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Thursday 16 December 2010

CHRISTMAS 'LIKELY TO BE CANCELLED': SANTA CLAUSE

Lapland have confirmed that they are "seriously considering" cancelling Christmas in the UK, the Lufbra Echo can reveal. It is understood that a "growing concern" over treacherous snow and ice has forced Santa to question whether it is will be possible to make his rounds this year. Last year, the 134 year-old was treated for minor abrasions after losing control of his sleigh at over 1,000,000,000 miles per hour and it is understood that he does not want to take the same "insane risk" again this year. "It is with great regret that we must announce that Christmas could be delayed to the new year" said a red faced elf "we are looking into organising something in June when the weather is more conducive to delivering gifts on a mass scale."

The move has been heavily criticised by many, with some calling for the immediate resignation of Father Christmas. "It is absolutely outrageous" thundered a spokesperson for the Easter Bunny "you'd never get our organisation cancelling a major event because of a bit of snow. We have a responsibility to everyone." Whilst Lapland chiefs desperately try to thrash out some form of "contract agreement" with DHL, others have offered some defence of the organisation. "It is an impossible situation" said the health and safety officer for the Tooth Fairy "we all know that Santa has a very large workload and these conditions are unprecedented. I don't think any of us would want a tragic accident."

This is not the first time Santa has hit controversy. In 2006, he was cleared by the Court of Appeal of driving whilst under the influence of alcohol after his legal team argued that reindeer do not count as motorised vehicles. And back in 2004 he nearly caused a major incident at Heathrow Airport after forgetting to get Air Traffic Control clearance before making deliveries in Hounslow.