With the whole of Europe at a standstill, the Athletics world rumbles on and the Lufbra Echo dutifully rounds up all the comings and goings in France, Portugal and beyond.
GANDY SLAMS ‘PRECIOUS’ ATHLETES
George Gandy has used an exclusive interview with the Lufbra Echo to hit out at what he calls a “culture of self-importance” within British Athletics. The guru was recently reprimanded after Mo Farah complained of “relentless nasty comments” in the UK Athletics Front Romeu training camp. Farah is believed to have been upset after Gandy joked that he would “push him off the mountain” and branded the GB International’s duck à l’orange “average at best”. The European Cross Country silver medallist was said to be “deeply hurt” by the criticism but the LSAC director was in no mood for a retraction. “That is the whole problem with athletes in this country,” fumed Gandy, “they are all so precious. One little comment and everything kicks off....I half expect a shirty letter from their parents sometimes.”
The UKA Endurance Coach revealed that spirits at the altitude camp remained high despite fears that Ryan McLeod may not make it. The 13:58 5k man took the decision to drive to the camp after flights were axed due to the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud. “Ryan forgets where he lives sometimes,” sighed Gandy, “and so how he is going to drive over 1,000 miles to get here is beyond me....at least we’ll get to use his fancy new car.” For his part, McLeod confirmed that the enormous road trip was “progressing well” despite a minor mishap at Dover. The Tipton man spent several hours searching for the “road to France” despite his passenger’s protestations that none such road existed. “I was a bit shocked that I could take my car on board a boat,” said McLeod, “that’s mental. I insisted that I stayed in the car though because I don’t trust the French and they might chav my new alloys.”
ASH CLOUD UPDATE
UK Athletics have confirmed that their offices will remain closed for “the foreseeable future” after many members of staff were stranded in their holiday homes around Europe. A source for the National Governing Body said, “we operate on a four day weekend principle here and so many of the top brass take the opportunity to get away to their second homes in Monte Carlo, Zurich, Nice and the like. They’re all stuck there now as our fleet of jets is grounded.”
The spokesman also confirmed that UKA would be checking air quality across the country as athletes rang in complaining of poor sessions. “Many of our top guys can’t understand why they are struggling in training at the moment. The only explanation we can come up with is that the air is loaded with volcanic ash.” Many competitors at the National 12 Stage Relays bemoaned a “nasty smell” on the course that adversely affected their performances. Critics have pointed out that this largely occurred around the lavatories shortly after Ian Stewart was seen using them. However, an ERRA source said that they were “looking into” the complaints nonetheless. A source confirmed, “we may re-run them if ash is the cause. We have had many complaints from various clubs.”
Meanwhile, in Portugal, tension is mounting as it looks as if LSAC’s training camp may be extended. David Howe stormed out of the camp this morning stating that “anywhere in the world” is better than being a neighbour of Pete Matthews. The Canadian assistant coach had firm words for the one-time GB International (Mountain Running) after Matthews claimed that once he gets past his injuries he “will be better than anyone else, anywhere.” As Howe boarded a train to Lisbon he told a pack of journalists, “Pete needs a reality check. He claims that he will be the best athlete in the country but has much work to do. He isn’t even the best athlete in his family at the moment.”
UKA man Alasdair Donaldson (and leader of the LSAC camp) plans to head to Front Romeu to link up with Gandy and the team tomorrow amid fears that the remaining athletes will be kicked out of Portugal “regardless of circumstance.” It is thought that the Scot held last ditch talks with the Portuguese Foreign Minister Lúis Amado after government officials said that the East Midlands group has “outstayed their welcome.” Amado told The Espinho “it is time for them [LSAC] to go. We’ve had coffee shortage, drivers are fed up of swerving to avoid them and if I see another milk-bottle white guy with his top off I might just hit him.” When asked whether the volcanic ash constitutes an extenuating circumstance, the Minister said, “absolutely not. We had a deal and now they go. I don’t care where, just not Portugal.”