'NO TENSION' AT LOUGHBOROUGH: GANDY

George Gandy has denied speculation that "an increasing tension" between his three assistant coaches is ruining preparations for the new season. The guru, who was en route to the Commonwealth Games in Delhi (subject to change), denied that he had had to separate Alasdair Donaldson and John Nutall in an argument over who should be named 'Acting Director and Guru-in-Waiting' whilst Gandy is away. "That's nonsense, total rubbish" thundered Gandy from his private plane, "it's just tabloid speculation and we can do without it." Gandy revealed that his post would be "shared" between the three assistants while he was away. "I will still be running things from the Blackberry," said the guru, "there will be strict instructions as to what to do in an emergency."

Reports in yesterday's papers told of how the unease between Donaldson, Nutall and the 'third man' David Howe was "all consuming". It is believed to have started when Howe insisted that he sit at Gandy's desk on a "trial basis" and escalated when Donaldson used his twitter account to slam "nobody Howe" and "yesterday's Nutall". Meanwhile the debate over who should do the infamous 'Welcome Talk' for first year students is also hotting up. With Bill Foster throwing his hat into the ring and George Gandy refusing to back any candidate, it looks as if what should be a friendly introduction will turn into a four-way brawl. Foster told the Echo that his results should speak for themselves: "I'm not interested in taking over from George," said Loughborough's most successful coach of all time "but if you look at it logically, you can see that [the other coaches] are a joke. David's athletes nearly get lapped, Alasdair's barely out of nappies and John is from Preston".

Elsewhere, Howe has been forced to apologise after adding "everyone on Facebook" except for one of his leading stars. The athlete in question - who is believed to focus on longer distances - told the Sun that he was "deeply hurt" by the snub. "It keeps cropping up on my news feed: 'David Howe is friends with....' and yet it's never me," said the anonymous African Violet "it makes me wonder whether it's worth committing my future to this club". Keen to play down the incident, a spokesman for the Canadian said that the matter "was being looked into" and apologised for any upset the "misunderstanding" could have caused.

COVENTRY LAMENT EMERY SNUB

Coventry Godiva manager David Dix has hit out at Stephen Emery after he decided to go on holiday rather than compete for his club at the Midland 6 Stage Relays. The 3:48 1500m man is only contracted to run 8 races a year for Coventry and opted for the excitement of a German weekend break over helping his team win a medal. Calling Emery's decision "very disappointing", Dix said that his lack of team spirit was becoming "increasingly worrying". Dix was speaking after watching his team miss out on a medal by just 30 seconds in a race won by Notts AC. "Obviously it's gutting to lose like that," sighed the head coach "but it is always going to be tough when your big names become selfish".

In 2009, Coventry broke their transfer record in order to pay Rugby & Northampton nearly £6m to bring Emery to the club. Despite promising showings in the Birmingham League, Godiva have struggled to net a major regional or national title and - according to club insiders - Emery should take some responsibility for this. "He still hasn't run a Midland Championships," said a source, "he underperformed at the National Cross and probably cost us a medal."

Radio phone-ins were inundated with Coventry fans voicing their disapproval of Emery's convictions yesterday evening. "All this rubbish about him being sensible" said Peter, a 48 year-old season ticket holder, "the truth is that we have given him the platform to get to where he is and he hasn't repaid us with anything. Is he really worth the money?" Another disillusioned fan pondered whether the club would ever be able to challenge at a national level: "the fact is that we have spent a lot since the new owners have come in, but what we've got is a bunch of individuals. I think we need a clear out."

A spokesman for Emery said that his charge was "greatly upset" at the lack of support from the club and pointed out that he had "no obligation" to compete. Emery is due to run the National 6 Stage but with Dix talking about blooding some youngsters, the BUCS bronze medallist may face a fight to win his first team place back.

COMPUTER DEATH CONFIRMED AS SUICIDE

The Lufbra Echo's main computer died as a result of self-inflicted wounds, an inquest has heard. The laptop died suddenly whilst on a routine trip from Echo headquarters to Loughborough town centre just over a fortnight ago. A post mortem revealed "catastrophic damage" to the internal aspects of the hard drive "that could only have been sustained by a deliberate action". Ruling out any accusations of homicide, the coroner was satisfied that the computer had activated the "self-destruct" mechanism designed to stop anyone getting hold of the potentially very inflammatory material that was yet to be published.

