IDOWU ANGERED BY TWITTER BAN

Phillips Idowu has revealed that Charles Van Commonee has confiscated his mobile telephone and personal computer "for the rest of the season" and banned the Triple Jump star from "going near a computer". Van Commonee - who branded Idowu a "clown" on the BBC - is said to be furious that the Belgrave Harrier used Twitter to withdraw from this weekend's European Team Championships.

"It's a total joke" thundered Idowu from a phone box "who the hell does he think he is? I'm the World Champion and yet I can't be trusted with a mobile phone. Ridiculous." The triple jump ace added that it "was none of Van Commonee's business" what he did online. "Where exactly is Charles' Gold medal?" pondered Idowu "when he wants some fashion advice he should call me."

Idowu went on to say that the ban was having a "negative impact" on his performance because he was unable to call the AA when his new car broke down last week. "I tried to fashion a device with a paper cup and a bit of string, but it didn't work" said Idowu "in the rain, the cup just disintegrated".

Van Commonee has defended his decision, but faces serious problems within the Team GB camp after Helen Clitheroe was caught on Facebook chat after lights out yesterday evening and Dwain Chambers was found to be "following" the out of favour Idowu on Twitter. Meanwhile, a row has erupted within the BBC after Denise Lewis 'unfriended' Colin Jackson in a row thought to be over shoes and Jonathan Edwards revealed that he didn't even know what Twitter was.

FARAH ANGERED BY HONOURS SNUB

Mo Farah has criticised the Queen for failing to include him in her Birthday honours list. "Absolutely insulting" thundered Farah from a Nike press event "what have I got to do to get on that bloody list? It's a total joke." This news comes just a matter of weeks after Farah sent a threatening letter to Prince William for not inviting him to his wedding. "That isn't something I talk about" said Farah "it was all fine when he [Prince William] pitched up unannounced at my stag, but all of a sudden there wasn't space for me in the Abbey".

Farah's anger was compounded when he discovered that Jessica Ennis had been appointed an MBE. "It just confirms that the BBC decide everything doesn't it? She is half the athlete I am, but because she looks alright she gets attention and awards. It's very poor." The European 10,000m Champion added that he would "never use British Pounds again" after this latest bust up and when in the UK would pay for everything with his American Express card. "I don't want to look at that woman [the Queen] I am that upset". Whether or not he will sing the National Anthem if he wins an Olympic title is yet to be decided.

Buckingham Palace refused to comment on the story this evening, but did confirm that the Queen had received an irate phone call from Farah on her personal line. "Her Majesty is not prepared to release statements about her private life" said a spokesman "this matter has now been dealt with."

EDWARDS COY ON TORCH BEARER ROLE

Jonathan Edwards has said that he would be "honoured" to light the Olympic torch at next year's London Olympics. The announcement comes just days after Dame Kelly Holmes launched her own bid to become the flame bearer under the strapline DK to Shoot Up. Holmes, who says that she is "the clear choice", told her On Camp With Kelly group that they must "forget about" their summer seasons and spend their time "hitting Facebook, Twitter and everything else" to get the bid going. Holmes is understood to count Edwards amongst her key rivals.

"I'm not saying that I'm putting myself forward" Edwards told Radio Five Live "but it would be a real honour. I know that Seb [His Lordship, Sebastian Newbold Coe] and I go way back and it would be nice to think that loyalty is repaid - not that I'm interested". The Triple Jump World Record holder - whom the echo revealed to be a twerp last year - dismissed a suggestion that fellow BBC commentator Steve Cram could be in with a shout: "it's a real shame Steve never managed to get that Olympic Gold. I guess that that is a pre-requisite".

Meanwhile, the Office of His Lordship have confirmed that they have received "a number of gifts" for the Baron in recent weeks. It is understood that Brendan Foster sent in a "selection of his favourite cakes", David Beckham provided a case of fine wine, whilst Tom Daly (the diver) sent in his favourite cuddly toy. Kelly Sotherton is believed to have emailed a video file marked "for the Lord's eyes only" as her pitch for glory.

"These bribes won't make a difference" said the Lord's Deputy Director of Being Like An Everyday Guy (North West Region) "the BBC have already stipulated that the Opening Ceremony must feature Jessica Ennis in every shot, so our hands are tied on this one. We did however really enjoy eating the chocolates that Paula Radcliffe sent in".

NEWS ROUND UP

'NO CONCERN' OVER OLYMPIC FUNDING: COE

ENNIS 'NOT FAZED' BY MEDIA HYPE

Jessica Ennis has denied that she has been distracted by the special attention she has received since winning the World Championships in 2009. The Heptathlete has been the subject of fierce media scrutiny ever since the BBC revealed plans for an annual "Jess Day" where they show 24 hours of non-stop Ennis related programming on BBC 1 and BBC Radio Five Live. Although the idea has been quietly dropped, it is understood that BBC producers have now rented homes up and down Ennis' Sheffield street in order to be the first to break any "Jess News". A Beeb insider told the echo that the £10m project was already paying off. "Last week and eagle eyed report spotted that Jess has brought 1% milk instead of the usual semi-skimmed" enthused the senior executive "it prompted a series of stories on the benefits of such a move. Unfortunately we had to retract them all when we spotted a return to the usual green tops the following day". Earlier this year, Ennis called for "a thorough review" of Facebook usage after Kelly Sotherton was accused of hacking into her account.

