'I AM THE FAVOURITE': EMERY

Stephen Emery "can't bloody wait" for the first outing of the winter at tomorrow's Birmingham League at Leamington. Despite rumours that Emery is unhappy with his current arrangements at Coventry, the 1500m star has insisted that he will "give his all" to the forthcoming campaign. "There is no reason why it can't be a clean sweep" said the former Rugby & Northampton athlete "I know that if I can win tomorrow, I can get a run going...let's face it - I am the one to beat."

Emery will not have to face long time rival Sebastian Foy as the Cheltenham man has joined the legions of ex-Loughborough stars to retire from the sport. Foy conceded that his "height disadvantage" had become too much for him and announced his retirement at an emotional press conference last week. "I haven't been the same since I suffered a suspected stress fracture last Spring" said Foy "I guess it's all over for me now. I want to congratulate everyone else on all the good work they have been doing."

Emery was dismissive of the rivalry when asked about it at his own press conference and even went as far as admitting that he "never liked" Foy. Calling him a "slimy no-hoper", Emery slammed Foy's "pretences at stardom". "I have no idea what people saw in him," said the 3:48 1500m man "when it came to the track, his challenge disintegrated." When asked about potential rivals for the forthcoming series, Emery said that he "honestly couldn't think of anyone capable of getting close" to him and branded Pete Matthews "an embarrassment to the sport".

The Loughborough based engineer refused to answer questions surrounding rumours that he has approached David Howe in order to "beg" for some help. "Private business is private business," said a stern faced Emery sipping from an electrolyte drink.

FOY SLAMS LOUGHBOROUGH 'FARCE'

In his first press conference since his highly controversial move to Channel Islands AC, Seb Foy has hit out at what he called the "generation of hypocritical wannabes" at Loughborough. In a move that looks set to infuriate his former African Violet colleagues, the cross country specialist said that he "couldn't wait" to take on the likes of Stephen Emery again. "I never liked Emery," said Foy from a sponsorship launch "he thinks he is something that he's not and to be honest comes across as a bit flaky. I hate phonies". The Cheltenham Harrier is slated for a return to the East Midlands later this month but with these words, that prospect is looking more and more implausible.

"It's the hypocrisy that I couldn't stand," continued the 48th man home at the National Cross "all the time slagging off other people, when really you're no better yourself. I have to say I am delighted to be away from that hell hole. People at Loughborough are really soft as well - they take offence at the most minor things." Foy did not stop at criticising his peers. He also said that he "never had any time for" George Gandy and "didn't get what the point of Circuits was". "Everyone knows that I was coached by Dave [David Howe]" continued Foy "and to be honest he begged me not to leave when I did. He said that if I were to go he would be stuck with a bunch of no hopers that nearly get lapped by Craig Mottram. I guess he was right."

In a shocking damnation of BUCS competition, Foy said that his National Cross performance meant "a thousand times more" to him than his BUCS team Cross Country Bronze. "By that stage, Emery and I weren't talking any more and so it wasn't a 'team' thing. I just wanted to get out of Stirling to be honest. The after-party was so awkward. I was looking around thinking about how much better than everyone else I was. I had to get out."

Foy - who is rumoured to be earning several times as much at his new club - said that he was staying motivated by a desire to "get one over" his old team. "I just want to show them that you can leave that awful town and still have a career," thundered the Channel Islander "we'll see what happens in the Birmingham League this year. Rumour has it that Emery is getting himself up for a victory. We'll see."

G8 SUMMIT SHOCK

LOUGHBOROUGH KIT DEBACLE: WHO SAID WHAT AND WHEN

The Lufbra Echo is deeply saddened (but not entirely shocked) to learn of the latest major setback surrounding Loughborough's new kit. Obviously, we are entirely impartial in the matter and pride ourselves on giving objective, factual accounts of the situation at hand. We are not swayed by protestations from some that this "was the best kit deal in the history of the world" [Matthews et al., 2009, 2010] nor do we pay attention to grumbles from LSAC's Director that "serious sanctions" await those responsible. We understand that Ian Anholm has been charged with "bringing an end" to the scandal and will get to it right after he has finished redecorating George Gandy's office. In the meantime, dear readers, let the Echo take you on a tour of what was said and who said it......

“From January 2010, when competeing [sic] for Loughborough University in any event, you MUST wear a Puma Vest. This is written into our contract with them. Old vests are therefore not allowed.....”
-Pete Matthews, LSAC Kit Sec, 5th October 2009.

