DONALDSON BLASTS 'HOPELESS' BUCS SET UP

With George Gandy away on urgent guru business he has left his press conferences to his Executive PA, Alasdair Donaldson - who has wasted no time in calling for an "urgent review" of the BUCS hierarchy. Furious that start lists were "going up too late" and the "wind was too strong", Donaldson wondered whether there was "any point in Loughborough turning up for the rest of the Championships".

"You want the officials to get the big things right" thundered the irate Scot (who doesn't have time to read this blog) "I'm afraid that wasn't the case today. Where was the finish line technology? We were lucky that it didn't cost us - but mark my words they will get a really major decision wrong by Monday and then we'll all be talking about it". The Newham and Essex Beagle went on to state that he "clearly saw" Mick Woods of St Mary's going into the officials' changing area and "leave with a big smile on his face".

Donaldson - who both Loughborough and UKA have hurriedly distanced themselves from - then voiced his "utter disgust" at the preferential treatment offered to the Birmingham representatives. "Did you see the plush holding area they get?" stormed the tea specialist "whilst Ian [Anholm], David [Howe] and I shiver in the wind. It's a total joke - beyond the pale". Bud Buldaro and his officials have been granted exclusive access to the VIP lounge at Bedford after Buldaro slammed the coffee provision at last year's event. "I don't know if it is because they have Kukri on their vests" Donaldson continued "or it's because everyone likes Birmingham, but something's wrong when you see so many decisions going their way. It's very poor".

BUCS have dismissed Donaldson's comments as "hysteria" and have clarified that no bribes were received from Mick Woods and that Bud Buldaro had "won a competition" granting him special treatment for the duration of the Championships.

On the track, Loughborough survived a scare from Kieran Flannery who was nearly knocked out in the heats of the 800m after easing up well before the line, whilst self-proclaimed pre-race favourite Stephen Emery qualified with ease for the final of the 5,000m.

PASSPORT GAFFE LEAVES WOODS FUMING

Mick Woods has described himself as "speechless" after Tommy Carroll returned to Ireland only to find that his passport had expired. The St Mary's star is now stranded on the Emerald Isle after being arrested attempting to sneak onto the back of a lorry. Woods used his weekly press conference to condemn Carroll as "damn brainless" confirming that it was "very unlikely" the 3:48 1500m star would be released in time for BUCS. It is understood that Woods called an urgent meeting to relay the news to the rest of the squad but was thwarted when not one member of the team "knew where Ireland was".

Carroll is not the only St Mary's athlete to feel the ire of Woods this week. On Monday evening, Stephen Scullion was hauled before the head coach to explain why he had spent nearly an hour trying to pay for his weekly food shop at Tesco with his Oyster card. Scullion had to be escorted off site after losing his temper with the self-service machine having repeatedly waved the pay-as-you-go travelcard at the screen. The Ireland International has now be banned from the store prompting questions as to where he is now going to source the 2.5kg of raw beetroot he eats daily.

Meanwhile, Carroll - who may not be released from prison until the end of May - now faces a large fine and the possibility of having his colouring in book privileges suspended. Woods stated that the matter would be "kept in-house" but made no secret of his "serious concern" for his charges when away from his watchful eye. "The big wide world can be a scary place for my lads" sighed Woods "it's tough out there. I got an email from Mitch [Goose, formerly of St Mary's] the other day asking why he couldn't pay for a haircut with Monopoly money. It makes you wonder."

Woods then ranted for several minutes about "this bloody country" before becoming locked in a walk in wardrobe for some minutes.

BULDARO READY FOR BUCS CHALLENGE

Bud Buldaro has said that his Birmingham team are "the strongest in years" ahead of this weekend's BUCS Cross Country Championships. Buldaro will not announce his team until tomorrow evening but was in a bullish move this lunchtime. "Loughborough are as poor as I have ever seen them" said the velvet tongued head coach "and I think the majority of the St Mary's team are busy re-taking their exams. I can't see anyone getting close to Birmingham". The manager will be hoping his side will be able to defend their title on home soil this Saturday afternoon.

