With his university experiencing one of the worst periods in its illustrious history, Loughborough’s self-proclaimed “guru” has launched an extraordinary attack on the HiPac’s newly resurfaced track. “I saw the builders hovering down the back straight. I thought nothing of it at the time, but it is now clear that they were casting a spell on us. I am pretty certain they buried St. Mary’s and Birmingham vest down there.” Gandy admitted that he was at a loss how else to explain why established names like Frank Baddick are performing so poorly. “That’s why I have come up with this explanation,” explained Gandy, “it’s the only one there can be.”
“You look at the likes of Kev [Deighton]- injured all the time. That’s not just bad luck, there is clearly something really awful going on here,” Gandy went on. “I mean, Stephen Emery is one our best runners now, no one and I mean no one could have seen that coming and in the 1980s he would have been a joke. To be honest, it’s all a bit much.” The Director of Athletics refused to rule out digging the whole track up in a quest to retrieve the troublesome vests. “I discussed it with Ian [Anholm, Facilities manager] and he fainted with the thought of extra work. But Nutall seemed up for it and I’ve already met with Bill Foster [LSAC Women’s coach] to ask him to do the heavy lifting.”
Foster’s group, known as ‘Bill’s Babes’ seem to have mysteriously escaped the spell and Gandy described this as “no co-incidence”. With an icy stare, he went on, “Bill has it in for me, I am sorry to say. He denies it but I know that he and Bud [Buldaro, Head Coach at Birmingham] and Mick [Woods, of St. Mary’s fame] are in league with each other". However, Gandy has dismissed as “nonsense” the accusation that he was trying to poach Natalie Gray, Abbey McGee and Kirsty Milner. “I want to be quite clear on this, I’m the victim here. Bill and I haven’t had a cross word with each other since he tried to beat me up in Bedford last year and that smashed windscreen [on Foster’s car] was absolutely nothing to do with me or John [Nutall].”
Gandy also labeled David Howe’s attempt at a coup “really rather pathetic.” Howe is thought to be unhappy at the arrival of Alisdair Donaldson, the latest coach brought into the club. “We are all one big happy family here," said Gandy, "and if David has an issue with that he can take his underachieving athletes elsewhere. He’d never have the balls to do that anyway.” The guru has conceded that he now regrets emailing Howe telling him to “go f**k himself.” The email went on, “everyone knows that I (and now to a certain extent John) am the special one. I am THE guy at Loughborough, who the f**k are you? A nobody.” The ‘special one’ today said that the email was sent after a “heavy” night and that he retracted “most” of what it contained. “David’s a nice enough guy I suppose and so he gets to stay.”