SMITH CALLS FOR NEWHAM FOCUS

Newham's manager Bob Smith has called for his athletes to remain "focussed on the task at hand" ahead of the new season. The club are in serious financial difficulty and are badly in need of the funding that a third successive Premiership title would bring. "I have sat the lads down" said Smith "and told them to forget everything but running". It is understood that the club will be unable to maintain the £150m annual wage bill "much past June" and players are being encouraged by their agents to look for other clubs. 

FARAH FUMING AT ROYAL SNUB

Mo Farah has claimed to of "lost sleep" over his "derisory" seating position at Friday's Royal Wedding. The GB International is well known to be a personal friend of Prince William and has been snapped on regular shooting jaunts with the Royals around the Balmoral estate. Farah is upset after being assigned a seat towards the back of Westminster Abbey and is "next to a bunch of no hopers" according to the 5k star. "I am seventeenth in line to be best man" thundered Farah "how can I be treated so badly? I'm sitting next to Nick Clegg - it's going to be awful".

OLYMPIC ROUND UP

VERNON 'MISTAKE' BREAKS 2012 CLOCK

STOPPAGE TIME: Vernon 'did not know' the clock required constant power

Andy Vernon has apologised after mistakenly pulling the plug on the 'Countdown to 2012' clock in Central London. The Aldershot man told his official website that he had "had a nightmare" when looking for somewhere to charge the battery on his mobile phone. Organisers have called the blunder "hugely embarrassing" and have not ruled out handing Vernon a hefty bill. 

TICKETS 'SHOULDN'T BE SOLD TO POOR PEOPLE': COE

Lord Coe looks set to cause a stir after claiming that tickets for blue-ribboned events should only be sold to "the most well off" and "uneducated tramps" should not be allowed in. "The Games is not for everyone" said his Lordship "it would be dreadful to have commoners wandering around in the background of the 100m". It is understood that LOCOG will be banning the wearing of hoodies, low hanging jeans and anything made by Burberry in a bid to discourage "hoipolloi" from coming near.

ENNIS GETS COLD, BBC IN CRISIS

The BBC are preparing for what senior executives have called "the worst case scenario" after Jessica Ennis caught a cold sidelining the World Heptathlon Champion for "at least a day". "An Olympics without Jess would not be an Olympics at all" said the BBC's Director of Ennis Output (Southern Region) "worse still, if she turns up and then doesn't win - hours of pre-prepared footage will be wasted". A Beeb insider told the echo that the Corporation had rushed a "dedicated medic" to be at Ennis' side and denied that they were overreacting.

OLYMPICS 'COST A FORTUNE' SHOCK

The British sporting world is reeling from the news that the Olympic Games actually cost a lot of money. Furious protestors have taken to the streets of the East End to demand that the "wasteful" projects are halted immediately and a 24 hour Asda is built in place of the Olympic Stadium. It is understood that the Games Cleaning Directorate (fresh from the Commonwealth Games cleaning project) are about to walk out in sympathy. "I am shocked at how much this is all costing" said a senior executive at Lloyds Banking Group "I really do wonder how Lord Coe and his team sleep at night" 

McLEOD IN RED NOSE SNUB

Ryan McLeod has refused to take part in Comic Relief this coming Friday after a row with a revolving door. The GB International was set to be "an integral part" of a live sketch featuring chubby funster, James Corden but has walked out on the gig after a bizarre incident after rehearsals over the weekend.

McLeod traveled to London on Saturday morning and arrived at Television Centre at lunchtime. After a "highly successful" couple of hours with Corden and other participants Davina McCall, Jade Johnson and Robert Mugabe, the 7:52 3k star became trapped in the revolving door "for some hours". It is understood that the fire brigade had to be called in order to free him late into the evening.

A McLeod spokesman confirmed that the Tipton man would not be involved on Friday evening, but refused to speculate on whether this was owing to an irrational fear of revolving doors. It was confirmed that McLeod had become confused on "when to exit" and that he eventually became dizzy thus unable to use the "revolving door app +" (version 2.3.3) on his iPhone. "Ryan feels that it would not now be appropriate to take part" said the spokesman "he is upset at what occurred and I think it is clear that the BBC were less than prompt in their response". Rumours that McLeod was receiving counselling were dismissed as nonsense.

The BBC declined to comment but it is thought that contingencies - including a call up for Andy Vernon - were being put in place.

BOWSER DEFENDS SHEFFIELD RUN

Matt Bowser's 2012 ambition is "alive and well" despite slumping to one of the worst performances of his career on Sunday. The Lincoln man - who the BBC think won the European title in 2006 - quit the sport at the end of last summer in mysterious circumstances and still faces a misconduct hearing at UKA over a missing Garmin. Having come out of retirement "with 2012 in mind", Bowser stormed to victory in Thursday's Armagh 5k leaving a stunned Johnny Mellor asking "whether he had completed the entire distance". However, his comeback appeared to have stalled on Sunday as he was well beaten in the 3,000m - struggling to a miserable 8:18 clocking.

"You see what happened was" explained Bowser "when I was on the way to the race my three wheel van broke down. I was then forced to steal a mobility scooter from an old aged pensioner and all this before I had even left the end of my street." The 5k star then recounted how he had "driven the scooter into the ground" but only got half a mile closer to Sheffield. Fortunately he had also snatched the old lady's hand bag and so had enough money to pay for a cab - to Manchester. "I figured that the race was there" said a bemused Bowser "I then had to get a plane to Madrid, which is in France I believe. Then I got a plane to New York, then London and got a train to Sheffield from there - it was a nightmare."