Earlier in the day, the court heard how the "immense pressures" of working for one of the most successful blogs in the history of the internet was getting too much for the relatively inexperienced Acer. "He was always complaining that he was being pushed too hard by the Chief Executive," revealed the Loughborough mainframe who was a close friend, "he was genuinely intimidated by having fans as far afield as Japan and Latvia." Another witness - the Loughborough Costa till - told how the Echo's Chief had been seen "angrily banging the keyboard" in a bid to create material that is "better than anything ever written in Britain before" (The Times).

Despite rumours that this tragic demise would spell the end for arguably the greatest piece of literature in the history of mankind, the Echo has acquired a new computer and continues to impress readers from China to Chile. In a rare interview given to bitter rival the Gloucester Echo, the Chief Executive refuted accusations that he had pushed the laptop too far or that his blog was "declining in its appeal" (Mail on Sunday).

"Absolute nonsense," thundered the always anonymous author, "how can anyone say that? I am universally adored and everyone thinks that my blog is fantastic. It's not like I have a basic formula and just change the names of those involved. I think the viewing figures speak for themselves." The top man also dismissed suggestions that he was coming under pressure from sponsors after some infamous upsets. "I write cutting edge, near the knuckle stuff," he snarled from under a veil, "some people compare me to Samuel Beckett or William Shakespeare and so this is the sort of company I am keeping. If they want to find someone new then good luck to them".

DONALDSON DEFIES RAIN TO MAKE IMPRESSIVE COMEBACK

Alasdair Donaldson has made a low-key return to athletics in some of the heaviest rain Loughborough has experienced in a generation. The 33 year-old told the Lufbra Echo that he was ready to "smash everyone through a wall" and said that his return was motivated by the poor standard of British distance running. "I look at the 800m rankings and just think back to when I was in school," said the 1:47 man, "back then you would never get away with some of the rubbish that we see now. The sport needs someone like me: someone who is not afraid to put himself out there."

If today's performance was anything to go by, the Scot will soon be making his mark. Arriving some two miles into the run, Donaldson immediately drifted to the front and put a gap between himself and the rest of the field disposing of a stunned Lewis Moses. Rob Whittle jumped out of the pack after him, but was soon making an abashed retreat to the main group. Alas, the damage had been done for Whittle and with Frank Baddick's hair gel gibes ringing in his ears, he was forced to make a hasty and breathless dash for home. Next to come under pressure was Baddick himself who just couldn't live with Donaldson's injection of pace as the rain became heavier. Baddick hung on as far as the infamous 'Domino's Turn off' but was soon making his own despondent way home. Afterwards, the Newham and Essex Beagle conceded that he was "bitterly disappointed" not to have been able to match Donaldson. "I thought I had him," said Baddick gulping a recovery shake, "his head was going further and further back. But in the end, the successive sub 7 minute miles were too much."

And so it came down to two. Donaldson: the old guard and Andrew Mariani (who is increasingly becoming know as 'Ken') representing the future. It was a brave effort from the 21 year-old but ultimately Donaldson's determination proved too much. As the pair flew past Sainsbury's, George Gandy's PA unleashed a 6:40 mile and in doing so ended Mariani's challenge. The most talented athlete at Loughborough faded badly in the closing stages but just about managed to hold off the advancing main pack.

Speaking at his victory press conference, Donaldson heaped praise on the Woodford Green man but had biting criticism for Kevin Seaward who failed to mount a significant challenge despite claiming to be in the shape of his life. "It [Mariani's effort] is what you want to see," said Donaldson, "Kevin never had a go. I was very disappointed with that." Despite a "very positive" return, the Fife man conceded that it could be some time before he will be ready to take on the ultimate challenge - a run with the girls. "They are going at a different level right now," said Donaldson "when I was in school, I learnt not to run with the girls unless you are right at the top of your game. I must say, it's a challenge I will be putting off for a while".

