"It's been an incredible year" said a breathless Sue Barker at the start of the two-hour broadcast marathon that is the BBC's Sports Personality of the Year. Clearly not "incredible" enough for some, as the schedulers daren't go up against ITV's X Factor and as such we find it here - delayed by two weeks and conveniently right before the finale of the Beeb's most successful show The Apprentice. Given the new obsession with sob story over sporting substance (where was Mo Farah on the short-list?) some of the VTs for the individual contenders would have been more at home on Simon Cowell's ratings monopoliser.
And so as we went through the short-list, the viewing public were told about Tom Daley's sick father, AP McCoy's injuries and falls (which can't come as surprise to a jump jockey), Jessica Ennis' "heartbreak" at missing the Olympics (2 years ago) and Mark Cavendish's dreadful crash earlier in the year. David Haye clearly decided that beating people up was never going to win the public's adoration and as such steered clear, citing a bout of flu. Ironic that the Heavyweight Champion of the World can "make hay" of anyone but cannot handle the icy weather.
But in this supposed year of "incredible" sporting achievement, where was surely one of the most incredible achievers of the lot? Mo Farah has this year broken the men's 5,000m British Record and won two European titles. Let us compare that to Phil 'the Power' Taylor who has seemingly just thrown some darts at a wall with a particular degree of accuracy. To suggest that the public decide this award is a fallacy - in reality a room full of sporting journalists and producers sit down and discuss who will make the best telly. Unfortunately for Mo, his passage has been a little bit heartbreak free and getting married means that his private life is far too happy to warrant inclusion.
But that is just the problem with SPOTY now. The real sporting achievements get overlooked owing to a lack of understanding of what the sport is all about or because the athlete focusses more on the sport than on working on their persona. And so in an excruciating exchange between the evergreen Gary Liniker and Mark Cavendish, jug ears seemed more interested in the sprint king's chess credentials than his cycling ones. Of course, that conveniently teed up the Walkers Crisps man to wonder whether Cavendish will get "check mate" tonight. All richly comic.
The same can be said of Amy Williams (you know, the Winter Olympics girl) who whilst others had solid sporting backers, was oddly supported by er, Jeremy Clarkson. Now surely there was a British speaking bob-sleigher out there who could have added some weight to this pathetic link? It did leave the door open for Sue Barker to comment that Jeremy Clarkson is "a difficult man to impress". Wow, able to win Olympic Gold AND impress Jezzer - surely worth a vote.
In the end, it was nice to see AP McCoy recognised for falling off a horse a lot. Good night too for David Beckham (lifetime achievement award) who added a little glitz to the evening - as if it needed any - but left many wondering how he finds time to play football these days. Tom Daley was consoled on missing out on the grown up award by a third victory as the Young Sports Personality of the Year - although how he managed to outbid the double World Junior Champion and seemingly unbeatable Jodie Williams is beyond anyone. It would, perhaps, have been nice to see Daley and Williams engage in a sing off and Cavendish go for a dance off with Jess Ennis. Just as long as it wasn't a 'sport off' - that doesn't seem to matter any more.