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Monday 30 May 2011

RADCLIFFE 'EMBARRASSED' BY LONDON SLUMP

Paula Radcliffe blamed "everything but myself" as she tearfully explained one of the "most humiliating performances" of her career. The World Marathon record holder said that she was "disgusted" at being beaten by "nobody Jo Pavey" and conceded that she "had never heard of" Gemma Steele who pipped her to second place. The multi-millionaire sobbed into BBC microphones as she explained how injury continued to hamper her performances, but had firm words too for race winner Jo Pavey.

"I thought she [Pavey] showed a lack of class at the start" said Radcliffe "she told me that the swoosh on her Nike kit was bigger than mine because Nike preferred her to me. It's really disappointing when someone treats you like that, very poor." Radcliffe was also left frustrated when her fans did not seem to recognise her. So long has it been since she last ran a race in anger, the former World Champion was accosted at the start by hundreds of Harry Potter fans who had confused her with star actor, Daniel Radcliffe. The excitable group of teenage girls were none too happy when they realised that the Radcliffe on show was not their bespectacled hero, but "some blonde woman who kept waving at us".

Radcliffe refused to rule out the possibility of competing at "the next three Olympics" but did admit that she "had lots of work to do". "Clearly 250 miles a week isn't enough, because I always seem to be injured on that" sobbed the mother of two "I am going to double it and that should help. I just hope that something crazy doesn't happen that will force me to blame everything else for my world caving in again." Radcliffe will be 38 in December.

Wednesday 25 May 2011

EMERY DEMANDS FACEBOOK GROUP REMOVAL

Stephen Emery has threatened to have Facebook "taken off the internet" after he discovered a derisory group about him. The social networking page has been in existence since last summer and was created by some disgruntled Rugby & Northampton fans after the 5k man made a big money switch to Coventry Godiva. Speaking exclusively to the echo the group's founder described the "immense hurt" that Emery's snub had caused his boyhood team. "We were nearly relegated [from Birmingham League Division 1] weren't we? I always thought that when Stephen wore that vest saying 'I'M RUGBY TILL I DIE' he would always be with us. I cried myself to sleep the night he left".

Emery famously "nearly veered off the road in horror" when his agent telephoned through Rugby's contract renewal offer. Claiming to be "better than that" the then largely unknown athlete deserted his club-mates overnight for cross region rivals, Coventry. He has since shot to fame and commanded a salary rumoured to run into the tens of millions as well as attracting interest from big clubs such as Newham and Belgrave. Emery has not been without controversy since the switch and boss David Dix was forced to leave him out of the squad for the National 12 Stage this April.

The Loughborough based ace refused to answer questions about the incident at his weekly press call this evening, but did threaten to ban a journalist from this Friday's pre-BMC conference after he asked him "how important Facebook was" in his preparation. A source close to Emery said that the star was "absolutely fuming" and had dismissed two close aides after they didn't pick it up sooner. "Nineteen people have been having a laugh at his expense" said the insider "that is outrageous. We have a meeting booked with Mark Zuckerberg [Facebook's founder] first thing in the morning to discuss compensation".

The Facebook group in question can be found here.

Monday 23 May 2011

MP NAMES SEAWARD IN PRIVACY ROW

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN: Details surrounding Seaward's private life still cannot be revealed
John Hemming MP has named Kevin Seaward under parliamentary privilege as the athlete at the centre of a privacy row. In a victory for democracy, Hemming declared that it was "disgraceful that such a high profile figure was hiding behind the law to cover up his private life". The echo has three times been to court with Seaward over the issue and even now cannot reveal the intimate details that surround his legal action. As recently as this morning, Mr Justice Eady refused to quash the super injunction against Echo Group International (the echo's parent company) despite days of social networking gossip.

Mr Eady said that it was "not in the public interest" for the echo to engage in "shameless gossip" about an otherwise very private individual. "Person Z has every right to expect a certain degree of privacy even though he has chosen a very public domain in which to conduct his professional life" said the Judge "it is beyond the realms of my understanding to know why the public would be interested in unsubstantiated gossip". It was concluded that the 98,000 people who mentioned his name on Twitter over the past week were "in contempt of court" and could technically be sent to prison for two years.

