European Athletics are tonight launching an investigation into the "farcical scenes" that marred today's European Cross Country Championships. In what senior officials have branded "a deeply sad and shocking day", not one but three athletes of European birth scooped an individual title. "What's the point of these competitions if non-Europeans can't come and dominate?" thundered a senior aide to the President "it is a complete nonsense. We will be looking into this and believe that it is likely to be the fault of the British."
A UKA spokesman dismissed the accusations as "hysterical" and "made in the heat of the moment" but did concede that the Championships were "effectively a waste of time" after Charlotte Purdue stormed to victory in the Junior Women's race. "That set the tone for a hugely embarrassing day" said the official "with Augusto [the Portuguese female] also winning a title, it is a dark day for this event and then Lebid crowned a proper disaster." Going on to state that "if anyone was to blame then Dwain Chambers was likely to be at fault" the source said that UKA would be "fully compliant" with any investigation.
A bad day got worse for the Spanish as the vast majority of their team suddenly had "pressing personal matters" to attend to back in Madrid. A well placed insider at the Spanish federation mused on "what the point of importing a load of African runners was if they weren't allowed to race".