EMERY BUST UP LEAVES SEAWARD ON BRINK

Kevin Seaward is said to be "considering his options" after an almighty bust-up with Stephen Emery. It is rumoured that the Irishman - who claims to be in the shape of his life - is about to walk away from Loughborough after Emery insisted that the evening run group remain on campus yesterday evening. Observers have said that "there is no way back" for relations between the pair and given Emery's "obscene levels of power" in the East Midlands it is likely that this will force the former International out.

"Kevin is really really upset," said a Loughborough insider, "he had talks with George [Gandy] first thing this morning, but apparently there is little they can do: Emery has too much power." This is not the first time that the pair have clashed and with Seaward alleged to be caught up in a Facebook deletion row, it looks unlikely that he will remain at the club past the January transfer window. Potential suitors have been quick to express an interest despite the fact that Seaward has found it difficult to settle in Loughborough. Mick Woods at St Mary's and Bud Buldaro of Birmingham have both said that they were "following" the Seaward affair closely.

Emery - who maintains that he "has no need" for a coach - shows now signs of relinquishing his iron-like grip on the set-up at Loughborough. Anonymous sources have told the Lufbra Echo that the Coventry man is "given far too much say" on club affairs and implored the hierarchy to do something about it. "There are even rumours that he is going to restrict access to the track," said the source, "the new plyo mat is red because he demanded it that way and he has banned runs of less than 45 minutes." Emery refused to comment when contacted by the Echo but did revoke our campus press privileges for three months. If Emery's foul mouthed assault on a member of the Echo team is anything to go by, it is no surprise that the likes of Seaward are headed for the exit.

SLUR ALLEGATIONS HANG OVER LOUGHBOROUGH

Sensational accusations look set to derail the positive atmosphere that George Gandy and UKA are trying to create at Loughborough's HiPac. Allegations published in this morning's Sun newspaper have cited "several leading names" at the famous African Violets have been "throwing sessions" in betting scandals. The front page article under the breathless headline 'PURPLE SHAME', states that the unnamed stars have been engaged in a spot betting scam akin to the one currently dogging Cricket. "Athletes will throw a particular repetition," said the article's source, "for example, they will back off in the 9th rep of 10 300s or will jog the first few and then win the rest. They can expect to earn roughly £1,000 for every repetition they fix."

George Gandy, Loughborough's infamous director, was awoken in the early hours and informed of the story but refused to issue any comment. However, a spokesman for Ian Anholm described the accusations as "absolute nonsense" and promised "full and comprehensive reprisals" for the Sun. "It will be a long time before they get anywhere near one of our press conferences again," thundered the source this morning, "it is absolutely shocking journalism." UK Athletics have stood by the Loughborough stance and have said that it is "very unlikely" that the accusations can be conclusively proven. A growing throng of journalists is now gathering around the club's training centre and, despite instructions not speak to the media, some athletes have voiced "shock and horror" that their peers may not have been giving 100% to every session. "It's hugely upsetting," said one athlete who did not want to be named, "you train with people day in day out then something like this ruins everything."

The Sun meanwhile has promised more revelations in the coming days. As well as naming the athletes in the centre of this scam, the paper claims to have evidence of the black market dealing of physio vouchers and unauthorised access to the ice baths. "It is a week that will rock Loughborough to its very foundations," said a Sun insider, "for too long now the authorities have overlooked the blatant foul play going on in the East Midlands - we are going to blow the lid on it all."

SEAWARD EYES TEMPO CROWN

Kevin Seaward has revealed that he is "desperate" to prove himself in the forthcoming pre-season tempo series. The Irishman has failed to live up to his multi-million pound transfer fee since arriving in Loughborough, prompting some to label him "one of the biggest flops" under the Gandy regime. Seaward - who claims to be in the shape of his life - slammed his critics at a press conference this lunchtime stating that he was ready to "teach them a lesson" as the winter gets under way. "It's unnecessary and deeply hurtful" vented the unemployed teacher, "if they think that that is the best way to motivate athletes then they are wrong. Fortunately, I am thick skinned and so can take it. I know of some guys in the North East who get really upset if you have a dig at them." The Belfast man told the assembled press corps that he was set for "an almighty battle" in the coming weeks. "People always say that the Cross season is all about February and March," said the unshaven Seaward, "well they're wrong too. All people will be talking about next year is who smashed up the tempo runs in September/ October time."