Bowser arrived "just 6 minutes before the start" having only had a warm of "twelve miles" from the train station. "Given the circumstances and the fact that I was tired from Armagh, I'm not too disappointed" he said "I am still very much in the running for 2012".

BRENDAN FOSTER SACKED FOR RAISED EYEBROW

Brendan Foster is to have his contract with the BBC terminated after he raised an eyebrow at Jessica Ennis, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The tubby ex-athlete has been the subject of a torrent of Twitter abuse after a YouTube clip came to light showing him "engaging in an adult conversation about athletics" and "complementing [Ennis] on her good performance last year". "This sort of behaviour is absolutely out of order" thundered a senior Beeb executive "we have made this absolutely clear to Brendan and as a result he will not be working with us again". Foster has not commented officially but he is understood to be "devastated" to have been stripped of his job. "Bren is not a dinosaur" said a close friend "in fact, he views everyone on their own merits and so such behaviour is completely out of character".

Foster is not the only boorish BBC male in hot water. News of his dismissal comes as sound recordings of John Inverdale and Jonathan Edwards discussing the fact that Jemma Simpson had "a nice running style" have been made available online. BBC insiders have told of how this is representative of "an awful atmosphere that belongs in the 1950s". "It's appalling to work around such bigots" said the anonymous source "the other week whilst we were covering the Edinburgh Cross Country, Steve Cram offered me his coat as it was cold. How dated is that attitude? I was hurt and upset, but fear for my job if I go public".

The BBC are reeling from the incidents this evening and it looks inevitable that tough action awaits those who fail to comply with the anti sex discrimination guidelines. "It is high time that female athletes a judged on how they perform rather than how they look" said one such female athlete shortly after a photo shoot "this pre-historic behaviour is appalling".

FULL COVERAGE OF SEX-GATE SCANDAL IN THE ECHO:
- Do women really know the false start rule?
- Why is the women's discuss lighter than the men's? Isn't this discrimination?
- Andy Gray to become Head of Female Athletics at UKA
- Outrage as UKA official "looks female in the eye"

NEWS ROUND UP

PICK A CLUB, ANY CLUB
Isn't it funny how short the memories of football journalists and followers are? Back in November, TalkSport presenters Mike Parry and Mike Graham kept everything in perspective by declaring the decision not to award England the World Cup in 2018 "the darkest day in [their] lives". Acres of column spaces was wasted by football journos waxing lyrical about "broken promises" and "dirty deals". Would this be the very same sport that is now putting forward a proposal to U-turn on the explicit promises of the 2012 bid team by removing the running track from the Olympic Stadium? It jolly well would. Always famed for his insight, Lawrie Sanchez told the BBC that "football and athletics don't work together. That's a fact". Interesting as AC and Inter Milan, along with Bayern Munich and numerous other successful European clubs would probably disagree.

THE BRADY BUNCH
"It makes my blood boil to be honest" thundered Birmingham City FC Vice-Chairperson Karren Brady on BBC Radio Five Live this morning of Andy Gray and Richard Keys's remarks about female officials: "I don't think any of the comments are anything other than [sexism]". Brady went on to advocate "equality in the workplace" and harrumphed that women just are not taken seriously in her industry. That would be the same Karren Brady who works with noted pornographers David Sullivan and David Gold (a profession famed for its refusal to objectify females) and employs a workforce of "75% women". Now that's equality in action!

WHY KIDS TURN AWAY FROM CROSS COUNTRY: THE DEFINITIVE ANSWER
Parliament Hill


PETE MATTHEWS: A CLARIFICATION
It has been brought to our attention that in recent additions of the Lufbra Echo we have suggested that Pete Matthews is an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. We are aghast at such a suggestion and in light of the fact that he has performed averagely well at a number of races, we would like to clarify that at no time did we intend to portray Pete as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space. It has always been our position that Pete is average and unremarkable at everything that he does in the running domain. There are some who will say 'that Matthews lad is just an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space' - we at the Echo feel (and always have felt) that this is most unfair and would like to pledge our unwavering support to his continued endeavour to avoid being classed as an overweight, useless, desperate, annoying, self-important, deluded, unpleasant, unnecessary, talentless waste of space.

THE ECHO ASKS: IS THIS MAN SINGLE HANDEDLY KILLING ATHLETICS?

Wanted: Edwards is suspected of "crimes against athletics"

In a shocking report seen by the Lufbra Echo Jonathan Edwards has been accused of being "absolutely responsible" for destroying the interest in British athletics. The world triple jump record holder - affectionately known as Jedwards by his colleagues - has been presenting on the BBC for the past few years and viewers are said to be "turning off in disgust."

"He's unbearable" thundered one Rita from Tunbridge Wells "smug, dismissive, ignorant and dull....I turn the sound down when he comes on." The report commissioned by the BBC Trust and written by academics at the University of North Dunstable said that Edwards' hair was becoming "an increasing concern". "The style of spiked follicles via the use of a hair gel formula" said the authors "is more at home on entertainment programs such as the X Factor than athletics coverage".

