Pete Matthews "has never felt better" since being offloaded by his boyhood club at the beginning of this year. The disgraced AAAs fraudster was allowed to leave Blackburn Harriers on a free transfer in the January window and - despite reports of the northerner struggling with the pace of London life - claims to have settled down nicely at Blackheath and Bromley.
"I guess that they appreciate me more" said Matthews from his tanning base in Portugal "I outgrew Blackburn and decided that it was time to move on". Quite a different story is told by the Harriers, who state that they had no choice but to get rid of Matthews as he had quite literally outgrown the club vests. "His behaviour was becoming more and more erratic" said a Blackburn insider "we had a meeting and weighed up what he actually brought to the club. We agreed that he added no value and so moved him on."
The most famous athlete never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m has not been without his difficulties since joining Blackheath. Mike Skinner branded the red head a "national joke" last month and the club fined him heavily after the echo reported that he had fictionalised his 3km time in order to gain entry to the BUCS Indoor Championships. In spite of these setbacks, Matthews told the echo that he was "really excited" about the forthcoming track season. "I might even race" smiled the former GB International (Mountain Running) "in all seriousness though, I am ready to smash it up".
Matthews also played down rumours of an embarrassing incident in Portugal last week. It is understood that he wasted over 90 minutes talking to a Portuguese stranger who he believed to be an international athlete. When it was revealed that the individual was the head groundsman at the track and had only recorded an "average" 10k time, Matthews was forced into a humiliating U-turn and Facebook deletion.
Showing posts with label Portugal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Portugal. Show all posts
Sunday, 17 April 2011
Friday, 15 April 2011
EMERY FURY OVER 'CHEATING' SLUR
Stephen Emery has expressed his "absolute horror" at being branded a cheat by some of his contemporaries. The £20m Coventry Godiva man was accused of "not behaving in the spirit of the occasion" at a water park visit during his warm weather training trip to Portugal this afternoon. A high-stakes race was organised on a five lane water slide with many of Emery's most bitter rivals taking part. The 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man was disqualified in his heat after false-starting but immediately appealed the decision on the grounds that "a whistle from the crowd" had distracted him. A small scuffle ensued resulting in both Emery and Altrincham's Andy Norman being dragged away by race officials.
The upshot of the 90 minute steward's inquiry was Emery's reinstatement in a re-run of his heat, with the determined 23 year-old easing into the semi-finals. However, the Godiva star had to put up with boos from the 23,000 spectators and cries of "cheat" as he stretched between rounds. Visibly shaken by the atmosphere, Emery only scraped into the final where he was once again disqualified for what he called a "harsh" false-start. The race was eventually won by the largely unfancied Shane Kerr.
Speaking afterwards, Emery made no effort to hide his displeasure at the circumstances of his defeat. "You work your whole winter for an event like this" he blasted "and then an incident like that ruins the whole day. I am not a cheat. I would never cheat. It is a personal insult to be called one". On his disqualification in the final, Emery harrumphed that the starter "didn't know what he was doing" and held competitors for far too long. "Total amateurs" thundered the BUCS Bronze medalist "I will never compete here again".
Friday, 1 April 2011
DONALDSON APRIL FOOLS PRANK BACKFIRES
Alasdair Donaldson has been arrested for wasting police time after telling John Nutall that "there was a bomb underneath his car". Loughborough's HiPAC was surrounded by Police from first thing this morning and air traffic at East Midlands airport had to be diverted. Meanwhile, the M1 was closed from Junction 22 to 23A until the all clear was given late in the afternoon. The motorway is still at a standstill now as a result.
It is understood that George Gandy's PA (who does not have time to read this blog) told fellow assistant Nutall that he "had seen George put it [the bomb] there" and that it was "armed to go off if [Nutall] opened the door". Horrified, Nutall dialed 999 and the incident escalated from there. Matters were not helped when George Gandy did not answer his mobile phone and Donaldson (now seemingly on a roll) told them it was "because he was in a meeting with terrorists".
Police bomb disposal experts discharged a controlled explosion of a crisp packet at around noon and it was then that Donaldson was taken into custody. It is understood that the incident is likely to have cost in excess of £5m and the Chief Constable of Leicestershire Police slammed blasted Donaldson's actions. "Totally irresponsible" thundered the top cop "he may have done pranks like this when he was in school, but not in the real world. I know that he is an apprentice and if I was Lord Sugar, I'd be saying 'you're fired'!"
It is unlikely that this latest gaffe from Donaldson will go down very well with UKA, however a source refused to speculate on "the future of any members of the admin team". Last year, Gandy himself was forced to apologise after upsetting the whole of Portugal by telling them that "the Spanish were coming to get them". Donaldson will have to hope that the authorities are equally kind to him.
It is understood that George Gandy's PA (who does not have time to read this blog) told fellow assistant Nutall that he "had seen George put it [the bomb] there" and that it was "armed to go off if [Nutall] opened the door". Horrified, Nutall dialed 999 and the incident escalated from there. Matters were not helped when George Gandy did not answer his mobile phone and Donaldson (now seemingly on a roll) told them it was "because he was in a meeting with terrorists".
Police bomb disposal experts discharged a controlled explosion of a crisp packet at around noon and it was then that Donaldson was taken into custody. It is understood that the incident is likely to have cost in excess of £5m and the Chief Constable of Leicestershire Police slammed blasted Donaldson's actions. "Totally irresponsible" thundered the top cop "he may have done pranks like this when he was in school, but not in the real world. I know that he is an apprentice and if I was Lord Sugar, I'd be saying 'you're fired'!"
It is unlikely that this latest gaffe from Donaldson will go down very well with UKA, however a source refused to speculate on "the future of any members of the admin team". Last year, Gandy himself was forced to apologise after upsetting the whole of Portugal by telling them that "the Spanish were coming to get them". Donaldson will have to hope that the authorities are equally kind to him.
Friday, 17 December 2010
LORD GURU GANDY SET TO NAME APPRENTICE
The climax of "the job interview from hell" is to be reached this weekend as the Guru reveals the chosen one - and winner of a three figure salary - from the two remaining candidates. Alasdair Donaldson and David Howe have beaten off the competition of thousands and a twelve month selection process in order to go head to head in the final. Donaldson - who does not have the time to read this blog - has five times been in the firing line and has the poorer record of the two. Canadian Howe, meanwhile, only came unstuck in the Craig Mottram task when his athlete was nearly lapped by the Australian.
"Alasdair has shown great passion and tenacity" explained the Guru to a the BBC's One Show, "he has a lot to learn but if he was prepared to listen, I am sure we could do something with him." Donaldson has been a controversial figure from the start and was almost immediately sent packing when he project managed the disastrous Portugal task. On that occasion, he was able to convince the Guru of his "huge potential" and passed the blame on to the "virtually absent" John Nutall who was fired. The Fife man then went on to record some big wins - most notably in the Circuit Session task where he scrapped the conventional method of calling out time every 30 seconds for an automated watch and then again in the Emailing task, where he sent all of the Guru's emails out in the quickest time.
"David is more a safe pair of hands" said the Guru of Howe "he has been round the block a few times, but I am concerned about his maverick tendencies." Howe was lucky to escape in Portugal after his team recorded a narrow victory. However, the Middle Saturday task led to him being heavily criticised by Ian Anholm - one of his Lordship's aides - for spiking the drink of one his athletes in a bid to help him relax. Howe shone in the Winter Session task when he "rolled the dice" in opting to go ahead with a grass session despite explicit instructions to do otherwise. Howe was also praised for a "spark of brilliance" when opting to ignore the fact that one of his athletes had tripped and fallen in a 1500m race. Calling it "a moment of true intuition" the Guru immediately put the Canadian through to the latter stages much to the ire of Bill Foster, with whom Howe has regularly clashed. Foster was fired after the Easy Run task went wrong and some of his athletes were spotted running sub-5 minute miles - something that Foster claims was "David's idea".
The final task sees the two finalists really put through their paces as they both pitch to the Guru their ideas for his 'Office Expansion Project.' The winner will be rewarded with a seat in the corner of the new office and the dream opportunity of making Lord Gandy's tea.
"Alasdair has shown great passion and tenacity" explained the Guru to a the BBC's One Show, "he has a lot to learn but if he was prepared to listen, I am sure we could do something with him." Donaldson has been a controversial figure from the start and was almost immediately sent packing when he project managed the disastrous Portugal task. On that occasion, he was able to convince the Guru of his "huge potential" and passed the blame on to the "virtually absent" John Nutall who was fired. The Fife man then went on to record some big wins - most notably in the Circuit Session task where he scrapped the conventional method of calling out time every 30 seconds for an automated watch and then again in the Emailing task, where he sent all of the Guru's emails out in the quickest time.
"David is more a safe pair of hands" said the Guru of Howe "he has been round the block a few times, but I am concerned about his maverick tendencies." Howe was lucky to escape in Portugal after his team recorded a narrow victory. However, the Middle Saturday task led to him being heavily criticised by Ian Anholm - one of his Lordship's aides - for spiking the drink of one his athletes in a bid to help him relax. Howe shone in the Winter Session task when he "rolled the dice" in opting to go ahead with a grass session despite explicit instructions to do otherwise. Howe was also praised for a "spark of brilliance" when opting to ignore the fact that one of his athletes had tripped and fallen in a 1500m race. Calling it "a moment of true intuition" the Guru immediately put the Canadian through to the latter stages much to the ire of Bill Foster, with whom Howe has regularly clashed. Foster was fired after the Easy Run task went wrong and some of his athletes were spotted running sub-5 minute miles - something that Foster claims was "David's idea".
The final task sees the two finalists really put through their paces as they both pitch to the Guru their ideas for his 'Office Expansion Project.' The winner will be rewarded with a seat in the corner of the new office and the dream opportunity of making Lord Gandy's tea.
Friday, 30 July 2010
THE LUFBRA ECHO: 100 POSTS OLD
Despite protestations that the site would be “closed down”, the Lufbra Echo today reaches a significant milestone: this is the 100th post. Ahead of an extended holiday for the busy editorial team, and largely because we can’t think of anything else to write, we thought that we would re-hash some of the best bits over the past few months. Cheap and lazy journalism? Well, possibly. But to be fair in two hours of live athletics coverage on Tuesday morning, the BBC spent well over half of it reminiscing about the Barcelona 1992 Olympics, so we feel we are due our own look back. Make yourself a nice cup of tea, sit back and enjoy our look over the top 10 moments in Echo history. Simply click on the number to read the story.