Since signing for an undisclosed fee from St Malachy's in 2008, Seaward has been beset by injury and confidence issues meaning that he is yet to pull on the famous African Violet vest in a meaningful competition. At a recent charity event, he was met with a small group of protesters shouting "you're not fit to wear the vest" repeatedly and had to be ushered out by police. "They [the protesters] were wrong on many levels. I am very fit at the moment - far fitter than the majority of other guys actually," said Seaward of the experience, "it's a shame that my charity work for stray cats gets looked over. Instead they always focus on performance." The 5k man will be hoping that, come the close of the series, his shaky mental state will allow him to answer his critics in the best possible way. With the likes of Stephen Emery already engaged in a "comprehensive" core regime, it looks like the Irishman will have his work cut-out trying to emulate his early season heroes of yesteryear.

FACEBOOK DELETIONS THREATEN LOUGHBOROUGH UNITY

George Gandy was keen to play down rumours that Loughborough's team spirit is in tatters after several leading athletes have deleted each other on Facebook. It is thought that the deletions are over a dispute about corner cutting during easy runs. Although neither Facebook nor Loughborough will confirm who is involved, it is believed to centre around Kevin Seaward and an ongoing war of words with Chris Warburton. The guru used his weekly press conference to deny that there was an "unpleasant atmosphere" around the club and said that what went on over the internet was none of his business. "I actively discourage the use of the internet," said the LSAC Director, "ever since Frank Baddick deleted Rob Whittle over hair gel, I've steered clear. It's all very childish."

Gandy also denied that he had been "targeting" Stephen Emery. The Coventry Godiva man was upset when an email was circulated praising those who had run significant PBs in August. At the time, Emery said that it was "clearly directed" at him as he had finished his season early and in disgrace. Emery was threatened with disqualification for "moving out" during a disastrous 1:53 800m clocking in what proved to be his final race at Watford. In dismissing the accusations as "utter nonsense", the guru had firm words for Emery stating that he "should get over himself" and that he had "some way to go" before he could start dictating the agenda.

PRESS ATTENTION FORCES BOWSER OUT

Matt Bowser has launched a scathing attack on the media this evening, stating that the repeated invasions of his private life have forced him to retire from athletics. Bowser was speaking ahead of what will be very difficult headlines for the former Lincoln man in tomorrow's Sunday newspapers. The News of The World claims to have a "significant scoop" implicating Bowser in some "highly untoward behaviour". Bowser has denied that his retirement has anything to do with the "pathetic crap" that will be written about him.

"The fact is that I have had enough," the ex-3:43 1500m man said, "the press follow me everywhere and it has got to the point that I cannot race anywhere in the UK for fear of the media". Bowser dismissed rumours that he had been banned from all UK Athletics events following revelations surrounding a missing Garmin. He told the popular running forum, Eightlane that he was "kust [sic] taking a back seat and enjoying my running" and had firm parting words for the posters. "At the end of the day there are not may [sic] guys who have broken 1.50 for 800 and 30 min for 10k so im happy with what [I] have achieved" stormed the man who predicted that he would break 3:38 for 1500m this summer.

Nobody from UK Athletics was available for comment this evening, but it seems likely that they will be forced to break silence tomorrow. With the News of The World promising "revelations that will strike at to the heart of the sport," it could be a tough first day back for the UKA press team.

MATTHEWS 'HAS NO FUTURE' AT LOUGHBOROUGH

Pete Matthews' contract at Loughborough will not be renewed when it expires at the end of next season. Speaking at a Press Conference somewhere in the Mediterranean, Loughborough's infamous Director of Athletics, George Gandy said that his patience with the disgraced AAAs fraudster had run out. "Pete arrived at Loughborough ready to take on the world," said the guru, "but injury after injury and scandal after scandal have led us to conclude that he has no future with us. He will be free to go at the end of his contract."

