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Saturday 1 January 2011

SEAWARD TO BE FINED OVER NEW YEAR SHAME

George Gandy has confirmed that Kevin Seaward is likely to be fined by LSAC after being caught by police with a blood alcohol level of zero. The former Irish International was arrested shortly after 3:30am for being neither drunk nor remotely disorderly and is now having to explain to LSAC chiefs why he was "a shit lad". Gandy was awoken early this morning by PA Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this blog) and demanded immediate talks with Seaward who compounded his shocking behaviour the night before by being "on a run" when the call came through.

"Kevin would have done well to follow the example of Pete Matthews" said an insider at the HiPac "he kept up his extraordinary record of pulling unwilling and rotund girls and even managed to irritate just about everyone he came into contact with." High praise also came for Stephen Emery, who told shocked bystanders that he was a "dead cert" for the next six Birmingham Leagues. "Emery really let himself go last night" said the source "it was good to see, although we don't actively encourage pretending that bar tables are podiums, it is better than doing nothing at all."

Seaward has remained largely silent today, although he did use his Twitter feed to reveal that he had "a meeting with the boss". The Belfast man continued: "just heading off now, scary stuff!" Sources close to him have revealed that he is "upset with himself more than anything" for failing to mount a respectable showing. "Kevin freely admits that his story telling is at its strongest after a few drinks" said the friend "he wanted to try it sober and we all now agree that it failed miserably. He is looking forward to being able to prove himself at the next available opportunity."