"We'll have to drag those who don't want to wear it [the new kit] kicking and screaming"
-George Gandy, LSAC Director, October 2009 (as alleged by Sebastian Foy, LSAC Vice XC Captain)

“I have been a hugely successful kit sec”.
-Pete Matthews, LSAC Kit Sec, Many occasions

"The kit will be smart and make us look professional....a lot like Birmingham"
-Rob Hodges, LSAC Chair, December 2009

"Of course the kit will arrive on time....how embarrassing would it be if it didn't?!"
-Pete Matthews, LSAC Kit Sec, January 2009

“We are sorry to inform you that the puma kit order has been delayed by 3-4 weeks. The kit arrived in the country earlier this week, but I was informed this morning that it failed Puma's quality control testing procedures and so is being deported.

This is fairly significant news for the club as we are setting off for the BUCS xc champs tomorrow morning, departing from the union at 8am, and some athletes are currently without vests.”
-Rob Hodges, LSAC Chair, 4th February 2010.

"Will the kit arrive in time for BUCS Outdoors? Absolutely."
-Rob Hodges, LSAC Chair, March 2010

"The kit will not arrive for BUCS"
-Rob Hodges, LSAC Chair, 28th April 2010

“As you will probably be aware, the kit order has been a bit of a disaster. [...] We are now able to get some honest answers and are expecting to receive the vests and tracksuits in mid June. They are aware of our urgent need to have them for this weekend but there is no way they can manufacture them in time. [...]On behalf of Pete and myself, your kit secs for this year, I would like to apologise to all of you who have ordered kit.”
-Kieran Flannery, LSAC Kit Sec, 28th April 2010

PORTUGAL LATEST......

SULLIVAN FURY AT ‘WEAK’ OFFICIATING

Matt Sullivan has hit out at what he called “the most ridiculous refereeing performance of all time” after losing in a dramatic press-up competition late last night. The contest came at the end of another ill-tempered encounter between various top LSAC stars and their Preston AC counterparts. The night of challenges was always set to be close and given the fierce rivalry between these two clubs had the potential to get out of hand. One observer slammed the whole set-up stating that the ‘questions round’ was “ambiguous at best”. The source continued, “everything looked as if it was very last minute. When the stakes are as high as this it’s just not on.” Sullivan was upset when he was beaten by his LSAC colleague, Seb Foy by 77 press ups to 66. “The fact is that I have a lot more to carry than him,” fumed the 3:55 man, “how can a dwarf take part in this? They should have their own events or at least be made to carry extra weight.” The Shaftsbury Barnet star did concede that he was “below par” on the day but maintained that had the scoring been ordered correctly it would have been enough to win. “Foy was barely bending his arms. I don’t want to go on about it, but it is true. I feel let down by the officials today- the fact is that the contest was just too big for them.”

The evening ended with Preston and LSAC chiefs having to call for calm when Peter Street and Tom Gayle squared up to each other over a “drink spill”. Gayle was fuming when Street accidently knocked his Orange Fanta on to the floor drenching his designer flip-flops. The 3:48 man then attacked the Preston athlete with said flip-flop demanding a replacement drink. Alasdair Donaldson leapt to the defence of Gayle and it was only after David Howe intervened that the situation was pacified. The tension around Vilamoura has certainly reached an all time high as this is the latest in a long line of spats between the two camps. After Sunday’s sun-bed debacle (which resulted in a Preston coach being pushed into the pool) and Loughborough’s humiliation at beach rounders, many will be relieved when Preston head home on Thursday.

DAVID HOWE: A CLARIFICATION

In Sunday’s article, the Lufbra Echo alleged that Dr. David Howe spiked his athlete’s drink with a double shot of vodka in a bid to help his charge “relax”. This was not the case and it was in fact a single shot of the spirit. We think you will agree this changes the situation a good deal and we are happy to set the record straight.

FOSTER ‘SURPRISES HIMSELF’ WITH COACHING BRILLIANCE

In a revealing interview with the Lufbra Echo, LSAC Women’s Coach Bill Foster has revealed that he can’t quite believe how well he has taken to coaching. “I sometimes catch myself giving advice” said the World Masters 3,000m Champion, “and think ‘wow- that is just incredible’....I am not sure how I do it- I guess I am a natural.” When asked what he felt his greatest achievement was, the coach said that there were “just too many to count.” “The thing is,” he went on, “I never seem to fail. My programme would work for anyone.” On his personal regrets he said, “there are a lot that other coaches could learn from me, but they don’t ask. George [Gandy] could come to me and say, ‘Bill- you are best of the best, how do I do it?’ But he doesn’t and that frustrates me.”