Matthews came to Loughborough in 2008 and immediately raised eyebrows by wandering around campus in full International kit and spending a significant amount of time in the ice baths with Matt Sullivan. His apparent difficulty with running quickly became clear and he reverted to a role as timekeeper/ videographer for much of his first year. He shot to fame in 2009 when winning the final 6.5 mile Club Tempo Run, before being criticised by George Gandy for "tapering" for the event. Since then, his career has struggled to reach the dizzy heights of his AAAs U17 Indoor 1500m Bronze medal in 2006, but this has not stopped him becoming an established name on the athletics circuit.

Gandy's decision will come as a major blow to the former GB International (Mountain Running) who was pictured on a beach last week under the headline 'BEACHED CAMEL'. However, a recent interview with a Sunday newspaper indicates why Mr Gandy has lost faith in the Blackburn man. In the interview, Matthews told of how the coming year would be "very different" to his previous experiences at Loughborough. "I know that I have not been as dedicated as I could have been" said the most famous athlete never to have broken 4 minutes for 1500m, "but I was limited by some personal constraints and I let running get in the way a bit. I vow to pull as many girls as possible in Freshers Week and that will hopefully set the tone for the coming year. I'm a different man now when I'm out - my standards have been significantly lowered."

News of Matthews' imminent departure has been greeted with indifference from many. Ranging from one source who claimed never to have had any time for him, to another who said that it was a "sad loss" for the African Violets. "Who's going to mess up the kit order now?" asked one distance runner, "this is very bad news indeed. At least we won't have to endure that bloody horn again".

The Lufbra Echo contacted the Matthews camp, but nobody was available to comment.

COMING UP IN THE ECHO - FULL COVERAGE OF THE MATTHEWS DEPARTURE INCLUDING:

- Pete Matthews: A History of the Dreamer

- Is it really "very easy" to break 15 minutes for 5,000m?

- How fat is too fat?

- Are Gingers naturally disadvantaged in life?

- Is it ever right to lie to get yourself onto a AAAs Start List?

- Loughborough Kit Scandal: What REALLY Happened

CRAGG QUITS EIGHTLANE AFTER COACH BUST UP

Eightlane's most popular athlete, Luke Cragg, has been forced to leave the popular running forum after his American coach threatened him with deportation. In sensational scenes over the weekend, 'Coach Martin' stormed into Cragg's dorm demanding that all his training logs be removed and never re-posted. When the England International protested, Martin said that he would call in the FBI if he did not comply.

The news has left Eightlane in meltdown. With the defection of Dave Norman to RunnersLife earlier this year, the site is faced with the possibility of not having a single star name posting their training. Eightlane founder, Alan Wales, is facing calls for his resignation as posters walk away from the site in droves. 'Please no' begged Cragg to reconsider his decision: "luke [sic] the highlight of my weekend is late on a sunday night when your logs appear on this site. life [sic] will not be worth living without them."

Possibilities of "annomous training diaries [sic]" as suggested by 'lc lover' have been dismissed by sources within the Cragg camp. "Coach Martin made himself very clear," said Cragg's personal private secretary, "Luke will not be sharing any details of his American adventure on Eightlane ever again".

DOCTORS CONCERNED AT ANAEMIA ‘EPIDEMIC’

The NHS is struggling to cope with an outbreak of athletes claiming to be “anaemic”. A report in the British Medical Journal has raised concerns that the UK’s already depleted blood supplies will be “dangerously impacted” if the trend of underperforming athletes demanding treatment continues. “There is no question that this is a fast and legal way to success,” said the article’s lead author, “but there is no way that we can maintain the hand out of such therapy so liberally”. Anaemia is said to have become “fashionable” amongst younger athletes after stars such as Paula Radcliffe diagnosed themselves with the disorder. “Similar trends were seen when Wayne Rooney fractured his metatarsal and David Beckham tore his Achilles,” said the report, “athletes pick up on these things and it is down to healthcare professionals to sort them out.” Calling for a "full and frank epidemiological survey", the report concluded that if the rise in "anaemia" diagnoses continued, the UK would run out of blood by the end of the Cross Country season.