Edwards took some heavy criticism after his dismal showing at the European Athletics Championships and many thought that he would not be appearing as the anchor again. However, with Steve Cram and Brendan Foster citing an "adverse reaction to snow" and Sue Barker refusing to work at Winter, Beeb executives were left with no option but to hand the microphone to the hapless Edwards. "We are aware of a number of complaints surrounding Mr Edwards" said a spokesman "this is something we are looking into and can confirm that it was an executive decision to ask Mr Edwards not to wear his earring ever again."

The news comes as a blow to Edwards who was the subject of a similar report last year confirming his credentials as something of a twerp. He will be hoping that the relatively unwatched indoor season will allow him scope to revive his fading reputation.

BADDELEY SET FOR MASTERMIND TEST

Andy Baddeley has shelved winter training in order to sharpen up for a forthcoming appearance on the BBC's Mastermind. Baddeley - who claims the show's title was in honour of him - has said that his involvement is inspired by a belief that "Britain is getting thicker". The one-time 3:49 miler is rumoured to be filming as early as February and has chosen a specialist subject of Particle Physics. A spokesman for the Harrrow man has denied speculation that he is only going ahead with idea as sales of his début book Quantum Chromodynamics and the Long Distance Runner: Thoughts and Observations have been disappointing. "Andy is ready to prove to all the world that he has the best mind in the business" said the aide "and above all he just wants to prove that he is an ordinary guy, doing ordinary things."

Baddeley's campaign to prove what his people call "normality" took a backward step over the summer, when the European fifth placer slammed Kenyans for their lack of intelligence. "It was a shame the press chose to focus on that" continued his press secretary "but since then, Andy has made a real effort to show that he is just a normal world class athlete with a double first from Cambridge. For example, just last month he watched five minutes of the X Factor whilst he waited for his show about the history of the Large Electron-Positron Collider to come onto BBC Four."

The part time lecturer at St Mary's is slated to appear on the celebrity edition of the show alongside Big Brother star Kinga Karolczak and Fame Academy winner David Sneddon. Baddeley did concede that he "had never heard" of either rival but hoped for "some lively mathematical related banter" backstage.

SPORTS AWARD SHOW OR X FACTOR? HARD TO TELL

"It's been an incredible year" said a breathless Sue Barker at the start of the two-hour broadcast marathon that is the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year. Clearly not "incredible" enough for some, as the schedulers daren't go up against ITV's X Factor and as such we find it here - delayed by two weeks and conveniently right before the finale of the Beeb's most successful show The Apprentice. Given the new obsession with sob story over sporting substance (where was Mo Farah on the short-list?) some of the VTs for the individual contenders would have been more at home on Simon Cowell's ratings monopoliser.

And so as we went through the short-list, the viewing public were told about Tom Daley's sick father, AP McCoy's injuries and falls (which can't come as surprise to a jump jockey), Jessica Ennis' "heartbreak" at missing the Olympics (2 years ago) and Mark Cavendish's dreadful crash earlier in the year. David Haye clearly decided that beating people up was never going to win the public's adoration and as such steered clear, citing a bout of flu. Ironic that the Heavyweight Champion of the World can "make hay" of anyone but cannot handle the icy weather.

But in this supposed year of "incredible" sporting achievement, where was surely one of the most incredible achievers of the lot? Mo Farah has this year broken the men's 5,000m British Record and won two European titles. Let us compare that to Phil 'the Power' Taylor who has seemingly just thrown some darts at a wall with a particular degree of accuracy. To suggest that the public decide this award is a fallacy - in reality a room full of sporting journalists and producers sit down and discuss who will make the best telly. Unfortunately for Mo, his passage has been a little bit heartbreak free and getting married means that his private life is far too happy to warrant inclusion.

But that is just the problem with SPOTY now. The real sporting achievements get overlooked owing to a lack of understanding of what the sport is all about or because the athlete focusses more on the sport than on working on their persona. And so in an excruciating exchange between the evergreen Gary Liniker and Mark Cavendish, jug ears seemed more interested in the sprint king's chess credentials than his cycling ones. Of course, that conveniently teed up the Walkers Crisps man to wonder whether Cavendish will get "check mate" tonight. All richly comic.

The same can be said of Amy Williams (you know, the Winter Olympics girl) who whilst others had solid sporting backers, was oddly supported by er, Jeremy Clarkson. Now surely there was a British speaking bob-sleigher out there who could have added some weight to this pathetic link? It did leave the door open for Sue Barker to comment that Jeremy Clarkson is "a difficult man to impress". Wow, able to win Olympic Gold AND impress Jezzer - surely worth a vote.

In the end, it was nice to see AP McCoy recognised for falling off a horse a lot. Good night too for David Beckham (lifetime achievement award) who added a little glitz to the evening - as if it needed any - but left many wondering how he finds time to play football these days. Tom Daley was consoled on missing out on the grown up award by a third victory as the Young Sports Personality of the Year - although how he managed to outbid the double World Junior Champion and seemingly unbeatable Jodie Williams is beyond anyone. It would, perhaps, have been nice to see Daley and Williams engage in a sing off and Cavendish go for a dance off with Jess Ennis. Just as long as it wasn't a 'sport off' - that doesn't seem to matter any more.

