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Friday, 29 October 2010

'I AM THE FAVOURITE': EMERY

Stephen Emery "can't bloody wait" for the first outing of the winter at tomorrow's Birmingham League at Leamington. Despite rumours that Emery is unhappy with his current arrangements at Coventry, the 1500m star has insisted that he will "give his all" to the forthcoming campaign. "There is no reason why it can't be a clean sweep" said the former Rugby & Northampton athlete "I know that if I can win tomorrow, I can get a run going...let's face it - I am the one to beat."

Emery will not have to face long time rival Sebastian Foy as the Cheltenham man has joined the legions of ex-Loughborough stars to retire from the sport. Foy conceded that his "height disadvantage" had become too much for him and announced his retirement at an emotional press conference last week. "I haven't been the same since I suffered a suspected stress fracture last Spring" said Foy "I guess it's all over for me now. I want to congratulate everyone else on all the good work they have been doing."

Emery was dismissive of the rivalry when asked about it at his own press conference and even went as far as admitting that he "never liked" Foy. Calling him a "slimy no-hoper", Emery slammed Foy's "pretences at stardom". "I have no idea what people saw in him," said the 3:48 1500m man "when it came to the track, his challenge disintegrated." When asked about potential rivals for the forthcoming series, Emery said that he "honestly couldn't think of anyone capable of getting close" to him and branded Pete Matthews "an embarrassment to the sport".

The Loughborough based engineer refused to answer questions surrounding rumours that he has approached David Howe in order to "beg" for some help. "Private business is private business," said a stern faced Emery sipping from an electrolyte drink.

Thursday, 28 October 2010

ECHO WAITS ON HIGH COURT SUMMONS

The Lufbra Echo is the subject of a judicial enquiry, we can now reveal. The information had been embargoed until earlier this evening, when the Court of Appeal granted leave to disseminate the information. In an extraordinary step this evening, the ever anonymous chief executive chose to address the press. It is the first time that an Echo boss - commonly referred to a 'F' - has spoken publicly.

The top man slammed the "precious society" that had landed his organisation in Court for allegedly "causing grave offence to the top brass". "We received the news via text a couple of weeks ago and were promptly told that the information was to be kept private", said the editor-in-chief "we feel that this is a malicious ploy aimed at derailing our hard hitting investigative work".

The Echo team are also rumoured to be "scared for their careers" after the reports were leaked to them. One insider said: "we have heard nothing since this original communication. Some of us are starting to wonder whether the whole thing is made up. If I lose this job then that's it. I'll never work in a place quite as exciting as this - plus I have a mortgage to pay".

The Chief had firm words for the injuncters. "It isn't fair for them to say one thing and do another. Frankly, it's all a little pathetic. Our legal team are sure that if we were given the chance, we could disspell this thing completely, but no contact has been made. It's a very interesting situation."

By seemingly issuing a "come and get us" order, the chief is risking the wrath of those who have ordered the review. "It is a strategy fraught with danger," conceded the most successful writer in the history of the internet "but what I am saying is quite clear: we're ready for a fight and so it's time for them to put their money where their mouth is. We'll see them in court."