Seaward's solicitors have threatened to "put the echo out of business" if we publish "anything about the completely personal and private circumstances". However, the echo can confirm that the injunction has nothing to do with Seaward's drunken behaviour at the Whittle wedding back in December, nor his shameful conduct at Loughborough's New Year party in January. The rumours on Twitter suggesting that the former Irish International was receiving treatment for a coffee addiction are also untrue.

Seaward was flanked by three security guards at this weekend's Loughborough International and his official website has been suspended since the early hours of this morning. It is understood that the star plans to take refuge in his home country just as soon as Barrack Obama (Seaward is a Republican) has left it. His official spokesman said that he "had and would never have any comment to make on the matter". 

LOUGHBOROUGH INTERNATIONAL SHOCK

Saturday 21 May 2011

TWITTER RUMOUR UNTRUE SAYS DONALDSON

Alasdair Donaldson has been forced to deny speculation on social networking site Twitter that he had taken out an injunction preventing the media from revealing details about his private life. The tea and coffee man - who does not have time to read this blog - rejected accusations that he had conducted a seven month affair with a kettle. "I have never and would never do such a thing" thundered George Gandy's PA "I am perfectly happy with my tea pot and so would never be drawn into betraying that". The Twitter user - who attracted over 25,000 followers in just six hours - said in a separate tweet that Donaldson had played "kinky games" with the kettle including "filling it up with milk" and "boiling it with no liquid inside".

Loughborough was left reeling from other salacious rumours from the mystery correspondent. One tweet said: "A Lufbra [sic] sports scholar did not spend the last six weeks out on the town and actually did some training". Another claimed to have evidence that Stephen Emery was "drinking supplement drinks straight from the fridge" whilst one more accused Pete Matthews of "having a sound dress sense". A spokesman for the University sports programme "wholeheartedly denied" the "malicious gossip" that was being spread. Stopping short of naming a suspect, the source confirmed that they believed the tweets had "come from the West Midlands". 

The revelations could not have come at a worse time for Loughborough as the East Midlands town gears up for the biggest event of the year tomorrow - the Loughborough International. "Everything goes ahead as planned" an insider told the echo "but we have cancelled all press conferences".

Wednesday 18 May 2011

EDWARDS COY ON TORCH BEARER ROLE

Jonathan Edwards has said that he would be "honoured" to light the Olympic torch at next year's London Olympics. The announcement comes just days after Dame Kelly Holmes launched her own bid to become the flame bearer under the strapline DK to Shoot Up. Holmes, who says that she is "the clear choice", told her On Camp With Kelly group that they must "forget about" their summer seasons and spend their time "hitting Facebook, Twitter and everything else" to get the bid going. Holmes is understood to count Edwards amongst her key rivals.

"I'm not saying that I'm putting myself forward" Edwards told Radio Five Live "but it would be a real honour. I know that Seb [His Lordship, Sebastian Newbold Coe] and I go way back and it would be nice to think that loyalty is repaid - not that I'm interested". The Triple Jump World Record holder - whom the echo revealed to be a twerp last year - dismissed a suggestion that fellow BBC commentator Steve Cram could be in with a shout: "it's a real shame Steve never managed to get that Olympic Gold. I guess that that is a pre-requisite".

Meanwhile, the Office of His Lordship have confirmed that they have received "a number of gifts" for the Baron in recent weeks. It is understood that Brendan Foster sent in a "selection of his favourite cakes", David Beckham provided a case of fine wine, whilst Tom Daly (the diver) sent in his favourite cuddly toy. Kelly Sotherton is believed to have emailed a video file marked "for the Lord's eyes only" as her pitch for glory.

"These bribes won't make a difference" said the Lord's Deputy Director of Being Like An Everyday Guy (North West Region) "the BBC have already stipulated that the Opening Ceremony must feature Jessica Ennis in every shot, so our hands are tied on this one. We did however really enjoy eating the chocolates that Paula Radcliffe sent in".

Sunday 15 May 2011

PETE MATTHEWS: THE SEARCH FOR REDEMPTION

The Sunday Interview: Pete Matthews
Branded a 'national joke' by his peers, lambasted by his coaches and ignored by selectors. The Blackburn Harrier talks exclusively to the echo about his life and future. Is it really easy to break 15 minutes for 5,000m? Are PBs really irrelevant? And crucially, is he really on his way out of Loughborough?