LORD GURU GANDY SET TO NAME APPRENTICE

The climax of "the job interview from hell" is to be reached this weekend as the Guru reveals the chosen one - and winner of a three figure salary - from the two remaining candidates. Alasdair Donaldson and David Howe have beaten off the competition of thousands and a twelve month selection process in order to go head to head in the final. Donaldson - who does not have the time to read this blog - has five times been in the firing line and has the poorer record of the two. Canadian Howe, meanwhile, only came unstuck in the Craig Mottram task when his athlete was nearly lapped by the Australian.

"Alasdair has shown great passion and tenacity" explained the Guru to a the BBC's One Show, "he has a lot to learn but if he was prepared to listen, I am sure we could do something with him." Donaldson has been a controversial figure from the start and was almost immediately sent packing when he project managed the disastrous Portugal task. On that occasion, he was able to convince the Guru of his "huge potential" and passed the blame on to the "virtually absent" John Nutall who was fired. The Fife man then went on to record some big wins - most notably in the Circuit Session task where he scrapped the conventional method of calling out time every 30 seconds for an automated watch and then again in the Emailing task, where he sent all of the Guru's emails out in the quickest time.

"David is more a safe pair of hands" said the Guru of Howe "he has been round the block a few times, but I am concerned about his maverick tendencies." Howe was lucky to escape in Portugal after his team recorded a narrow victory. However, the Middle Saturday task led to him being heavily criticised by Ian Anholm - one of his Lordship's aides - for spiking the drink of one his athletes in a bid to help him relax. Howe shone in the Winter Session task when he "rolled the dice" in opting to go ahead with a grass session despite explicit instructions to do otherwise. Howe was also praised for a "spark of brilliance" when opting to ignore the fact that one of his athletes had tripped and fallen in a 1500m race. Calling it "a moment of true intuition" the Guru immediately put the Canadian through to the latter stages much to the ire of Bill Foster, with whom Howe has regularly clashed. Foster was fired after the Easy Run task went wrong and some of his athletes were spotted running sub-5 minute miles - something that Foster claims was "David's idea".

The final task sees the two finalists really put through their paces as they both pitch to the Guru their ideas for his 'Office Expansion Project.' The winner will be rewarded with a seat in the corner of the new office and the dream opportunity of making Lord Gandy's tea.

ECHO CHIEFS FUMING OVER 'SPOOF' SLUR

The Lufbra Echo is today fighting allegations that it is nothing more than a "fun spoof website". The reports on spikesmag.com have left the management in a desperate struggle to claw back some credibility and could yet spell the end for "the greatest website ever to grace the internet" (Sunday Times). "This is the most outrageous libel I have ever seen" thundered a senior source, "how dare they suggest that our work is anything other than hard hitting journalistic investigation?" The Echo was given one of the most prestigious awards in journalism last month, and insiders have accused Spikes Mag of jealousy. "The fact is that they will never have the following that we have" continued our source "they have printed this garbage in order to attract headlines, but all they are going to attract is legal action."

The Chief Executive was too upset to comment this evening, but did promise to fight the accusations "with all his heart" and dismissed speculation that he had authorised the article as a publicity stunt. A spokesman for the £4m man said that the entire team was "standing by their man" at this difficult time. "We have broken some huge stories," said the Senior Press Secretary (UK & North West Europe) "and if our rivals can't deal with that, then they should get out and do some investigating." The Echo has not been without its detractors in recent months, and rumours are circulating that they were forced to make a "sizeable payout" to the BBC's John Inverdale after a senior staffer was heard to crticise the Godfather's presenting style. It is understood that both parties signed a binding confidentiality agreement and the Echo's top man was forced into a grovelling apology.

"This is a setback we could all do without" said our insider of the Spikes article, "it has been a really rough few months for the top brass as we rolled out in Korea and have had various fights on our hands. However, we will put a stop to this nonsense and if we have to go to Court then so be it." The source would not be drawn on whether a pay-wall akin to that employed by News International would have to be looked at for the Echo, but with advertising revenue down 12% (to £834,000) last month the light at the end of the tunnel may well have to be switched off to save the energy.

The Echo has been responsible for some of the most shameful antics in the sport being exposed. Its first major scoop came when Ryan McLeod and Nick McCormick were caught breaking UKA's £40,000 Alter-G Treadmill and the site went on to win high praise for its all-encompassing coverage of Loughborough's Warm Weather trip to Portugal. It is often the first port of call for whistle blowers keen to put a stop to corruption in the sport and in the summer, the European Court of Human Rights praised the Echo for its "tremendous bravery" in reporting the tyranny of Charles Van Commenee at UKA. It can only be hoped that similar support is forthcoming during the latest woe to beset this plucky outfit.

DOCTORS CONCERNED AT ANAEMIA ‘EPIDEMIC’

The NHS is struggling to cope with an outbreak of athletes claiming to be “anaemic”. A report in the British Medical Journal has raised concerns that the UK’s already depleted blood supplies will be “dangerously impacted” if the trend of underperforming athletes demanding treatment continues. “There is no question that this is a fast and legal way to success,” said the article’s lead author, “but there is no way that we can maintain the hand out of such therapy so liberally”. Anaemia is said to have become “fashionable” amongst younger athletes after stars such as Paula Radcliffe diagnosed themselves with the disorder. “Similar trends were seen when Wayne Rooney fractured his metatarsal and David Beckham tore his Achilles,” said the report, “athletes pick up on these things and it is down to healthcare professionals to sort them out.” Calling for a "full and frank epidemiological survey", the report concluded that if the rise in "anaemia" diagnoses continued, the UK would run out of blood by the end of the Cross Country season.

