SPORTS AWARD SHOW OR X FACTOR? HARD TO TELL

"It's been an incredible year" said a breathless Sue Barker at the start of the two-hour broadcast marathon that is the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year. Clearly not "incredible" enough for some, as the schedulers daren't go up against ITV's X Factor and as such we find it here - delayed by two weeks and conveniently right before the finale of the Beeb's most successful show The Apprentice. Given the new obsession with sob story over sporting substance (where was Mo Farah on the short-list?) some of the VTs for the individual contenders would have been more at home on Simon Cowell's ratings monopoliser.

And so as we went through the short-list, the viewing public were told about Tom Daley's sick father, AP McCoy's injuries and falls (which can't come as surprise to a jump jockey), Jessica Ennis' "heartbreak" at missing the Olympics (2 years ago) and Mark Cavendish's dreadful crash earlier in the year. David Haye clearly decided that beating people up was never going to win the public's adoration and as such steered clear, citing a bout of flu. Ironic that the Heavyweight Champion of the World can "make hay" of anyone but cannot handle the icy weather.

But in this supposed year of "incredible" sporting achievement, where was surely one of the most incredible achievers of the lot? Mo Farah has this year broken the men's 5,000m British Record and won two European titles. Let us compare that to Phil 'the Power' Taylor who has seemingly just thrown some darts at a wall with a particular degree of accuracy. To suggest that the public decide this award is a fallacy - in reality a room full of sporting journalists and producers sit down and discuss who will make the best telly. Unfortunately for Mo, his passage has been a little bit heartbreak free and getting married means that his private life is far too happy to warrant inclusion.

But that is just the problem with SPOTY now. The real sporting achievements get overlooked owing to a lack of understanding of what the sport is all about or because the athlete focusses more on the sport than on working on their persona. And so in an excruciating exchange between the evergreen Gary Liniker and Mark Cavendish, jug ears seemed more interested in the sprint king's chess credentials than his cycling ones. Of course, that conveniently teed up the Walkers Crisps man to wonder whether Cavendish will get "check mate" tonight. All richly comic.

The same can be said of Amy Williams (you know, the Winter Olympics girl) who whilst others had solid sporting backers, was oddly supported by er, Jeremy Clarkson. Now surely there was a British speaking bob-sleigher out there who could have added some weight to this pathetic link? It did leave the door open for Sue Barker to comment that Jeremy Clarkson is "a difficult man to impress". Wow, able to win Olympic Gold AND impress Jezzer - surely worth a vote.

In the end, it was nice to see AP McCoy recognised for falling off a horse a lot. Good night too for David Beckham (lifetime achievement award) who added a little glitz to the evening - as if it needed any - but left many wondering how he finds time to play football these days. Tom Daley was consoled on missing out on the grown up award by a third victory as the Young Sports Personality of the Year - although how he managed to outbid the double World Junior Champion and seemingly unbeatable Jodie Williams is beyond anyone. It would, perhaps, have been nice to see Daley and Williams engage in a sing off and Cavendish go for a dance off with Jess Ennis. Just as long as it wasn't a 'sport off' - that doesn't seem to matter any more.

NEW AGE FOR SKY AS MNF RETURNS

It isn’t athletics but it should be. Sky’s brand spanking new series of Monday Night Football returned to our screens last week and it didn’t half do it in style. Richard Keys and Andy Gray put the footballing world to rights with the very latest gadgets and gismos including – as we discovered this week – an indoor mini-pitch. “We don’t really need technology for this, do we?” pondered Keys of one incident. The usually perfectly sensible anchor was surely speaking somewhat ironically given that the whole premise of this ridiculous and unnecessary hour long build-up to the Monday Night match relies on pointless and malfunctioning technology. This week, the “boys downstairs” ran a Stoke non-goal through a computer that magically removed all the other players on the pitch clearly showing that the ball was over the line. “He [referee Chris Foy] will know in his heart of hearts that he should have got that right,” opined Gray of the incident lasting less than a second, having had the opportunity to look at it several million times from several million angles.