"Pete Matthews is a difficult man to ignore" George Gandy once pondered "but it is well worth the effort if you try". And so who was this man of whom so many people speak so lowly? There is no question that he is the most famous athlete in the country never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m and the former GB International (Mountain Running) is not ashamed of it. "When I was a lad" said the red head "I was taught that it didn't matter what people said about you, just as long as they were talking about you."

This is certainly the case. When displaced LSAC skipper Ben Snowball asked listeners to his radio show to text in their favourite joke, 99% of the replies featured Matthews' name in some form. "It's obvious isn't it?" said Matthews tucking into a third slice of cake "people fear me or are jealous of me." Snowball and Matthews have a difficult history after the disgraced AAAs fraudster failed to finish the BUCS A race just days before recording a personal best for 5k. "I was angry with Ben about that" said Matthews of the echo interview Snowball gave "I raced BUCS on the agreement that it was better for me to be injured than to finish low down. I never went back on that".

So what does the summer hold? "PBs are irrelevant" said Matthews ordering a doughnut "for me it's about how many races you win. I have achieved far more in the sport than some guys who are running low 3:40s for 1500m". Matthews was coy on what he thought he could achieve, but refused to rule out qualifying for the AAAs U23 Championships as of right this year rather than fictionalising his PB. It is thought that he may even attempt to break 4 minutes for 1500m.

Finally, the big question: where next? "I can't say for sure" smiled Matthews looking up from his hot chocolate "I know George doesn't want me here [in Loughborough] and so who knows - maybe I'll stick it out".

Saturday 14 May 2011

MANCHESTER CITY GAMES NEWS

Ahead of this weekend's big event in the London of the North, the lufbra echo excites in the build up


OHURUOGU 'FORGETS' TO PAY FOR PARKING

The Olympic 400m Champion has been slapped with a £70.00 fine by Manchester City Council after failing to pay and display during a shopping trip. It is understood that Ohuruogu will appeal the fine on the grounds that she had to "change her shopping plans at the last minute" and "with all the other stress of being an athlete" shouldn't be expected to remember to pay for parking her 4x4 with blacked out windows.

CHAMBERS BANNED FROM ENTERING 'THE NORTH'

Belgrave's Dwain Chambers has been asked not to venture north of the Watford Gap this weekend on the grounds that he may bring adverse publicity to an event designed to laud the success of Track & Field. It is understood that the sprint king successfully appealed an action from the organisers to ask him to leave the country. Greek sprint darling Katerina Thanou is a guest at tonight's gala dinner.

GEB WARNED AFTER PUSHING OVER GAY

Haile Gebrsalassie has been sanctioned by UK Athletics after attempting to push Tyson Gay into the Manchester Canal during a photo-shoot. The marathon world record holder reduced Gay to tears after repeated taunts about his inability to beat Usain Bolt. An insider revealed that the Ethiopian "told Tyson that even Bolt was a part timer and still much better than him. It was then that he pushed him over but he didn't quite fall in the canal". UKA held a private meeting between the two parties but refused to elaborate on what action - if any - would be taken.

24 HOUR SECURITY PROMISED AFTER THEFT

The 150m straight track was stolen by some visiting Liverpudlians, the lufbra echo can reveal. It is understood that the group - thought to be associated with Liverpool Harriers and led by Johnny Mellor - rolled the track up and put in the back of a Vauxhaull Astra estate (1.6l, XXXL exhaust, no hubcaps). Officials have condemned the theft and stated that David Oliver had now been placed on permanent guard of the new track.

Tuesday 10 May 2011

COE OFFERED 'CAN OF COKE' TO IOC CHIEFS SHOCK

Lord Sebastian Coe is facing a fight for his career and credibility this evening after it was revealed that the Head of London 2012 offered to "buy all the IOC executives a can of coke" just days before they were due to vote on the destination of the 2012 Games. The revelations come just over a year before the Games' Opening Ceremony and officials in Paris (who lost out to London) have called for them to be "postponed" until an investigation can be carried out.

