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Thursday, 29 July 2010

'ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN FINAL' SHOCK

The British athletics community is reeling from the revelation that "anything can happen in a final". It seems that theory was developed by top UKA boffins and has been drilled into every single athlete competing, either that or it is a competition to see how many times you can say the phrase. Alas, Echo favourite, James Dasaolu was unable to see if anything could happen as he did not manage to make the final of the 100m. Speaking shortly before the Championships, Dasaolu confidently told Phil Jones of the BBC that "firstly, I want to make the final....anything can happen in a final....firstly, I want to win a medal. In order to win a medal, I have to make the final". Right.

Further credence was given to the theory last night when Mark Lewis-Francis (self styled: MLF) stormed to a silver medal in 10.18 seconds- just 0.6s off the World Record. It was incredibly unfortunate for the BBC as they spent much of the time we all had to wait for the result pondering what colour medal Dwain Chambers might have won. Completely oblivious to the fact that Lewis-Francis had quite literally rolled his way to silver, Denise Lewis and Colin Jackson launched into a post mortem on Chambers' race: "he over strides and it cost him the race...it might even be that Bronze," opined Jackson of Chambers (who finished fifth), before confirming that Lamaitre "so certainly" won the race. In fact, so sure were Beeb producers that Lewis-Francis was not going to win a medal that they didn't even bother to put a front-on camera in his lane, thus meaning viewers were robbed of the opportunity to hear the pundits' views on his facial expressions.

"I'm so happy right about now," said Lewis-Francis of his "new beginning", before ruining his moment by deciding to speak in the third-person: "this is the new Mark Lewis-Francis". Is it? Would that be the same "new" Lewis-Francis who actually ran quicker a few years ago, won an Olympic (relay) medal and then went on to test positive for marijuana in 2005? Perhaps not. Thankfully, the BBC had wasted so long dwelling on the demise of Chambers that we weren't able to find out much about MLF's views on his medal. He did, however, state that it "was all thanks to Linford [Christie, Lewis-Francis' coach and convicted drug cheat]" before going onto say that it was also thanks to just about everyone else in the stadium.

Lewis-Francis was clearly delighted and rightly so. But he wasn't half as delighted as Steve Cram was when Chambers failed to medal: "Chambers has crumbled!" he gleefully proclaimed before continuing his pre-race love in with the victorious Frenchman. Oh well, Steve, we all agree that we shouldn't ever forgive people for their past mistakes- particularly cheats! Just like I hate people who run off and cheat on their wives when they have kids at home. I'm sure you'll agree.