Elsewhere, the problem of penalties was thoroughly addressed. “Is the balance of power shifting towards keepers?” asked Keys, “Why?” snapped Gray. Err, because more are being saved than ever before. “Here we have a left footed goalkeeper,” puzzled Keys, “who chooses to dive to the left. Anything in that theory?” Five minutes, probably 30 researcher hours, several thousand pounds and a tired audience later, it was concluded that keepers may or may not be advantaged at the moment and amazingly there may just be something in Keynes’ theory. “So what I’m saying is,” said Gray in a light bulb moment, “if a keeper goes the right way, he has a chance of saving it.” Right, well that’s money well spent then. Afterwards, as if desperate to justify his £25,000 per week price tag, Gray revealed that he had “been thinking about penalties for a couple of weeks.” Uh oh! Sounds dangerous. Indeed it was: “I’m right handed, Richard, so I would go to my right….I’ve been talking to the lads in the office all day….and it’s noticeable that the keepers who are right handed went big right.” Ok fine, but what about Ben Foster? He’s left footed isn’t he? And yet he went right. “Yes, but is he right handed? I was left footed and right handed.” Phew.

Here comes the tenuous link! Wouldn’t it be great if the BBC invested in the same technology for their athletics coverage? Steve Cram and Brendan Foster could thrash out the complexities of the Bekele kick on a virtual track, Jonathon Edwards could thoroughly examine Philips Idowu’s take off having removed everything except his spike. Colin Jackson could play with the heights of the hurdles to debate whether if they were an inch taller, David Oliver would be as proficient. The possibilities are endless. Surely even Phil Jones could use it; a crowd-o-metre could measure “supporter impact” and then comparisons could be drawn with other crowds around the world. Inverdale could be seen hovering above the stadium, conducting things in his Godfather-like way, whilst Denise Lewis could….well, there are always going to be some flaws.

It surely won’t be long before grumblings emerge about the lack of technology in the Beeb’s coverage. The very least they should get is one of the snazzy new iPads that Keys has replaced his clip-board with, even if it was deemed “a bit heavy” last week. Watch this space.

INVERDALE UNDERLINES MONOPOLY, BUT THERE’S NO ESCAPING PHIL JONES

“And a word, Tyson about the crowd?” The obligatory ‘crowd question’ dominates just about all of the BBC’s Phil Jones’ interviews, as if the crowd is that much different from any other the world class athletes have competed in front of on the European circuit (or indeed the Olympic Games or World Championships). Jones is never content with just a cursory “it’s always nice when the spectators are so enthusiastic”. Such a flippant response will be met with a follow up: “but what about this crowd?” Yesterday, Blanka Vlasic was deemed to have sounded less than absolutely ecstatic about the crowd support and so Jones tried a different angle: "in this weather too". Seemingly, there is no escaping the man with the BBC microphone as some bright spark at the Beeb came up with the idea that he could be a ‘roaming’ reporter from now on. Gone are the days when disappointed failures can hurry through the mixed zone avoiding eye contact. Now you get the feeling that Jones will chase any potential interviewee all the way back to his/her hotel in order to understand how the crowd may or may not have influenced their performance.

No such problems for John Inverdale who is fast becoming the Godfather of BBC sports coverage. Only the very select few (BBC darling Jess Ennis) got the nod to be interviewed by the great man. Inverdale's interviews are astoundingly effective as there is a feeling of the headmaster's study about his booth: the athlete is almost certainly more in awe of Inverdale than the other way around. If athletes are battling to escape the Jones treatment, any sports fan really can’t get away from Inverdale. Whatever the sport, Inverdale is there: swimming, horse jumping, tennis, golf, rugby, athletics: you name it- he's covering it. Indeed back in June, on what should have been his day off from Wimbledon coverage, the maestro was hurriedly dispatched to Birmingham Alexander stadium to cover for the bungling Jonathan Edwards. One can’t help thinking that the veteran broadcaster does as he wishes as producers are fearful of what could be an almighty kick off. Surely it is no co-incidence that Sue Barker is looking increasingly uncomfortable on A Question of Sport and Gary Lineker looks like a dead man walking on Match of the Day. The Inverdale juggernaut is seemingly unstoppable; just ask Hazel Irvine who has been sent to the wilderness of women's golf, probably after knocking the Godfather's water over or something.