NUMBER 10: It was us who first broke the news that the now European 10,000m champion Mo Farah had had to give up on his hope of scooping the BBC Masterchef crown.
NUMBER 9: Ryan McLeod makes his first appearance in the countdown after he and Nick McCormick broke Loughborough’s pricy Alter-G treadmill.
NUMBER 8: Bowser, a European Cross Champion? Surely not. Err, well according to the BBC he was.
NUMBER 7: And a welcome first entry for the Echo’s award winning Portugal coverage. Here, there are concerns before the annual influx of distance runners even arrive in the Algarve.
NUMBER 6: Justice for LaShawn! The Echo sensitively discusses the drug cheat’s private issues.
NUMBER 5: UKA shocked everyone with their World Cross Selection. We had our own exclusive twist on the story.
NUMBER 4: It’s that man again! Ryan McLeod was in trouble after calling the emergency services for his damaged iPhone
NUMBER 3: It’s a bronze for the much praised coverage of the McLeod-Russell spat. The Echo was thanked by the Sports Journalists Association for our sensitive articles.
NUMBER 2: POST DELETED DUE TO ONGOING LEGAL FIGHT. Uh oh! It looks like we can’t bring you our silver medallist as we are still entrenched in a bitter and drawn out courtroom drama!
NUMBER 1: Well it had to come down to something on Portugal didn’t it? Yep, you guessed it- the gold medal Echo article as voted for by our research department is the report following a “night of scandal” in Vilamoura. Happy memories.
The Echo will now be on holiday until something interesting happens, if it ever does.
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
AIR RESTRICTIONS LIFTED AFTER GANDY CALL
Eurocontrol, the body responsible for air traffic in Europe had lifted bans imposed on aircraft following a phone call from an enraged George Gandy, who accused the controllers of "overreacting". Until 2200 BST yesterday evening, Northern Europe was at an effective standstill as heavy restrictions were imposed as a result of a volcanic ash cloud from Iceland. However, the prospect of missing Loughborough's BUCS trial on Saturday proved too much for LSAC Director George Gandy and the guru was left with "no choice" but to intervene. "The mouthwatering encounter between Warburton and Emery over 3,000m is going to be huge," explained Gandy "and Emery would have been stuck in Portugal had I not acted...it's all a bit silly anyway- when I was a lad planes used to fly whatever the weather, now a little bit of ash and they all go running for cover."
It is also rumoured that the UKA Endurance Coach has become "fed up" with the "dull" set up in Front Romeu and so is desperate to get back to Loughborough if only for a short while. "I must admit I regret leaving Portugal for this hell hole," said Gandy "it's just so boring here. I wanted to take the lads skiing on the glacier but old sissy Stewart [UKA Chief, Ian Stewart] said that they might get injured- so what? A touch of injury never hurt anyone! Besides, it would do Mo Farah good to get out of the hotel for a bit- a nice stroll near the edge of a cliff." It is well documented that Gandy and distance ace Farah do not get on and that situation has shown no signs of improvement. Branding the European Silver Medalist a "crank", Gandy went on to hit out at Farah's "sensitivity". "I am not here to be a parent," said the LSAC Director, "and my job does not extend to tucking Mo in every night....the airline lost his teddy bear and he didn't sleep for two nights- that is pathetic."
Gandy is expected to fly home for the BUCS trial on Friday but will return "with a heavy heart" to France the following Monday. "I have to say that I miss the guys- Warburton and his hissy fits, Emery and his sensibleness, all of them really," he said "but duty calls and so I will be back here with miserable Mo and the clan next week- what chance another ash cloud?"
It is also rumoured that the UKA Endurance Coach has become "fed up" with the "dull" set up in Front Romeu and so is desperate to get back to Loughborough if only for a short while. "I must admit I regret leaving Portugal for this hell hole," said Gandy "it's just so boring here. I wanted to take the lads skiing on the glacier but old sissy Stewart [UKA Chief, Ian Stewart] said that they might get injured- so what? A touch of injury never hurt anyone! Besides, it would do Mo Farah good to get out of the hotel for a bit- a nice stroll near the edge of a cliff." It is well documented that Gandy and distance ace Farah do not get on and that situation has shown no signs of improvement. Branding the European Silver Medalist a "crank", Gandy went on to hit out at Farah's "sensitivity". "I am not here to be a parent," said the LSAC Director, "and my job does not extend to tucking Mo in every night....the airline lost his teddy bear and he didn't sleep for two nights- that is pathetic."
Gandy is expected to fly home for the BUCS trial on Friday but will return "with a heavy heart" to France the following Monday. "I have to say that I miss the guys- Warburton and his hissy fits, Emery and his sensibleness, all of them really," he said "but duty calls and so I will be back here with miserable Mo and the clan next week- what chance another ash cloud?"
Sunday, 18 April 2010
NEWS ROUND-UP
With the whole of Europe at a standstill, the Athletics world rumbles on and the Lufbra Echo dutifully rounds up all the comings and goings in France, Portugal and beyond.
GANDY SLAMS ‘PRECIOUS’ ATHLETES
George Gandy has used an exclusive interview with the Lufbra Echo to hit out at what he calls a “culture of self-importance” within British Athletics. The guru was recently reprimanded after Mo Farah complained of “relentless nasty comments” in the UK Athletics Front Romeu training camp. Farah is believed to have been upset after Gandy joked that he would “push him off the mountain” and branded the GB International’s duck à l’orange “average at best”. The European Cross Country silver medallist was said to be “deeply hurt” by the criticism but the LSAC director was in no mood for a retraction. “That is the whole problem with athletes in this country,” fumed Gandy, “they are all so precious. One little comment and everything kicks off....I half expect a shirty letter from their parents sometimes.”
The UKA Endurance Coach revealed that spirits at the altitude camp remained high despite fears that Ryan McLeod may not make it. The 13:58 5k man took the decision to drive to the camp after flights were axed due to the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud. “Ryan forgets where he lives sometimes,” sighed Gandy, “and so how he is going to drive over 1,000 miles to get here is beyond me....at least we’ll get to use his fancy new car.” For his part, McLeod confirmed that the enormous road trip was “progressing well” despite a minor mishap at Dover. The Tipton man spent several hours searching for the “road to France” despite his passenger’s protestations that none such road existed. “I was a bit shocked that I could take my car on board a boat,” said McLeod, “that’s mental. I insisted that I stayed in the car though because I don’t trust the French and they might chav my new alloys.”
ASH CLOUD UPDATE
UK Athletics have confirmed that their offices will remain closed for “the foreseeable future” after many members of staff were stranded in their holiday homes around Europe. A source for the National Governing Body said, “we operate on a four day weekend principle here and so many of the top brass take the opportunity to get away to their second homes in Monte Carlo, Zurich, Nice and the like. They’re all stuck there now as our fleet of jets is grounded.”
The spokesman also confirmed that UKA would be checking air quality across the country as athletes rang in complaining of poor sessions. “Many of our top guys can’t understand why they are struggling in training at the moment. The only explanation we can come up with is that the air is loaded with volcanic ash.” Many competitors at the National 12 Stage Relays bemoaned a “nasty smell” on the course that adversely affected their performances. Critics have pointed out that this largely occurred around the lavatories shortly after Ian Stewart was seen using them. However, an ERRA source said that they were “looking into” the complaints nonetheless. A source confirmed, “we may re-run them if ash is the cause. We have had many complaints from various clubs.”
Meanwhile, in Portugal, tension is mounting as it looks as if LSAC’s training camp may be extended. David Howe stormed out of the camp this morning stating that “anywhere in the world” is better than being a neighbour of Pete Matthews. The Canadian assistant coach had firm words for the one-time GB International (Mountain Running) after Matthews claimed that once he gets past his injuries he “will be better than anyone else, anywhere.” As Howe boarded a train to Lisbon he told a pack of journalists, “Pete needs a reality check. He claims that he will be the best athlete in the country but has much work to do. He isn’t even the best athlete in his family at the moment.”
UKA man Alasdair Donaldson (and leader of the LSAC camp) plans to head to Front Romeu to link up with Gandy and the team tomorrow amid fears that the remaining athletes will be kicked out of Portugal “regardless of circumstance.” It is thought that the Scot held last ditch talks with the Portuguese Foreign Minister Lúis Amado after government officials said that the East Midlands group has “outstayed their welcome.” Amado told The Espinho “it is time for them [LSAC] to go. We’ve had coffee shortage, drivers are fed up of swerving to avoid them and if I see another milk-bottle white guy with his top off I might just hit him.” When asked whether the volcanic ash constitutes an extenuating circumstance, the Minister said, “absolutely not. We had a deal and now they go. I don’t care where, just not Portugal.”
GANDY SLAMS ‘PRECIOUS’ ATHLETES
George Gandy has used an exclusive interview with the Lufbra Echo to hit out at what he calls a “culture of self-importance” within British Athletics. The guru was recently reprimanded after Mo Farah complained of “relentless nasty comments” in the UK Athletics Front Romeu training camp. Farah is believed to have been upset after Gandy joked that he would “push him off the mountain” and branded the GB International’s duck à l’orange “average at best”. The European Cross Country silver medallist was said to be “deeply hurt” by the criticism but the LSAC director was in no mood for a retraction. “That is the whole problem with athletes in this country,” fumed Gandy, “they are all so precious. One little comment and everything kicks off....I half expect a shirty letter from their parents sometimes.”
The UKA Endurance Coach revealed that spirits at the altitude camp remained high despite fears that Ryan McLeod may not make it. The 13:58 5k man took the decision to drive to the camp after flights were axed due to the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud. “Ryan forgets where he lives sometimes,” sighed Gandy, “and so how he is going to drive over 1,000 miles to get here is beyond me....at least we’ll get to use his fancy new car.” For his part, McLeod confirmed that the enormous road trip was “progressing well” despite a minor mishap at Dover. The Tipton man spent several hours searching for the “road to France” despite his passenger’s protestations that none such road existed. “I was a bit shocked that I could take my car on board a boat,” said McLeod, “that’s mental. I insisted that I stayed in the car though because I don’t trust the French and they might chav my new alloys.”
ASH CLOUD UPDATE
UK Athletics have confirmed that their offices will remain closed for “the foreseeable future” after many members of staff were stranded in their holiday homes around Europe. A source for the National Governing Body said, “we operate on a four day weekend principle here and so many of the top brass take the opportunity to get away to their second homes in Monte Carlo, Zurich, Nice and the like. They’re all stuck there now as our fleet of jets is grounded.”