UK Athletics are doing their level best to remain distant from such accusations, but an insider confidentially told the Echo that it was a serious issue. “You’ve got these guys running awfully one minute, diagnosing themselves with anaemia and then magically running huge PBs,” he said from inside a broom cupboard, “it’s amazing what a few iron tablets can do.” Journalists have also noted the phenomenon, with disappointed athletes immediately declaring themselves ‘anaemic’ after poor races. “It is becoming the answer to all underperformance,” said a BBC source, “bad race now seems to equal anaemia.”

The Power of Ten have been forced to deny speculation that they were set to introduce a “blood count” service on athlete profiles. It had been rumoured that the site would allow athletes to list their ferritin levels alongside all performances and thus a poor one would be recorded as ID (Iron Depleted). “That scheme has now been scrapped” says PoT’s Director of Operations, “it was unworkable to expect all athletes to undergo blood tests after races. I don’t see a future for such an idea.”

DONALDSON IN SIGNAPORE BAR SHAME

Alasdair Donaldson will face a disciplinary hearing at UK Athletics next week after being photographed leaving a “nightclub of questionable orientation” when working at the Youth Olympics in Singapore. The media had been blocked from reporting the story until now after the Scot took out a super injunction towards the end of last week. However in an extraordinary incident late last night, the Newham and Essex Beagle showed pals pictures from inside the “questionable” club on his iPhone. Speaking from the High Court this lunchtime Mr Justice Fair agreed that by doing this, Donaldson had “wilfully contributed” to the story being made public and thus declared the injunction void. We can now reveal that the top endurance coach spent “at least thirty minutes” in the club and consumed “at least one” beverage that may or may not have been alcoholic. The hot spot has since been shut down after a raid by Malaysian police.

It is certainly a headache that UKA can do without, having been forced to deny that the sport had a drink problem earlier in the month when Michael Rimmer was seen intoxicated after the London Grand Prix. Added to this, the Governing Body are investigating claims that a group of Loughborough based stars have “been going on a rampage” in the Leicestershire town. A spokesman for the local police said that they were “watching the situation closely” but denied that Michael Bingham and Martyn Rooney had had to be forcibly removed from a night club over the weekend. A UKA source said that the organisation took the claims against Donaldson “very seriously” but would wait to hear his side of the story before making judgement. “Obviously it’s very worrying,” said the Athletics House insider, “the real shame is that Alasdair didn’t realise that someone of his profile was likely to attract media attention.”

Our source also said that he “did not know” whether Donaldson would still appear on The One Show this evening. The BBC were scheduled to be doing a full feature on the coach in recognition of his “outstanding contribution” to athletics. Just last week a Beeb insider told the Echo that they were planning on running a “complete history” of Donaldson “starting from when he was in school”. The senior executive also revealed that it had taken “many hours” to complete filming. In the wake of today’s stories it seems very unlikely that such a segment can still go ahead, with one member of the production team stating that airing may now be put back several weeks or scrapped altogether.

UKA MUST SHARE THE LOVE IF RECOVERY IS TO CONTINUE

The 2010 athletics season will be largely remembered as the year that British distance running remerged from its hiatus of nearly three decades. The performances of Mo Farah and Chris Thompson in Barcelona were no doubt inspirational and Farah’s imperious performance in relieving Dave Moorcroft of his 28 year-old British 5,000m record was one of the season’s many highlights. Strangely, after a cross country season where UKA were lambasted from pillar to post (deservedly so in some cases), something appears to have gone at least half-right over the summer. The performances of Stephanie Twell and Michael Rimmer also show that the middle distances are, whilst not thriving, making solid progress under Stewart, Gandy et al. Whilst it is important not to get carried away – the European Championships are a fair way from World Class as was demonstrated at the Crystal Palace hangover – the British performances in a scandal-free Barcelona will have gone someway to reengaging the British public at large with Track and Field athletics. The only risk being that televisions across the nation are quickly turned off again when the viewer is forced to endure a tortuous interview by Phil Jones or some useless analysis from Denise ‘110%’ Lewis.

With the top level of the sport doing fine (if not well), attention will no doubt shift to the up and comers. It is here that excitement can perhaps be tempered. With some very notable exceptions (Niall Brooks, Richard Goodman and several female 800m runners), this has been a summer without significant breakthroughs. The number of men who are regularly running under 3:40 for 1500m this summer has been lower than ever before and promising winters (and proclamations of 3:36 not being a problem) have come to very little. Whilst bad luck, injury and illness has to take at least some of the flack, the British Milers Club too has seemed a little jaded this summer. This scribe has been one of the BMC’s most outspoken advocates and did himself enter into a pointless dispute on Eightlane about the organisation of the Watford Grand Prix. However, now looking back over the course of the season, it has become clear that all is not what it was.