Buldaro was largely dismissive of a very quiet transfer window for his team. Birmingham were not successful in landing Stephen Emery - despite a rumoured £40m bid - and also had an approach for Gary Bradbury rejected. "I don't need to strengthen my team" said Buldaro "I always think that the January transfer window is just about panicking to be honest. You look at weaker sides and they see the summer coming and think 'gee, we need to get more guys in'. Nonsense, I back my lot". Buldaro denied that the Emery deal had fallen through after the Vice Chancellor vetoed it and maintained that he had "complete control" of team affairs.

News for Birmingham got even better this evening as a spokesman revealed that Nick Goolab had "completely recovered" from a broken toe nail and was therefore available this weekend. "Nick had a blood test at the beginning of this week" said the source "and it is all clear. If selected, he will line up on Saturday".

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TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY: THE BIG DEALS

The Echo rounds up all the major comings and goings after a frantic end to the January transfer window.


Stephen Emery is staying put at Loughborough despite a £40m bid from Birmingham and reported interest from St Mary's. The engineer has pledged the next 18 months to the African Violets by signing a lucrative contract extension.

Ryan McLeod will not leave Tipton after all. It had been thought that the 7:52 3k man was about to walk out on the Midlands club in a row about iPhone usage.

Linford Christie is to come out of retirement and has signed for Windsor, Slough, Eton and Hounslow. The former Olympic Champion said that he was "hugely excited" at the prospect of helping Windsor back into the Premiership. The club were unsuccessful in convincing Sally Gunnell into a similar comeback.

Newham and Essex Beagles have been fined £750,000 and banned from taking part in the summer transfer window after illegally approaching "the vast majority" of the the GB European Cross Team. They also had a £75m bid for Mo Farah rejected after they realised that they had already signed him.

Mark Lewis-Francis is a free agent after storming out of Birchfield Harriers. The European Silver Medallist was heard to say that "Mark Lewis-Francis most definitely will be running for a bigger club than this next summer". As such his £2m contract was terminated but regrettably for the sprinter no one agreed to take him.

Sale Harriers Manchester sacked their entire squad earlier this month as the new owners decided that they "could do better". However, the club were forced into an embarrassing retreat when nobody returned their emails - not even MLF - and so have re-signed the majority of the team on vastly inflated contracts.

Dave Norman caused outrage at Altrincham after handing in a written transfer request. The 5k star has now signed a 3 year contract extension after failing to agree personal terms with £25m suitors, Southend AC.

Kenenisa Bekele will have to wait to have his move to Aldershot, Farnham and District confirmed. The Ethiopian will undergo a medical later today, but the deal has been put in doubt after Mick Woods offended the athlete's entire entourage. However, AFD will be celebrating after managing to persuade Andy Vernon to sign a four year contract extension rather than opting for a big money move to Bedford & County - who were rumoured to be ready to pay the star over £200,000 a week.

Despite reports in the Echo earlier this month that they were ready to spend big, Southend have not been successful in making a single signing. It is understood that the majority of deals fell through when would-be athletes "visited Southend". 

GANDY TO RESIGN OVER MATTHEWS SELECTION

Loughborough Athletics club has been plunged into turmoil this evening after its director, George Gandy announced that he would resign as he "had no option" but to select Pete Matthews for the 'A' Team at the forthcoming BUCS Cross Country Championships. "I have had some dark moments in my career" said the Guru from a hastily arranged press conference "but this is as low as it has come. It is a very sad day and I must say I never thought it would come to this".

Loughborough insiders have revealed how Gandy "had an almighty row" at the selection meeting last night and was seen storming out of the HiPac shortly after 10pm. Alasdair Donaldson - who does not have time to read this site - attempted to go after him carrying a freshly made cup of tea but was unable to talk the Guru round. "His mind is made up" said the source "George is just so embarrassed that he has to pick Matthews that he can't carry on. He said that the buck stops with him and he is intent on going over it".

Matthews has not been without his problems in the past twelve months. It was not long ago that the Lufbra Echo revealed that he had no future in the East Midlands and many are stunned that the disgraced AAAs fraudster has been included in the first wave of selection. "It's a horrible day for Loughborough" said a season ticket holder "it is a mark of how bad things have got. I doubt we'll get in the top 10 now - we certainly don't deserve to." The Echo understands that the team at Loughborough have "done all they can" to avoid selecting Matthews including begging his academic department to terminate - or at least suspend - his studies. "In the end, he was the only choice" continued a senior aide to the Guru "it devalues the rich history that this institution has".

