The sale of one of England's most successful clubs - Newham and Essex Beagles - has been thrown into chaos this evening after one of its suitors failed a fit and proper persons test. The club is saddled with £750,000,000,000 of debt and there are genuine fears that it could go into administration if it parent company fails to meet HMRC deadlines later this month. Such a move would mean an automatic 9 minute addition to any time recorded by any Newham athlete this year. It was hoped that the famous Black and Yellows would be snapped up by a rich American tycoon who had promised to release the club of its financial burden and set in motion plans to build a new stadium. However, the billionaire has been refused permission to purchase the club after caving in under questioning from UKA attack dog, Ian Stewart.
Whilst this is a sad day for a famous old club, many have said that they have seen this coming for a while. When Newham signed Frank Baddick for £30,000,000 and then proceeded to pay Mo Farah £150,000 per week (making him the second best paid athlete in the country after Paula Radcliffe), it was clear that this was no way to run a business. Prize money from the Southern Six Stage will go some way to filling the gaping whole in the club's finances but with news emerging that they have had to let Robbie Schofield's private shoe assistant go there are fresh concerns over the future.
An insider revealed that replica kit sales had been "catastrophic" this year and Asics were considering pulling the plug after years of loyal support. "It seems that Newham are not bringing in the punters overseas any more," said the source "Chris Thompson is the new international hero now and the Chinese are crazy about him. Aldershot will do well to cling on to his services." Meanwhile, Newham are left with an enormous salary bill and staring oblivion square in the face.