The aim of the BMC is to advance the performances of the middle-distances by producing a number of quality races throughout the summer. There are many who will question the efficacy of paced races and their role in developing the racing instincts of an athlete, however there is no doubt that this is a sport that is fundamentally judged by time. Therefore, you would think that an organisation that nobly claims its raison d’être is to advance the sport would do their best to ensure that timing was accurate. Alas, timekeepers have been repeatedly embarrassed by the wonderful new initiative that is Athleticos. It has been clear to everybody except those who matter that the timing at several races was completely wrong and yet little has been done to rectify the problems. This culminated in the ultimate humiliation of one evening’s race times being completely void after protocol had been thrown out of the window; several athletes made personal breakthroughs to no avail. One is well aware that this sport relies upon volunteers to run it and it is with a heavy heart that they must be criticised. But the fact remains that when you pay £5 to enter a race, the very least you expect at the end of it is a time that counts. For a timekeeper to allow a race to be run without a starting pistol is the equivalent of a football referee arriving without a whistle. However voluntary, it is unacceptable.

Having alluded to pacemaking, it seems prudent to evaluate it. There are mixed feelings surrounding whether such races are really a good thing. Do they teach the athlete to actually race, or simply teach them to brainlessly follow? Either way, it is irrelevant; the BMC advertise Grand Prix and Gold Standard races on the premise that they will be paced to suit the athletes within each race. Why then were there, in some cases, only 2 pace makers to cover 7 events? Why were ‘A’ 1500m Gold Standard races going with a pacemaker who could only go as far as 500m and some without a pacer at all? It cannot be disputed that quality pacemakers are difficult to come by, but it costs money to enter and it is generally understood that this money is used to pay pacemakers.

Perhaps the BMC has been a victim of its own success. More and more athletes are seeking places with less and less willing to take on the burden of pacemaking. The blame should not be laid squarely at the door of those in charge. The high standard of this organisation means that when these standards slip ever so slightly, it is jumped upon. It has been a fabulous summer and the BMC has no doubt played its part in that. With UKA deservedly patting itself on the back for a job well done in Barcelona, perhaps a little of that good will should cascade down to a bit of funding for an organisation that will doubtless continue to offer a quality platform of British distance talent across the country. Such funding might just make that quality a little higher.

NEW AGE FOR SKY AS MNF RETURNS

It isn’t athletics but it should be. Sky’s brand spanking new series of Monday Night Football returned to our screens last week and it didn’t half do it in style. Richard Keys and Andy Gray put the footballing world to rights with the very latest gadgets and gismos including – as we discovered this week – an indoor mini-pitch. “We don’t really need technology for this, do we?” pondered Keys of one incident. The usually perfectly sensible anchor was surely speaking somewhat ironically given that the whole premise of this ridiculous and unnecessary hour long build-up to the Monday Night match relies on pointless and malfunctioning technology. This week, the “boys downstairs” ran a Stoke non-goal through a computer that magically removed all the other players on the pitch clearly showing that the ball was over the line. “He [referee Chris Foy] will know in his heart of hearts that he should have got that right,” opined Gray of the incident lasting less than a second, having had the opportunity to look at it several million times from several million angles.

Elsewhere, the problem of penalties was thoroughly addressed. “Is the balance of power shifting towards keepers?” asked Keys, “Why?” snapped Gray. Err, because more are being saved than ever before. “Here we have a left footed goalkeeper,” puzzled Keys, “who chooses to dive to the left. Anything in that theory?” Five minutes, probably 30 researcher hours, several thousand pounds and a tired audience later, it was concluded that keepers may or may not be advantaged at the moment and amazingly there may just be something in Keynes’ theory. “So what I’m saying is,” said Gray in a light bulb moment, “if a keeper goes the right way, he has a chance of saving it.” Right, well that’s money well spent then. Afterwards, as if desperate to justify his £25,000 per week price tag, Gray revealed that he had “been thinking about penalties for a couple of weeks.” Uh oh! Sounds dangerous. Indeed it was: “I’m right handed, Richard, so I would go to my right….I’ve been talking to the lads in the office all day….and it’s noticeable that the keepers who are right handed went big right.” Ok fine, but what about Ben Foster? He’s left footed isn’t he? And yet he went right. “Yes, but is he right handed? I was left footed and right handed.” Phew.

Here comes the tenuous link! Wouldn’t it be great if the BBC invested in the same technology for their athletics coverage? Steve Cram and Brendan Foster could thrash out the complexities of the Bekele kick on a virtual track, Jonathon Edwards could thoroughly examine Philips Idowu’s take off having removed everything except his spike. Colin Jackson could play with the heights of the hurdles to debate whether if they were an inch taller, David Oliver would be as proficient. The possibilities are endless. Surely even Phil Jones could use it; a crowd-o-metre could measure “supporter impact” and then comparisons could be drawn with other crowds around the world. Inverdale could be seen hovering above the stadium, conducting things in his Godfather-like way, whilst Denise Lewis could….well, there are always going to be some flaws.

It surely won’t be long before grumblings emerge about the lack of technology in the Beeb’s coverage. The very least they should get is one of the snazzy new iPads that Keys has replaced his clip-board with, even if it was deemed “a bit heavy” last week. Watch this space.

MOORCROFT QUESTIONS FARAH RECORD

Dave Moorcroft has questioned the length of the Zurich track after Mo Farah relieved him of his British record over 5,000m. Speaking from his holiday home in the Maldives, the ex-Coventry star said that he “didn’t even watch” the event that took place on Thursday evening. “My first question afterwards was: ‘where did he do it?’” said a clearly vexed Moorcroft, “when I was told Zurich, I didn’t care- that simply doesn’t count.”