A furious Paris insider blasted the "disgusting unfairness" of the selection process. "I think it is very unfair" thundered Olympic Minister Jean-Pierre Le Frog "for me, the Olympics must be decided by the best bid and not who has the right money for the vending machine." Le Frog dismissed allegations that his own bid team were responsible for offering the decision makers "a bottle of Orangina" for both them and a partner. "This is nonsense, total nonsense" he blasted "what is not nonsense is what we have always said- this [Lord] Coe is nasty and very strange".

A Senior 2012 Official confirmed that his Lordship had been made aware of the story and that they had "no comment other than to make it clear that they intend to go ahead as planned on July 27th". It is not yet clear whether any of the IOC Chiefs took up Coe's offer, but is understood that some were alienated when Diet Coke was not available.

Sunday 8 May 2011

ATHLETICS WEEKLY 'A JOKE' SAYS EMERY

Stephen Emery has sent a "strongly worded email" to Athletics Weekly editor, Jason Henderson after the "pathetic coverage" of BUCS this week. The 5,000m silver medalist described himself as "aghast" that the men's event did not warrant a single mention. "Didn't they watch the bloody race?" thundered Emery from an energy drink event "how can they ignore me upping my bronze to silver? I can only think that it is a personal attack on me".

Henderson refused to comment this afternoon, but an insider at AW dismissed suggestions that they had anything against Emery. "Perhaps it's because it was the weakest field for decades" wondered the source "or perhaps it's because it was first thing on Monday morning and we had bigger fish to fry. Who knows - but I think Steve's remarks are very disappointing". The source went on to point out that when they included a picture of Emery at the BUCS Cross Country event (in which he finished 12th), they were "inundated with complaints".

Emery was in no mood to accept such an explanation. "Nonsense" he fumed "I saw how the photographer stopped taking pictures when it became clear that I was going to medal yet again. I said that I would and then I did. They all just need to realise that you can succeed without any junior success. I am living proof of greatness". In response to his remarks being "disappointing", Emery slammed his water bottle (chilled; pH 6.8) on the floor and said that he found "their whole excuse for a magazine disappointing".

Thursday 5 May 2011

RADCLIFFE PULLS OUT OF RACE SHOCK

The athletics world is reeling from the news that Paula Radcliffe will not now make her competitive comeback this month. The female world record holder - who is usually very keen on racing - was set to take part in the Manchester 10k next weekend. However, the lufbra echo understands that a 'poor haircut' has put paid to that plan.

The Radcliffe camp have described the hair cut as "a major blow" to the former World Champion's chances of being fit in time for the Autumn Marathon season. A senior aide to Radcliffe said: "I'm not going to lie, it is really quite frightening to look at. Paula has had to cut right back on her training and will run just 120 miles this week. Obviously racing is out of the question until she has recovered from the dreadful shock of looking in the mirror".

It is understood that Radcliffe will fly to Germany in the morning to have the hair assessed by a world renowned specialist. Only then will a clear picture of what damage has been done be ascertained. Insiders have warned it "could be months" before the Nike star is able to race again. "It's just set back after set back" harrumphed our source "after Paula recovered from the dodgy manicure last year we thought it would be plain sailing".

Monday 2 May 2011

LOUGHBOROUGH 'ARROGANCE' ANGERS BULDARO

Bud Buldaro has called on BUCS chiefs to hand Loughborough "severe sanctions" after what he called "unbelievable" scenes at today's BUCS Championship. Birmingham's top man was left seething after African Violet fans invaded the track in the wake of a sensational 4x400m victory thus confirming Loughborough's retention of the BUCS title for another year. "We hadn't even seen the photo finish" thundered an irate Buldaro "how can they do that? It's very poor". The usually composed Buldaro added that he "would be ashamed" of his team if they behaved in such a manner.

Buldaro also denied that he felt any pressure having failed to deliver the title yet again. "The fact is that we won the BUCS Cross" he snapped "it's a work in progress. I'm here to knock Loughborough off that bloody high horse they stand on once and for all." Buldaro refused to criticise his athletes and dismissed allegations that they had "let him down" and "bottled the big occasion". "You look all over the park and the guys are getting into good positions" said Buldaro "I thought we showed great character in the face of some very strange officiating today and throughout the weekend".