The spokesman also confirmed that UKA would be checking air quality across the country as athletes rang in complaining of poor sessions. “Many of our top guys can’t understand why they are struggling in training at the moment. The only explanation we can come up with is that the air is loaded with volcanic ash.” Many competitors at the National 12 Stage Relays bemoaned a “nasty smell” on the course that adversely affected their performances. Critics have pointed out that this largely occurred around the lavatories shortly after Ian Stewart was seen using them. However, an ERRA source said that they were “looking into” the complaints nonetheless. A source confirmed, “we may re-run them if ash is the cause. We have had many complaints from various clubs.”
Meanwhile, in Portugal, tension is mounting as it looks as if LSAC’s training camp may be extended. David Howe stormed out of the camp this morning stating that “anywhere in the world” is better than being a neighbour of Pete Matthews. The Canadian assistant coach had firm words for the one-time GB International (Mountain Running) after Matthews claimed that once he gets past his injuries he “will be better than anyone else, anywhere.” As Howe boarded a train to Lisbon he told a pack of journalists, “Pete needs a reality check. He claims that he will be the best athlete in the country but has much work to do. He isn’t even the best athlete in his family at the moment.”
UKA man Alasdair Donaldson (and leader of the LSAC camp) plans to head to Front Romeu to link up with Gandy and the team tomorrow amid fears that the remaining athletes will be kicked out of Portugal “regardless of circumstance.” It is thought that the Scot held last ditch talks with the Portuguese Foreign Minister Lúis Amado after government officials said that the East Midlands group has “outstayed their welcome.” Amado told The Espinho “it is time for them [LSAC] to go. We’ve had coffee shortage, drivers are fed up of swerving to avoid them and if I see another milk-bottle white guy with his top off I might just hit him.” When asked whether the volcanic ash constitutes an extenuating circumstance, the Minister said, “absolutely not. We had a deal and now they go. I don’t care where, just not Portugal.”
Friday, 16 April 2010
UKA CALL FOR CALM AS ASH CLOUD SPREADS
UKA are “seriously considering” cancelling early athletics meetings this summer after the ash from the Eyjafjallajokull volcano spreads across Europe. European airspace is in meltdown and many athletes are resorting to extraordinary measures in a bid to return to the UK. A UKA spokesman urged athletes to “remain calm” in the crisis, but conceded that it was now “very likely” that events such as the BUCS Outdoor Championships would be axed. “We don’t want people taking insane risks just to get back for BUCS,” said the source from his holiday home in New Zealand, “Nick Goolab and Stephen Sharp have already attempted to swim home from Portugal for the National 12 Stage and we can’t have everyone trying this.” The Belgrave pair were fished out of the Atlantic Ocean just half a mile from shore after Sharp inadvertently went the wrong way. Speaking from a hospital in Lisbon, where both were given the all clear, Sharp said “I didn’t realise that my iPhone wasn’t water proof and so the route map application broke and we ended up swimming towards Africa....Nick’s knackered now but it’s all good training.” Despite the setback, Sharp refused to rule himself out of the relays that start at midday tomorrow. “It’s not over yet,” said the most successful relay runner in British history, “I have spoken to Alan [Mead, Belgrave manager] and asked for a later leg. We could run there and just do a shortened cool down.” For their part, Belgrave have denied encouraging their stars to take unprecedented measures in order to make the relays. “We preach responsibility,” said an insider, “our guys must remember that they are role models to millions of kids and when they do something stupid it may be copied.”
In Portugal, David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson have been delayed in departing from LSAC’s warm weather training camp and Preston AC have had to postpone their return by nearly a week. A Preston source bemoaned a “difficult” situation. “The other night we really fell out with the Loughborough lot on the grounds we wouldn’t see them again. Now we’re stuck with them and their egos for ages- it’s awful.” Donaldson meanwhile is believed to have abandoned a bid to cycle up to Front Romeu in the Pyrenees, where his UKA colleagues are currently based. It is rumoured that the Scot fell off his bike only three kilometres into the trip and “badly grazed” his right knee. Our UKA source went on, “this situation does weird things to people. I know that Alasdair wants to be with the guys in France but he’ll be fine in Portugal.” Yesterday evening, Donaldson indicated that he was “gravely concerned” at the prospect of being stranded in Portugal. The Newham and Essex Beagle has claimed that he is being “relentlessly bullied” by the girls at the LSAC camp. “They aren’t being very nice,” sobbed the Scot, “Dani [Christmas] said that my tan wasn’t very good yesterday and that’s so upsetting.”
Back in the UK, some athletes are refusing to train in light of the “horrendous” air quality. Gary Bradbury revealed that he could “hardly breathe” on a recent recovery run and said that he would be writing off the next three weeks as a precaution. Chris Warburton was in a similar situation and indicated that his “entire season” may well now be over. “I think the dust cloud had an early effect on me in Portugal,” said the 3:38 man, “it’s been erupting for a couple of weeks now and that would explain why Stephen Emery was able to beat me in training.”
Elsewhere, Paula Radcliffe has paid £250,000 for a special “EasyBreathe” system to help her avoid any long term damage during her training. The Bedford and County said, “it’s great- I wear this special mask and it almost feels like normal.” The Marathon World Record holder revealed that there was a bit of snag when the company refused to print the Nike Swoosh on the device and thus rendering it useless. “It was fine in the end because Gary [Lough, Paula’s husband] drew it on with a Nike permanent marker,” Radcliffe explained, “he’s good like that- always coming up with ingenious solutions.”
In Portugal, David Howe and Alasdair Donaldson have been delayed in departing from LSAC’s warm weather training camp and Preston AC have had to postpone their return by nearly a week. A Preston source bemoaned a “difficult” situation. “The other night we really fell out with the Loughborough lot on the grounds we wouldn’t see them again. Now we’re stuck with them and their egos for ages- it’s awful.” Donaldson meanwhile is believed to have abandoned a bid to cycle up to Front Romeu in the Pyrenees, where his UKA colleagues are currently based. It is rumoured that the Scot fell off his bike only three kilometres into the trip and “badly grazed” his right knee. Our UKA source went on, “this situation does weird things to people. I know that Alasdair wants to be with the guys in France but he’ll be fine in Portugal.” Yesterday evening, Donaldson indicated that he was “gravely concerned” at the prospect of being stranded in Portugal. The Newham and Essex Beagle has claimed that he is being “relentlessly bullied” by the girls at the LSAC camp. “They aren’t being very nice,” sobbed the Scot, “Dani [Christmas] said that my tan wasn’t very good yesterday and that’s so upsetting.”
Back in the UK, some athletes are refusing to train in light of the “horrendous” air quality. Gary Bradbury revealed that he could “hardly breathe” on a recent recovery run and said that he would be writing off the next three weeks as a precaution. Chris Warburton was in a similar situation and indicated that his “entire season” may well now be over. “I think the dust cloud had an early effect on me in Portugal,” said the 3:38 man, “it’s been erupting for a couple of weeks now and that would explain why Stephen Emery was able to beat me in training.”
Elsewhere, Paula Radcliffe has paid £250,000 for a special “EasyBreathe” system to help her avoid any long term damage during her training. The Bedford and County said, “it’s great- I wear this special mask and it almost feels like normal.” The Marathon World Record holder revealed that there was a bit of snag when the company refused to print the Nike Swoosh on the device and thus rendering it useless. “It was fine in the end because Gary [Lough, Paula’s husband] drew it on with a Nike permanent marker,” Radcliffe explained, “he’s good like that- always coming up with ingenious solutions.”
Thursday, 15 April 2010
EMERY MUST GUARD AGAINST COMPLACENCY: GREEN
Ben Green has used his weekly press conference to criticise Stephen Emery’s “disappointing” attitude after a successful block of training. The Coventry Godiva man has really stepped up his form of late- most recently winning the final 800m rep in an unofficial 1:55.85. “There is no doubt Stephen is running well,” said Green from his Vilamoura base, “but what use is training form if it can’t be converted into decent track performances?” The 1:47 800m athlete went onto criticise Emery’s decision to post a video of the session on social networking site, Facebook. “That was a shame and it isn’t something that I would have done. It’s really put pressure on the lad and I just hope he doesn’t blow it to be honest.” Green went on, “I didn’t like the way he celebrated at the end, it smacked of arrogance to be honest. I hope he learns from this.”
Firm words also came from George Gandy who watched the whole session from Front Romeu via a live video feed. “He [Emery] looked good on the track,” said the guru, “but he was taking it easy on the hills. That is bound to have made a difference and I also worry that he will go stale like he did last summer.” Gandy was referring to Emery’s inability to run a significant PB over the metric mile despite claiming that he was “in better shape than most other athletes in the country.” Gandy went on, “he peaked on a 600m rep in South Africa last year and promptly kept telling everyone about it. I will start to have faith when he runs well in actual races.” Last month, Gandy conceded that he had “forgotten all about” Emery until his performance at the Leeds Relays and the LSAC Director still appears hesitant to give the 3:57 man his full backing. “Stephen and I will have a chat about how to conduct himself on and off the track...judging from the video the lad still has much to learn about tanning.” Gandy went onto point out that his personal tan was “as strong as ever” and rigorously denied using artificial enhancers to maintain it. “That is a malicious rumour spread by Ian [Stewart, UKA Endurance Chief] because it rained during his holiday in the Maldives. I guess I just naturally tan well.”
Emery, meanwhile was in no mood to play down his recent accomplishments. Branding Green “jealous” and “mentally weak”, the Loughborough star went on an extraordinary defence of his record. “I deal in facts,” stormed the 55th man home in the National Cross, “this is a fact: I won the 1200m rep last week and I won the 800m rep this. I backed off in the 10x400m session but that was only because George texted me and asked me to let Warbo [Chris Warburton] win because he cried when I beat him.” Emery went on, “I just wish everyone would stop their winging and recognise how good I am. Week after week I perform. That’s fact. You wait until the AAAs, then you’ll know how tough I am.”
