VAN COMMENEE RUES GANDY BET

Charles Van Commenee has been forced to appear on live television in a ridiculous hat after losing a bet with athletics guru, George Gandy. The hat (pictured above) was described by one UKA official as “the most laughable garment ever made” and Van Commenee was less than delighted at having to get through the already tortuous interview with the BBC's Phil Jones wearing it. “Charles bet George that he could not eat his entire helping of paella,” revealed an insider, “Gandy promptly downed the lot in less than 10 minutes and still had room for dessert.” It is understood that had Gandy lost the bet, he would have had to have watched Lisa Dobriskey’s race wearing an “I LOVE JAMAL” t-shirt.

UKA Chief Execuitve Niels De Vos is unlikely to look kindly on the antics of the pair, after having to apologise for a string of pranks that culminated in Ian Stewart spending the night in a police cell at the World Indoors earlier in the year. “We will do all we can to ensure that everything is professional,” said the arriving chief this morning, “we are here to watch athletics and not have fun.”

BAUER IMPRESSION LANDS STEWART IN JAIL

UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart, has spent the night in a Doha police cell after he and George Gandy were caught pretending to be characters in hit US TV show 24. Stewart, who was playing the show's star Jack Bauer, was arrested after trying to fend off Gandy's advances with a banana. A police spokesman confirmed that a British man had been arrested after police suspected him of possessing a dangerous weapon. "A man in a Great Britain tracksuit was caught making strange noises with a banana," the officer said, "it is an offence that carries a maximum penalty of 30 years in prison in Qatar." It is thought that Gandy evaded capture after spotting the patrol and sneaking away as the police detained Stewart.

It is believed that Stewart pleaded his innocence at the time and demanded that the arresting officer "contact Chloe O'Brien at CTU" to vouch for him. "He was very upset" said the spokesman, "particularly so when he realised that his banana was not loaded". Police are said to be willing to release the UKA chief but no one has come forward and provide bail. Gandy has hurriedly flown home and other officials are believed to be on a two day "strictly business" cruise.

This news comes at the end of a difficult weekend for UKA. Not only has the team fallen short of its five medal target, but Chief Executive Niels De Vos had to apologise to hotel staff after several senior UKA coaches were caught playing hide and seek in the early hours. Speaking from a harbour-side restaurant, the UKA ace said that he would be "evaluating" the conduct of his team.

MEADOWS EASES INTO SEMIS DESPITE SUNGLASSES SCARE

Jenny Meadows has qualified for the semi-final of the 800m at the World Indoor Championships in spite of losing her sunglasses just hours before the start of her race. It is thought that they were "hidden" by cheeky 1500m star, Charlotte Best. Meadows, who is one of the favorites in her event, was seen frantically searching for the missing shades when she should have been warming up. All the while, Best had stashed them away in her hotel room and only owned up to the prank with minutes to spare.

Speaking to journalists after her heat, the Team GB captain said that she "was all set to withdraw" from the Championships. "I was on the phone to my travel agent booking a flight home. I have to wear those sunglasses or else it is all pointless...it's really disappointing when someone does that, hides things. I am really upset." Best for her part conceded that the joke went too far. "Jess Ennis was supposed to hand them over after about an hour, but she said that they were nice shades and wanted to keep them....it took a lot of convincing."

UKA's Director of Endurance, Ian Stewart said that he would be putting a stop to any future pranks. "This is not a jolly, well not for the athletes at least," said the main man from a theme park, "the moment they [the athletes] start enjoying themselves is the moment we start having problems...it's unacceptable." The Scot then broke off the interview as he had to order an ice cream for Niels De Vos (UKA Chief Executive) who was holding their place in the Banana Boat queue.

GANDY FUMING AFTER TRAINING BLUNDER

George Gandy has threatened to fly home from the World Indoor Championships after his gaffe-prone deputies "made a complete mess" of Tuesday night's training session. The self-proclaimed 'guru' slammed his assistant coaches for failing to allow the 5km group sufficient time to recover from their tempo run before moving onto hill repetitions. "That [the 5km error] was one of a number of things I was unhappy with" stormed Gandy from his Doha hotel, "I heard that we had people dropping out all over the place with 'stomach complaints' and some in the 800m group doing 20 minute tempo runs....a complete fiasco I'm afraid." It is thought the mix up occurred after Alasdair Donaldson sent an un-sanctioned email to the entire endurance group "clarifying" the training situation. "He [Donaldson] shouldn't have done that" said Gandy, "I'm the only one who can send emails".

This is not the first time things have gone awry in Gandy's absence. Late last year a Beacon Hill session was labelled "a disaster" by the guru when half the group trained at 11am and the other at 2:30pm. Several key athletes were hauled before Loughborough chiefs at the time to explain themselves. More recently, John Nutall was in hot water for running an "alternative" morning session on a Saturday. The pair had to be separated by stunned observers after Gandy threatened to revoke Nutall's campus car parking privileges.

Gandy has said that he spoke at length with Donaldson yesterday evening, but that in itself led to another foul-up. The Scot was supposed to be overseeing a Circuits session at the time and a whole minute passed without a single call- leaving some 'horizontal sprinting' the entire time. This was too much for 800m starlet Dani Christmas who branded the whole session a "waste of time". "I did 30 seconds too much on burpees," harrumphed Christmas calling Dame Kelly Holmes, "that could ruin my entire season now."

LSAC's Director is expected back in the East Midlands on Tuesday and will doubtless be hoping his program can remain in one piece until then.