The Echo rounds up everything you need to know....
LAUNDRY GAFFE LEAVES WELL KNOWN SPORTS BRAND FUMING
A “washing mix up” from one of the foremost distance runners in the country has left his sponsors “absolutely disappointed”, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. The athlete, who is based in the North West of England, was photographed last week running away from a swan and clearly wearing another company’s kit. Whilst the names of both the athlete in question and the companies involved cannot be revealed, we can confirm that the individual “does not wish” to terminate his contract. A well-placed source told the Echo that the error was owing to “reds being washed with whites”. “[Unnamed athlete] is very well known in [the area in which he lives] and as such did not want to be seen training in pink kit….the locals around here can be quite mean”. The sports brand is said to be “one of the top three” in the world and is thought to be “considering its options”. An insider at the brand said: “I can tell you that this has gone to the very highest level. The top man has been recalled from his holiday to discuss it and nothing is being ruled out at this stage.”
NEWHAM IN ARAB TALKS
Newham and Essex Beagles look set to be taken over by a syndicate of wealthy Dubai-based businessman, the Lufbra Echo understands. It is believed that the group are buying the club as there “are no football clubs left” and have promised “European Domination” within the next three years. It is understood that George Gandy and Ian Stewart have already been approached to head up the venture and other “top stars” are said to be involved. Newham have had some well catalogued financial troubles since they paid “several pounds” to secure the services of Alasdair Donaldson. An insider told of the “eye watering” salaries that athletes receive. “[Robbie] Schofield gets paid five pounds per race,” said the anonymous source, “and I know that Frank Baddick has been looking for a pay rise. You can’t sustain a business like that.” Newham’s woes were added to when they released their “disappointing” kit for the new season. One retail analyst said that consumers “just were not interested” in the bright yellow designs. Some have indicated that the kit will be the first thing changed by the new owners as well as “hugely exciting” potential bids for the likes of Kenenisa Bekele and Pete Matthews. Matthews' club have since issued a "come and get him" call to the London club.
ARMSTRONG ONCE TOOK “SOME IBUPROFEN”: LANDIS
With the Tour de France getting underway today, it is traditional for previously disgraced riders to publish some accusations about former team mates. This year was no different, but Floyd Landis’ sensational revelation has left many in the sport reeling. “I clearly saw Lance take several ibuprofen tablets during training,” frothed Landis in this morning’s Wall Street Journal, “he claimed to have a headache, but we all know that he just wanted to stop some inflammation….it made be so physically sick that I went and took a load of testosterone to get over it.” The story will come as a relief to Tour officials as there were rumours that this year’s Tour was set to be “scandal free” after the Echo blew the lid on a negative test at the Giro D’Italia in May. An insider said: “thank goodness for Floyd! We didn’t need much more from him after he so generously lit up the 2006 Tour by taking more testosterone than all of the world’s top sprinters put together.” Other sources have indicated that Tour chiefs will be writing to Landis in order to thank him for the interviews along with a request that he test positive again at next year’s Tour. “I do love a good life ban,” said one interested observer.
EBAY SCAM LEAVES LOUGHBOROUGH STAR OUT OF POCKET
One of the “lesser athletes” at Loughborough University has been the victim of an eBay scam. The athlete in question was said to be trying to replace his faulty iPhone with an “absolute bargain” from the popular bidding website. A source close to the long-distance man said that he “could not understand” what went wrong. “It seemed completely legitimate,” said the insider, “all he had to do was leave £330 in used notes underneath a stolen car in Leicester and the phone was then going to be sent out to a derelict house just outside Nottingham.” It is thought that the star did not realise that he had been conned until he received a mug through the post. “He’s really cross,” our source went on, “we all agreed that it seemed perfectly normal.” The athlete in question is undergoing counselling for the loss of his iPhone and is being forced to use a “normal phone like normal people.” It is hoped, however, that Ryan McLeod- currently using the iPhone 9th Generation (not yet released)- will let him look at one of the older phones from time to time.