Firm words also came from George Gandy who watched the whole session from Front Romeu via a live video feed. “He [Emery] looked good on the track,” said the guru, “but he was taking it easy on the hills. That is bound to have made a difference and I also worry that he will go stale like he did last summer.” Gandy was referring to Emery’s inability to run a significant PB over the metric mile despite claiming that he was “in better shape than most other athletes in the country.” Gandy went on, “he peaked on a 600m rep in South Africa last year and promptly kept telling everyone about it. I will start to have faith when he runs well in actual races.” Last month, Gandy conceded that he had “forgotten all about” Emery until his performance at the Leeds Relays and the LSAC Director still appears hesitant to give the 3:57 man his full backing. “Stephen and I will have a chat about how to conduct himself on and off the track...judging from the video the lad still has much to learn about tanning.” Gandy went onto point out that his personal tan was “as strong as ever” and rigorously denied using artificial enhancers to maintain it. “That is a malicious rumour spread by Ian [Stewart, UKA Endurance Chief] because it rained during his holiday in the Maldives. I guess I just naturally tan well.”
Emery, meanwhile was in no mood to play down his recent accomplishments. Branding Green “jealous” and “mentally weak”, the Loughborough star went on an extraordinary defence of his record. “I deal in facts,” stormed the 55th man home in the National Cross, “this is a fact: I won the 1200m rep last week and I won the 800m rep this. I backed off in the 10x400m session but that was only because George texted me and asked me to let Warbo [Chris Warburton] win because he cried when I beat him.” Emery went on, “I just wish everyone would stop their winging and recognise how good I am. Week after week I perform. That’s fact. You wait until the AAAs, then you’ll know how tough I am.”
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
PORTUGAL LATEST......
SULLIVAN FURY AT ‘WEAK’ OFFICIATING
Matt Sullivan has hit out at what he called “the most ridiculous refereeing performance of all time” after losing in a dramatic press-up competition late last night. The contest came at the end of another ill-tempered encounter between various top LSAC stars and their Preston AC counterparts. The night of challenges was always set to be close and given the fierce rivalry between these two clubs had the potential to get out of hand. One observer slammed the whole set-up stating that the ‘questions round’ was “ambiguous at best”. The source continued, “everything looked as if it was very last minute. When the stakes are as high as this it’s just not on.” Sullivan was upset when he was beaten by his LSAC colleague, Seb Foy by 77 press ups to 66. “The fact is that I have a lot more to carry than him,” fumed the 3:55 man, “how can a dwarf take part in this? They should have their own events or at least be made to carry extra weight.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star did concede that he was “below par” on the day but maintained that had the scoring been ordered correctly it would have been enough to win. “Foy was barely bending his arms. I don’t want to go on about it, but it is true. I feel let down by the officials today- the fact is that the contest was just too big for them.”
The evening ended with Preston and LSAC chiefs having to call for calm when Peter Street and Tom Gayle squared up to each other over a “drink spill”. Gayle was fuming when Street accidently knocked his Orange Fanta on to the floor drenching his designer flip-flops. The 3:48 man then attacked the Preston athlete with said flip-flop demanding a replacement drink. Alasdair Donaldson leapt to the defence of Gayle and it was only after David Howe intervened that the situation was pacified. The tension around Vilamoura has certainly reached an all time high as this is the latest in a long line of spats between the two camps. After Sunday’s sun-bed debacle (which resulted in a Preston coach being pushed into the pool) and Loughborough’s humiliation at beach rounders, many will be relieved when Preston head home on Thursday.
DAVID HOWE: A CLARIFICATION
In Sunday’s article, the Lufbra Echo alleged that Dr. David Howe spiked his athlete’s drink with a double shot of vodka in a bid to help his charge “relax”. This was not the case and it was in fact a single shot of the spirit. We think you will agree this changes the situation a good deal and we are happy to set the record straight.
FOSTER ‘SURPRISES HIMSELF’ WITH COACHING BRILLIANCE
In a revealing interview with the Lufbra Echo, LSAC Women’s Coach Bill Foster has revealed that he can’t quite believe how well he has taken to coaching. “I sometimes catch myself giving advice” said the World Masters 3,000m Champion, “and think ‘wow- that is just incredible’....I am not sure how I do it- I guess I am a natural.” When asked what he felt his greatest achievement was, the coach said that there were “just too many to count.” “The thing is,” he went on, “I never seem to fail. My programme would work for anyone.” On his personal regrets he said, “there are a lot that other coaches could learn from me, but they don’t ask. George [Gandy] could come to me and say, ‘Bill- you are best of the best, how do I do it?’ But he doesn’t and that frustrates me.”
Foster went on to hint at a potential big money move away from Loughborough in the near future. “I have heard that St. Mary’s are unhappy with Mick [Woods], but they haven’t come to me yet. I am not ruling anything out. Who knows what the future holds?” This revelation comes just months after Foster rebuffed a move from Durham University to take over the entire set-up in the North East. “There was a lot of money on offer,” explained the Yorkshire man, “but there was also a lot of pressure. A rich owner often wants things done his way and I don’t work like that. It’s my way or nothing.”
Matt Sullivan has hit out at what he called “the most ridiculous refereeing performance of all time” after losing in a dramatic press-up competition late last night. The contest came at the end of another ill-tempered encounter between various top LSAC stars and their Preston AC counterparts. The night of challenges was always set to be close and given the fierce rivalry between these two clubs had the potential to get out of hand. One observer slammed the whole set-up stating that the ‘questions round’ was “ambiguous at best”. The source continued, “everything looked as if it was very last minute. When the stakes are as high as this it’s just not on.” Sullivan was upset when he was beaten by his LSAC colleague, Seb Foy by 77 press ups to 66. “The fact is that I have a lot more to carry than him,” fumed the 3:55 man, “how can a dwarf take part in this? They should have their own events or at least be made to carry extra weight.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star did concede that he was “below par” on the day but maintained that had the scoring been ordered correctly it would have been enough to win. “Foy was barely bending his arms. I don’t want to go on about it, but it is true. I feel let down by the officials today- the fact is that the contest was just too big for them.”
The evening ended with Preston and LSAC chiefs having to call for calm when Peter Street and Tom Gayle squared up to each other over a “drink spill”. Gayle was fuming when Street accidently knocked his Orange Fanta on to the floor drenching his designer flip-flops. The 3:48 man then attacked the Preston athlete with said flip-flop demanding a replacement drink. Alasdair Donaldson leapt to the defence of Gayle and it was only after David Howe intervened that the situation was pacified. The tension around Vilamoura has certainly reached an all time high as this is the latest in a long line of spats between the two camps. After Sunday’s sun-bed debacle (which resulted in a Preston coach being pushed into the pool) and Loughborough’s humiliation at beach rounders, many will be relieved when Preston head home on Thursday.
DAVID HOWE: A CLARIFICATION
In Sunday’s article, the Lufbra Echo alleged that Dr. David Howe spiked his athlete’s drink with a double shot of vodka in a bid to help his charge “relax”. This was not the case and it was in fact a single shot of the spirit. We think you will agree this changes the situation a good deal and we are happy to set the record straight.
FOSTER ‘SURPRISES HIMSELF’ WITH COACHING BRILLIANCE
In a revealing interview with the Lufbra Echo, LSAC Women’s Coach Bill Foster has revealed that he can’t quite believe how well he has taken to coaching. “I sometimes catch myself giving advice” said the World Masters 3,000m Champion, “and think ‘wow- that is just incredible’....I am not sure how I do it- I guess I am a natural.” When asked what he felt his greatest achievement was, the coach said that there were “just too many to count.” “The thing is,” he went on, “I never seem to fail. My programme would work for anyone.” On his personal regrets he said, “there are a lot that other coaches could learn from me, but they don’t ask. George [Gandy] could come to me and say, ‘Bill- you are best of the best, how do I do it?’ But he doesn’t and that frustrates me.”
Foster went on to hint at a potential big money move away from Loughborough in the near future. “I have heard that St. Mary’s are unhappy with Mick [Woods], but they haven’t come to me yet. I am not ruling anything out. Who knows what the future holds?” This revelation comes just months after Foster rebuffed a move from Durham University to take over the entire set-up in the North East. “There was a lot of money on offer,” explained the Yorkshire man, “but there was also a lot of pressure. A rich owner often wants things done his way and I don’t work like that. It’s my way or nothing.”
Sunday, 11 April 2010
GANDY CONTEMPLATES PORTUGAL RETURN AFTER NIGHT OF SCANDAL
David Howe will have a meeting with George Gandy and other LSAC Chiefs upon his return to Loughborough after he was accused of spiking an unnamed athlete’s drink yesterday evening. The athlete required minor medical treatment after reacting badly to a Double Vodka and Red Bull despite asking his hapless coach for a straight energy drink. When interviewed by the Lufbra Echo this morning, Howe was unrepentant and cited a need for his charge to “relax”. The Canadian explained, “when I was running I had some of my best sessions the morning after drinking heavily....how was I to know that he was allergic to alcohol?” The incident was one of several that has left Gandy and the rest of his team reeling with some insiders indicating that the guru is contemplating travelling back to LSAC’s warm weather camp.
“Stephen Emery is a genuine concern,” said our source, “he has really gone off the rails since winning the session earlier in the week- he was really quite inflammatory towards Chris [Warburton].” Emery was seen leaving a casino in the early hours of the morning and was later spotted completing his long run just before 8am. Earlier in the evening, the Coventry Godiva man could be heard shouting at Warburton “where were you on Tuesday night?” in reference to his annihilation of the Notts AC man over 1200m- Warburton comfortably beat Emery at yesterday afternoon’s session. Gandy confirmed that Emery was now likely to be fined and could face exlusion from the BUCS Outdoors early next month.
Elsewhere, UK Athletics apprentice coach Alasdair Donaldson was released from a Vilamoura police cell without charge after he was accused of “boring police officers to tears” with stories about “the good old days”. A police spokesman condemned the Scot for “dangerous behaviour” after the incident. “If there had been a genuine emergency, our officers would not have been able to respond,” said Mr. Pedro “they became seriously fatigued after hearing yet another story about the size of ice creams and the whiteness of the walls in the late 1990s”.
Gandy is also said to be “distressed” to hear of an attempt by Gary Bradbury to steal a yacht. The 1500m man bungled the theft when he drunkenly slipped on the gangway plunging into the cold water. “Gary saw Pete Matthews out by the lighthouse and wanted to pay him a visit,” sighed Gandy, “it’s just lucky that Matt Sullivan was on hand to dive in and save him”. Gandy also conceded that he was starting to have doubts over his blundering deputies’ ability to control the group of unruly athletes. “I have fielded calls from the Prime Minister today asking me to explain why Charlotte Best was seen on the roof of a bar at 4:30am,” harrumphed LSAC’s director, “Dave and Alasdair really need to get their act together.”