Gandy will vacate his post at 0600 on Monday paving the way for Alasdair Donaldson to take caretaker charge of the club. Loughborough chiefs have stressed that this is "an extremely temporary measure" and that Gandy's current PA will "never be left unsupervised" with the club. The recruitment process to find Gandy's successor will start immediately and not include the Scot who will revert to his tea-making role once someone is in post. Bookmakers have tipped Birmingham's top man Bud Buldaro for the job, but have refused to rule out what would be a sensational promotion for out of favour St Mary's chief, Mick Woods.

BADDELEY SET FOR MASTERMIND TEST

Andy Baddeley has shelved winter training in order to sharpen up for a forthcoming appearance on the BBC's Mastermind. Baddeley - who claims the show's title was in honour of him - has said that his involvement is inspired by a belief that "Britain is getting thicker". The one-time 3:49 miler is rumoured to be filming as early as February and has chosen a specialist subject of Particle Physics. A spokesman for the Harrrow man has denied speculation that he is only going ahead with idea as sales of his début book Quantum Chromodynamics and the Long Distance Runner: Thoughts and Observations have been disappointing. "Andy is ready to prove to all the world that he has the best mind in the business" said the aide "and above all he just wants to prove that he is an ordinary guy, doing ordinary things."

Baddeley's campaign to prove what his people call "normality" took a backward step over the summer, when the European fifth placer slammed Kenyans for their lack of intelligence. "It was a shame the press chose to focus on that" continued his press secretary "but since then, Andy has made a real effort to show that he is just a normal world class athlete with a double first from Cambridge. For example, just last month he watched five minutes of the X Factor whilst he waited for his show about the history of the Large Electron-Positron Collider to come onto BBC Four."

The part time lecturer at St Mary's is slated to appear on the celebrity edition of the show alongside Big Brother star Kinga Karolczak and Fame Academy winner David Sneddon. Baddeley did concede that he "had never heard" of either rival but hoped for "some lively mathematical related banter" backstage.

EMERY BUST UP LEAVES SEAWARD ON BRINK

Kevin Seaward is said to be "considering his options" after an almighty bust-up with Stephen Emery. It is rumoured that the Irishman - who claims to be in the shape of his life - is about to walk away from Loughborough after Emery insisted that the evening run group remain on campus yesterday evening. Observers have said that "there is no way back" for relations between the pair and given Emery's "obscene levels of power" in the East Midlands it is likely that this will force the former International out.

"Kevin is really really upset," said a Loughborough insider, "he had talks with George [Gandy] first thing this morning, but apparently there is little they can do: Emery has too much power." This is not the first time that the pair have clashed and with Seaward alleged to be caught up in a Facebook deletion row, it looks unlikely that he will remain at the club past the January transfer window. Potential suitors have been quick to express an interest despite the fact that Seaward has found it difficult to settle in Loughborough. Mick Woods at St Mary's and Bud Buldaro of Birmingham have both said that they were "following" the Seaward affair closely.

Emery - who maintains that he "has no need" for a coach - shows now signs of relinquishing his iron-like grip on the set-up at Loughborough. Anonymous sources have told the Lufbra Echo that the Coventry man is "given far too much say" on club affairs and implored the hierarchy to do something about it. "There are even rumours that he is going to restrict access to the track," said the source, "the new plyo mat is red because he demanded it that way and he has banned runs of less than 45 minutes." Emery refused to comment when contacted by the Echo but did revoke our campus press privileges for three months. If Emery's foul mouthed assault on a member of the Echo team is anything to go by, it is no surprise that the likes of Seaward are headed for the exit.

McCORMICK FURY AT WALL OF FAME SNUB

Nick McCormick has said that he is “very upset” not to have been asked to sign the Teddington Wall of Fame. The Wall was the subject of a documentary on Echo backed site Athleticos.org and is said to feature some of the best athletic talent in the world. “I can’t believe I wasn’t asked to sign,” thundered McCormick from a hastily arranged press conference in Loughborough, “have you seen the no hopers that have got to sign it? I was in Teddington just last week and no one said a word. It’s very poor.”