Inverdale’s showing at Crystal Palace after what was an obviously draining European campaign was made to look all the more impressive by the limp displays of Colin Jackson and Denise Lewis. For too long now, these two have failed to deliver and Inverdale was only too ready to pounce on such weakness. And so when it came to analysing Mo Farah’s 3000m, the distance runners in the commentary box were deemed surplus to requirements by the rampant Inverdale who decided to quiz Lewis (a heptathlete) and Jackson (a hurdler) about it instead. In a ‘rabbit caught in headlights’ moment, Lewis concluded that Farah had “given it his all”, which was met with an “absolutely” from Jackson. Inverdale could barely hide the smile from his face.

Happily, Denise Lewis seems totally incapable of saying anything nasty (or indeed of any value). This is perfect for a meeting in which the British athletes undoubtedly crashed back down to earth from the dizzy heights of European glory. “It’s really hard to get yourself motivated for meetings like this after the major Championships” preached Lewis. Is it? The obvious first question is whether an event in which 10.18 seconds is good enough for a silver medal in the 100m can really be classed as “major”; and then there is the question of whether it should matter. We do not hear of many surgeons who, after a patient dies, sigh and say that they were struggling to get over performing well at a “major” operation last week. Sensationally, the only individual who appears to have conceded as much was the much loved Mark ‘most definitely’ Lewis-Francis. “This is what I do for a living,” said the European silver medallist whilst making some strange movements with his hands, “there’s no excuse”. Unfortunately, Lewis-Francis had already humiliated himself by choosing to point enthusiastically at his baton having won the 4x100m relay whilst mouthing to the camera, “I’m number one!” That’s debatable, but what cannot be debated is that the baton was clearly embossed with the number 3. Such stupid behaviour could well be met with an Inverdale summons early next week.

'ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN FINAL' SHOCK

The British athletics community is reeling from the revelation that "anything can happen in a final". It seems that theory was developed by top UKA boffins and has been drilled into every single athlete competing, either that or it is a competition to see how many times you can say the phrase. Alas, Echo favourite, James Dasaolu was unable to see if anything could happen as he did not manage to make the final of the 100m. Speaking shortly before the Championships, Dasaolu confidently told Phil Jones of the BBC that "firstly, I want to make the final....anything can happen in a final....firstly, I want to win a medal. In order to win a medal, I have to make the final". Right.

Further credence was given to the theory last night when Mark Lewis-Francis (self styled: MLF) stormed to a silver medal in 10.18 seconds- just 0.6s off the World Record. It was incredibly unfortunate for the BBC as they spent much of the time we all had to wait for the result pondering what colour medal Dwain Chambers might have won. Completely oblivious to the fact that Lewis-Francis had quite literally rolled his way to silver, Denise Lewis and Colin Jackson launched into a post mortem on Chambers' race: "he over strides and it cost him the race...it might even be that Bronze," opined Jackson of Chambers (who finished fifth), before confirming that Lamaitre "so certainly" won the race. In fact, so sure were Beeb producers that Lewis-Francis was not going to win a medal that they didn't even bother to put a front-on camera in his lane, thus meaning viewers were robbed of the opportunity to hear the pundits' views on his facial expressions.

"I'm so happy right about now," said Lewis-Francis of his "new beginning", before ruining his moment by deciding to speak in the third-person: "this is the new Mark Lewis-Francis". Is it? Would that be the same "new" Lewis-Francis who actually ran quicker a few years ago, won an Olympic (relay) medal and then went on to test positive for marijuana in 2005? Perhaps not. Thankfully, the BBC had wasted so long dwelling on the demise of Chambers that we weren't able to find out much about MLF's views on his medal. He did, however, state that it "was all thanks to Linford [Christie, Lewis-Francis' coach and convicted drug cheat]" before going onto say that it was also thanks to just about everyone else in the stadium.