UK Athletics are doing their level best to remain distant from such accusations, but an insider confidentially told the Echo that it was a serious issue. “You’ve got these guys running awfully one minute, diagnosing themselves with anaemia and then magically running huge PBs,” he said from inside a broom cupboard, “it’s amazing what a few iron tablets can do.” Journalists have also noted the phenomenon, with disappointed athletes immediately declaring themselves ‘anaemic’ after poor races. “It is becoming the answer to all underperformance,” said a BBC source, “bad race now seems to equal anaemia.”

The Power of Ten have been forced to deny speculation that they were set to introduce a “blood count” service on athlete profiles. It had been rumoured that the site would allow athletes to list their ferritin levels alongside all performances and thus a poor one would be recorded as ID (Iron Depleted). “That scheme has now been scrapped” says PoT’s Director of Operations, “it was unworkable to expect all athletes to undergo blood tests after races. I don’t see a future for such an idea.”

ECHO COMPUTER DIES IN LEICESTER

The Lufrba Echo is this evening coming to terms with the loss of its principal laptop. The Echo's main computer suffered a "catastrophic hard drive failure" during a car journey from Head Office to a meeting in Loughborough town centre. Our Chief Executive rushed it to PC World's emergency department in Leicester but the damage was too severe and it was pronounced dead shortly after 3pm.

"The computer arrived in a critical condition" said a PC World source, "our tech team worked on it for over an hour, but the injuries were very serious indeed. Despite multiple USB transfusions and the efforts of several experienced professionals, we were unable to save it." A post mortem is slated for the coming days to establish exactly what caused the 13 month old computer (helpfully just out of warranty) to suffer such an unexpected death. "We will not speculate until the after-death care team have had a chance to asses it," said the PC World spokesman, "sometimes these things just happen".

Ryan McLeod, who shares a flat with the Echo's Head Quarters, has revealed that he is "gravely concerned" for the safety of his Mac Book and iPhone. Speaking from his girlfriend's house, the Tipton Harrier said that he was refusing to return until the mystery illness had been sorted out. "I got everything out the flat when I heard," said the 7:52 3k man, "I can't take the risk. It was so unexpected and if I were to lose my iPhone I don't know what I'd do."

The Echo Chief Executive was too shocked to comment this evening, but insiders have said that another laptop has been acquired going some way to speeding the healing process. "We are all totally devastated," said the source, "it is a very very sad time."

EMERY: I COULD BE BETTER THAN FARAH

Unprecedented scenes as Loughborough’s “4th best athlete” hits out at critics

Stephen Emery has launched his new season with an extraordinary press conference from his Loughborough base. The Coventry man called the conference in order to answer some “gross untruths” that have been published on the internet and went on to claim that he will be “faster than Farah very soon”. “I did not end my season early because I was burnt out,” thundered the 3:48 (Stretford Timing) 1500m man, “I decided that it was sensible to end it at Watford [where he slumped to a 1:53 800m] and if anyone has a problem with that they should come to me rather than sending out emails lauding those who ran PBs in August. It’s pathetic”. Emery has remained silent for much of his breakthrough season, choosing to “let [his] legs do the talking”. However, ahead of the winter season the 23 year-old decided that it was time to make it clear that he “meant business”. “I respect what Mo has done,” said the 53rd man home at the National Cross, “but realistically I think we should be striving beyond 13 minutes. For me, 12:50 or possibly 12:45 needs to be the target. Maybe if I am doing that the likes of Mo and Chris [Thompson] will up their game a bit.”

Emery, who removed 9 seconds from his 1500m PB this summer said that he recognised the dangers such advancements can have. “I know that people often crash after a breakthrough season,” said Emery, “just look at Frank Baddick. He was all talk when he won the Loughborough Open back in April – what good did that do?” It seems that Emery still hasn’t got over the remarks made by Baddick after he withdrew from the 3,000m on the morning of the race: “It [Baddick’s press conference] was completely uncalled for. Hate is a strong word but sometimes when I am really hurting, I just keep thinking: Baddick, Baddick, Baddick.” For his part, Baddick has remained silent on the feud but a spokesman said that Emery was playing a dangerous game. “Frank had a disappointing season and yet he still ran significantly quicker than Mr Emery,” said Newham and Essex Beagles’ press officer, “it’s about respect in this sport and that is something Mr Emery really needs to learn about”. The NEB spokesman went on to question the accuracy of Emery’s PB: “It was set in Stretford and so in all likelihood is way out. From what I hear, his race was started with a whistle.”

