The 2012 Olympic Games are set to be cancelled due to snow and ice, the Lufbra Echo can exclusively reveal. Tonight, Lord Sebastian Coe KBE is locked in talks with London Council chiefs who have axed the Games over "legitimate and serious safety concerns." Stratford Borough Council - who were alleged to have fined Christine Ohuruogu over a litter infraction earlier this year - have said that they were left with "no choice" but to revoke the licence for the event "in the interests of athletes and spectators alike".
"It is something we have agonised over" said a senior spokesman "but in truth, we simply cannot guarantee that this snow will not occur in 2012". It is believed that there are fears that similar scenes to those witnessed all over the country this evening will be repeated at the Olympics. Athletes have been forced indoors across the nation by the adverse weather, with Loughborough's 800m squad being forced to do laps of George Gandy's office in a dramatic bid to avoid getting cold. "Just imagine if we had to move the Javelin indoors," continued the Counsellor "it would be even more dangerous than doing it on the ice."
Lord Coe KBE has slammed the Council's decision, calling it "the most outrageous case of anal retentiveness in the history of mankind." The Baron went on to state that the team were looking at alternatives that included shifting the whole operation to one of the Channel Islands. The Right Honourable Gentleman has a vested interest in ensuring that the Games go ahead as he stands to gain a £10m bonus on successful completion. "I am paid on results" thundered his Lordship "and these working class nobodies are about to take food out of my children's mouths".