Scott Overall, who shares his house with the Wall, revealed that there was a careful screening process for anyone who wanted to sign. “We’ve had problems with some,” said the Blackheath and Bromley man, “the Kenyans haven’t seen a pen before and some of the St. Mary’s lot didn’t know how to spell their name.” Overall said that McCormick’s request would be given “due consideration” but warned against the Morpeth man getting his hopes up. “I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were him,” said the GB International, “we have standards around here and I’m not sure that we can let someone sign it just because they threw their toys out of the pram. The only time that has happened was when Andy Baddeley threatened to bring the universe to an end if we didn’t back down.”

For his part, McCormick has said that he “isn’t interested” in a pity signing. “It’s their loss in my opinion,” said the 3:33.9 1500m runner, “that wall will always be lacking something and they’ll have to deal with that.” Rumours that he was going to start his own wall in Loughborough exclusively for those who have been rejected from the Teddington Wall have so far proved wide of the mark.

‘STUPID’ KENYANS FRUSTRATE BADDELEY

Andy Baddeley has blamed “inane conversations with stupid athletes” for his less than impressive form this season. In a revealing interview with the Lufbra Echo, the British number one bemoaned the intelligence of the average Kenyan. “Let’s face it,” said the Cambridge graduate, “[the Kenyans] aren’t on the same level as me. They’re dull and I can’t stand making small talk with anybody- least of all them.” Baddeley, who claims to be in the shape of his life athletically, has not troubled his personal records since 2008 but has refused to let this get to him. “With 150m to go at the European Championships I was certain I would win the Gold Medal,” said the Harrow man, “but then I realised that my IQ was higher than the rest of the field put together and it put me right off.” Baddeley also said that his campaign for all athletes to be degree educated was not going as well as he might have hoped. “It’s for everyone’s benefit,” thundered the one time 3:49 miler, “I just can’t stand sitting in call rooms with a procession of dumb ass Kenyans staring blankly into space or at their managers. I tried to strike up a conversation with Asbel Kiprop about the complexities of particle physics and he didn’t know what I was talking about.”

Baddeley, who says that his part time lecturing at St. Mary’s is charity work for the “intellectually challenged”, has been forced to mount a rigorous defence of his racing tactics this season. Steve Cram and Brendan Foster both felt that he overestimated his ability to kick away from his rivals in the European Championships. “What an earth do they [Cram and Foster] know about how to run a race? I really do get tired of simpletons telling me what to do,” said the fifth placer, “I executed my races perfectly; it was just my realisation of how intelligent I am comparatively wrought havoc with my psychophysiology.” Many have also questioned Baddeley’s decision to stick with New Balance as his sponsor despite lucrative approaches from Nike and Adidas: “This is because New Balance understand my intellectual quality,” he explained whilst showing off his Graduation certificates from Cambridge, “Nike is for idiots who can’t handle more complex logos.”

BUCS DAY ONE....

All the action from Bedford, rounded up by our dedicated team.....

BUCS TO LAUNCH HORN PROBE

Meeting officials in Bedford have promised a swift investigation into the “ridiculous nuisance” that is a perennial horn blower. One insider told the Echo, “we have a fair idea of who it is and let me tell you the full weight of the law will be brought upon them....it’s all very childish and athletes are getting really quite upset about it.” All bags will be searched upon entry tomorrow with athletes and spectators to be subject to “random searches”. Our source went on, “we can’t go around making blind accusations and so hopefully the threat of action will deter the miscreant.” This news comes hours after Stephen Emery blamed the blower for running “too fast” in his 5,000m heat. “How can I be expected to win on Monday [in the final] now?” thundered the LSAC star from the team hotel, “I was 8 seconds quicker than I needed to be and frankly, I’m knackered....that god awful horn just kept blowing and I mistook it for a signal to speed up. It’s very poor.”

Emery was not the only athlete to be upset by the horn blowing. Matt Sullivan has said that it “almost certainly” cost him a place in the 1500m semi-final. “The horn put me off at the crucial moment,” harrumphed the 3:55 man from his post race press conference, “going into the final lap, I was ready to go. Then that f*****g horn blew and I jumped. I am really gutted.” Meanwhile, others have been quick to pour cold water on what is fast becoming known as ‘horn-gate’. Gary Bradbury said that he had “no issue” with the noise and that those who complained were “just being precious”. The 3:43 man went on, “I really can’t see the problem. Just because some guys aren’t good enough they look for excuses. That’s annoying. I found my heat extraordinarily easy.”