Foster went on to hint at a potential big money move away from Loughborough in the near future. “I have heard that St. Mary’s are unhappy with Mick [Woods], but they haven’t come to me yet. I am not ruling anything out. Who knows what the future holds?” This revelation comes just months after Foster rebuffed a move from Durham University to take over the entire set-up in the North East. “There was a lot of money on offer,” explained the Yorkshire man, “but there was also a lot of pressure. A rich owner often wants things done his way and I don’t work like that. It’s my way or nothing.”

SPINELESS LOUGHBOROUGH MADE TO PAY BY RUTHLESS PRESTON

Loughborough Athletics Club has suffered its second Beach Rounders defeat to ‘The Preston Lot’ in as many weeks after a quite woeful display today. Pressure on LSAC’s management will now be at an all time high after fans booed the players from the beach this afternoon. In truth, Loughborough never really looked interested in windy conditions and quickly found themselves well behind in the first innings. Andrew Mariani and James Griffiths both dropped relatively simple catches as Stephen Emery looked jaded from his Tuesday night training session. The only high point for Loughborough was the successful completion of the game by injury-ridden Pete Matthews. However, his very involvement was contentious after having a three match ban overturned by the Court of Arbitration for Sport this very morning. Matthews had been slapped with the ban- as well as a £50,000 fine- after he was accused of miscounting and general unsporting conduct last week. As it was there was little the red head could do to prop up his turgid team mates. Loughborough clearly had their eyes on tomorrow afternoon’s track session as the Preston middle order ran riot in the latter stages of the match. The bowling performance of Sebastian Foy was branded “a joke” by one season ticket holder as he tossed his match-book into the sea. “I won’t be coming to watch anymore,” he continued, “I have followed this team since I was a boy, but they [the players] are clearly only in it for financial reasons now....I am going to watch a sport not yet tarnished by money so I am going to buy a Chelsea FC season ticket next year.”

The latest set-back comes amid reports of a growing unrest in the Loughborough dressing room. Rumours have been circling that Matt Sullivan is looking for a big money move to Birmingham and that Ben Green has fallen out with the coaching team. Their non-inclusion in today’s match only served to underline both their tenuous position and LSAC’s frailty in depth. Whilst exciting new signings were made in September- Robbie Schofield among them- the near £30m spent by the committee has not been in evidence at all this season mainly owing to injury and “other commitments”. LSAC Chair, Rob Hodges bemoaned their absence as well as “strange” officiating decisions after the match. “Obviously it is very worrying,” said Hodges, who could not attend the game but watched it on Sky Sports, “we are just three points above the drop zone now and have not won in a while.....however, I can take heart from a performance of character in difficult circumstances- the ball clearly went into the sea on two occasions and was not replaced. That is very poor.”

Speaking from the East Midlands, a spokesman for LSAC head honchos said that the jobs of Hodges and the rest of the coaching team were safe. “We do not make swift decisions and knew that the controversial introduction of the likes of Alasdair Donaldson would unsettle things briefly," said a senior aide to the Vice Chancellor, "what this club needs is stability and we are confident that Rob and the rest of the team will provide that in the long term.”

MATTHEWS TO BE STRIPPED OF GB STASH

Pete Matthews will be forced to hand back his Great Britain kit when he returns from Portugal as “he is not good enough”, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The Blackburn man was awarded the honour “in error” according to UKA insiders. Our source said, “the truth is that over the course of the last couple of years, Pete has simply not achieved enough. It is embarrassing to see him wander around Loughborough in it and so we are going to ask for it back.” Ian Stewart, UKA’s Endurance Director refused to take responsibility for the gaffe, instead arguing that the vest was handed out under a different administration. Speaking from Monte Carlo, Stewart said, “we are toughening everything up now. [International] vests will only be handed out for worthy athletes from now on.” It is not known whether Matthews’ name will be expunged from the record books, but UKA chiefs said they were “ruling nothing out”.

This news comes at the end of a difficult week for the now former GB International. In an ill-fated attempt to win a 2km rep at the start of a track session, Matthews badly damaged his Achilles tendon and could be out for “some days” according to Loughborough insiders. Then today, labelled a ‘key tanning day’ by the red head, he lost valuable ground to Seb Foy in the Loughborough Tanning Championships. “Foy’s flying at the moment,” said an observer, “he lost track of time this afternoon and so lay in the sun for over four hours.”

UKA have refused to rule out demanding the return of other international vests stretching as far back as 1990. It is rumoured that a letter will be despatched to Paula Radcliffe asking for her Olympic vests from Athens 2004 and Beijing 2008 to be sent back to the BOA. A well-placed source said, “these vests should mean something and when I see Paula in the local supermarket wearing the Athens tracksuit it brings back horrible memories.”