HOWE IN FIGHT FOR FUTURE AFTER ALCOHOL SNAPS

David Howe’s credibility appears to be in tatters this evening after he was spotted leaving Sainsbury’s with “enough alcohol to drown George Gandy”. Shocked bystanders recall seeing the top coach marching away from the superstore with “several crates” of beer along with two large bottles of lemonade. After a difficult week for Loughborough and UKA, this latest scandal will come as a major blow. Howe was cautioned earlier this year after one of his athletes was rushed to hospital with alcohol poisoning having drunk a drink spiked by the Canadian. “It’s difficult to see a role for him now,” snarled Alasdair Donaldson (George Gandy’s PA), “I shall take over looking after David’s athletes as a temporary measure. Hopefully we’ll stop his guys from nearly getting lapped again”.

For his part, Howe has defended his actions claiming that what he does in his spare time is his own business. "I realise that being associated with the Loughborough regime means that I am a high profile figure," said the Canadian from a hideaway in the English countryside, "but if what I do away from the track is nothing to do with the wider world". Howe went on to dismiss Donaldson's comments, stating that the Scot had "a lot to learn" before he would be allowed near any of his athletes. "Who else can miss their guys falling over in a race?" thundered the world's leading authority on aggressive behaviour in snooker, "or keep them on their toes on a night out? Alasdair needs to get back to sending out George's emails".

Loughborough officials have said that the issue will not be dealt with until the regime gets rolling again at the end of the month.

NEWS ROUND-UP

UKA CHIEF COULD RESIGN AMID ‘MALICIOUS AND UNTRUE ACCUSATIONS’

Charles Van Commenee could resign as the Performance Director of UK Athletics as early as next week after a week of internet rumours about his private life. The blogosphere has gone into overdrive in recent days, with many claiming that the Dutchman “doesn’t actually need glasses”. In an unprecedented move this evening, the top man called the Lufbra Echo to “set the record straight”. “Let me make this clear,” said a clearly tired and emotional Van Commenee, “I have needed spectacles since a young age. These nasty and horrible accusations are really upsetting my family.” The UKA Chief went on to dismiss rumours that he had visited a laser eye specialist last year as “an innocent friendship and nothing more”. “I am proud to wear glasses,” he said “they are my trademark and I would never dream of turning my back on such distinguished blindness. But why shouldn’t I be friends with a laser eye doctor?”

GANDY IN PARKING GAFFE


George Gandy has caused several thousand pounds worth of damage to a Loughborough car park after making an error when test driving a new Mercedes. The UKA endurance coach was looking to offload some of his Barcelona bonus by investing in the new car but things went horrendously wrong when he decided to nip to Tesco. “Mr Gandy was attempting to speed out of the car park,” said a senior source, “unfortunately he forgot that the car was stuck in reverse”. The insider went onto bemoan the “weak” walls of the car park. “They should see this sort of thing coming,” said the spokesman, “I am sure Mr Gandy will not be the first to do this so they better get used to it.”

BMC BOSS TO STAND DOWN OVER TIMING FOUL UPS

The Chief Executive of the British Milers Club will stand down at the end of the season after a string of errors have made his position “untenable”. The unnamed supremo is believed to have reached a compromise with his employers meaning that they will not have to pay out the entirety of his £12m contract. “We are grateful for all the work he [the CEO] has put in,” said membership secretary Pat Fitzgerald, “it is a thankless and entirely anonymous role.” Fitzgerald would not elaborate on the figure that has been paid out in order to secure the resignation but it is rumoured to be somewhere in the region of £3m. The membership chief – who is famous for hounding late payers of membership subs – denied speculation that he was in line to take up the role: “I don’t think I am ready for such a move yet. We need someone who is ready to shake the organisation up; we need a rethink”. Early last year, the BMC successfully won a High Court injunction against the Chief Executive preventing him from revealing his true identity in his autobiography. At the time the country’s premier middle distance club claimed that the role had to maintain a “high level of mystique” in order to be successful.