“Stephen Emery is a genuine concern,” said our source, “he has really gone off the rails since winning the session earlier in the week- he was really quite inflammatory towards Chris [Warburton].” Emery was seen leaving a casino in the early hours of the morning and was later spotted completing his long run just before 8am. Earlier in the evening, the Coventry Godiva man could be heard shouting at Warburton “where were you on Tuesday night?” in reference to his annihilation of the Notts AC man over 1200m- Warburton comfortably beat Emery at yesterday afternoon’s session. Gandy confirmed that Emery was now likely to be fined and could face exlusion from the BUCS Outdoors early next month.
Elsewhere, UK Athletics apprentice coach Alasdair Donaldson was released from a Vilamoura police cell without charge after he was accused of “boring police officers to tears” with stories about “the good old days”. A police spokesman condemned the Scot for “dangerous behaviour” after the incident. “If there had been a genuine emergency, our officers would not have been able to respond,” said Mr. Pedro “they became seriously fatigued after hearing yet another story about the size of ice creams and the whiteness of the walls in the late 1990s”.
Gandy is also said to be “distressed” to hear of an attempt by Gary Bradbury to steal a yacht. The 1500m man bungled the theft when he drunkenly slipped on the gangway plunging into the cold water. “Gary saw Pete Matthews out by the lighthouse and wanted to pay him a visit,” sighed Gandy, “it’s just lucky that Matt Sullivan was on hand to dive in and save him”. Gandy also conceded that he was starting to have doubts over his blundering deputies’ ability to control the group of unruly athletes. “I have fielded calls from the Prime Minister today asking me to explain why Charlotte Best was seen on the roof of a bar at 4:30am,” harrumphed LSAC’s director, “Dave and Alasdair really need to get their act together.”
Friday, 9 April 2010
SPINELESS LOUGHBOROUGH MADE TO PAY BY RUTHLESS PRESTON
Loughborough Athletics Club has suffered its second Beach Rounders defeat to ‘The Preston Lot’ in as many weeks after a quite woeful display today. Pressure on LSAC’s management will now be at an all time high after fans booed the players from the beach this afternoon. In truth, Loughborough never really looked interested in windy conditions and quickly found themselves well behind in the first innings. Andrew Mariani and James Griffiths both dropped relatively simple catches as Stephen Emery looked jaded from his Tuesday night training session. The only high point for Loughborough was the successful completion of the game by injury-ridden Pete Matthews. However, his very involvement was contentious after having a three match ban overturned by the Court of Arbitration for Sport this very morning. Matthews had been slapped with the ban- as well as a £50,000 fine- after he was accused of miscounting and general unsporting conduct last week. As it was there was little the red head could do to prop up his turgid team mates. Loughborough clearly had their eyes on tomorrow afternoon’s track session as the Preston middle order ran riot in the latter stages of the match. The bowling performance of Sebastian Foy was branded “a joke” by one season ticket holder as he tossed his match-book into the sea. “I won’t be coming to watch anymore,” he continued, “I have followed this team since I was a boy, but they [the players] are clearly only in it for financial reasons now....I am going to watch a sport not yet tarnished by money so I am going to buy a Chelsea FC season ticket next year.”
The latest set-back comes amid reports of a growing unrest in the Loughborough dressing room. Rumours have been circling that Matt Sullivan is looking for a big money move to Birmingham and that Ben Green has fallen out with the coaching team. Their non-inclusion in today’s match only served to underline both their tenuous position and LSAC’s frailty in depth. Whilst exciting new signings were made in September- Robbie Schofield among them- the near £30m spent by the committee has not been in evidence at all this season mainly owing to injury and “other commitments”. LSAC Chair, Rob Hodges bemoaned their absence as well as “strange” officiating decisions after the match. “Obviously it is very worrying,” said Hodges, who could not attend the game but watched it on Sky Sports, “we are just three points above the drop zone now and have not won in a while.....however, I can take heart from a performance of character in difficult circumstances- the ball clearly went into the sea on two occasions and was not replaced. That is very poor.”
Speaking from the East Midlands, a spokesman for LSAC head honchos said that the jobs of Hodges and the rest of the coaching team were safe. “We do not make swift decisions and knew that the controversial introduction of the likes of Alasdair Donaldson would unsettle things briefly," said a senior aide to the Vice Chancellor, "what this club needs is stability and we are confident that Rob and the rest of the team will provide that in the long term.”
The latest set-back comes amid reports of a growing unrest in the Loughborough dressing room. Rumours have been circling that Matt Sullivan is looking for a big money move to Birmingham and that Ben Green has fallen out with the coaching team. Their non-inclusion in today’s match only served to underline both their tenuous position and LSAC’s frailty in depth. Whilst exciting new signings were made in September- Robbie Schofield among them- the near £30m spent by the committee has not been in evidence at all this season mainly owing to injury and “other commitments”. LSAC Chair, Rob Hodges bemoaned their absence as well as “strange” officiating decisions after the match. “Obviously it is very worrying,” said Hodges, who could not attend the game but watched it on Sky Sports, “we are just three points above the drop zone now and have not won in a while.....however, I can take heart from a performance of character in difficult circumstances- the ball clearly went into the sea on two occasions and was not replaced. That is very poor.”
Speaking from the East Midlands, a spokesman for LSAC head honchos said that the jobs of Hodges and the rest of the coaching team were safe. “We do not make swift decisions and knew that the controversial introduction of the likes of Alasdair Donaldson would unsettle things briefly," said a senior aide to the Vice Chancellor, "what this club needs is stability and we are confident that Rob and the rest of the team will provide that in the long term.”
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
NEWS IN BRIEF
All the goings on from Portugal and around the athletics world rounded up by our team.....
WARBURTON FUMING AFTER SESSION BUST UP
Chris Warburton has branded Stephen Emery “an insolent nobody” after an extraordinary incident at yesterday evening’s session. Having “sat on” Warburton throughout the tempo run, Emery then proceeded to allow the 3:39 man to lead out the 1200m rep before kicking past him in the closing stages. Emery then openly mocked his senior after the session by completing a lap of honour and was seen high fiving LSAC’s assistant coach, Alasdair Donaldson. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Warburton told of how he was “hurt” by the behaviour. “It’s really upsetting when someone treats you like that,” sighed the Notts AC man, “Stephen seems to think that he owns the place now and frankly it’s arrogant.” Warburton then reminded his rival that his PB over 1500m was 22 seconds quicker than Emery’s, “that’s a lifetime in running terms and he [Emery] needs to remember that. I just can’t stand it when these upstarts turn up and start ruining everything.”
LSAC chiefs have “categorically rejected” rumours that the contretemps turned physical. “It was a war of words and nothing else,” said our source, “it happens all the time in athletics and it would be strange if it didn’t.” Loughborough’s Director of Athletics, George Gandy, was in no mood for discussing the incident as he left Portugal this morning. Heading for his private jet at Faro airport, Gandy was furious that journalists were focussing on the bust up rather than his “impressive” tan. “I have worked on this for a whole week,” harrumphed the guru, “and all you lot want to know about is that pasty white Emery- it’s very poor.”
LEIGHTON BAINES EYES LOUGHBOROUGH SWITCH
Everton’s prolific left back, Leighton Baines was spotted in Vilamoura yesterday afternoon sparking rumours that he was about to sign for Loughborough Athletics Club. Everton insiders have revealed that Baines is “unhappy” at Everton and was “very keen” to link up with Gandy, Howe and the rest of the Loughborough team. “Leighton has ruled nothing out,” said a well placed source, “he sees the karaoke evenings that LSAC can offer and wants to get involved....he is something of a Ben Green fan as well”. The developments were hailed as “brilliant news” by senior LSAC athletes. Gary Bradbury said that Baines was “just the sort of guy you’d want to have around....I would definitely shake his hand if I saw him in the street.”
BENITEZ NEW JOB SHOCK
WARBURTON FUMING AFTER SESSION BUST UP
Chris Warburton has branded Stephen Emery “an insolent nobody” after an extraordinary incident at yesterday evening’s session. Having “sat on” Warburton throughout the tempo run, Emery then proceeded to allow the 3:39 man to lead out the 1200m rep before kicking past him in the closing stages. Emery then openly mocked his senior after the session by completing a lap of honour and was seen high fiving LSAC’s assistant coach, Alasdair Donaldson. Speaking at a press conference yesterday, Warburton told of how he was “hurt” by the behaviour. “It’s really upsetting when someone treats you like that,” sighed the Notts AC man, “Stephen seems to think that he owns the place now and frankly it’s arrogant.” Warburton then reminded his rival that his PB over 1500m was 22 seconds quicker than Emery’s, “that’s a lifetime in running terms and he [Emery] needs to remember that. I just can’t stand it when these upstarts turn up and start ruining everything.”
LSAC chiefs have “categorically rejected” rumours that the contretemps turned physical. “It was a war of words and nothing else,” said our source, “it happens all the time in athletics and it would be strange if it didn’t.” Loughborough’s Director of Athletics, George Gandy, was in no mood for discussing the incident as he left Portugal this morning. Heading for his private jet at Faro airport, Gandy was furious that journalists were focussing on the bust up rather than his “impressive” tan. “I have worked on this for a whole week,” harrumphed the guru, “and all you lot want to know about is that pasty white Emery- it’s very poor.”
LEIGHTON BAINES EYES LOUGHBOROUGH SWITCH
Everton’s prolific left back, Leighton Baines was spotted in Vilamoura yesterday afternoon sparking rumours that he was about to sign for Loughborough Athletics Club. Everton insiders have revealed that Baines is “unhappy” at Everton and was “very keen” to link up with Gandy, Howe and the rest of the Loughborough team. “Leighton has ruled nothing out,” said a well placed source, “he sees the karaoke evenings that LSAC can offer and wants to get involved....he is something of a Ben Green fan as well”. The developments were hailed as “brilliant news” by senior LSAC athletes. Gary Bradbury said that Baines was “just the sort of guy you’d want to have around....I would definitely shake his hand if I saw him in the street.”
BENITEZ NEW JOB SHOCK
Sunday, 4 April 2010
PORTUGAL LATEST.....