Birmingham fans flooded radio phone ins on the way home pleading with Buldaro to spend some money to firm up his ailing squad. "We look at our sprinters and that's where we lose it" said a lifelong fan "I can't keep watching us throw competitions like this away because we can't sprint. I know Bud has the money and now it's time to spend some". Other fans laughed at their Director's remarks that they could capture the title in 12 months time: "we're so far off it right now, I could cry" said a season ticket holder.

Meanwhile, Guru George Gandy hailed a "magnificent effort" from his Loughborough team. Gandy was barred from Bedford after being handed a touchline ban for his remarks following the BUCS Cross Country. "Everyone stepped up" beamed Gandy from Font Romeu "it was a superb display. To see people like Stephen Emery and Ryan McLeod continue to achieve despite their advancing years is a credit to their professionalism". Gandy dismissed Buldaro's comments as "bad sportsmanship". "Bud has always been a bad loser" sighed the Guru "I don't think it sets a good example to be honest, but there is not a lot you can do about it".

WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MY ROMANCE WITH MR X BY MISS Y

In a sensational exclusive interview with the lufbra echo, a well established female celebrity has told of her "three MONTH affair" with an "athletics name" who was in a "substantive partnership" at the time . The lufbra echo has been blocked from revealing the details of the relationship after the High Court granted a super-injunction late last night barring any of the world's media from disclosing the names of the two involved.

In the interview, Miss Y (not her real name) exposed of how Mr X (not his real name) demanded sex on the High Jump mats of many well known athletics stadia around the country. "Bedford, Loughborough, Eton - we did it at a lot of venues" she said "sometimes we'd do it in the long jump pit as well. He was very demanding." It is unclear whether the couple ever shared a bed together.

In unprecedented scenes lat last night, lawyers for Mr X successfully argued that revealing details of the affair would "damage the image of British athletics and athletes across the world" and that it would amount to a "gross invasion of privacy." Mr Justice Eady agreed and denied the echo leave to appeal his judgement.

Miss Y - who has recently returned from being abroad - said that she felt "let down" by the British legal system. "How can they do that?" she sobbed "I am only guilty of falling in love and now I get nothing at all." Mr X's legal team argued that Miss Y had been "well cared for" since the fling ended.

Sunday 1 May 2011

DONALDSON BLASTS 'HOPELESS' BUCS SET UP

With George Gandy away on urgent guru business he has left his press conferences to his Executive PA, Alasdair Donaldson - who has wasted no time in calling for an "urgent review" of the BUCS hierarchy. Furious that start lists were "going up too late" and the "wind was too strong", Donaldson wondered whether there was "any point in Loughborough turning up for the rest of the Championships".

"You want the officials to get the big things right" thundered the irate Scot (who doesn't have time to read this blog) "I'm afraid that wasn't the case today. Where was the finish line technology? We were lucky that it didn't cost us - but mark my words they will get a really major decision wrong by Monday and then we'll all be talking about it". The Newham and Essex Beagle went on to state that he "clearly saw" Mick Woods of St Mary's going into the officials' changing area and "leave with a big smile on his face".

Donaldson - who both Loughborough and UKA have hurriedly distanced themselves from - then voiced his "utter disgust" at the preferential treatment offered to the Birmingham representatives. "Did you see the plush holding area they get?" stormed the tea specialist "whilst Ian [Anholm], David [Howe] and I shiver in the wind. It's a total joke - beyond the pale". Bud Buldaro and his officials have been granted exclusive access to the VIP lounge at Bedford after Buldaro slammed the coffee provision at last year's event. "I don't know if it is because they have Kukri on their vests" Donaldson continued "or it's because everyone likes Birmingham, but something's wrong when you see so many decisions going their way. It's very poor".

BUCS have dismissed Donaldson's comments as "hysteria" and have clarified that no bribes were received from Mick Woods and that Bud Buldaro had "won a competition" granting him special treatment for the duration of the Championships.

On the track, Loughborough survived a scare from Kieran Flannery who was nearly knocked out in the heats of the 800m after easing up well before the line, whilst self-proclaimed pre-race favourite Stephen Emery qualified with ease for the final of the 5,000m.