see the spike? That has to be worth at least a second a lap.”

“Over enthusiastic crowd support,” also received a fair bit of stick this evening, with some athletes calling for future events to be held “behind closed doors.” One upset 1500m man said that it was “really time the BMC addressed this.” Asking to remain nameless, the athlete continued “when you are in the racing zone, the last thing you need is some Muppet banging on the advertising boards and shouting ‘dig in, mate!’ What does that even mean? They might as well scream ‘keep putting one foot in front of the other at a reasonable pace’- that’s how pointless it is”.

BMC executives were keen to play down the concerns raised and instead hailed a “hugely successful evening of athletics”. A senior source said, “what a thrill it was to watch these great races and the women’s events as well. I know some people were disappointed with their times and we are looking into that.” The spokesperson remained coy on whether the Sport City track will now be dug up and resurfaced- but with some threatening a boycott next year, it may well be the only option.

UKA CALL FOR CALM AS ASH CLOUD SPREADS

UKA are “seriously considering” cancelling early athletics meetings this summer after the ash from the Eyjafjallajokull volcano spreads across Europe. European airspace is in meltdown and many athletes are resorting to extraordinary measures in a bid to return to the UK. A UKA spokesman urged athletes to “remain calm” in the crisis, but conceded that it was now “very likely” that events such as the BUCS Outdoor Championships would be axed. “We don’t want people taking insane risks just to get back for BUCS,” said the source from his holiday home in New Zealand, “Nick Goolab and Stephen Sharp have already attempted to swim home from Portugal for the National 12 Stage and we can’t have everyone trying this.” The Belgrave pair were fished out of the Atlantic Ocean just half a mile from shore after Sharp inadvertently went the wrong way. Speaking from a hospital in Lisbon, where both were given the all clear, Sharp said “I didn’t realise that my iPhone wasn’t water proof and so the route map application broke and we ended up swimming towards Africa....Nick’s knackered now but it’s all good training.” Despite the setback, Sharp refused to rule himself out of the relays that start at midday tomorrow. “It’s not over yet,” said the most successful relay runner in British history, “I have spoken to Alan [Mead, Belgrave manager] and asked for a later leg. We could run there and just do a shortened cool down.” For their part, Belgrave have denied encouraging their stars to take unprecedented measures in order to make the relays. “We preach responsibility,” said an insider, “our guys must remember that they are role models to millions of kids and when they do something stupid it may be copied.”

In Portugal, David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson have been delayed in departing from LSAC’s warm weather training camp and Preston AC have had to postpone their return by nearly a week. A Preston source bemoaned a “difficult” situation. “The other night we really fell out with the Loughborough lot on the grounds we wouldn’t see them again. Now we’re stuck with them and their egos for ages- it’s awful.” Donaldson meanwhile is believed to have abandoned a bid to cycle up to Front Romeu in the Pyrenees, where his UKA colleagues are currently based. It is rumoured that the Scot fell off his bike only three kilometres into the trip and “badly grazed” his right knee. Our UKA source went on, “this situation does weird things to people. I know that Alasdair wants to be with the guys in France but he’ll be fine in Portugal.” Yesterday evening, Donaldson indicated that he was “gravely concerned” at the prospect of being stranded in Portugal. The Newham and Essex Beagle has claimed that he is being “relentlessly bullied” by the girls at the LSAC camp. “They aren’t being very nice,” sobbed the Scot, “Dani [Christmas] said that my tan wasn’t very good yesterday and that’s so upsetting.”

Back in the UK, some athletes are refusing to train in light of the “horrendous” air quality. Gary Bradbury revealed that he could “hardly breathe” on a recent recovery run and said that he would be writing off the next three weeks as a precaution. Chris Warburton was in a similar situation and indicated that his “entire season” may well now be over. “I think the dust cloud had an early effect on me in Portugal,” said the 3:38 man, “it’s been erupting for a couple of weeks now and that would explain why Stephen Emery was able to beat me in training.”

Elsewhere, Paula Radcliffe has paid £250,000 for a special “EasyBreathe” system to help her avoid any long term damage during her training. The Bedford and County said, “it’s great- I wear this special mask and it almost feels like normal.” The Marathon World Record holder revealed that there was a bit of snag when the company refused to print the Nike Swoosh on the device and thus rendering it useless. “It was fine in the end because Gary [Lough, Paula’s husband] drew it on with a Nike permanent marker,” Radcliffe explained, “he’s good like that- always coming up with ingenious solutions.”