ATHLETE HAS ‘BELOW PAR’ SESSION SHOCK
A Loughborough-based athlete has not performed as he expected to in a recent Portugal training session, the Lufbra Echo can now reveal. The news has broken despite an attempt by Loughborough and UKA chiefs to block it. In a special sitting, the High Court yesterday threw out an injunction request as the story was deemed to be “in the public interest”. The so far unnamed athlete is believed to have been “roughly half a second” down on the projected splits for a track workout. Insiders have confirmed that special UKA track measurers are being flown to Portugal to re-measure the track in question. An LSAC source told the Echo, “we are all very worried and so have to make sure. The athlete is of course receiving the best care and attention we can provide until we can clear up this mess.” Other potential causes of the setback being mooted include climate change, excessive noise pollution on the track, and even an allegation that the athlete’s food had been spiked by St. Mary’s operatives the night before. Our source added that the athlete in question would remain in hospital “as a precaution” until the affair was resolved. David Howe, part of the Loughborough coaching team, denied that the athlete was one of his personal charges, but did not rule out switching venues if a similar incident was to occur again. “It’s crazy,” said Howe, “everything’s currently on hold and we are considering our options.”
DONALDSON HAILS ‘FLAWLESS’ HODGES
Alasdair Donaldson used his Sunday press conference to heap praise on under-fire LSAC Chair, Rob Hodges. The 1500m specialist was soundly beaten in a recent all-you-can-eat contest and rumours have surfaced that he has been oiling his chest in a dramatic bid to out-tan Ben Green. The Kingston-upon-Hull star has revealed that recent events have taken their toll on him “physically and emotionally”. However, Donaldson had nothing but praise for the 22 year-old. “Rob was absolutely outstanding at the karaoke last night,” enthused the Scot, “he was note perfect throughout and I thought that the performance has a real edge to it.” Hodges said that yesterday evening was “a step in the right direction” but conceded that he still had work to do. “I don’t want to be complacent,” said the former AU Presidential Candidate, “I wasn’t happy with some of the high notes and I am still a little bit out of my depth when it comes to dancing.”
MATTHEWS TITLE CHALLENGE SUFFERS ‘MAJOR BLOW’
Pete Matthews’ tanning title ambitions seem to be in taters this morning after he inadvertently sat in the shade during a conversation with his brother yesterday afternoon. The former AAAs U17 Indoor 1500m Bronze medallist conceded that the race for the crown was now “out of his hands”, but had some firm words for the officials. “No one told me that I was not in direct sunlight,” stormed the injury-prone star, “my interpretation of the rules is that the independent observer should point these things out. I wasted a whole bottle of tanning oil as well- it’s very poor.” The Blackburn man refused to rule himself out of the most exciting title race in years. “I lost a lot of ground yesterday, but this is a funny old game and anyone can slip up at any time. I feel sure there will be a few twists and turns yet.” The one-time GB International (Mountain Running) has already suffered a set-back once this season when he was deducted half a tanning grade for using manufactured enhancers. This latest blunder now seems to open the door for experienced names such as Ben Green, Chris Parr and Ed Womersley.
A Loughborough-based athlete has not performed as he expected to in a recent Portugal training session, the Lufbra Echo can now reveal. The news has broken despite an attempt by Loughborough and UKA chiefs to block it. In a special sitting, the High Court yesterday threw out an injunction request as the story was deemed to be “in the public interest”. The so far unnamed athlete is believed to have been “roughly half a second” down on the projected splits for a track workout. Insiders have confirmed that special UKA track measurers are being flown to Portugal to re-measure the track in question. An LSAC source told the Echo, “we are all very worried and so have to make sure. The athlete is of course receiving the best care and attention we can provide until we can clear up this mess.” Other potential causes of the setback being mooted include climate change, excessive noise pollution on the track, and even an allegation that the athlete’s food had been spiked by St. Mary’s operatives the night before. Our source added that the athlete in question would remain in hospital “as a precaution” until the affair was resolved. David Howe, part of the Loughborough coaching team, denied that the athlete was one of his personal charges, but did not rule out switching venues if a similar incident was to occur again. “It’s crazy,” said Howe, “everything’s currently on hold and we are considering our options.”
DONALDSON HAILS ‘FLAWLESS’ HODGES
Alasdair Donaldson used his Sunday press conference to heap praise on under-fire LSAC Chair, Rob Hodges. The 1500m specialist was soundly beaten in a recent all-you-can-eat contest and rumours have surfaced that he has been oiling his chest in a dramatic bid to out-tan Ben Green. The Kingston-upon-Hull star has revealed that recent events have taken their toll on him “physically and emotionally”. However, Donaldson had nothing but praise for the 22 year-old. “Rob was absolutely outstanding at the karaoke last night,” enthused the Scot, “he was note perfect throughout and I thought that the performance has a real edge to it.” Hodges said that yesterday evening was “a step in the right direction” but conceded that he still had work to do. “I don’t want to be complacent,” said the former AU Presidential Candidate, “I wasn’t happy with some of the high notes and I am still a little bit out of my depth when it comes to dancing.”
MATTHEWS TITLE CHALLENGE SUFFERS ‘MAJOR BLOW’
Pete Matthews’ tanning title ambitions seem to be in taters this morning after he inadvertently sat in the shade during a conversation with his brother yesterday afternoon. The former AAAs U17 Indoor 1500m Bronze medallist conceded that the race for the crown was now “out of his hands”, but had some firm words for the officials. “No one told me that I was not in direct sunlight,” stormed the injury-prone star, “my interpretation of the rules is that the independent observer should point these things out. I wasted a whole bottle of tanning oil as well- it’s very poor.” The Blackburn man refused to rule himself out of the most exciting title race in years. “I lost a lot of ground yesterday, but this is a funny old game and anyone can slip up at any time. I feel sure there will be a few twists and turns yet.” The one-time GB International (Mountain Running) has already suffered a set-back once this season when he was deducted half a tanning grade for using manufactured enhancers. This latest blunder now seems to open the door for experienced names such as Ben Green, Chris Parr and Ed Womersley.
Friday, 2 April 2010
PORTUGAL ROUND-UP
With the country still reeling from "the biggest influx of endurance athletes in the history of the world", the Lufbra Echo looks at the day's big stories....
MAJESTIC MACQUARRIE STUNS GREEN TO TAKE ALL YOU CAN EAT CROWN
“The real winner was the sport,” enthused observers of yesterday evening’s All You Can Eat Carvery Contest. David Macquarrie was quite simply superb. Having already devoured “a mountain” of his own food- the Leeds man then moved on to Ben Green’s half eaten sprouts and Yorkshire puddings. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo after the event, Macquarrie told of “a long road” back to form since being humiliated in Loughborough’s Jaffa Cake Challenge last year. “It was tough,” said the new champion, “I had to ask myself whether this was the sport for me....I had some really dark moments.” Those dark moments were clearly behind him yesterday as, after a “tactical” false start, he kicked away from established names such as Shane Kerr and Rob Hodges. No one can deny that such brilliance is just the shot in the arm the sport needed after a string of negative headlines in recent weeks. The turgid affair that was Paul Walker’s Jaffa Cake victory, followed by allegations surrounding James Griffiths “soaking” biscuits before competitions, has done little for the image of eating contests. “It’s a great day for us all,” said the Chair of UK Eating (UKE), “we can certainly build on this success and perhaps attract a better deal from Sky Sports next year.”
It was not all good news, however. Rob Hodges, venturing back to competition for the first time since failing in his ‘Dairy Milk Challenge’ last year, was unable to rediscover the form that saw him down two medium pizzas in one sitting. In truth, it was a disappointing outing from the outgoing LSAC Chair, who was unable to even match Stephen ‘sensible’ Emery’s six roast potatoes. Hodges headed straight into his warm down after the competition and his spokesman said that he would not be giving any interviews.
HOWE ‘WILL NOT APOLOGISE’ OVER SPIT-GATE
David Howe has been accused of “despicable behaviour” after he was spotted spitting at one of his top athletes. The male athlete, who has asked not be named, told the Echo that he was “traumatised” by the insult. “I want to stand up to this bullying,” said the anonymous source, “but I am afraid that it will jeopardise my place in LSAC’s team”. However, the Canadian born Howe was unrepentant. Claiming that he has “no recollection” of the incident, he accused his charge of being “a pussy”. “There are some guys who just need to toughen up a bit; this is why British running is going to the wall.” When asked whether he will be sitting down to discuss the incident with the athlete, Howe refused to commit to any course of action. “It’s about him and not me....this isn’t really the place for personal discussions”. A spokesman for LSAC did confirm that "a certain athlete" was receiving counselling after an "unfortunate incident" during yesterday's training. It is rumoured (although not confirmed) that the athlete involved is demanding an immediate apology as well as a new pair of trainers as he "cannot even look at" the pair he wore during the run in dispute.
GANDY CONCEDES APRIL FOOLS PRANK ‘WENT TOO FAR’
George Gandy will travel to Lisbon tomorrow to offer a “full and unqualified apology” to the Portuguese Government after sparking mass panic in the country by telling a police officer that the Spanish were about to invade. Portuguese media broke into normal coverage to warn country-folk to stock up on “water and other essentials” in order to prepare for a “long and bloody conflict.” Portugal’s special forces were also placed on standby as senior government officials were rushed into war bunkers. Queues outside supermarkets were said to exceed an hour’s wait and retailers quickly ran out of eggs, milk, bottled water and Christiano Ronaldo calendars. Said one Vilamoura resident, “it’s crazy. I only went in to pick up some baby oil for my three-month old, but there are a group of sprinters here and they’ve got it all.” Gandy is said to have approached the officer early yesterday morning after being egged on by Canadian assistant, David Howe. It is believed that Howe, who maintains that he “was only kidding”, went for a run after making the suggestion and was appalled to discover that the LSAC Director had gone through with it on his return. An insider described “a blazing row” between the pair that ended with Howe hiding Gandy’s hair gel.
