Disgraced AAAs fraudster, Pete Matthews, has said that he is “deeply troubled” by the recent activities of a psychic octopus. The creature has successfully predicted the outcome of each of Germany’s World Cup 2010 matches, becoming so reliable that Sky News felt the need to “cross live” to it on Monday afternoon. Yesterday it was given a straight choice between the remainder of Matthews’ career being a “glorious success” or “dismal failure”. Without hesitation, the octopus chose the latter option. “Well obviously he is worried,” said a Matthews spokesman, “the octopus always seems to be right, but Pete is confident ahead of Solihull [BMC Meeting this weekend]”. The octopus makes its decision by attaching itself to one of two boxes each representing a different outcome. The choice yesterday was between a picture of the former GB International (Mountain Running) smiling in GB stash and one of him in a compromised position on a night out with pals. The octopus became so attached to the “bad outcome” box that researchers had to use specialist equipment to prise it off.
This news comes at the end of a difficult week for the Blackburn man who was warned by police over his “out of hand” behaviour on Friday evening. Matthews has also received a letter from England Athletics demanding that he return his credentials from the recent AAAs U20/U23 Championships. Matthews not only cheated his way onto the start list, but still collected and kept his accreditation despite being forced to withdraw from the race through injury. Furious Loughborough insiders have told of how the 4:00.18 1500m man has been flaunting the ‘ATHLETE’ pass on his GB rucksack. “Pete Matthews is the ugliest creature I have ever seen,” said one source, “for him to even call himself an athlete is an insult to hardworking lads like myself.”