Mick Woods has described himself as "speechless" after Tommy Carroll returned to Ireland only to find that his passport had expired. The St Mary's star is now stranded on the Emerald Isle after being arrested attempting to sneak onto the back of a lorry. Woods used his weekly press conference to condemn Carroll as "damn brainless" confirming that it was "very unlikely" the 3:48 1500m star would be released in time for BUCS. It is understood that Woods called an urgent meeting to relay the news to the rest of the squad but was thwarted when not one member of the team "knew where Ireland was".
Carroll is not the only St Mary's athlete to feel the ire of Woods this week. On Monday evening, Stephen Scullion was hauled before the head coach to explain why he had spent nearly an hour trying to pay for his weekly food shop at Tesco with his Oyster card. Scullion had to be escorted off site after losing his temper with the self-service machine having repeatedly waved the pay-as-you-go travelcard at the screen. The Ireland International has now be banned from the store prompting questions as to where he is now going to source the 2.5kg of raw beetroot he eats daily.
Meanwhile, Carroll - who may not be released from prison until the end of May - now faces a large fine and the possibility of having his colouring in book privileges suspended. Woods stated that the matter would be "kept in-house" but made no secret of his "serious concern" for his charges when away from his watchful eye. "The big wide world can be a scary place for my lads" sighed Woods "it's tough out there. I got an email from Mitch [Goose, formerly of St Mary's] the other day asking why he couldn't pay for a haircut with Monopoly money. It makes you wonder."
Woods then ranted for several minutes about "this bloody country" before becoming locked in a walk in wardrobe for some minutes.