MAJESTIC MACQUARRIE STUNS GREEN TO TAKE ALL YOU CAN EAT CROWN
“The real winner was the sport,” enthused observers of yesterday evening’s All You Can Eat Carvery Contest. David Macquarrie was quite simply superb. Having already devoured “a mountain” of his own food- the Leeds man then moved on to Ben Green’s half eaten sprouts and Yorkshire puddings. Speaking to the Lufbra Echo after the event, Macquarrie told of “a long road” back to form since being humiliated in Loughborough’s Jaffa Cake Challenge last year. “It was tough,” said the new champion, “I had to ask myself whether this was the sport for me....I had some really dark moments.” Those dark moments were clearly behind him yesterday as, after a “tactical” false start, he kicked away from established names such as Shane Kerr and Rob Hodges. No one can deny that such brilliance is just the shot in the arm the sport needed after a string of negative headlines in recent weeks. The turgid affair that was Paul Walker’s Jaffa Cake victory, followed by allegations surrounding James Griffiths “soaking” biscuits before competitions, has done little for the image of eating contests. “It’s a great day for us all,” said the Chair of UK Eating (UKE), “we can certainly build on this success and perhaps attract a better deal from Sky Sports next year.”
It was not all good news, however. Rob Hodges, venturing back to competition for the first time since failing in his ‘Dairy Milk Challenge’ last year, was unable to rediscover the form that saw him down two medium pizzas in one sitting. In truth, it was a disappointing outing from the outgoing LSAC Chair, who was unable to even match Stephen ‘sensible’ Emery’s six roast potatoes. Hodges headed straight into his warm down after the competition and his spokesman said that he would not be giving any interviews.
HOWE ‘WILL NOT APOLOGISE’ OVER SPIT-GATE
David Howe has been accused of “despicable behaviour” after he was spotted spitting at one of his top athletes. The male athlete, who has asked not be named, told the Echo that he was “traumatised” by the insult. “I want to stand up to this bullying,” said the anonymous source, “but I am afraid that it will jeopardise my place in LSAC’s team”. However, the Canadian born Howe was unrepentant. Claiming that he has “no recollection” of the incident, he accused his charge of being “a pussy”. “There are some guys who just need to toughen up a bit; this is why British running is going to the wall.” When asked whether he will be sitting down to discuss the incident with the athlete, Howe refused to commit to any course of action. “It’s about him and not me....this isn’t really the place for personal discussions”. A spokesman for LSAC did confirm that "a certain athlete" was receiving counselling after an "unfortunate incident" during yesterday's training. It is rumoured (although not confirmed) that the athlete involved is demanding an immediate apology as well as a new pair of trainers as he "cannot even look at" the pair he wore during the run in dispute.
GANDY CONCEDES APRIL FOOLS PRANK ‘WENT TOO FAR’
George Gandy will travel to Lisbon tomorrow to offer a “full and unqualified apology” to the Portuguese Government after sparking mass panic in the country by telling a police officer that the Spanish were about to invade. Portuguese media broke into normal coverage to warn country-folk to stock up on “water and other essentials” in order to prepare for a “long and bloody conflict.” Portugal’s special forces were also placed on standby as senior government officials were rushed into war bunkers. Queues outside supermarkets were said to exceed an hour’s wait and retailers quickly ran out of eggs, milk, bottled water and Christiano Ronaldo calendars. Said one Vilamoura resident, “it’s crazy. I only went in to pick up some baby oil for my three-month old, but there are a group of sprinters here and they’ve got it all.” Gandy is said to have approached the officer early yesterday morning after being egged on by Canadian assistant, David Howe. It is believed that Howe, who maintains that he “was only kidding”, went for a run after making the suggestion and was appalled to discover that the LSAC Director had gone through with it on his return. An insider described “a blazing row” between the pair that ended with Howe hiding Gandy’s hair gel.
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
DONALDSON SET TO EXPLAIN SESSION FOUL-UP
Alasdair Donaldson will meet with the arriving George Gandy and David Howe in Portugal this evening to explain why yesterday’s evening session was branded “a fiasco” by several of Loughborough’s top athletes. Matt Sullivan is said to be fuming after a “lesser athlete” got in his way forcing him to step out into oncoming traffic during a hill repetition. Chris Warburton is also upset with Donaldson after he claimed a bias in the way the UKA man was encouraging the athletes, “he was clearly cheering for Ricky [Soos] a lot more than people like me, that’s just not on.” It is also said that Gary Bradbury threatened to fly home when members of the 5k group “blocked off” the Woking star during his final 600m effort. Speaking via Skype to the Lufbra Echo, Bradbury told of having to “grimace” when going round the hapless endurance athletes. “Everyone knows that in order to maintain my relaxed attitude I have to never look in any pain. Yesterday night I had to and it is all his [Donaldson’s] fault.”
Gandy is unlikely to be impressed with his deputy, who also upset Danni Christmas earlier this month, and there is much debate over whether the Scot will be allowed to remain at the camp after yet another blunder. Gandy was quick to dispel rumours of “negligence” on the part of Donaldson as he left Gatwick this morning. Claims surfaced in this morning’s Portuguese papers that he had “gone to bed” instead of waiting up for a group of late-arriving athletes. The Espinho carried pictures of an enraged Stephen Emery, complete with trendy new highlights, banging on various villa doors in a quest to locate the illusive Scot. “That was a misunderstanding,” explained Gandy to a pack of journalists at Gatwick airport, “I will be having a discussion with Alasdair later to get his take on how things are going.” Loughborough’s director would not be drawn on whether he had to have last ditch talks with Bradbury late last night to prevent him (and therefore presumably Matt Sullivan) from ordering a third ice cream. “I always maintain a dialogue with my athletes and nothing will change that,” said the guru before being led to a waiting UKA-chartered jet, “everything will get sorted when I arrive- it’ll be great.”
Sullivan, meanwhile, was less eager to play down the incidents at last night’s session. Speaking exclusively to our man in Portugal, the 3:55 athlete fumed about how his training was being “utterly ruined by a bunch of nobodies.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star also questioned the selection policy for the training camp, “I look around here and I don’t recognise half the group. Why are they here? Why are they bothering to run?” His comments are unlikely to sit well with the Loughborough and UKA hierarchy who are all keen to maintain a “unified approach” to endurance performance. Speaking from his personal yacht in the Maldives, Ian Stewart enthused about the “largest group of endurance athletes ever” to be gathered in one place. “This is what we need. Everyone training together and everyone getting on.” The Endurance chief added that he was “certainly not” being frozen out by UKA and that it was “entirely [his] choice” not to attend the camp.
Gandy is unlikely to be impressed with his deputy, who also upset Danni Christmas earlier this month, and there is much debate over whether the Scot will be allowed to remain at the camp after yet another blunder. Gandy was quick to dispel rumours of “negligence” on the part of Donaldson as he left Gatwick this morning. Claims surfaced in this morning’s Portuguese papers that he had “gone to bed” instead of waiting up for a group of late-arriving athletes. The Espinho carried pictures of an enraged Stephen Emery, complete with trendy new highlights, banging on various villa doors in a quest to locate the illusive Scot. “That was a misunderstanding,” explained Gandy to a pack of journalists at Gatwick airport, “I will be having a discussion with Alasdair later to get his take on how things are going.” Loughborough’s director would not be drawn on whether he had to have last ditch talks with Bradbury late last night to prevent him (and therefore presumably Matt Sullivan) from ordering a third ice cream. “I always maintain a dialogue with my athletes and nothing will change that,” said the guru before being led to a waiting UKA-chartered jet, “everything will get sorted when I arrive- it’ll be great.”
Sullivan, meanwhile, was less eager to play down the incidents at last night’s session. Speaking exclusively to our man in Portugal, the 3:55 athlete fumed about how his training was being “utterly ruined by a bunch of nobodies.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star also questioned the selection policy for the training camp, “I look around here and I don’t recognise half the group. Why are they here? Why are they bothering to run?” His comments are unlikely to sit well with the Loughborough and UKA hierarchy who are all keen to maintain a “unified approach” to endurance performance. Speaking from his personal yacht in the Maldives, Ian Stewart enthused about the “largest group of endurance athletes ever” to be gathered in one place. “This is what we need. Everyone training together and everyone getting on.” The Endurance chief added that he was “certainly not” being frozen out by UKA and that it was “entirely [his] choice” not to attend the camp.
Monday, 29 March 2010
NEWS FLASH: MATTHEWS EGO DELAYS EASYJET FLIGHT
Breaking News from Portugal: An Easyjet flight has been delayed "for some hours" by Pete Matthews' ego. A spokesman for the no-frills carrier confirmed that crew struggled to get the mountain running star's ego on board the aircraft. "There are some technical glitches that are too complex to explain- this one is pure and simple- we couldn't get it [the ego] through the door." The source confirmed that the service had now left London, but would not be drawn on whether the ego was on board.
Our man in Faro airport (who flew with British Airways) told us via ISDN connection that there was a "growing tension" at the holiday destination. "Hundreds of passengers are waiting to get on board that very aircraft to fly back to London. They are not at all happy at this development and staff are threatening to change their orange uniforms so as not to clash with Matthews' hair".
More as soon as we get it.
Our man in Faro airport (who flew with British Airways) told us via ISDN connection that there was a "growing tension" at the holiday destination. "Hundreds of passengers are waiting to get on board that very aircraft to fly back to London. They are not at all happy at this development and staff are threatening to change their orange uniforms so as not to clash with Matthews' hair".
More as soon as we get it.
NEWS ROUND-UP
LOUGHBOROUGH ELITE ARRIVE SAFELY IN PORTUGAL DESPITE PRIVACY SCARE
Loughborough’s top athletes have landed in Portugal and are “ready to commence a tough period of training” according to insiders. This comes as plans for the trip were thrown into chaos late on Sunday evening after security officials spotted St. Mary’s and Birmingham spies in the area where George Gandy’s athletes are due to train. Our source went on, “it was all off at one stage. George said that he would not tolerate any intrusion whatsoever. Our team spotted a Birmingham lecturer strolling around the track....it seems that Mick Woods came himself.” As a result of the breach, significant restrictions are set to be placed on coverage of the training camp. “All rooms will be swept for bugs twice a day,” confirmed Loughborough’s Director of Security, “and the media will only be permitted to speak to our guys in the presence of a member of staff.” Gandy, who is not to join his group until Wednesday, was keen to play down the incident. Speaking from a press conference, the guru said “to be honest I am just relieved that Ryan McLeod didn’t lose his passport this time. Everything’s set for some good work.”