Lewis-Francis was clearly delighted and rightly so. But he wasn't half as delighted as Steve Cram was when Chambers failed to medal: "Chambers has crumbled!" he gleefully proclaimed before continuing his pre-race love in with the victorious Frenchman. Oh well, Steve, we all agree that we shouldn't ever forgive people for their past mistakes- particularly cheats! Just like I hate people who run off and cheat on their wives when they have kids at home. I'm sure you'll agree.

THE ECHO REVIEWS.....

The Echo gives its verdict on recent coverage of athletics...

BBC DIAMOND LEAGUE COVERAGE

(BBC Interactive, 3rd July 2010: 9pm)

And so now we know. For the first half of the season, viewers of the Beeb’s shiny new Diamond League offerings have been wondering ‘where’s Crammy?’ Well on this showing, it is obvious. The BBC have invested a wad of cash in the services of Tim Hutchings (formerly of Eurosport fame) and the two simply can’t stand each other. The former World Record holder has bossed the BBC microphone for the past few years (with cameos from Brendan Foster et al.) and clearly objects to the arrival of the worldly-wise Hutchins. Hence the pair have been kept apart all season- Hutchings supporting the excitable Stuart Storey on the circuit, whilst Cram and his band of merry men have taken care of domestic affairs. With the Diamond League circus rolling into Gateshead this month, some BBC executive probably thought it would be a good idea to see whether the two could work together. Thus Cram was dispatched to Oregon and the results were very entertaining.

The first problem producers were faced with was the fact that the pictures (sent by NBC) spent a disproportionate amount of time on the Shot Put and Long Jump- probably not events that two distance runners could add much value to. And so viewers were treated to fascinating insights from their commentators such as: “that’s huge” and “what a jump” or “that certainly won’t trouble the leader”. Added to this, it was clear that Hutchings and Cram were trying to out-do each other and so when Cram breathlessly hailed Saldino’s “massive leap”, Hutchings gleefully snapped back: “shame it was a red flag”.

The second issue was that the American pictures had three minute breaks in them every fifteen minutes in order to service the commercial market. Therefore, the two commentators were forced to pretend to like each other whilst having absolutely nothing to talk about. This led to a series of tall tales, with one repeatedly trying to out-know the other. “I sat next to him [David Oliver] on a bus yesterday,” Cram helpfully enthused, “and he was obviously relaxed.” Indeed, Cram had seemingly been sitting next to a lot of athletes on busses recently, as every comment was preceded by “he/she was telling me that…” or “yes [agreement with a remark from Hutchins], when I was speaking to him/her…” Not to be out-done, Hutchings too had some close relationships with those competing, professing that “athletes [in the 5,000m] do not always agree with the pace set down by their managers”.

After a debate lasting for over a mile of the 5,000m about how to pronounce Bekele’s name, the meeting culminated in some ludicrous exchanges in the Bowerman Mile. Any formatting had been thrown out of the window by this stage and it was a straight scrap between the two former athletes for air time. Cram got the ball rolling with: “I was speaking to him [Bernard Lagat] and he was telling me that he won’t be doing any more 5,000s this season”. Hutchings, smarting from this personal slant, had to wait nearly 400 metres to issue a riposte: “He [Andrew Wheating] was telling me about his extraordinary journey here,” the ex-World Cross Silver medallist proudly exclaimed, “he slept on a bench at an airport in Portland just two nights ago.” As Kiprop kicked away from the field to clock an impressive 3:49.75, Hutchings went on a 90 second eulogy to the Kenyan- leaving Cram with no option but to “agree” with his colleague and point out that he had “been a fan of him for some time”. In desperation to be the most knowledgeable, Cram concluded with an absurd observation that “he [Kiprop] does have extendable legs…that helps.” Hutchings could not contain his laughter and presumably nor could the majority of the watching audience.