PARER CUT LEAVES STREET “50/50” FOR FINAL

Medics will this evening assess the damage to Peter Street’s right hand after the 5k star suffered a “horrendous” paper cut when removing his vest this afternoon. The Preston man had just qualified with ease for Monday’s final, but caught his finger on his bib number just before starting his cool down. A spokesman for LSAC said that it was “deeply troubling” but that Street would “receive only the very best care”. Our source continued, “it’s nasty, really nasty. But no one here feels like telling Ian Anholm [LSAC Administration chief] we may have a withdrawal. He reacts badly to things like that and it might kick off.” Street’s injury is currently being looked at by Loughborough’s team doctor and insiders have refused to rule out flying in a “paper cut specialist” from the States. “The good news is that we have tomorrow to get it sorted,” said a spokesman, “if the medics think that a specialist is required then that is what we will do. No expense will be spared.” The spokesman, who was speaking before boarding LSAC’s team coach, went on to lambast a “shoddy” day’s officiating from BUCS. “We’ve had paper cuts and power cuts,” he said, “it’s just not on. I only hope they can buck [geddit?!] their ideas up for tomorrow.”

WOODS IN GANDY SLUR

Mick Woods took time out today to tell the Echo that George Gandy was being “unprofessional” by failing to turn up to support Loughborough at the Championships. “Hopeless,” sighed the St. Mary’s man, “you don’t see me swanking off to Front Romeu now do you? That is because I am professional and I value my athlete’s progress.” Woods was speaking just after Mitch Goose, one of his charges, crashed out in the heat of the 800m. “That was disappointing, but Mitch is experimenting with a new haircut and it seems that his latest short look isn’t the way to go....he’ll be growing it now.” Woods went on to point out that Goose had “forgotten” his compression socks and that that gaffe was likely to have cost him “at least 3 seconds.” The Aldershot coach explained, “when you look at it like that, he made the semi. It’s all learning and he will be keeping a co-ordinated pair of socks on him at all times from now on.” Woods would not elaborate on rumours in this morning’s newspapers that another athlete of his, Stephanie Twell, was ruled out of BUCS after mistakenly eating two bananas in a day. “I won’t comment on such media nonsense,” stormed the former UKA coach before accidently walking into a wall.

SPRINTERS 'ACTUALLY A BIT THICK': REPORT

Sprinters are not as intelligent as long distance runners, a shocking report is set to reveal. The article, which the Lufbra Echo has had an exclusive preview of, will be published in the Journal of Useless Research later this month. The authors of the report have spoken to "many" sprinters and distance runners in order to make this ground-breaking conclusion. Professor W.A Ster who was the lead author of the report said, "we set out to prove that intelligence was about the same....but we were stunned with what we found, sprinters really aren't very bright at all".

The findings will come as little surprise to those who work with fast twitch athletes day in day out. One source, who does not wish to be named, said "you just have to look at the way they bounce around on the start line before they get their a*** kicked by Usain Bolt- bunch of idiots." However, some are said to be really quite hurt by the report. British starlet, James Dasaolu pledged to "hunt down" the author of the report and then presumably kick his water bottle over. "It's out of order" thundered Dasaolou, "how can anyone say that we [as a collective body] are thick? Have they even met Dwain Chambers?" Dasaolu was speaking just days after he miscounted the change at a parking metre and then threatened to steal a traffic warden's hat and pour his recovery shake all over it.

Professor W.A Ster was keen to point out that his findings do not exonerate distance runners. "Absolutely not," said the University of North Dunstable academic, "I spent time with some really quite stupid endurance athletes as well....Mick Woods at St. Mary's was kind enough to accommodate me for several days." When asked what the point of his research was Ster said, "I just think that the public should be prepared for when they have to sit through that tortuous post-race interview with Phil Jones....they shouldn't judge- it's not their fault." He also said that his findings did not extend to hurdlers or field eventers- "regrettably we ran out of money". The learned professor would also not be drawn on how 400m runners fit into the general picture. "Of course you have got the likes of Jeremy Wariner in the world, but there are some really quite intelligent quarter milers as well....we mainly draw a distinction between 100/200m runners and those over 800m"

Ster is now set to begin his next piece of insightful research into actually how bright Phil Jones is.