ECHO SECURES EXCLUSIVE PORTUGAL DEAL
The Lufbra Echo is delighted to announce that it will have exclusive access to the Loughborough training camp in Portugal this Easter. Despite a tightening in security (which resulted in the BBC being barred), we have negotiated unprecedented access to the African Violets ahead of their pivotal track campaign. The Echo’s Chief Executive (who always remains nameless) said that he was “thrilled” by the deal. “Earlier this month, we announced some coverage of the camp, but this goes further than ever before. It is a very exciting time to be an Echo reader!” Whilst nothing is confirmed yet, it is rumoured that readers can look forward to exclusive interviews with stars such as Pete Matthews, Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod. Despite losing out to bitter rival, the Liverpool Echo for the principle “Northern Package”, we are pleased to announce that we have first refusal on scraps surrounding the “Liverpool lads” track preparation. Our chief explained, “the alliance with Adam Peers is really paying off now. We hope to be able to bring snippets such as Johnny Mellor’s vest choice, as well as a look at what spikes he will be wearing this season!”
COE IN WEATHER PLEDGE
Lord Sebastian Coe will be banning bad weather at the London 2012 Olympic Games. The Chairman of LOCOG announced the developments after “extensive talks with the relevant authorities”. “This is fantastic news” enthused the former 800m World Record holder, “by making rain and snow illegal it will guarantee the success of important events such as the beach volleyball....it is of vital importance that that goes ahead as planned.” Opponents of the scheme have argued that Coe has not gone far enough. “Sure, this will bring an end to rain and snow- but it does nothing to prevent the possibility of grey and overcast days,” said Steve Ovett, “London looks rubbish then and we will gain nothing. And what if it’s cold? Then the beach volleyball girls will have to cover up and then the whole Games might as well be cancelled.” Lord Coe did not reveal how he was able to succeed where others (such as the organisers of Wimbledon) have failed, but did concede that it was “very unlikely” that similar deal would be available for the Paralympics.
YELLING BLAMES ‘UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS’ FOR WORLD CROSS DISASTER
Hayley Yelling, the European Cross Country Champion, has blamed her remarkably poor performance at the World Cross Country Championships on a group of Year 11 pupils. The Maths teacher, who was the last Brit home, said that she was “really quite shocked” at her charges’ lack of ability with numbers. “Pythagoras Theorem is a no go area and basic algebra completely throws them.” Yelling said that she received a threat from her head teacher is the blundering students did not pick up their act. “He said that the school had a proud reputation and that Year 11 Set Z was completely ruining it....it was on my mind the whole race weekend.”
Loughborough’s top athletes have landed in Portugal and are “ready to commence a tough period of training” according to insiders. This comes as plans for the trip were thrown into chaos late on Sunday evening after security officials spotted St. Mary’s and Birmingham spies in the area where George Gandy’s athletes are due to train. Our source went on, “it was all off at one stage. George said that he would not tolerate any intrusion whatsoever. Our team spotted a Birmingham lecturer strolling around the track....it seems that Mick Woods came himself.” As a result of the breach, significant restrictions are set to be placed on coverage of the training camp. “All rooms will be swept for bugs twice a day,” confirmed Loughborough’s Director of Security, “and the media will only be permitted to speak to our guys in the presence of a member of staff.” Gandy, who is not to join his group until Wednesday, was keen to play down the incident. Speaking from a press conference, the guru said “to be honest I am just relieved that Ryan McLeod didn’t lose his passport this time. Everything’s set for some good work.”
ECHO SECURES EXCLUSIVE PORTUGAL DEAL
The Lufbra Echo is delighted to announce that it will have exclusive access to the Loughborough training camp in Portugal this Easter. Despite a tightening in security (which resulted in the BBC being barred), we have negotiated unprecedented access to the African Violets ahead of their pivotal track campaign. The Echo’s Chief Executive (who always remains nameless) said that he was “thrilled” by the deal. “Earlier this month, we announced some coverage of the camp, but this goes further than ever before. It is a very exciting time to be an Echo reader!” Whilst nothing is confirmed yet, it is rumoured that readers can look forward to exclusive interviews with stars such as Pete Matthews, Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod. Despite losing out to bitter rival, the Liverpool Echo for the principle “Northern Package”, we are pleased to announce that we have first refusal on scraps surrounding the “Liverpool lads” track preparation. Our chief explained, “the alliance with Adam Peers is really paying off now. We hope to be able to bring snippets such as Johnny Mellor’s vest choice, as well as a look at what spikes he will be wearing this season!”
COE IN WEATHER PLEDGE
Lord Sebastian Coe will be banning bad weather at the London 2012 Olympic Games. The Chairman of LOCOG announced the developments after “extensive talks with the relevant authorities”. “This is fantastic news” enthused the former 800m World Record holder, “by making rain and snow illegal it will guarantee the success of important events such as the beach volleyball....it is of vital importance that that goes ahead as planned.” Opponents of the scheme have argued that Coe has not gone far enough. “Sure, this will bring an end to rain and snow- but it does nothing to prevent the possibility of grey and overcast days,” said Steve Ovett, “London looks rubbish then and we will gain nothing. And what if it’s cold? Then the beach volleyball girls will have to cover up and then the whole Games might as well be cancelled.” Lord Coe did not reveal how he was able to succeed where others (such as the organisers of Wimbledon) have failed, but did concede that it was “very unlikely” that similar deal would be available for the Paralympics.
YELLING BLAMES ‘UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS’ FOR WORLD CROSS DISASTER
Hayley Yelling, the European Cross Country Champion, has blamed her remarkably poor performance at the World Cross Country Championships on a group of Year 11 pupils. The Maths teacher, who was the last Brit home, said that she was “really quite shocked” at her charges’ lack of ability with numbers. “Pythagoras Theorem is a no go area and basic algebra completely throws them.” Yelling said that she received a threat from her head teacher is the blundering students did not pick up their act. “He said that the school had a proud reputation and that Year 11 Set Z was completely ruining it....it was on my mind the whole race weekend.”
Friday, 19 March 2010
PORTUGAL 'CLOSED' TO ANY MORE DISTANCE RUNNERS
The Portuguese Government have today announced that they will not be allowing any more distance runners to book a training camp in the country this Easter. The Minister for Foreign Affairs, Luís Amado, has said that he plans to cut the number of runners in the hot spot by "roughly 30%" in 2011 with a further 15% cut in 2012. The news comes after a survey conducted by the Lufbra Echo revealed that 98% of all UK-based distance runners under the age of 26 would be training in Portugal this Easter.
Amado held last ditch talks with British counterpart David Miliband last night in a bid to prevent the migration. The talks broke off in the early hours with "no resolution". Miliband has said quite publicly that he does not see the issue with aspiring athletes heading to the Algarve to prepare for their summer seasons. The Portugese Government however point to last year's famous ice shortage in Vilamoura along with a complaints from locals about a lingering smell of deep heat. "It was dreadful," said a Portuguese source, "we had these thin white people running around everywhere. We ran out of ice as they kept lying in it and moaning about 'sore calves'....they don't even spend much in bars as they are in bed by midnight". The local source went on, "no hill is safe. Every slight incline seems to have these idiots charging up it. This has to stop."
Miliband is believed to have agreed "in principle" to blocking the booking of any further athletes, however "flatly refused" to grant Amado's wish and confiscate the passports of "all distance runners" for the next month. Describing the idea as "unworkable", Miliband did confirm that he spoke at length with Loughborough's infamous director, George Gandy. "He and I had a productive meeting," said the Foreign Secretary, "I told him in no uncertain terms that Portugal was not South Africa and that Chris Parr should be kept on a leash at all times."
LSAC is decamping its entire endurance operation to Portugal for three and a half weeks in a bid to escape what Gandy calls the "tyrannical" rule of Ian Anholm. Gandy yesterday told Anholm to calm down after the latter announced a probe into a missing pen that was last seen above the BUCS sign-up sheet. The prime-suspect is Dani Christmas who was seen "acting suspiciously" after her injury-curtailed drills session last night. Christmas, who is also rumoured to be responsible for Alasdair Donaldson's black eye, is alleged to have "ducked away" from the HiPac before speeding out of the main gate.
The Lufbra Echo will be reporting live from Portugal throughout the LSAC training camp. We will be offering the following:
- LIVE Pete Matthews injury updates
- LIVE relationship updates
- LIVE Donaldson assault updates
- LIVE bitch-ometer, including who is saying what about who
- LIVE Emery tan-watch. Will he tan or just go bright red?
For the price of just £35 per SMS, you can hear all this news A WHOLE 5 MINUTES before I put it on here. Terms and Conditions apply. For more information visit: www.sawyoucoming.co.uk
Amado held last ditch talks with British counterpart David Miliband last night in a bid to prevent the migration. The talks broke off in the early hours with "no resolution". Miliband has said quite publicly that he does not see the issue with aspiring athletes heading to the Algarve to prepare for their summer seasons. The Portugese Government however point to last year's famous ice shortage in Vilamoura along with a complaints from locals about a lingering smell of deep heat. "It was dreadful," said a Portuguese source, "we had these thin white people running around everywhere. We ran out of ice as they kept lying in it and moaning about 'sore calves'....they don't even spend much in bars as they are in bed by midnight". The local source went on, "no hill is safe. Every slight incline seems to have these idiots charging up it. This has to stop."
Miliband is believed to have agreed "in principle" to blocking the booking of any further athletes, however "flatly refused" to grant Amado's wish and confiscate the passports of "all distance runners" for the next month. Describing the idea as "unworkable", Miliband did confirm that he spoke at length with Loughborough's infamous director, George Gandy. "He and I had a productive meeting," said the Foreign Secretary, "I told him in no uncertain terms that Portugal was not South Africa and that Chris Parr should be kept on a leash at all times."
LSAC is decamping its entire endurance operation to Portugal for three and a half weeks in a bid to escape what Gandy calls the "tyrannical" rule of Ian Anholm. Gandy yesterday told Anholm to calm down after the latter announced a probe into a missing pen that was last seen above the BUCS sign-up sheet. The prime-suspect is Dani Christmas who was seen "acting suspiciously" after her injury-curtailed drills session last night. Christmas, who is also rumoured to be responsible for Alasdair Donaldson's black eye, is alleged to have "ducked away" from the HiPac before speeding out of the main gate.
The Lufbra Echo will be reporting live from Portugal throughout the LSAC training camp. We will be offering the following:
- LIVE Pete Matthews injury updates
- LIVE relationship updates
- LIVE Donaldson assault updates
- LIVE bitch-ometer, including who is saying what about who
- LIVE Emery tan-watch. Will he tan or just go bright red?
For the price of just £35 per SMS, you can hear all this news A WHOLE 5 MINUTES before I put it on here. Terms and Conditions apply. For more information visit: www.sawyoucoming.co.uk
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