Fabio Capello is tonight facing accusations that he is "single handedly killing British athletics". UKA have confirmed that they are set to file a law suit against the under fire England football manager for "undoubtedly being responsible for everything that is wrong with the sport". The Italian - who is also alleged to have caused the financial crisis - has denied any wrongdoing but this is unlikely to cut any ice with a rampaging Ian Stewart.
"We have investigated the matter fully" said Stewart's Deputy Director of Swearing Affairs (North West Region) "and it is all his [Capello's] fault. The miserable way in which he is leading the football team is definitely impacting how our runners are performing." England currently sit atop their European qualifying group, but this is not enough for UKA. "They should be winning every game by at least 10 goals" continued the spokesman "that way at least the athletes would be motivated".
Poor performances towards the back end of last summer have also been explained by the lacklustre display from England in the World Cup. "What more evidence do you need?" said George Gandy's PA, Alasdair Donaldson (who does not have time to read this site) "as soon as England started playing, everyone's heads dropped. When I was in school.....[unfortunately, the dictaphone then run out of battery]".
The UKA legal team will be asking for "at least £25m" in compensation from Capello personally. The FA will be separately sued for "recklessly" employing Capello.