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Sunday, 6 March 2011

McCOURT BLAMES CUP CAKE INCIDENT FOR EURO SLUMP

Colin McCourt spent the run up to his dismal 1500m European Indoor heat in a Paris police cell, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The controversial Aldershort star was arrested on Saturday morning following a row at one of the French capital's world famous patisseries and only released with "hours to spare". A spokesman for UK Athletics confirmed that "an unfortunate incident" had taken place. "Colin became upset after he was informed that his favourite flavour of cup cake had run out" said the source "he flew into a vicious rage and we regret to say got very violent indeed."

McCourt's coach - Craig Winrow - was left seething by the affair and accused the French police of "overreacting". "What is the world coming to?" blasted Winrow "a little bit of shouting and a few smashed windows and this is what happens. It's outrageous". Adding that UKA's response time was "pathetic" Winrow claimed that the whole day left his charge "tired and emotional" and wondered whether "Colin will ever be able to race again".

It is understood that McCourt requested the "Fruits de Tropique" cup cake, having become hooked on the flavour on Friday evening. When offered the banana topped goody instead, the 3:37 man was inconsolable and that is when things took a turn for the worst. Onlookers were forced to duck for cover as the star hurled croissants and icing sugar around the store. Speaking after his race, a despondent McCourt called his performance "embarrassing" and slammed his opponents as "weak". "It was a great opportunity against that lot" McCourt told the BBC "I am embarrassed, I don't deserve to be here". Stopping short of apologising, the 26 year-old conceded that his "behaviour needed attention".

UKA refused to speculate on the consequences for McCourt, but it looks likely he will be charged with brining the sport into disrepute and fined up to £15,000.

Thursday, 3 March 2011

ENNIS CALLS FOR ACTION AFTER FACEBOOK ROW

Jessica Ennis has criticised ex-heptathlete Kelly Sotherton after her Facebook account was hacked into. It is understood that the World Champion and BBC Golden Girl was left seething when her account announced that she was "taking a break from athletics to focus on her pole dancing career". Sotherton has since accepted a UKA charge of improper conduct and faces a hefty fine.

"So childish" sighed Ennis from a Comic Relief wet t-shit competition "it's a shame really, Kelly was never as good as I am and so is constantly undermining me. Last year she hid my Javelin pole in the men's toilets before the start of the Europeans. This has got to stop". Ennis - who came third in the t-shirt competition after being narrowly beaten by Sue Barker and Zara Phillips - added that it was about time UKA got tough on "bully" Sotherton. "She has got away with this for too long now. I don't know what she has got on UKA but it must be dynamite". Ennis spent nearly an hour signing autographs for well-wishers and BBC executives before leaving in a black Mercedes.

For her part, Sotherton defended her actions stating that Ennis "had it coming". "Who the hell does she think she is?" stormed an irate Sotherton from outside Asda (Bracknell branch - 24 hours) "all the time on the BBC smirking about this or that or nothing in particular. Where's her Olympic medal? Where is it? Answer me! It's nowhere, because she is nowhere and never will be!" Sotherton - who denied that she had been drinking or that Ennis' success was getting to her - then walked into a window before being escorted off site by store security. "Just you wait until I master the hammer throw" shouted Southerton as was bundled on to the free bus "then you'll see. I'm a thousand times what Jess will ever be!"