The 13:00.41 5k man looked tired at the hastily arranged press conference and was quick to poor cold water on anyone who was seen to be overly enthusiastic about Farah’s achievement. “Answer me this: did he win the race?” stormed Moorcroft, “no, he didn’t. So how can he say that he is the best Brit of all time? Answer me that- how?” After dismissing an animated Phil Jones of the BBC (who asked Moorcroft how he felt the crowd could have impacted Farah’s run), the ex-British record holder once again turned his ire on Farah. “What’s he done anyway?” he asked, “take it from me: that track is short. Go out and measure it. There’s no way this can happen.”

Whilst standing by his view that he “hadn’t lost a thing”, Moorcroft revealed that Farah had been less than magnanimous in victory. “He sent me a nasty Facebook message,” blubbed Moorcroft, “he said that breaking 13 minutes was easy and he couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. It’s really disappointing when someone treats you like that. He may have run a half decent short 5k, but that is no reason to delete and block me on MySpace.”

For his part, Farah has said that he is “disappointed” with Moorcroft’s attitude. “Jealousy,” thundered the Newham and Essex Beagle, “that’s what it is: jealousy. That’s why he had to go on MySpace- that and Tariku [Bekele] told me to keep that for sub-13 minute athletes only.” Farah went on: “how can he say that the track is short? What planet is he on? Get over it mate- I’m number one around here now.”

Officials at the IAAF refused to go into detail on the spat but did state that they “stood by” their timing systems, which were “of the standard expected at almost all BMC meetings.”

INVERDALE UNDERLINES MONOPOLY, BUT THERE’S NO ESCAPING PHIL JONES

“And a word, Tyson about the crowd?” The obligatory ‘crowd question’ dominates just about all of the BBC’s Phil Jones’ interviews, as if the crowd is that much different from any other the world class athletes have competed in front of on the European circuit (or indeed the Olympic Games or World Championships). Jones is never content with just a cursory “it’s always nice when the spectators are so enthusiastic”. Such a flippant response will be met with a follow up: “but what about this crowd?” Yesterday, Blanka Vlasic was deemed to have sounded less than absolutely ecstatic about the crowd support and so Jones tried a different angle: "in this weather too". Seemingly, there is no escaping the man with the BBC microphone as some bright spark at the Beeb came up with the idea that he could be a ‘roaming’ reporter from now on. Gone are the days when disappointed failures can hurry through the mixed zone avoiding eye contact. Now you get the feeling that Jones will chase any potential interviewee all the way back to his/her hotel in order to understand how the crowd may or may not have influenced their performance.

No such problems for John Inverdale who is fast becoming the Godfather of BBC sports coverage. Only the very select few (BBC darling Jess Ennis) got the nod to be interviewed by the great man. Inverdale's interviews are astoundingly effective as there is a feeling of the headmaster's study about his booth: the athlete is almost certainly more in awe of Inverdale than the other way around. If athletes are battling to escape the Jones treatment, any sports fan really can’t get away from Inverdale. Whatever the sport, Inverdale is there: swimming, horse jumping, tennis, golf, rugby, athletics: you name it- he's covering it. Indeed back in June, on what should have been his day off from Wimbledon coverage, the maestro was hurriedly dispatched to Birmingham Alexander stadium to cover for the bungling Jonathan Edwards. One can’t help thinking that the veteran broadcaster does as he wishes as producers are fearful of what could be an almighty kick off. Surely it is no co-incidence that Sue Barker is looking increasingly uncomfortable on A Question of Sport and Gary Lineker looks like a dead man walking on Match of the Day. The Inverdale juggernaut is seemingly unstoppable; just ask Hazel Irvine who has been sent to the wilderness of women's golf, probably after knocking the Godfather's water over or something.

Inverdale’s showing at Crystal Palace after what was an obviously draining European campaign was made to look all the more impressive by the limp displays of Colin Jackson and Denise Lewis. For too long now, these two have failed to deliver and Inverdale was only too ready to pounce on such weakness. And so when it came to analysing Mo Farah’s 3000m, the distance runners in the commentary box were deemed surplus to requirements by the rampant Inverdale who decided to quiz Lewis (a heptathlete) and Jackson (a hurdler) about it instead. In a ‘rabbit caught in headlights’ moment, Lewis concluded that Farah had “given it his all”, which was met with an “absolutely” from Jackson. Inverdale could barely hide the smile from his face.

Happily, Denise Lewis seems totally incapable of saying anything nasty (or indeed of any value). This is perfect for a meeting in which the British athletes undoubtedly crashed back down to earth from the dizzy heights of European glory. “It’s really hard to get yourself motivated for meetings like this after the major Championships” preached Lewis. Is it? The obvious first question is whether an event in which 10.18 seconds is good enough for a silver medal in the 100m can really be classed as “major”; and then there is the question of whether it should matter. We do not hear of many surgeons who, after a patient dies, sigh and say that they were struggling to get over performing well at a “major” operation last week. Sensationally, the only individual who appears to have conceded as much was the much loved Mark ‘most definitely’ Lewis-Francis. “This is what I do for a living,” said the European silver medallist whilst making some strange movements with his hands, “there’s no excuse”. Unfortunately, Lewis-Francis had already humiliated himself by choosing to point enthusiastically at his baton having won the 4x100m relay whilst mouthing to the camera, “I’m number one!” That’s debatable, but what cannot be debated is that the baton was clearly embossed with the number 3. Such stupid behaviour could well be met with an Inverdale summons early next week.